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David’s turn… and boy is it a doozy! Sit back and relax as David recounts the time he rebelled against his 8 week banishment from the phone… and got busted! But that’s not even the best part!
It was our first time using stickam.com to broadcast our podcast recording session live. Thanks Rybo, Gsmith and Sarah for hanging out with us! It was a lot of fun. Our plan is to do it every Wednesday from now on at 8pm central. Hope you’ll join us too! You can join us at
Why not drop what your doing, click Contact up to the right, and call the Nobody’s Calling line right now and tell us your funniest story ever! Do it! It’ll almost probably make it on next week’s show.
Full Transcript
[00:00] Voice Actor: You’re listening to Nobody’s Listening, but the question is why?
[00:15] James: How you doing out there, podcast people? This is Nobody’s Listening Podcast, episode eight, brought to you on February 14th, 2007. Feed day? That’s right, folks. We love you. And my name is James Kinnison. My brother’s here.
[00:32] David: I am David Kinnison.
[00:32] James: And we’re so glad that you could join us here on Nobody’s Listening. I hope to God at this time each of you are out there just loving somebody, just showing some love. Because I’m loving people. Are you cutting your wrist? I’m cutting my wrist. David’s girlfriend is in Ireland.
[00:51] David: Millions of miles away.
[00:53] James: Millions of miles away. And my woman is just right upstairs thinking about me because I bought her. You don’t even know this, dude.
[01:01] David: Did she know?
[01:01] James: I bought her a Nintendo DS. Pink one.
[01:04] David: What’s that? Little flip things. Yeah.
[01:08] James: Oh, you don’t even know. Anyway, this is a podcast where we David and I tell true-life funny stories And we invite you to do the same and so please you can check us out on nlcast.com You can email us at nobodyslistening2us@gmail.com or call us on the nobody’s calling line 206 600 5704. Yeah
[01:28] David: Yeah, anyway, oh yeah, and they can check us out on myspace.
[01:32] James: Oh, that’s right and that myspace Let’s save that till the news and update Yeah, we do have a myspace so you guys have to check that out anyway We always start off with weekly updates, okay?
[01:47] Voice Actor: What’s been going on Here’s your weekly update
[01:56] James: Do you want me to go first or do you have one? It’s your week, so why don’t you go first?
[02:02] David: No, it’s not. I went first last week doing the weekly update.
[02:06] James: No, whoever has the story goes first.
[02:11] David: What says you on here first?
[02:12] James: Okay, then I’ll go. I don’t care.
[02:13] David: This line’s not cool.
[02:14] James: Okay. I got some dental work done and I don’t really want to discuss this. I want to play you the call that I called into when I, my, my entire lower jaw was numb.
[02:27] David: I got one of your voicemails.
[02:28] James: Okay. So, um, rather than me tell you the story, I’m just going to play this. And so here we go.
[02:35] Speaker 5: Hi, this is James David and James. I love your show. And, uh, just want to let you know I love my own show. And, um, I just got home from the dentist and they numbed the entire bottom of my jaw. And my tongue. And my tongue feels fat. And, uh, it’s very hard to speak. It’s very hard to make sure I’m not chewing on the inside of my face. So, uh, please, uh, please make fun of me. Cause later on this will be funny, but right now it’s very irritating. and I don’t know if I’m drooling on myself, I’m not allowed to eat, and, like I said, I don’t know if I’m accidentally biting my face on the inside. So, David, I love you, and, uh, Lucy, Lucy, I feel like Homestar, Homestar. Hi, I’m Homestar Wendell. Hello. Uh, that is a thing in the bag. Uh-huh. That sounds like Homestar. You know, I could just do it.
[03:50] James: That was funny. All right. I’ll see you later.
[03:59] Voice Actor: Bye.
[03:59] James: They said I would chew on the side of my mouth. Well, I did go get something to eat and it was something small and I was very careful, but dude, I chewed the smack out of the side of my tongue.
[04:09] David: Let me see.
[04:10] James: It’s all healed up now.
[04:12] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[04:13] James: I called Jojo and he prayed for me. So anyway, David, what’s your weekly update? Cause I know you were just bluffing and you’re just extending the fact that you’ve got no life.
[04:22] David: I have no life, but I do have two jobs. That’s right.
[04:26] Speaker 2: David got a job. Times.
[04:29] James: Yeah, I got that.
[04:35] David: So it’ll be like 78 hours a week.
[04:38] James: Dude.
[04:39] David: So guys, it was really nice doing the podcast. Really.
[04:43] James: I know I’m worried for you, Dave. I don’t know why you don’t just take one of the two jobs.
[04:48] David: Because I need the money to survive. Off your mic. Yeah, that’s about it. That’s my weekly update.
[04:55] James: Well, good. I mean, nothing silly or funny happened?
[04:59] David: No, not really. My manager that I was working with actually walked me around the store. He went outside to go talk on the phone. Well, it was snowing yesterday really bad. So he’s like, Dave, I got to show you this. So we went around the whole store on the outside and traced his footprints. He’s like, that’s where I stepped into snow really deep. And that’s where I about slipped in the ice. And you see this, like, hand mark on the side of the building where he slipped. He’s like, and then I thought, that was a bumper to stop your car from coming close to the store. And it wasn’t. It was ice. And he fell off that and got this big mess. And then he’s like, this is where I brushed all of it off. And so I walk in. So you see all this is like, and his pants are just soaked.
[05:44] James: Now I’m officially going to die. Now, so this guy just took you out and showed you this. Randomly.
[05:51] David: Yeah. Yeah, he took me out and showed me this. He’s like, but we’re on a break anyway for lunch Doug I show you something I gotta show you something. Oh, yeah, my jobs are at QT and AutoZone trip and AutoZone Wow.
[06:05] James: Yeah, so you can you can make a drink?
[06:08] David: Mm-hmm and pull a starter off 350 big block. Hey boy, that’s the way it is. Yes blew out.
[06:13] Voice Actor: Oh
[06:14] James: I’m proud of you, my son.
[06:16] Speaker 2: I thought it was the voice of God coming in again.
[06:19] James: Anyway, all right, that’s our weekly update. I hope you enjoyed that. Yeah, let’s not waste any time, Dave. Let’s don’t. Let’s go right to it, boy. It’s your story, James.
[06:28] Voice Actor: It’s the featured story.
[06:34] Speaker 2: It’s not my story. It’s my story, Jimmy. It’s your story this week. Don’t do that, Jimmy. For a minute, I thought you were right. Oh, OK. What’s our feature story for today?
[06:42] David: OK, feature story. I call it the phone line. I just made that up, the line part. And so I was in seventh grade, and I got grounded for like two months off the phone.
[06:53] James: What did you do?
[06:56] David: I don’t know if I can tell you. I killed birds. I didn’t feed them for like two weeks.
[07:05] Speaker 2: Mom raised birds, okay? She raised a lot of birds, and you didn’t feed them for two weeks and they died? Yeah. That’s horrid!
[07:13] David: Yeah, yeah, it was bad. It was pretty bad.
[07:15] Speaker 2: How long did you get grounded?
[07:17] David: No, no, no. Let’s ask me how many birds did I kill. Okay, how many birds did you kill? Like ten. Cockatiels. No, no cockatiels not cock cockatoos cockatiels cockatiels were that were our big bird Oh in the long ones when it comes up the forehead you killed them dude. It was like D-Day I finally got around to go doing it. I’m like And then you see one fly, and he just goes straight down.
[07:51] Speaker 2: That was his last flight. Oh my god, that’s horrible. Oh.
[07:57] David: Yeah, yeah. So anyways.
[07:59] Speaker 2: Wait, wait, wait. Your story, who cares about your story? This is the story. But I got two points. How many weeks did you get restriction?
[08:08] James: Two months. Eight weeks. That’s pretty good. I thought you said two weeks. No, no, no. So let’s do the division. That’s less than one week a bird.
[08:19] David: That’s pretty good. Pretty good ratio.
[08:21] James: You cut off pretty good.
[08:22] David: Yeah, I did. Do you want to still talk about the birds? No, mom would have killed me. She came in. I was supposed to go to a school. You had it so much easier than I did. No, it was hard. I was supposed to go to a dance at school that night.
[08:35] James: You were allowed to go to dances. I wasn’t allowed to go.
[08:37] David: And mom called me and said, oh no, mom called the office and told them, David, go straight home. Ride the bus home. And then I found the note and all the little caskets. You’re a bird killer, dude. All the little caskets. I had buried caskets.
[08:51] Speaker 2: There was no bird caskets!
[08:52] David: I had to take a bird feather and stick it where it was buried. This one was Frodo. This one was Jimmy. So yeah, it was pretty bad. I told you this one, did I?
[09:10] Speaker 2: God, no, dude. This is terrible. I told you that’s why I was like, should I tell? I feel so guilty laughing. Stinking PETA activists are going to be stalking you. You’re talking about stalkers.
[09:20] James: Oh my God. So I got grounded for two months. You got off easy, homie, I’m telling you.
[09:26] David: Yeah, I didn’t even get touched or anything.
[09:29] James: Mom got soft over the years because, anyway.
[09:32] David: Well, I’m just glad there, you know, I counted ten.
[09:34] James: I called some white guy the N-word when I was a kid, okay? Didn’t even know what it meant. And she bare-butt whooped me, okay? Then I had to write scriptures for like a month until my hand hurt. I never did that. Okay, and that was just that. And I wasn’t even on purpose. Here you purposefully kill birds over the course of how many weeks? Two weeks. Two weeks.
[09:58] David: We’re averaging five a week.
[09:59] James: You didn’t get a spanking.
[10:00] David: No.
[10:01] James: You just, anyway, you missed a dance. I wasn’t allowed to go to dances and I never even did nothing wrong.
[10:06] David: I truly believe that mom birthed the evil out of her first and then right at the end the grace came out and the love and the good.
[10:16] James: Dude, don’t even push it. We got Ying and Yang here. You don’t even know. You don’t even know. We had two different moms, dude. I’m going to tell you. We actually did it. We had two different dads, but man, I’m telling you, my mom and your mom were two different ladies.
[10:28] David: Yeah, that’s what Liam says. Anyway, go ahead.
[10:31] James: Tell the real story. God, now that I’ve survived that.
[10:34] David: I got grounded for two months. I just can’t imagine anything that’s going to be better than that. I wasn’t allowed to talk on the phone or go on the internet and all that stuff.
[10:45] James: They had the internet back then. See, they had no internet when I was a kid.
[10:48] David: So when mom was at work one day and John was playing Sega, I ran my own phone line into my room. So I could talk on the phone.
[11:00] James: How did you do this?
[11:02] David: I knew how to do it.
[11:03] James: Did you go up under the house?
[11:04] David: Yeah, up under the house. Jonathan, you could hear him up above me, playing Sega or something. So I knew what room he was in, and then go four different, you know, two feet from there, and I know where I was. So I drilled and everything. It was like MacGyver, dude, at like 13. Drill a little hole, you know, I stop, wait for Jonathan to pause his game. Unpause it. He’s hearing stuff. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.
[11:31] Speaker 2: Pause.
[11:33] James: See, it’s important to mention that the entire house was up on concrete blocks. So David had like a good three feet of space to go underneath the house at any point. And it was hardwood floors.
[11:43] David: And the possums helped me out.
[11:45] James: Dude, I got to cough like a beast. Go ahead.
[11:48] David: OK. So I drilled a hole in everything and ran a 30-foot line into my room. Where’d you get the phone line from? You know how that place is. There’s tons of stuff, dude. Okay, there was like cat5 cable cat5. He wasn’t invented back then It was there. So anyway, I hooked it up. I had my own phone I hit it I planned this for like months like once I knew I was getting grounded I hit a little phone a little extra phone underneath my bed some cable and all that stuff So then once I got I hooked it up to my phone I hooked it up to the main phone board and outside and I was like, okay the mission will go down at 0900 and actually 2100 and when John’s fast asleep and mother’s on the other side of the room. Yes. Okay, all that stuff. So I I called my girlfriend Lana. I was like, Hey, Lana, what’s going on? And then you hear Jonathan move in the other room like dang it. I was like, hold on one minute. John walks out of the bathroom here comes out of the bathroom. farts go back to sleep. Okay. Hey, yeah, yeah. I love you too.
[12:55] James: Oh, so I was wondering who was so important.
[12:59] David: It was my ex. It was my girlfriend, your ex, one of them. And, uh, so, so I, I did this like three nights in a row. Okay. The fourth night it was the most unlucky one.
[13:11] James: I’m like, Hey, Hey, what’s going on?
[13:12] David: What’s going on girl? I said, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no wait for the best come back art directly at and i only have a salmon and somehow i cracked up and i started laughing to you on my door money whole home i try to stash the uh… phone on the other side of the bed and everything in just like i know you’re going to fall in there and then you’re going to fall in the area yet turn me in so he is like eleven o’clock at night And so he ran back, I’m telling mom tomorrow, I’m telling mom tomorrow. And so I went to school the next morning, came home, mom had taken the phone and ripped it out of the wall. Oh my god. Broke my phone, I gotta know she wrapped everything up and threw it away or something. But my two and a half hours of labor. It was worth more than that. So it was pretty crazy.
[14:16] David: But yeah, so mom was really impressed. I knew how to run a phone line, but she wasn’t that impressed to leave it there. Oh my gosh. So yeah, she beat up everything. It was great.
[14:26] James: Dude, when mom gets mad, or when she got mad, the wrath, the rage, and you wonder why we have problems with our temper sometimes. Oh my gosh. Dude, that was the funniest, easily the funniest story I’ve ever heard on this podcast.
[14:39] David: Yeah, I was trying to figure out on the way here why did I get grounded, and then I was like, oh, should I tell that one? Yes, because I was trying to figure out okay did I have to go through the phases does did mom know about this story? Can I tell it because I know she’s listening and then okay has James heard it.
[14:57] James: Okay, we’re good That’s terrible. I think there is a statute of limitations on bird killing at least I hope there is 15 So how many years ago was this David? This is a 15 say 15 years. Oh, that’s good. Cuz 14 is the limit.
[15:12] Speaker 2: So we’re good.
[15:14] James: All right All right. Anyway, that was our feature story
[15:17] Voice Actor: Up next, Nukes, E and V-Man
[15:37] James: It’s time for news, email, and voicemails. Yes. Favorite part of my show.
[15:40] David: Favorite part of my show?
[15:41] James: No, my favorite part of the show. Sorry. I wasn’t trying to claim ownership.
[15:44] David: I just claim back.
[15:45] James: I mean, it is the James and David show. That’s what it says on the website. Boop.
[15:50] David: Broke ya. D comes before J. I’m going to Java hack that website.
[15:53] James: Java hack.
[15:56] David: I don’t know what that is.
[15:57] James: Get the murlocs to do it.
[15:59] Speaker 2: Kick the table. That’s a good thing.
[16:01] David: That’s good base. OK. The news. James actually told me about this, but I was on iTunes anyway and viewed it. Yeah. We got the new, what is it called? Yeah. I was trying to figure out. I thought it had a new comedy section. No, no, no. Tell it. Just tell it.
[16:24] James: Okay. We kind of got featured on iTunes this week. If you go to itunes store and then you click on the right hand side there’s a pot it says podcast and then below that after that loads click comedy you’ll see a big window that has all the featured podcast and there are five pages so you click view all and if you go to the fifth flipping page. There we are.
[16:49] David: Hey, at least we’re on there.
[16:50] James: Dude, I know. How many thousands of podcasts get submitted every day and we got kind of featured?
[16:57] David: Tell me the background. Do people listen to this at iTunes?
[17:00] James: People go to this area to look up new podcasts and they might… Everybody in the world would see that. yet i’m talking about this doesn’t every new comedy okay no really it’s based on the amount of subscribers you have andy ratings that subscribers have given so we’ve gotten all five stars uh… the other thing is right the top of the page right there on the top before you click view all or anything there’s a little windows is new and notable and we are on this we were on the second screen there’s four screens now on the third So, but we still beat some people. So, all you people we beat, work hard.
[17:44] David: Yeah. Work hard. Really. All right. The next thing up is Myspace.
[17:48] James: Yes.
[17:48] David: Tell us about Myspace. Hit us up. We got a Myspace. There’s like 40 million people out on Myspace. And how many friends do we have, James? Four.
[17:55] James: I deleted a couple.
[17:57] David: We have four?
[17:58] James: They were businesses posing as people.
[18:01] David: Anyway, get on MySpace. You can find it at myspace.com/nlcast. That’s right. And then you can find me on there, too, under the friends.
[18:12] James: Cool.
[18:12] David: Nobody’s listening. That’s right.
[18:14] James: But let me just tell you right now, if you, please just don’t ask to be my friend on MySpace. I’m really weird about MySpace. I do feel that it is the trailer park of the internet. And I only add people that I actually know in real life. So I’m sure you will understand that, but I will add anybody that’s not a business to nlcast.com.
[18:39] David: Yeah, if you want to, you know, friends request me, and if it’s like, say, our friend G Smith, say you’re G Smith. If you say your real name, I probably won’t know who you are.
[18:48] James: Yeah, true.
[18:49] David: So.
[18:50] James: I would have to think about that. Anyway, we got some emails, Dave.
[18:53] David: Okay, emails. Third page. Getting to it. Okay, oh my gosh! The Lucy sisters. It’s 10 out of 10. Yeah. Okay. I think that all the recap songs should be done when you guys are delirious, which was last week.
[19:12] James: Last week, it’s 11 o’clock at night.
[19:13] David: Because last week’s song, especially with the special word from the Lord with a drawl. Not a draw. Yeah. A drawl. A drawl. Was incredible. I laughed so hard I nearly, can we say that?
[19:25] James: Yeah, you can say that.
[19:26] David: Urinated in my pants. In fact, I introduced my parents to the Nobody’s Listening podcast with that recap song. Even they at nearly 60. You got some old parents. Loved it. Our mom’s 60. No stinking way.
[19:40] James: Yeah. Oh, wow.
[19:42] David: Oh, my God. We were all laughing very much. Nice job, fellas. Thank you, Sarah from the Lucy Sisters. Sweet. I wonder if that’s your real name, Lucy Sisters.
[19:53] James: Anyway, you can’t take that personally, Dave.
[19:56] David: People love the Lucy. Joke. No, they’re mocking me.
[19:58] James: No, they’re not mocking me.
[19:59] David: They’re mocking me. Nobody quotes my stuff besides Lucy. And that was that was because you made fun of it that was that was the only reason why people like it because you made fun of me Oh lucy, but it was funny.
[20:12] James: It was funny even before I mocked it though That’s the that’s the truth. You need to hold on to anyway, uh, michael murlock Uh, I call him michael murlock because I don’t know if he uses his last name on on his podcast But michael murlock from the weekly murlock He he gave me a story a long time ago back when we first started and I had just been waiting for the right time So here it is He was on the game spot site and he has a nintendo we saw an ad for a free two thousand point card which is worth about twenty bucks and we points i don’t understand because i have a week but it was one of those ads that say you like free xbox free phone. So anyway, he believed the ad. He’s like, dude, whatever I got to do to get this $23 card. So he clicked on the ad and it turned out you had to sign up for a seven day trial to True.com to get this free stuff. That that love the singles website that has almost pornographic. Yeah stuff on myspace and other wire. Yeah, I hate him So but the dude’s married, right? So he signs up he tells his wife He’s like, you know, honey just want to be up front with you Let you know da da da and and but she gives him a hard time about it and all this kind of stuff Anyway, the next day they go to Walmart to get some groceries and their bank card won’t work.
[21:31] Voice Actor: So
[21:31] James: And they try it again, bank card won’t work. Apparently, what had happened is since he had signed up for this stuff, they had pinged his credit card account, and since his credit card company said, okay, he’s married, it’s a singles website, he probably didn’t really do this, they blocked and put a lock on his accounts. And so he could not, I mean they had tons and tons of groceries, had to leave it all there and go deal with this issue. And apparently a lot of the internet fraud that’s out there goes through these singles websites. So you single people, be careful about those sites. And anyway, so that’s why they did that. Well anyway, his ATM won’t work, his wife’s giving him a hard time, he calls the bank, it was the credit check and all that. Here’s the part that makes this really funny, is when I was talking to him about it, I’m like, you know, Michael, people want to know if people are really being true to their wives and stuff like that. And most people that probably know you would say, people at your church would probably say, yeah, Michael’s a good man, he’s a good Christian man, but don’t ask his stinking bank, because according to his bank, he’s a married guy.
[22:43] David: Oh gosh, he got blacklisted by everybody.
[22:45] James: He’s a married guy trying to hit on women. And here’s the worst part. He said he got a couple emails from ladies, but they were all 50 years plus. and one was seventy that the only ones on their fifty years like three three or four women and and they were writing stuff like you know it doesn’t matter what we look like the time is too short to to haggle over stuff and so his bank his bank here’s what his bank would say about michael he’d say yeah yeah he’s he’s a married guy getting on singles websites hitting on old ladies so anyway i don’t know man i thought that was hilarious But I asked him, I’m like, dude, did you ever get your card? And he’s like, no, not yet. So anyway, Michael, I just aired your dirty laundry on national television and national podcast, international world renowned podcast. So sorry.
[23:38] David: Wow.
[23:39] James: We’ve got some voicemails, don’t we, David?
[23:40] David: We do.
[23:41] James: Oh, the first one is from, I think it’s G Smith, dude.
[23:45] David: OK. You ready? Yeah.
[23:46] Speaker 7: Hey, guys. This is Mark. You guys said you needed a call from the forum. So I’m calling. I don’t have much to say, but, um, I guess you guys might get a kick out of this. Just wanted to say that my bathroom angel is looking down on me right now. So, you know, I’ll talk to you guys later. Bye.
[24:06] James: I don’t have a clue what a bathroom angel is. That’s the only problem. Here’s my theories. First of all, I went into a bathroom one time that had little naked baby angels all over the place.
[24:18] David: Oh, those like the old Greek and Roman stuff?
[24:21] James: Yeah, the little naked angels babies. They’re scary. So maybe this person had, but there might be a connection to the fact that most people wonder if God can see you when you’re in a bathroom.
[24:35] David: I’m gonna tell myself now.
[24:38] James: Anyway, so thanks G Smith, Mark, aka Mark, for calling in, because we didn’t have any voicemails otherwise. We got one more from Rybo.
[24:48] Speaker 6: Hi, y’all. This is Ryan, aka Rybo. I just saw that call, and I decided to go ahead and do it.
[24:58] Speaker 7: And I hope that I will almost for sure make it on the show we’re recording today.
[25:04] Speaker 6: Yeah. Cool.
[25:08] James: Bye. Okay. Well, yeah, we did ask for people to call in and give us some voicemails, but we kind of thought you might have some stories or, you know, just glorify us or something, you know? Yeah. So next time you call, have something to say, guys. I’m serious. You know, bathroom angel. What is that?
[25:26] James: How about, hey, guys, just want to… Let’s do some of our own, Dave. Let’s do some real quick.
[25:32] Speaker 8: Okay. Hi, guys. Just wanted to say that your podcast is wonderful, and my times are 60, and I love you guys, and, um, please don’t kill any more birds, because my mom said not to shoot the bird. So, just wanted to say you guys are awesome, and you’re hot, and we love you, and, and, they, they, yeah. So, see ya!
[26:03] David: Okay, now you do it you do a real voicemail hello, this is Steven Whitaker from that doesn’t sound like it’s on a phone and you’re oh my god I’m trying to mouth. I’m trying to confuse my voice.
[26:15] James: Okay.
[26:15] David: I’m trying to confuse my voice What Oh
[26:26] Speaker 2: Say it again, do it one more time. No, I don’t want to say it again.
[26:28] David: I’ll shut up. I’m, I’m promising. Anyway, I’m out of the mood now. I’m done.
[26:33] Speaker 2: What mood? You do a voicemail. You make me feel self-conscious every time I do this. Just do it.
[26:44] Speaker 9: Hi, this is Steven. Uh, I’m like, like in sixth grade and I, um, oh crap, it’s a piece of toilet paper.
[26:53] David: I don’t know.
[26:54] James: That’s great.
[26:55] David: Yeah.
[26:55] James: Okay. So yeah, now you now, you know, now, you know, David’s was an example of what not to leave, because that was equivalent of bathroom angels.
[27:03] David: Yeah.
[27:09] Voice Actor: Time for your favorite game. You ain’t right.
[27:16] James: Last week we started a brand new segment where we each of us told a small little tiny instance of a story and David what was yours?
[27:25] David: Mine was that I died when I was a couple months pregnant.
[27:29] James: You were a couple months pregnant?
[27:31] David: A little stressed out here.
[27:34] James: Mine was that a young lady had died in my arms at Wendy’s so David why don’t you tell them who ain’t right.
[27:42] David: James, you are not right.
[27:44] James: That’s right, I wasn’t right. And the people that guessed that correctly were Mikey Red Boar, Kira, and Sarah. So congratulations, guys. I didn’t actually fool anybody. I must be stupid. I must be a loser. So anyway, David, tell them a little bit. David actually did die.
[28:02] David: Yeah. True story. I don’t remember anything.
[28:07] James: That’s right. How old were you? A couple months old. David was like three months old and he stinkin’ had problems from the time he was born. His legs and arms would lose blood flow and his dad would have to sit him on the back porch in the sunlight and rub his arms and legs to get blood to flow back through them. He just had a lot of issues and problems. And he got really sick one time and just like for like weeks and and his temperature going up and up and up and he finally Got so high. This is kind of a morbid story, but it is true He went to convulsions and and started freaking out and spasming and his eyes were back his head and mom was like like tripping on what to do so she put him in a bathtub full of ice water to try to Cool him down and he’s thinking you know screams and screams and screamed and screamed and you know we were crying and you know I was saying little prayers for him and stuff and and and stinking dude all of a sudden he stopped crying and his eyes rolled back in his head and he turned gray and he died for like five plus minutes and we were just praying and kid you not uh eventually you know he just And he started screaming bloody murder again I’d tell you it was the best sound I ever heard and they said the doctor said you know confirmed that he was dead for that long and that he was going to have brain damage and You know, it’s a shame. That was the only part about it is the brain damage Really made it bad But other than that, but anyway, long story short, after that, he didn’t have any of these problems or anything. I honestly believe that that was a true miracle. So yeah, not to be preachy, but I’ve always I’ve always believed that with all my heart.
[29:42] David: Yeah, I believe that too.
[29:43] James: Especially since you don’t remember anything So anyway, that was the truth. So what we’ll do is we’ll wait a week. We’re gonna next week. We’ll give you a new Set of stories and just keep kicking the heck out of the table, Dave We’ll give you a new set of stories and then you’ll get a chance to do that.
[30:00] Voice Actor: It’s time for the recap song It’s what the world’s been waiting for the recap song We kept so
[30:14] Speaker 2: It’s a sad day when A bird cannot live his life the way God intended him to. He just needs some food. He just needs a little TLC. David, he could have gotten that from me. But I didn’t live there, you see. It was your responsibility. It was. But you failed Two weeks is too long Those birds were so strong They held on for far too long But eventually they just keeled over Thank God it wasn’t a set of dogs named Rover At least they could have cried out At least they could have shared their pain I just wonder Did those birds sing a final song? Did they try to tweet out S.O.S.? Give us some birdseed? Oh, please save us, David! I wonder, do they ever haunt you at night? Do they ever wake you up and taunt you to the morning light? Do you ever feel in an empty place inside? A little place where little Ollie has a cracker and she’s dying inside. Tweet, tweet, tweet. We just don’t want to eat. We just don’t need to die. We want to fly. It’s bad enough we’re in a cage. Do we have to die all in a hunger rage? Could you help us? We’re in the last stage of our life. David ran his own phone line. But why did those birds have to die? For you to tell your girlfriend you loved her. But you didn’t stay with her so I guess ultimately you lied. Yeah, I don’t know where you’re at Alana, but I don’t care I don’t know what else to sing about All I know is I got some teeth pulled out And my jaw was numb And I was talking dumb And I came to work And the lady that made fun of the time I farted Enjoyed making fun of the way I was talking And that was cool with me Otherwise I’d have stayed home and nobody would have seen I wonder how long this podcast will be It’s probably gonna be the longest we’ve ever done Cause I forgot to set the timer for one Check us out on iTunes, we were featured kinda sorta You need to leave a review, well you oughta Help us get pushed to the top of the list Instead of dissed and removed like we never existed Go to the Frapper map, go to MySpace Call us up on Nobody’s Calling, go to the forums And leave us a message It’s the way it should be Go to the store and buy some lettuce And don’t forget us And give us a message Give David some money He got a job It sounds good but it ain’t funny He needs to go to Ireland He needs some charity Not parody We don’t need to be joking because David needs to quit smoking.
[34:58] James: Oh God, we gotta stop. All right guys, thank you so much for joining us. Dude, for real, check us out on iTunes. Leave us a review if you like us. And check out the Frapper map, leave a pin. I check that thing five times a day hoping for somebody from like Botswana. So if you are in Botswana, you can leave us a message. And then also the Frapper map, we just mentioned uh check us out check out the forums nobody’s posting man that place has a life of his own i love it love it did you see the one where the burger king crown the guy figured out how to make a burger king crown that was hilarious so um and then myspace get us on myspace and email us at nobodyslistening2us@gmail.com call us on 206-657-04 and uh and that’s it That’s the whole show, Dave. We’re done. See you later, people. Say bye, Dave.
[35:54] Voice Actor: Bye.
[35:56] James: Oh, man.
[35:58] Speaker 2: Well, we’re done.
[36:02] David: Thank God. Hallelujah to you. I was hating today, dude. I always hate every show.
[36:24] James: Oh, oh, that story. Okay. All right. Yeah, I’ll find the podcast.
[36:29] Speaker 2: Oh, I know what you’re talking about now. Gee Smith, I’m an idiot. Oh, you’re right. You’re right. You’re right. Freak, I’m a moron.
[36:36] David: The bathroom mix-up story.
[36:37] Speaker 2: Yes, and I posted that it was an angel. It was a bathroom angel. I’m an idiot, dude. You should have told me. He’s like, finally.
[36:45] James: Oh, that would have been great for the podcast. I’m an idiot G Smith I got to trust you next time, but you got to tell me dude cuz I’m a dork. I just totally didn’t get that Did you know do you know what I’m talking about?
[36:56] David: He went in the wrong bathroom.
[36:57] James: He went in the wrong bathroom. There’s a girl in there and no He goes in there and there’s no John’s he’s there’s no stalls and he’s like, okay, maybe they just haven’t built him yet So he goes the bathroom he comes out he’s washing his hands and it’s girls in there all of a sudden and he’s and he doesn’t think About it, but she’s looking at me. She’s like no She’s like, why are you in the bathroom? And then he’s freaking out suddenly He’s like why you’re a girl in the boys bathroom, but then he puts it all together. There’s stalls. There’s a girl in here He must be the girls rather he runs out and and he goes back to his class and everything. But the thing is He never saw that girl again. It was an angel of mercy. That’s what I told him. So that’s why he’s talking about bathroom angels. Because it was an angel of mercy helping him out. Because if it had been a real girl… It was like Harry Potter with that bathroom chick. The annoying ghost chick that was watching him while he was bathing. Anyway, she was annoying. She was like the Jar Jar Binks of that universe. I hated that character.
[37:54] David: You hated Jar Jar Binks, didn’t you?
[37:56] James: I hated Jar Jar Binks. I tried not to hate him because I didn’t want to be like everybody else hating on him. I wanted to give him a chance, but he was truly annoying.
[38:03] David: Yeah.
[38:04] James: I didn’t even like the fact that he was in the second movie. He was? Yeah, he was just like an official in the background, but I just wanted him to fall off of something very high.