This week it’s all about the fear! Join us, won’t you, as America’s favorite brothers share the story of three young men tortured by the creative story-telling powers of elder bro James. All it takes is a little truth and a lot of creative… well… lying and you too can make teenage boys wet themselves!

We’ll also be reading our first ever Fan Story! Dave from Georgia submitted “Luke Peed on Me” and in doing so won our first contest. He’s the lucky recipient of the Official Nobody’s Listening Burger King Crown mentioned in Episode 2! You can say you don’t care… but you know you do.

We’re still looking for that first iTunes review! If you have iTunes… you have a job to do. Do it!

Also, we’ve added a new and simpler url for the website. Though you’ll still be able to reach us at www.nobodyslistening.net, we’ve gone ahead and gotten nlcast.com to make it simpler for new folks to find us.

Thanks Michael and Vance for calling us on the Nobody line. You can leave us voice mail too!

Till next week… enjoy!

**

Show Notes

Hosts: James Kennison, David Kennison

Runtime: 45:58

Weekly Update: David got a job at QuikTrip and saw Night at the Museum. He also hid in the corner of James’s office. James freaks out when his little daughter Jenna escapes from the house.

Featured Story: The hosts tell about how James told a story and scared a group of teenage boys who were spending the night in his basement. James takes the story to camp as well, and also brings along the tale of the demon-possessed smoke detector.

News: Dave gets the Burger King crown for winning the story contest.

E & V-Mail:

• Vance says the podcast has changed his life.
• Michael from The Weekly Murloc calls in to say that the show is great. He also thanks James for the praise he was given in previous episodes.
• Dave laughed when he heard about David’s habit of sucking his thumb.
• Dennis said that he verified David’s baby alligator sounds were accurate.
• Magno offers some constructive criticism: the intro song (Yellow Ledbetter) is overplayed.
• Justin wants David to tell some stories involving the two of them.
• Dave sent in a story entitled “Luke peed on me”.

Recap Song: James wants you to email him funny jokes and stories that are real. Why didn’t Jenna take out the garbage? A faceless, nameless, singing demon man lives in the basement. Why is Dave from Georgia lying about things on the podcast? Vance is little. James sings out of tune for his new favorite listener Justin.

Memorable Moments:

• Dave’s wife has “geisha feet”.
• “I thought there must be something else we could do, so I grabbed a blowtorch.”

[00:00] Theme Music
[00:26] Intro Comments
[01:13] Weekly Update: David has a job, saw Night at the Museum, had to shave.
[03:22] Weekly Update: Jenna learned to open the front door at 2 year old.
[06:00] Random meltdown, laughter
[06:30] Featured Story: The Basement Ghost Man. James scares the crap out of some teens with a scary story.
[13:35] Story: Scaring kids at camp with the same story
[18:14] Voicemail: Vance likes our podcast.
[20:10] Voicemail: Micheal likes our crazy, wacky podcast.
[21:37] James wants to give David more to say.
[22:04] Email: Dave White likes the podcast.
[23:23] Email: Dennis Luce checked the baby alligator sounds online.
[24:01] Email: Magno from Phoenix says our intro song is overplayed. James is mixing an original intro.
[24:54] Email: Justin from Phoenix wants David to tell some of their stories but keep them PG.
[26:05] Story: Dave White (wins Burger King crown) “Luke Peed on Me”
[30:54] Recap Song: Jenna escaped, could have taken out the garbage. Broke ya! Demon man in the basement. David peed on his son. Vance is a little man. Justin do you like my voice? I like spaghetti.
[40:26] End Comments: No reviews yet on iTunes. Thanks listeners.
[42:05] Outtro Music with comments
[42:56] Outtake: James sings silly song.
[44:02] Outtake: David sings, James translates

Full Transcript

[00:00:00] Speaker: That Story Show That Story Show

[00:00:26] James: Hello ladies and gentlemen. This is James and David.

[00:00:30] David: I always like doing that.

[00:00:33] James: And that’s why the people are tuning in.

[00:00:34] David: And this is James.

[00:00:36] James: This is the James. This is James and David. And this is the nobody’s listening podcast. So welcome back podcast people.

[00:00:42] James: This is the place to be on Wednesday night right here in my office. And it is, what is it? 11 10 07. And this is episode three of nobody’s listening.

[00:00:53] James: And we’re glad you are with us.

[00:00:54] David: 11 10 07.

[00:00:55] James: And as always, this podcast exists to tell you funny stories from our life and to give you a chance to do the same. And for the first time ever, David, somebody did take us up on that offer, and we have an awesome story from one of our listeners to share with the folks today. So anyway, we always start off with our weekly update. David, what’s been going on in your life?

[00:01:15] David: I am getting a job at QT.

[00:01:16] James: Oh, that’s Quick Trip, for those of you who don’t know it, in the Missouri area.

[00:01:20] David: It’s a gas station. Yeah, it’s a very high class one. thatstoryshow.com, I had to cut my hair, well I needed to cut my hair anyway, and I had to shave my face, and I gotta take my piercings out.

[00:02:06] James: I know when you listen to people on radio, you make up your mind about how they sound, so all you folks out there, I don’t know if you realized it, but David had a beard.

[00:02:07] David: I had a beard.

[00:02:09] James: And he had some piercings.

[00:02:11] David: Yeah, which I have to take out.

[00:02:17] James: I feel like Adam right now.

[00:02:19] David: I look like a little baby.

[00:02:21] David: I do. thatstoryshow.com

[00:02:45] James: So can you make something funny?

[00:02:46] David: Okay, hold on, wait. Okay, I was hanging out a couple minutes ago, and I was standing in the corner watching James do what he has to do, and this lady just stood right in front of me, didn’t even see me in the corner, and she was like an inch away from my elbow, and I tried to cough, but what you were doing was so loud that she couldn’t hear me cough. So I had to like sneak behind her, and then she snapped and sort of jumped, but she didn’t realize somebody was standing behind her for like 10 minutes.

[00:03:11] David: I was trying to be nice.

[00:03:12] James: Well you were back in the corner behind the door. I was. How were people supposed to see you?

[00:03:16] David: But she didn’t even look, she just walked in. It was scary.

[00:03:20] James: Anyway, my weekly update.

[00:03:23] David: Tell me, I haven’t heard it yet.

[00:03:24] James: The only thing I can think of, usually funny stuff happens or stupid embarrassing stuff happens, like me kicking a guy in the leg and it turned out to be his real leg instead of his prosthetic limb. Things like that, but this week nothing really crazy like that happened. Something shocking and amazing happened. I was pulling out of my driveway this morning.

[00:03:43] James: It’s freezing cold outside. I look up and the front door is open, which I closed, and I was wondering why, and I look over and I see my little girl, two years old, one sock, thin pajamas in the freezing cold, having learned to open the door for the first time and taking her first steps out of the big broad world. Her eyes were as big as saucers as she looked around at the surroundings. And so I rolled down the window and I yelled for my wife.

[00:04:09] James: I’m like, Jennifer! And immediately she, my little girl, runs back in the house and doesn’t even bother to close the door, starts running up the steps. And Jen had been in the restroom and, you know, just taking a little time out. And Jenna, my daughter, decided she was gonna go with daddy to work.

[00:04:25] David: You gotta start locking the padlock.

[00:04:26] James: So yeah we’re going to have to start throwing the dead ball and possibly get like one of those hotel catches on the top because dude that is the scariest thing in the world. I mean people wonder why they’re, I used to wonder why parents started freaking out about their kids doing stupid stuff because you’re like oh wow they can add one and two whoop‑de‑doo. thatstoryshow.com where I just didn’t care anymore. I told Jen, I’m like, I’ll tell you what I told you about the dogs.

[00:05:09] James: If they don’t, if Jenna doesn’t want to live here, then let her go.

[00:05:13] David: You know, it just, you know, the thing is, I always came up to your house. I was like, one dog’s missing. The next time I came to your house, the other dog’s gone. That’s what my wife wants to think, that they went to Mexico and they’re living in peace.

[00:05:24] David: In Cancun, sitting in margaritas on the beach. That’s right.

[00:05:28] James: But honestly, I, I, I think they died. No, I think Beckett the wiener dog, I think he got picked up and he lived with the family. He’s living with a family somewhere in the area. But Diogee the giant dog, he’s probably out there in the wild right now scavenging for fox.

[00:05:44] David: Foxens. More than one fox.

[00:05:47] James: So anyway, that’s our weekly update. That’s the only thing, so I apologise listeners. I know you look forward, you know, those of you that have no life, you look forward to our life, but that’s about it. So, anyway, let’s move right along to the…

[00:06:03] James: Why are you laughing?

[00:06:04] Speaker: I don’t know.

[00:06:05] James: Did we skip something? It seems like we did, because it feels like the podcast is almost over. We have a lot of stuff to do still. We still have to tell the main story, which we’ve got actually two stories in one.

[00:06:15] James: We have to respond to emails and phone calls, and then we have to do our recap song. Oh, wow. And we’ve got probably ten minutes to do it in, so… Ten minutes?

[00:06:24] James: I don’t know. It’s a thirty minute podcast. thatstoryshow.com But it all started in truth. Last week we told you the best way to tell a lie is to wrap it and start it in truth.

[00:06:51] James: Yeah. So here’s the truth.

[00:06:52] David: And then I like the devil.

[00:06:53] James: Exactly. When I first moved into my house, I went in the basement and I opened a pair of French doors into where the water heater and stuff are and something swished past my head and landed on the floor next to me. I looked down and I swear to you there was a three‑foot metal…

[00:07:40] James: And I decided to tell him about this and elaborate on it. So I told him everything I just told you. And I said, well guys, and it’s dark in the basement and all this. I said, guys, just a few weeks later, you know, in the coming weeks, I started hearing things.

[00:07:52] David: Okay. I was with James when he was telling this.

[00:07:54] James: Yeah. So anytime, David. Okay, now that you’ve, you, the listener has put David into the, the guy, you don’t know what he looks like.

[00:08:03] James: You’ve now put him into the scene. Anyway, so I’m telling these guys…

[00:08:30] James: So one day I said, guys, I knew I had heard something. I knew that it wasn’t Jen. It wasn’t anybody in the house. It was a voice.

[00:08:39] James: And I knew I defended someone, someone that lived in this home. And so guys, I decided that I would speak to the voice and I said, what have I done? And the voice said,

[00:08:59] David: thatstoryshow.

[00:09:21] James: … (inside baseball for those of you that have heard episode 1). Anyway, I keep getting interrupted dude. Who’s interrupting you?

[00:09:57] Speaker: I don’t know. Maybe it’s me. Ah!

[00:10:01] James: Now that clipped. Anyway, so you went downstairs.

[00:10:07] David: It’s living.

[00:10:08] James: Okay, I go downstairs and I start hearing of all things hymns. Hymns. Amazing. At this point these are little Christian boys…

[00:10:41] David: So I said, it’s like I wish I was home. I wish I was home.

[00:10:43] James: Yeah. So there’s no place like home. So I said, in the name of Jesus, I want you to leave.

[00:10:53] Speaker: God damn it.

[00:11:37] James: And so I don’t really mind it. So guys, if you hear this tonight, if you’re down here and you’re trying to sleep…

[00:11:52] Speaker: Everything that they’re poor little Christian arts hold dear.

[00:11:58] James: And just to be clear, David and I are both Christians, so we’ve been there long enough to where some things are a little funny and you have to laugh at them, otherwise it’s not good.

[00:12:22] James: A torch. A propane torch. A small one. And so here’s what the boys hear on the other side of the room…

[00:12:30] James: The thing is the door was closed. Yeah, we’re outside the door. They’re in there sleeping.

[00:12:34] David: We gave them like 20 minutes to go to sleep or try to.

[00:12:37] James: You know they weren’t. They were in there talking… One on the floor, one on the couch, another on the floor.

[00:12:43] James: And they hear that sound and we open the door and all they see is this blue flame come down.

[00:13:10] Speaker: That Story Show

[00:13:27] James: Okay, so that’s the story of the basement ghost man…

[00:13:38] David: Yeah, I was there for that.

[00:13:39] James: Because I do ministry in other places and there’s these teenagers and they went to sleep and I went in to holler at them.…

[00:14:17] James: And I say, until recently he’s been staying, you know, we made a deal, a partnership, a pact, a deal that he is allowed to stay in our home, but he cannot venture out.

[00:14:31] Speaker: (description of imaginary object and kid reacting)

[00:15:00] Speaker: No, he was so scared he couldn’t turn around.

[00:15:04] James: (continues describing the scene)

[00:15:41] James: (talks about the demon‑possessed fire alarm)

[00:16:12] James: I’m just sitting there listening to him, kind of laughing to myself. All of a sudden I hear, 30 guys peed themselves at one time and I laughed so hard I’m sleeping in there with other adult leaders…

[00:16:45] James: What we want to do is record an audio track. Have Amazing Grace start about 10 minutes in, then play it for people sleeping downstairs to freak them out.

[00:17:18] David: They would crap their pants.

[00:17:19] James: Another one is I have a remote control with some servos I want to hook up to something that would move.

[00:17:44] David: That Story Show

[00:18:06] James: So anyway, this is live to hard‑drive, baby boy.

[00:18:18] James: We’ve got some voicemails. Cool. Absolutely. And then we want to play those for you right about now.

[00:18:25] James: David, you haven’t heard these.

[00:18:35] Speaker: I love this podcast. It makes me feel so much better about myself. Something smarter. Just listening to your podcast.

[00:18:43] Speaker: It has changed my life. Really, it has.

[00:18:49] Speaker: I’ll tell you. Hey, on the upside, dude. Great job. This is Vance.

[00:18:54] Speaker: Keep it up. Later.

[00:18:56] James: So Vance likes our podcast.

[00:19:01] David: Yeah.

[00:19:02] James: I don’t know. Do you know Vance?

[00:19:03] David: Have you ever met him? He’s the magic guy, right?

[00:19:07] James: No. No? No, you’re thinking of Vince Vega.

[00:19:09] David: Oh, I totally do not know who this man is.

[00:19:11] James: Vance is a friend of mine from… He works down… I don’t want to tell you his town because he might not want everybody to know. He’s a friend of mine, good friend of mine and he turned me on to podcasting in the first place.

[00:19:29] James: So Vance, glad you’re out there, glad you’re listening. Thank you very much. Tell as many people as you can about us because otherwise…

[00:19:34] David: Spread the word.

[00:19:36] James: You know because we’ve changed your life, we need you to return the favour.

[00:20:02] James: Send it to NobodyIsListeningToUs at gmail.com. Care of David.

[00:20:15] Speaker: Hey guys, this is Michael. I just finished listening to your first real episode, as well as the pilot episode. Sorry it took so long to get to it.

[00:20:25] Speaker: I want to just let you know that I thought they were great. They were hilarious. I’ll just play a few songs. Thank you very much.

[00:20:30] Speaker: That was just crazy wackiness that my wife, who was listening to the last half of the show, looked over at me and just gave thatstoryshow.com

[00:20:51] James: That’s Michael from the Weekly Murloc and guys if you listen to this and you haven’t heard that podcast it is a great one and you can pick it up at their website theweeklymurloc.com.

[00:21:58] David: Dadgummit. How many comments from my friends compared to yours?

[00:22:01] James: Well, let’s see. Our first web comment on our website, you can check out our website at nlcast.com.

[00:22:11] James: www.nlcast.com. You could send those to nobody’s listening to us at gmail.com or you can call the nobody line at 206‑657‑04.

[00:22:45] David: And taking a mouthful right at the recap.

[00:22:52] James: Because you will try and you will spit it all over your keyboard and he’s actually trying to recover damages from us for his ruined keyboard.

[00:22:54] David: Yeah I have a good lawyer and that’s not going to happen.

[00:23:21] James: Quite swiftly. I hope we do too.

[00:23:25] James: The second friend that’s mine, Dennis, the guy…

[00:23:32] James: Oh my gosh. We’re going to have to release that pilot.

[00:23:37] James: I work with him here in Missouri. He said he checked the baby alligator sounds out on Google like you suggested.

[00:23:45] James: Now I’ve tried to because I don’t believe the boy and I have not successfully done it. But Dennis’s word is good enough for me.

[00:23:57] David: I’ve read the Magno one I haven’t read anybody else got Magno and Phoenix he’s a friend of mine and he definitely loved the show but he also said with very positive reconstructive constructive criticism.

[00:24:44] James: By ripping off a song that somebody else wrote.

[00:24:46] David: Hey, we’re ripping off more, boys.

[00:24:53] David: And then I got another one from my friend Justin in Phoenix.

[00:24:56] James: Now, I read this one.

[00:24:57] David: I just saw this one and it was dying because me and Justin, dude, we have some history of funny stories.

[00:25:04] James: He says you want to tell some of their, you guys’ stories from your perspective.

[00:25:10] David: (repeats reviewthatstoryshow.com – removed)

[00:25:36] James: What else did he say? He said to you in the comment that your brother James is a good singer.

[00:25:47] David: So anyway, Justin, dude, thank you for leaving a comment.

[00:25:50] James: Justin, man, you’re my favorite listener. I will replace my favorite listener, Dave, with you, because you think I’m a good singer. I’ll add you into the recap song, and David can just be a hater.

[00:26:02] David: I’d be like, Justin, Justin, Justin, yeah.

[00:26:03] James: So anyway, and then lastly… Dude, why didn’t you move these two together? Well because I want to read it.

[00:26:16] David: So what does that mean James?

[00:26:18] James: That means he wins the contest. Remember last week we threw a contest out that you could win the official Burger King crown.

[00:26:30] David: I thought that was for the review of the iTunes.

[00:26:43] James: No, no. Review for the iTunes was a signed post‑it from the desk of Nobody’s Listening. Okay. This was for my weekly review Burger King hat from last week.

[00:26:44] David: Okay.

[00:26:57] David: (reviewthatstoryshow.com removed) If we were quality podcasters we would bronze it and put it on a plaque with a little nameplate that said congratulations Dave. Yep and ship it with guards. – people want this stuff, dude, it’s hot on eBay right now.

[00:27:41] James: Tell the story. That Story Show.

[00:29:14] James: I don’t know the details. This is the quality that we put into our show. The care that we give to our listeners. The important thing is those feet belong to his son.

[00:29:23] James: So he moves the feet and he goes back to sleep. He wakes up in a few minutes, maybe an hour, and he realizes he’s dreaming about hot tubs and warmth. He wakes up and he realizes he has peed himself.

[00:29:54] Speaker: I’m 33 and I’ve not only peed myself, I’ve peed my boy. My poor boy is sleeping here innocently. I’ve urinated. His clothing is now yellowish because I’ve peed on him.

[00:30:05] Speaker: I’m a grown man, I’ve peed on my son.

[00:30:16] Speaker: Carefully Dave has noticed that only his buttocks is covered in urine. So he realizes that unless he’s peeing out of his honey that his son is actually peed on both of them. So that is Dave’s story.

[00:30:32] James: Oh wow. Luke peed on me. He didn’t finish the story. I really wanted him to go into great detail about how he cleaned himself up.

[00:30:50] David: New form of DNA.

[00:30:51] James: Anyway, that’s our show for today.

[00:31:02] Speaker: I got to hear this one a bit.

[00:31:11] James: This is Nobody’s Listening podcast. We hope you will email us pretty darn fast with your stories and jokes. Make sure they are real. Make sure they are funny.

[00:31:23] James: At least funnier than David’s Weekly Updates. Mine suck.

[00:31:29] Speaker: My little girl learned how to open the front door, tried to kill herself. At least she could have taken out the garbage from me.

[00:31:51] James: thatstoryshow.com … (remaining content continues)

[00:33:10] Speaker: It was a dark and stormy night with no rain and no light. Three boys were sleeping downstairs looking for a fright. I walked downstairs and started telling them about a man who’s lived in my basement, a man with no face and no name.

[00:34:18] David: Yeah, yeah.

[00:34:29] Speaker: After I’d thoroughly scared them through and through we shut the door and I said David there must be something else we can do. So I went and grabbed a blowtorch and lit it up and there was a blue flame sitting outside the door.

[00:35:11] Speaker: I never saw two straight guys hug that close before. That’s why I turned on the light a little bit after I’d opened that door. I had mercy like Jesus did for our sins.

[00:35:35] Speaker: And then there was that time at camp. About 30 guys sleeping here and there, about got slapped – I told him the same story and I added a little bit I like the demo, oh man I had a little bit of truth around the lie and then I made him think that the guy was right there made him cry, come with me I said please don’t eat them don’t take their souls.

[00:36:14] Speaker: I felt a little evil. So I went back in and I told them another story about the demon‑possessed fire alarm.

[00:36:31] Speaker: I don’t know how many collect calls were made that night to their mamas. I said, Mama, please either come get me or bring me some new drawers. I don’t believe in Santa Claus, I don’t believe in Easter bunnies.

[00:37:15] Speaker: You know you did number one. Be glad you didn’t do number two.

[00:37:31] Speaker: Beth, why don’t you tell him that that ain’t all right? Bathe your boy, Beth. Bathe him every day.

[00:37:38] James: That Story Show. Let me tell you about a little man named Vance.

[00:38:21] Speaker: While he’s dancing in his little pants, you ought to see him go. A little man named Vance likes to do a little dance.

[00:39:42] Speaker: It’s true for you, Justin. Fighting the urge to call you baby, baby, baby. I like spaghetti and meatballs. I like spaghetti and I like parmesan cheese.

[00:40:20] James: You can check us out on nlcast.com. You can check us out on iTunes. No one has reviewed us yet on iTunes. So if you’re on iTunes and you’re downloading it, you have a job.

[00:40:47] James: You have a task. We’re giving you something you have to do and that is you need to go and review us on iTunes.

[00:40:59] James: I want to review ourselves just to get that off.

[00:41:07] David: Broke ya.

[00:41:36] James: And you waste more time than that brushing your teeth. So don’t brush your teeth if you’re thorough.

[00:41:46] James: It’s changed lives, David, at this point.

[00:42:10] James: Review That Story Show

[00:42:32] David: I’m going to talk about my week and everybody’s just going to be amazed that I have… Oh, just because you have amazing update stories, amazing weekly update stories.

[00:42:47] Speaker: No, I didn’t.

[00:42:55] James: You want to do any more singing?

[00:42:59] David: That’s right, I’m going to do this.

[00:43:03] Speaker: I don’t understand what I’m supposed to say to a chord progression that goes this way but I’ll try to do my best this time.

[00:43:54] James: Oh man, I just got dizzy from laughing so hard. Anyway, let’s stop.

[00:43:59] Speaker: Talk to you later Dave. Bye Dave.