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What do you get when you add teenagers, a 6 year old, a bowl of salsa and one of the Kennison boys? Evil. Plain and simple.
David takes a break this week due to his hectic work schedule. We’re joined by Rockstar Paul from Salt Lake City who fills in quite nicely. DAVID! COME BACK! HELP! We’ll see David back next week… a little more rested we hope.
Rockstar Paul is lead singer for the band Secret Sobriety. I love them. You will to.
Full Transcript
[00:00] Voice Actor: You’re listening to nobody’s listening, which is odd.
[00:14] James: Hey folks, this is Nobody’s Listening Podcast, episode 9, recorded on February 21st, 2007. I’m your host, James Kenison, and David is not here today. He’s working two jobs and he is stinking tired. He requested the evening off. And in his place I have special guest, rock star Paul. Say hi, Paul. Hello. Rockstar Paul is here, and he is going to help us. He’s going to help me tell a story. He’s also going to help us with a recap song today. A little bit on Paul is he is actually the guy, you might remember, that submitted the story on the homeless guy that had the wad of cash. Paul is the son of a very, very close friend of mine, my mentor, David, and this is actually David Jr. That’s right. Paul is a good guy.
[01:04] Paul: He’s an awesome guy. Turn your head when you call off.
[01:06] James: And he is a rock star, and he doesn’t have a podcast of his own, so he has to feel good by critiquing mine. So anyway, we’re so glad Paul could be here, and we wish David well, man. He’s working, seriously, like 11 p.m. to 8 a.m. in the morning, and then he goes in and he works a morning job till two at another one. So this guy is just busted tired. And I have a little throat thing from last week still hanging in there. Anyway, we always start with a weekly update.
[01:42] Voice Actor: What’s been going on? Here’s your weekly update.
[01:52] James: And so since it’s my show, I’ll go first. But actually, no, Paul, do you have a weekly update for us today since you’re guesting? I’m guesting. Guest hosting.
[02:03] Paul: Guest hosting. Yeah, my weekly update is that in order to prepare for this, I went back and listened to all of the old podcasts and had just some great moments. My weekly update is that I fell in love this week because of you guys. I don’t know if you recall, but there was an episode where the Lucy sisters sang a Bruce Springsteen song that they changed the words. And I found out, unfortunately, that one of them is married. Is that correct? We won’t use her last name. No.
[02:38] James: Your love means nothing to her.
[02:41] Paul: No, not to her, but it’s okay, because we have a platonic love. The other Lucy sister, the single one, I’m in love with her just because she sang a Bruce Springsteen song, and any girl that would do that needs to be my wife, bottom line. So, Lucy, my name is Paul. That’s it.
[03:00] James: That’s mrs. Lucy. Her last name is Lucy her first name is something I’m still learning I know her personally a friend of mine, so I’ve got her cell phone number actually really yeah, I can hook you guys up She might be taller than you okay.
[03:14] Paul: This is the thing I got over that a long time ago I might be short in stature, but I have high self-esteem okay, and I don’t drink alcohol so I won’t hit you I How about that? Does that work for you, Lucy? I shouldn’t do that.
[03:26] James: But anyway, Paul is a… Oh, man.
[03:29] Paul: No, no. Shh, shh, shh. Don’t tell anybody.
[03:32] James: Paul is in a rock band. He’s in a couple of them, actually. But the most recent one that I’m aware of is called Secret Sobriety. That’s true. You guys have a website or anything you want to pimp?
[03:41] Paul: Uh, yes, we will plug it. Yes, it’s myspace.com backslash secret sobriety music And uh, yeah, that’s it.
[03:50] James: How do you spell sobriety?
[03:51] Paul: S-o-b-r Don’t stop there s-o-b I’m not allowed to say abbreviations dirty abbreviation go, uh s-o-b-r-i-e-t-y I believe just look it up noah’s dictionary. It says webster’s dictionary. I mean noah’s Oh, i’m not supposed to use last name noah’s dictionary stupid
[04:10] James: Anyway, so that was our, oh, my weekly update is this. A friend of mine ate my hamburger. It’s very sad for me.
[04:20] Speaker 5: It’s funny to me.
[04:21] James: Me and a friend of mine, we go to eat lunch at Sonic, and every time I go to Sonic, something bad happens, but he goes and he’s talking and he’s like, yeah, I don’t know if I want chicken or do I want beef. We want you know hamburger or a chicken sandwich, and finally he says okay. I’m going with chicken, so he ordered chicken sandwich I ordered a hamburger lady comes out in about seven hours, and she’s like here is your chicken and she puts it in his lap She says here’s your beef. Here’s a hamburger. She puts it in my lap and And then so I’m eating my fries right and we’re talking hanging out and I finally get around to opening my my burger and it’s a chicken sandwich, so I’m like dude I This is your chicken sandwich and I look over and he’s just got through taking the giantest bite out of my hamburger. It’s a giant hamburger and I’m like He’s like I said dude. That’s my hammer. I’m so sorry. I wasn’t paying attention man We were talking to stuff and but he’s lying of course lying Paul because secretly he never decided which one he wanted He wanted both and he decided that he had a way to get both without having to pay for both He made me pay for it So I took my sandwich, and I ate that sandwich, and I charged him a nickel for that bite.
[05:30] Speaker 5: For the one bite?
[05:30] James: For the one bite. And so that’s what I figured. And I ate it from the other side, because cooties do not live and thrive on hamburgers. They thrive on people. So I ate from the other side so as to not get the cooties on me. So yeah, cooties don’t live on hamburgers. They live on the human skin. So I started from the other side. That way, by the time I got to his bite, the cooties would be dead.
[05:54] Paul: I like that I learned something today.
[05:55] James: So I ate the entire sandwich bite in all. Right on. Not the one in his mouth, of course. Anyway, the other part of that… Gosh. The other part of that… They I wanted salt for my fries. There’s a reason why it took so long and we got distracted with our actual Sandwiches because I wanted some salt and they say oh you got salt in your bag. I did I tore the bag apart No salt and so we rung the buzzer. Hey, can I help you Sonic Bob? I can have some salt So your bag like no, no, it’s not our bag. We promise. Okay with a lady with a curse cart It’s coming around pretty soon courtesy tray five ladies with courtesy trays came by in five seconds And I have more salt than I know what to do with I kept the salt and I’ve decided Anybody that wants a package of my salt should be able to share in my experience So all of you listeners out there if you want a package of sonic salt from my update today all you have to do is send us an email nobody’s listening to us at gmail.com and mention the word salt in a sentence some sort of creative sentence and submit your address or PO box or I Don’t know, but it’s somewhere I can email you I or mail you I will mail you a package of salt and for your trouble I have a question.
[07:04] Paul: Yes was the lady at Sonic do they still do the the roller skates?
[07:08] James: No, no nobody in the inner city does roller skates and They don’t rollerblade do they know okay now they don’t there’s no rollerblade sees these ladies are swift footed. I am a small weekly update is the featured story. So today, our feature story happens to have, I don’t have any really good stories. David’s the one with all the good stories. So today’s story, I need Paul to help me remember, because it is probably the best story I will ever have to tell. And then after this, you can quit listening to the podcast, folks. But anyway, this has to do, how long ago did this story happen, Paul?
[07:46] Paul: At least 10 years.
[07:47] James: At least 10 years. I think that’s been decided. Let me set the scene for you. We’re in a Mexican restaurant. Where were we?
[07:55] Paul: Stanley Kansas with my grandfather.
[07:57] James: That’s right. Oh my goodness. And we were actually living in Georgia at the time. And we were coming into this area. And we had a group of young people. And so me and Paul and this guy named Carl and Nick are sitting at a table. And Nick is Paul’s little brother. And he’s what? How old was he at the time?
[08:19] Paul: Six, maybe seven.
[08:20] James: Six, maybe seven years old. And what was the primary thing we need to know about Nick?
[08:26] Paul: What you need to know, not just about Nick, but both the God about kids. My dad’s always been a youth pastor, and so we’ve always been around older people. James is a little bit older than me, and we’ve been friends basically since I could talk. And so as kids, we always hung out with the older students, and so we did things to try and be accepted by them. Even though they accepted us as we were, we still would try and do things. Huh look at me.
[08:53] James: I I can I can I did that I jump a check so James with that same breathless Anticipation Nick ran a lot as a child Nick decided that he wanted to Impress us and me and his older brother and the teenagers at the table by drinking a bowl of a very hot Salsa yeah, and he built it up. You know kids are saying. Oh good do it now I’m not I’m not okay. I’m gonna do it. He’s like come on do it. Do you do it drink it? Finally he took it to the edge come come come come jog that stuff down, and it was chunky salsa And his face lit up red beet red his eyes start watering me like he makes a beeline for the bathroom We’re all laughing ha ha ha we got him. You know he thought it was cool, and then it hit me a spark of evil I told you guys in the past I use my powers for evil instead of good and now I use them for good instead of evil Well, this was definitely an evil moment. I was a list the evil is up there and It’s up there. Well, anyway, I said, guys, when when Nick comes back from the bathroom, we’re going to be in the middle of discussing a young man that we saw in the newspaper and heard on the news that died drinking salsa.
[10:05] Paul: No, not drinking. That wasn’t the word.
[10:07] James: What eating salsa? Well, anyway, So carl and paul like what i don’t understand my just follow along just act like you know i’m talking about so it’s nick comes traipsing back expecting easy like comes back like. You know it’s been a hero’s welcome like look we’re in deep conversation and i he’s hearing things like this for me it’s like. Yeah, man, I can’t believe he was so young. You know, he was 15 years old and he just died. He died. I mean, he hardly even drank any. It was terrible. The salsa, it did it to him. And Nick’s face went from just smiling and happy to beginning to frown. His eyes from joyous to beginning to well up with tears. His eyebrows start pointing up and up like he’s getting sadder and sadder. And he’s looking at us, his little nose barely peeking over the top of the table. He’s looking for me to his brother, to Carl. And he asks, he says, How did he die? Oh, he drank salsa. How much did he drink? It was like, what, one tablespoon? Yeah, something like that. Nick, didn’t you just drink some salsa? Yeah. How much did you drink, man? I drank a whole bottle. So we’re like, dude, you need to go tell your dad, man, he could kill you. And like, I mean, it only took the other guy like an hour, and he died. So man, you probably got 10 minutes at the most, you need to go. No, no, I don’t want to get in trouble. Oh, dude, you won’t get in trouble, you just need to go tell your dad. And so he starts to walk over slowly, and we’re like pushing him on, go man, you need to go tell.
[11:41] James: And he goes over to his dad, and right before he gets to him, he breaks into tears, and he turns around and runs into a young lady named Beth, who actually happens to be Dave from george’s wife and lady and and she’s he’s crying to her she says little nick what’s wrong and why are you crying. And oh my gosh i wasn’t even clue it clued in enough to know that i should be ashamed which is other laughing and the jacket up i think your mom paul was really angry.
[12:13] Paul: No, well, no, but the thing is that makes this story so great is Beth had no clue what we were doing and she looks at Nick and she’s like, well, how much did you drink Nick? And he’s just like, oh, and Beth just looks at him and goes, you need to go tell your parents. You’re that’s that you’re going to die. And it’s like she had no clue that this was going on.
[12:32] Speaker 5: She thought he was playing. Oh, yeah.
[12:34] Paul: And so he runs over there. That’s what he tells my parents. That’s to me is the best part is that you guys, your collective evilness was lurking in the restaurant. Comforted. Yeah, not at all. She told him he was gonna die. Yeah right there in Lucy’s Mexican restaurant. She’s gonna die.
[12:51] James: Oh My gosh, oh my gosh that poor kid.
[12:54] Paul: Yeah, and my mom did get mad at it Well, no, the best part was he he walked over to my dad and just to go along with all the evil. He’s just like Good thing mom’s a nurse, Nick. She’s gonna know how to cure you or whatever and she just looks at him and she does the whole, David thing or whatever and just yells at him.
[13:08] James: That’s why your parents are my heroes because they’re so cool.
[13:11] Paul: Because they’re wicked to their children.
[13:13] James: Dude, I need to have you on again. Your parents played so many tricks on you.
[13:18] Paul: Out of boredom. I should hate my parents.
[13:20] James: They would call me up and just tell me stuff. One real quick that I can remember is I called your dad because I was going to go buy a guitar, a Fender Strat. I was all excited and I know you’ve always been into guitars. So I call his dad and I’m like, Hey, uh, you know, can he go with me drive to atlanta, you know, blah blah. He’s like sure but he doesn’t tell paul He just is like hey go get he pulls up to my house He says go get something from james go up to his door and he goes and knocks on the door. I’m, not even home His dad freaking leaves him there My sister answers the door and he doesn’t even know her and he’s like, oh i’m, sorry and he goes out and chases the car down the street screaming thinking his dad’s left him for dead and my wife comes home like an hour later and Nick it Paul’s just sitting on the front steps just like He’s Devastated for life because his dad played a joke on him.
[14:14] Paul: So that’s just an example My psychiatrist loves my father pays her bills.
[14:20] James: Oh my gosh. So anyway, that was our featured story.
[14:33] Voice Actor: Up next, news ENV man.
[14:44] James: All right, now time for news, email, and voicemail. The only news that I can think of right now is that we are regularly on stickcam.com every Wednesday night at 8 p.m. So you can log on to stickam.com, go to NLCast. Actually, I think we are, you can actually get to us on our website and click the Watch Us Live link and you’ll get all the information. But every Wednesday at 8 p.m. Central, we’re live. So you can join us and hang out with us. So we might be a little late, but if you’ll hang out and wait for us, we’ll be on there. We’d love to interact with you on our show and you can see all the behind the scenes stuff and all that kind of junk. Also, we have a little surprise coming soon. So maybe by next week on our 10th show, we’ll be able to give you a little bit of a surprise on something I’m working on. The other item is attention all non-american listeners. We’ve had a call from one of our Australian listeners who feels like he’s the only one out there and he wanted to know if there were any other Australian listeners or if there were any non-american listeners out there. So he is urging us to let you know that you need to post on the forums and let him know you’re out there. So do that. And then last but not least, in our news department, thank you for the iTunes reviews, guys. We have 17 reviews, more than most podcasts that I’ve been to, and they’re all five stars. And I know that can’t last, but man, it just really means a lot to us. It means you love us, you appreciate us, and I know that I can just say that we love our listeners. I don’t know if I could call you fans. I’m not secure enough to call you fans, but I sure am glad that you guys are appreciating what I consider to just be a great and awesome hobby. David and I really enjoyed spending time with you and thank you for all those awesome reviews. We got some email. So it’s email time.
[16:39] Paul: Can I read the name? Sure. All right, the first one is from Tamra. Tamra?
[16:43] James: Yeah. Okay. Tamra just wanted to say thank you, or no, wait. She says, James and David, I just wanted to say that you both do an awesome job showing everyone that you can have a hilarious time while being respectful and not using a rude and foul tone. So for the rest of this email, I will be speaking in a rude and foul tone because I don’t actually know what that is. I understand what she’s trying to say. We are respectful, but we’re not.
[17:09] Paul: It’s only because your mom listens to this.
[17:11] James: We’re clean, no.
[17:12] Paul: Believe me, that’s not the reason. She whoop your behind.
[17:16] James: No, my mom taught me all the bad words I know.
[17:18] Paul: My grandma taught me mine, but anyway. She said them today, actually.
[17:21] James: Anyway, so here we go. I recently came across your podcast on iTunes, and I’ve listened to all your podcasts in one day. Woo-hoo! I’m a studio artist, and I listen to my headphones while I create advertising for the Yellow Book USA phone book. Big flippin’ deal, Tamra. Keep up the great work. I have noticed your growth and changes throughout each podcast, and you are developing nicely. Well, thank you. Thank you. Ever since puberty, I’ve been developing. Have a wonderful day. Camera, so anyway, thank you. I hope that was uh, I hope that bunked I’m a bad boy secretly.
[18:04] Paul: So I hope I hope that was rude and foul enough for you filth and foul and cuss word Okay everyone needs to log on to the the webcam because if you can watch James gets so into it and he’s got the facial Expressions and when he’s explaining my brother crying he actually I think I saw tears He looked like one of the precious moments dolls. I felt it.
[18:21] James: He did in your soul Oh, my eyes were pointy and in your lower back Alright here. This one’s from Kathy James and David, earlier this week I was driving to the grocery store to pick up some badly needed items from the store. I was very tired from working the second day in a row with overtime and still recuperating from the lasting effects of a migraine. The road seemed endlessly long with a myriad of eternal traffic lights, not to mention three cop cars with sirens screaming, lights blazing as they went whirling by. It took me about twice the normal time to get to where I was going. Suddenly I remembered I’d forgotten to put checks in my checkbook, and I was pretty dang sure I’d used up my last one. She says I sat there at the red light that lasted forever, and I contemplated what to do. Should I use my debit card? But then my paycheck wouldn’t be deposited on time. I’d get overdrafted, blah-de-blah. Hmm if I drive all the way back home and then come back here. It’ll be over an hour It took me forever to get here. Does that sound like an earlier story? That’s what she finally realized. She remembered my story about when I took my wallet for a drive She remembered me and I saved her telling you she says remembered what happened to James and his trip to Walmart So as soon as she parked at the grocery store, she pulled out her checkbook and she literally prayed to Jesus and She said, Jesus, I need some checks. I need some checks. She flipped open the checkbook, and there were two checks. And she wanted to publicly thank James and Jesus for saving her life. And if you haven’t heard about my wallet iPod confusion story, you need to go back and listen to one of the last ones. But she says to think, I almost drove all the way home without checking. So I just emailed her back, and I said, thank you for being a faithful listener. We are always out to proclaim the gospel of Keneson. That’s what we’re doing.
[20:09] Paul: I was going to say, I thought I recognized that story.
[20:12] James: Yeah, I know. It was just like mine. She would have gone all the way home, all frustrated, without even checking, and she wouldn’t have been able to do it. So I helped.
[20:22] Paul: You helped someone.
[20:23] James: Man, I’m a tool of the great.
[20:26] Paul: The great one of the eternal Sam.
[20:29] James: Yes, man. Awesome. That’s incredible. So anyway, we got some voicemails. Let’s play. All right. All right. This first one is from Nathan, and you will see that he sounds a lot more like his normal self as opposed to McFly.
[20:42] Paul: Yes.
[20:42] Speaker 3: Hello. Nobody’s listening. This is Nathan calling back. I know you’re super excited to hear my voice again and heard your last podcast and was very disappointed that nobody hardly left you any voicemails. and uh… i do want to encourage you guys you guys step out of the box into in your basement or wherever you’re at uh… you know what time well uh… you know making these podcasts for people who uh… are sitting in their office uh… you know desiring to hear something and that’s why i just wanted to commend you all for that also i have a quick um… because i know that you guys are wanting The other day, in my church, we were bringing in a couch. Actually, it was a sectional couch for the pastor’s office. It was after church on Sunday. Well, we have a homeless person here. kind of doesn’t know how to take care of himself. Bath-torally. Hygienally, if that’s a word. Basically, he doesn’t know how to go to the bathroom. And anyway, there’s a bathroom like right next to the foyer where we’re bringing all this in. And the whole time I’m like smelling this stuff and I’m like, what in the world is this? And it smelled like somebody like stepped in dog poop or something. and uh… anyway i’m like saying it out loud to everybody i’m like dude it smells like dog poop in here everybody check your shoes and he’s like standing right there and the youth pastors looking at me like dude dude like what smells like dog poop you need to like look at your shoes or something because it just reeks like dog poop and uh… the homeless dude was standing right there i don’t think he understood what i was talking about and finally i got the hint i’m like ah yes He’s got poopies. All right, that was my story, and I’m sticking to it. You guys keep it real, and we’ll see you later. Bye.
[22:49] James: Oh, man. So yeah, that was it. That was it. That was our voicemail for today. Guys, if you want to leave a voicemail for us, we would appreciate it at 206-657-04.
[22:59] Paul: There’s only that one?
[23:01] James: Oh, there is one more.
[23:04] Paul: OK. I think I have an idea of what it’s about. Yes. There’s a guy in Georgia that I think everyone knows named Dave who helped to raise me pretty much, gave me Pepto when I was sick and video games late at night. And I never get to talk to him ever again. So Dave in Georgia, I miss you and you and I are gonna pretty much connect. through the podcast. So basically, I’m going to start calling and leaving you a voicemail that you need to call back and leave your response. So you and I will carry on a conversation that may take us 30 years to finish because it’s just going to be one line. So this is the initiation, the beginning of our rekindling of our friendship. Okay, here it goes. Hey Dave, how’s it going, man? There we go next week tune in for Dave’s response, and we’ll see where it goes from there awesome.
[23:55] James: You guys are using us That’s great.
[23:57] Voice Actor: That’s yeah Time for your favorite game you ain’t right
[24:10] James: Okay, now it’s time for You Ain’t Right. It’s our game show that we do, and the premise is that each of us will tell a small instance, a story, a anecdote, if you will, and you have to decide which one of us ain’t right, and you send us an email to nobodyslisteningtosatgmail.com, and in the subject line, write, you ain’t right, and then tell us which one ain’t right. If you are right, we will mention your names on the next show. Eventually, we hope to have small prizes and or trinkets or salt packets for you But in the meantime, you just get the honor of being mentioned on the show, which I hope is an honor So anyway, Paul, yeah, why don’t you go ahead and tell your story first?
[24:51] Paul: Okay, my story is one time back in Salt Lake where I live I got arrested and for playing with super balls in in a in a mall just for throwing around with my friends me and two friends were standing around throwing super balls uh… around the mall from like three stories up and uh… that arrest i was the only one they got arrested the other two got away cuz they abandoned me on the banded yeah yeah there you go i and at one time when i lived in a trailer park
[25:21] James: There was a dog that was owned by the lady across the street and the dog would sit in the middle of the road and it knew that nobody would hit it. And so it sat there every stinking day and made me drive around it. And I would get closer and closer to the dog and trying to scare it, trying to tell it that I was going to hit it if it didn’t move, but it knew I wasn’t going to until the day I got too close. And my front left tire went over that dog and he died. So, that’s it.
[25:50] Speaker 5: PETA’s gonna be after you guys. I’m telling you, we are animal killers. You are.
[25:55] James: But anyhow, so you have to decide which one of us ain’t right. And you can email that again to nobodyslistingtosatgmail.com. Do not post it on the forums. Do not put it as a comment on the website. Do not voicemail us. Send it as an email. Subject line, you ain’t right. So anyway, it’s time for the recap song, dude, already.
[26:14] Paul: Already, huh?
[26:14] James: Yeah, let’s finish this thing up. All right. All right, play anything you want, and we will throw it back and forth if you want, or I can do the whole thing, it doesn’t matter.
[26:23] Paul: I do have a question since we can edit. Yes. Do I not get to… Do we not have time?
[26:29] James: Paul. What? Tell the people what you’ve been dying to do on this show.
[26:34] Paul: I came here with an agenda, James. Yeah. I feel that the name Nobody’s Listening
[26:41] James: Can I give him a little preface here? Yeah, go for it. Okay. Paul knows something that you guys don’t know. Back when we were trying to decide the name of the show, I asked my wife, what should we call the show? I want something that describes what David and I will be doing, something that is funny and cool, something that will make a good URL, something that would make a good t-shirt, something that someone would want to talk to their friends about and say, hi, would you like to listen to blank? And she came up with, after some time of thinking, she came up with the following. Half-brothers tell the whole story. I thought, boo. No disrespect to my wife, who is a genius.
[27:23] Paul: She is awesome.
[27:24] James: She’s very smart. She’s CPA. She’s an awesome mom. Had a beautiful kid. Married an awesome guy. She’s very cool. But she laughed. She meant it to be a joke.
[27:36] Paul: and she but now since i’ve teased her about it she’s taken by and she’s made as a joke because you ridiculed her so paul got down there and what do you think i i i i heard that which what i heard was to have brothers telling the whole story yes but anyway yes uh… to have brothers to the host yet and i thought it was the most genius thing that i’d ever heard of my longest email address ever it doesn’t matter you acronyms embrace the acronym to eight should be Ws just no it’s simplify it. She’s Lucy Lucy Lucy’s listening. So what’s what’s your point Paul?
[28:12] Paul: So my point is that I was moved by the Lord to to basically overthrow you a bit of a radio podcast coup d’etat if you will and And I actually have a petition circulating right now to change the name because I think, yeah, no, I’m dead serious. You know, I think that it’s stupid, your name that you came up with.
[28:37] James: And I… Nobody’s listening, it’s stupid.
[28:38] Paul: Nobody’s… Yeah. Okay. Because, okay, this is the thing. It’s like all the punk rock kids in high school, they’re like, man, I don’t care about anything. And so I’m lowering the expectation bar. So if I do anything with my life, you’re going to be impressed. You guys set yourselves like at level two And you come in every week at level nine, all right? Because you guys are amazing. And you’re all, man, we don’t care about nothing. Ain’t nobody listening anyway.
[29:02] James: That’s what we are. We’re a couple of punk kids.
[29:04] Paul: Yeah, you guys are, with your black shirts and your, my dad never played football with me. My mom never hugged me. It’s just like, what’s up with that?
[29:10] James: I think they call those emo kids now.
[29:12] Paul: I can’t keep up.
[29:15] James: Anyway, so what what are you wanting to do?
[29:17] Paul: So I want to sing a song that was given to me by the Lord So yeah, which Lord the Lord? Lord of darkness. No, not the Lord of the Lord whose light shines brightly. Okay, and do you hear that? It’s just because you have lyrics. No this G I don’t want to say because we don’t use first names on here, right the Lord is Came down and he wrote with his giant finger.
[29:42] James: Stop it. Just sing the song. All right 29 minutes here.
[29:45] Paul: We’re already at 29. Yeah All right harmonica, oh, yeah, man, okay, like I said the Lord inspired me boy I’m supposed to sing a recap song after this So yeah, this is the song about about the podcast pretty much.
[30:00] James: This is your protest song.
[30:01] Paul: This is my protest song come for it.
[30:03] Speaker 5: James has got himself a baby. I heard she don’t like her pants. And my friend David ain’t got no life. Maybe he should give Warcraft a chance. There’s a ghost in the basement. Yes there is. He makes the kids pee their clothes. But James only told half that story. So it’s a stupid name they chose Why? Because Because their two half-brothers tellin’ the whole story Embarrassment and pain, a death and a glory I just can’t wait to hear what they got next for me Their two half-brothers tellin’ the whole story Nobody’s less than me Oh my God. Yeehaw! Yeah, there you go. That’s all for you guys. Everybody is listening Probably cuz podcasts are free And I think the Lucy sisters are amazing I think that one of them should date me But who brought us together James? The two half-brothers tellin’ the whole story Embarrassment and pain, a death and a glory I just can’t wait to hear what they got next for me The two half-brothers tellin’ the whole story Now here’s the thing, James Okay The Lord Paul, you need to put away your hatred for these guys. You need to just drop it right now because There’s a way that seems right unto a man, but in the end it leads to death. And, you know, he’s just like, all we like sheep have gone astray. We’ve turned to our own wicked way. That’s what James and David have done. But, Paul, but, I just want you to know that grace and mercy They are who I am, and I am showing them grace and mercy, and I think that you need to tell them that you’re sorry. So this last verse is going to get back to the point. I’m going to apologize to you, and I’m going to get back to the point. My favorite story is the pot story, so I’m going to apologize and I’m going to sing about the pot story. Okay, go for it. So it goes something like this. This is what the Lord told me to tell you. Jennifer is a genius. Yes, she is. Can I get a hallelujah? I guess nobody is perfect. So James, I want to apologize to you. Do you accept my apology? I must. All right. All right. So this is, this is the, we’re going to, we’re going to finish it out with going back to the story. All right. David’s got a hole in his head. Maybe James has some. I think that explains why the podcast has a name that is so dumb. I’m kidding, I’m not apologizing. I think you guys are idiots and Jennifer is amazing and your daughter is going to grow up to be just like her. And this is why. Two half-brothers tellin’ the whole story Embarrassment and pain of death and of glory I just can’t wait to hear what they got next for me The two half-brothers tellin’ the whole story Yeah, so that should be your new theme song get rid of that nobody’s listening stuff and okay i’m Telling the whole story Like that. Anyway, so there you go. Can we add that to the form or to the emails? Can we take a vote of if you should change? You don’t have to do it. You have free will. You have exercised it by- Okay, peeps.
[35:18] James: You heard him. The rock star Paul. Did he win you over? Are you converted?
[35:23] Paul: Two half brothers. Tell them the whole story.
[35:24] James: Are you part of his two half brothers? Tell them the whole story. Cult, are you belonging to the nobody’s listening NLCast.com family?
[35:32] Paul: There’s a lot of sinners in the world, James. Yeah. That are going to follow you.
[35:35] James: No, they’re not going to follow you. No, I’m right. Anyway, it’s time for the recap song.
[35:38] Voice Actor: Alright, recap song. It’s what the world’s been waiting for. The recap song.
[35:47] Paul: No three, four times.
[35:48] James: No. Alright. Please, God, no.
[35:50] Paul: Alright. Any kind of vibe? No, just whatever you want to do. You just want to… Alright, I’ll just flow. Alright, you flow. Here we go.
[36:05] Speaker 7: Sonic needs to make a chicken beef sandwich for my friend. Otherwise our friendship is liable to end. He took a bite. That’s a right usually reserved for someone with my last name. You need to learn to tell the difference between poultry and beer sandwich. I’m never gonna take you to Sonic again unless you improve your habits, my friend. And David’s not here today. He’s working too much and working way too early and way too late. He’s making some money. He’s making some cash. And it’s kicking his butt. I don’t mind saying it’s hard, but you know what? He’s a winner. Oh, oh. He’s a winner to me. We miss you, David. And wherever you are out there, a quick trip, whether you’re ringing up somebody’s beer, whether you’re cleaning the shake machine, or whether you’re educating someone on the many different kinds of drinks that they can put together, Donkey Kick, Citrus Punch, Cappuccino Frappamoco.
[38:04] Paul: Rooster Booster is my favorite.
[38:05] James: And Rooster Booster. Whether you’re doing that or you’re just cleaning the floor or putting $5 on pump number three, we just want to say, dude, we love you. We miss you. And we wish you well.
[38:16] Paul: I wish you were here.
[38:18] James: Wish you were here. Killer salsa. I think I’m gonna tell your brother just a little lie. Do you know why? He’s only six and he’ll swallow anything and he’ll get sick. But that’s okay cause your parents don’t love him anyway. True. It’s okay. Pick it up a little bit. Pick it up a little bit. So we were sitting around the table at this Mexican restaurant. Hey, I’m gonna drink this salsa, and we said you can if you want. Don’t you know it’s pretty hot? Don’t you know it’ll burn your throat? But he swallowed it down, and he ran to the bathroom. And then I decided that I had something to say. Hey, guys, when he comes back, we will tell him the little lie. We’ll tell him about the kid that died We’ll tell him that he won’t survive How much did you drink? A drink a whole bowl You better go tell your dad Before you die and lose your soul There’s no heaven for sausage drinkers Little Mick, don’t you want to see Jesus’ face? I don’t want to get in trouble, James. I trust you with all my heart. Don’t you know that I will never fart in your general direction again if you would just tell me that everything will be okay?
[40:19] James: Nick, you’re gonna die, dude.
[40:23] Speaker 7: Oh my God! Oh Beth, save me, save me, save me. I don’t want to get a spanking from my parents and then die and go to heaven. Oh, tell me everything will be okay. Tell me it’ll continue going on this way. Oh, it’s time to move over to another topic that kind of makes me sexy. We already settled on the podcast name we went to, two or three. I got a logo and a URL I got people that listen from all over the place and there’s no way I’m gonna change this I don’t care about the look on your face the smile or how much talent you took to write that song even though it made my podcast too long you can vote if you want to but the name’s here to stay I know my wife’s a genius cuz I like her that way but
[41:28] Paul: But Jonah also ignored the voice of the Lord and then eventually came back around and did what was right and he saved an entire city.
[41:35] James: So are you the whale?
[41:37] Paul: No, I’m the fisherman that’s ready to throw you overboard if you don’t change the name.
[41:42] James: I didn’t even cast lots. Well, anyway, that’s enough of a recap song as far as I’m concerned. David usually plays out through the end, so you can continue to just kind of play. Anyway, guys, if you love us, if you like us, or even if you hate us, leave us an iTunes review. I know five stars from 17 is too much to hope will last. You know, I’d love some constructive criticism, but check us out on iTunes. Leave us a review. And we have a Frapper map. Leave your pin on the Frapper map, especially if you’re from out of the States, because our lonely Australian wants to hear from you. Get on the forums. There’s an awesome, awesome group of people that are leaving messages and creative stuff. At least check them out. I’m guaranteeing there’s a topic that would pique your interest. Email us at nobodyslistening at gmail.com. You can call us at the nobody line at 206-600-5704. And RedBor, I’ve got your song. And everybody from the forums is going to be very interested to hear his Dasani song right after the show. So, it’s a shame, RedBor, that you went through all that trouble because the honest truth is nobody’s going to hear it because nobody’s listening.
[42:52] Paul: No, I’m not acknowledging that.
[42:58] James: Dude, what the heck?
[43:00] Paul: What the heck? What’d you do?
[43:01] Speaker 7: Nothing.
[43:02] Paul: You didn’t say it.
[43:03] James: No, I’m not gonna say it. If you’re replacing David, you have to replace him. He’s always true. He’s always for real. You didn’t even let me plug the band.
[43:11] Speaker 7: Can you play that song by Heart?
[43:14] James: I’m not here to impress you. Can you play the song?
[43:16] Paul: I’m here to play the word for you. Can you play Crazy on You? Crazy? No, but I’m about to go crazy on you. That’s out of character for me. I don’t say things like that. I don’t. Oh, good God.
[43:31] James: Oh, gosh. All right, dude.
[43:36] Speaker 1: All right, hi, this is Red Boar with my song Dasani Water. And the guitar player only has one note, or I only know how to play one note, so I’ll just play it with it. Right, here we go, Sunny Water. The Sunny, the Sunny, Coke owns the Sunny. The Sunny, the Sunny, is purified. The Sunny, the Sunny, I bought it in the snack line, cause it’s enhanced with minerals for a pure, fresh taste. The Sunny, the Sunny, now you’re all gone. The Sunny, The sonny I threw you in the trash can. The sonny, ow.
[44:21] Speaker 2: Hello, this is Jojo the Christian clown. I know I haven’t called for a while, but I have been, um, playing in Sackclaw and actually because of the simple fact that I almost fell into the temptation of feeling that I was special because I had been featured on your podcast several times and it only served to further my convictions that your podcast is evil because it causes me to feel less than the humble, amazingly humble, Christian grounded I am. So now that that introduction is over, the purpose of my call is to reprimand David because he allowed all of God’s creatures to die. Now, some would say that it might have been his mother’s fault for not keeping track of his feeding habits of the cockatoos, the cockatoos, the birds with the really, the cute ones, the birds that died. But, uh, I say it’s David’s fault and his lack of respect for creation. So, um, David, if you make it to heaven, um, I hope I’m nearby because I have a feeling God’s gonna call up several of the cockatiel spirits and they’re gonna have some questions for you. Cause those birds had to sit there on that porch for two weeks. And, um, that’s, that’s a shame. That’s a real shame. You should be ashamed. So, uh, That’s my purpose, to call and give you some shame in Christian love. So enjoy yourself and your shame. This has been Joe Jordan, Christian Clown. Talk to you later. May God have mercy on your soul.