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In this episode James and David riff on a wild mix of personal anecdotes and listener submissions. James recounts his recent “pastor‑test” graduation, a bizarre medical‑cup mishap, a chaotic encounter at Target, and a road‑trip saga that ends with a free drink from a truck‑stop attendant. The centerpiece is a nostalgic, over‑the‑top story about transporting a live cow named Bernard in a family van, its untimely demise, and the kids’ later “Jurassic‑Park” excavation of the poor animal’s remnants. Listeners chime in with their own oddball memories—spicy chipotle mishaps, scout‑camp ninja‑trap experiments, and a surprise DeLorean sighting—adding extra layers of humor and absurdity to the show.
David shares the all to brief story of Bernard, the young cow that couldn’t. It’s a little disturbing.
Big thanks to all of our listeners! We’ve been promoted to page two of iTunes Featured Comedy Podcasts. It’s all thanks to you folks, your downloads and those awesome reviews. I can never say it enough… it’s not that we’re the best… it’s because our fans are.
We announced that we’ll be giving away one NLCast button each week to the listener submission that we enjoy the most. This week the button goes out to Alex for his amazing voice mail entry.
Till next time…
Full Transcript:
I made a Plectrum. Old blockbuster card. Oh, sweet. I’m an engineer.
I don’t know what the heck that was, but good. How you doing out there podcast people this is nobody’s listening podcast episode 23 brought to you on May the 31st 2007 nobody’s listening is a podcast where David and I tell you our funny life stories and invite you to do the same we do we do I’m one of your hosts my name is James and my brother’s here and I’m David and we are so glad that we are so glad that we are glad and we’re glad that you are here listening to us. Quick shout out the people in the chat room.
I see Akira, I see Crochichi-Chi, and Bob’s, and I am Bob, and Lauren Makahidi. We have one unnamed. and we have one random person and it’s really cool that you guys are out there with us and you feel free to join us too. Please.
But without any further ado, let’s get into the podcast, Dave. Okay. Before we get into our weekly update, how are you doing? I’m doing good.
I got a lot of stuff to talk to you about. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. On the air or off the air?
It would take too much time on the air. That’s the thing you were supposed to come over Tuesday night and somehow it didn’t work out It’s okay. It’s just we me and you need to get together for those of you that don’t know David is on his way to Ireland and We’ve got to work on this Skype cast thing and there’s just a lot of junk, you know You’d think it’d be really easy, but it’s really not yeah, and we’ve got to practice sometime this next week or this weekend or something because and not like while we’re doing the show.
Yeah. Pressure. Stinky. But anyway, yeah, I can tell you this, that I, last week I mentioned I took a test.
No, no, no, two weeks ago, two episodes ago, I talk about I was about to take a test, pastor test. And last week you weren’t here and I had to mock up a show because otherwise we’d have just too many voicemails and stuff. I didn’t mention that I took the test. Well, this week, Just a couple days ago they called me and I passed the test so I’m officially I used to tell people I’m not a pastor I just play one at church well now I’m an official minister dun dun dun so now all you people in the
podcast Start to feel guilty. Just immediately. Right now. Yeah.
Just know that your sins will find you out. Amen. Hallelujah. You guys wondered why I’m so good at mimicking a pastor when I do my hallelujah stuff.
It’s because it’s real. It is. This is fake. This personality is not me.
Anyway, so what, I mean, you’re doing good. You’re ready to do this podcast? Yeah. All right.
Well, let’s do our weekly updates. What’s been going on? Here’s your weekly update. I’m gonna go first.
Okay, go first. I just want to. Do it. Okay.
I have a lot because last week I had some and I didn’t get to say them. First one is I was at Target the other day and I was running up. I kind of ran up to the lady behind the counter and you know the ladies at Target have probably heard every funny joke or every person that’s ever tried to be funny. So usually I’m just very polite.
I sign my card. I swipe both ways. You know I sign my signature. I push okay so they don’t have to say anything and I try to be as Irritating list as possible.
Okay, but I was feeling spry so I ran up to him and I saw Jennifer was coming up behind me She was she had something in her hand and the lady’s like, how you doing? I’m doing fine. I’m doing fine. I put my stuff down I’m like I’m really been having a problem lately with people putting their stuff on my cart and expecting me to pay for it and she’s like, huh and about that time Jenna Jennifer comes up and throws down a shirt and I’m like see
here that’s happening again and the lady’s like oh thatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstorys She said that was pretty funny. You don’t say it if it’s funny. I think she really did find it funny, but it wasn’t. It was like ha ha funny, not legitimately funny.
So there’s another issue where, you know, it works on a podcast to be funny, but it does not work in the context like there are certain jokes only pastors can tell from behind a pulpit and people will laugh. Yeah. And I used to think it was because people laugh because it’s pastor but it’s just because of the placement and the decor and the area and there are obviously some some funny jokes that you can do on a podcast it wouldn’t be funny in real life but there are absolutely no jokes that are funny at Target.
None whatsoever. Unless you’re wearing khaki pants and a red shirt. Anyway,the other thing I had to do is I had some medical procedures done last week that I didn’t get to mention and one of those medical procedures involved peeing in a cup. I don’t know if you’ve ever done that but it’s not very fun.
Maybe some of you enjoy it. I find it very pressurable,not pleasurable. Did you ever feel the cup? No.
I’ve done it before. How do I say this? It’s hard to pinch it off. Yeah, it is.
It hurts. It hurts. So just, you know, just keep that to yourself out there, podcast people. But it’s true.
But anyway, it wasn’t the cup. It wasn’t. I mean, the cup was sterile. Everything’s sterile.
They have a sticker that says sterile. You actually have to break a seal to get it open and all this. And I close it back up and I grab a pen and I’m writing my name on the side of the cup. And that’s when it hits me is that cup is sterile.
Everything’s sterile. that story show And a friend of mine was very clear to point out that urine is sanitary. It’s like saline or something. I don’t buy it.
Nah. It smells funny. It’s nasty. So anyway, that was number two.
Number three is I was driving from Maitland today, Maitland, Missouri. If you live in Maitland, then what are you doing listening to a podcast? What are you doing with the iPod? You don’t even have internet.
But Maitland is a tiny little town and there’s obviously a lot of cows that need to get out of there. They’re shipping cows out and on the way there and on the way back. I don’t understand that. Why two cow trucks would pass each other?
Review That Story Show I was driving past it and there’s splurge all over the sides coming out of every single hole. Were they aiming? And I don’t know if it was puke, I don’t know if it was diarrhea, but I do know this, every cow in America gets sick when they go on those trailers. And because dude, I’ve never seen it that way before.
I imagine that they must wash them down from the outside so that America just doesn’t realize what they’re putting cows through. But those cows were not dealing with the stress of movement well. thatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstorys thatstoryshow.com,ReviewThatStory And I never get ice because these places are always cold. But the thing wasn’t cold.
I put ice in it. I go to the front and the lady, there’s this girl, you know, that looks, I mean, she just, she has a big old lip ring. She just looks like a young girl that would work at a truck stop. And she’s like, is that all you got, hun?
And I’m like, yes, ma’am. She goes, have a nice day. And I’m like, what? Oh, she’s giving me a free drink.
Like, what did I do? Do I look like I have leprosy? Am I a city boy? Is it because I just spent $300 on gas at the pump and she feels sorry for me?
I don’t know. I just said, are you sure? And she’s like, have a nice day. Like, you know, that’s just weird.
Why don’t you tell me, hey, free drink. I would have been like, yeah. You know, but make it all awkward. Yeah, she just she’s just have a nice day and she turns around and walks away And I’m like is it because she knows I’m gonna pay with a credit card and it’s just not worth the money You know, I don’t know how to take this free drink, but
dude, that was a nice thing. That was a good thing I don’t even think I said thank you. I was so I was just so in awe of what had just transpired So if you’re ever driving down 29 you pass a place called Fawcett and you go to fuel town and You’ll ask for Lucy. She has a lip ring and she will give you a free drink if you spend more than 50 bucks on gas.
Maybe she liked my car. I don’t know. I don’t know. But she didn’t like me.
It wasn’t a flirty thing at all. Yeah. So she was nicer than the target lady. Wow.
What do you have Dave? What do I have? Oh yeah. Okay.
Um, got today. I was heading to go drop off a part. I was a delivery driver today again. Thank God.
I mean, dang it. I did not get stuck behind a train again for the hour and a half, but, uh, I saw a DeLorean. Oh, Yeah, it was perfect. Dude.
I think Doc and Marty were driving it. It was amazing. It was perfect condition. They can’t rush.
Who was in it? Could you see? No, just some guy. I think they have a DeLorean club.
I’ve seen two of them so far and two different people driving it. But yeah, that was pretty cool. Well, I talked to my girlfriend a couple days ago about immigration stuff. This is an update for you also.
and looks like I have to stay in the country for three months, can’t work. After three months I get my extension, I get my social security number and they don’t call it social security number, something like that, identification number. They call it the number of the beast. Yeah, it’s 666 upside down and right side up, but then I look for a job.
Well here’s the deal with a job. An employer has to advertise a job in Ireland. And if nobody gets hired then, they have to advertise the same job in Europe. Nobody gets hired then, then they can hire in the US.
Dude, what are you gonna do? I don’t know. You know what? I don’t usually suggest spiritual advice over this podcast, but dude, you need to be praying.
What do you think I do every time I fall asleep? So, I mean, it’s crazy. Her dad is friends with the immigration guy in Ireland that he lives in the same town. He’s been friends with him.
He’s gonna go talk to him tomorrow. Have you thought about hooking up with the Pikeys? David’s turn! It’s The Featured Story Alright Dave it’s your turn man.
Okay it is. What you got for us today? I got something for you. Do you remember the van?
The big giant van. Do you remember the origin of the van? I remember mom bringing it home to Point Peter. No.
I have lost my freaking mind. Yes. Where did she get it? We were at Ginga’s house in Old Town Florida and your dad and my mom brought that thing home and we packed up and we went to Disney World.
In the van. in the conversion van. I don’t remember it like that, James. No, you don’t, because by the time you got to where you could remember stuff, it was completely and utterly white trashed up.
Okay, what I remember of this van was that it transported a cow to my house. Mom put groceries, went grocery shopping. I don’t know what she was thinking about. Let’s stop by and get a cow.
I was like, beef? No, get a cow. A real live baby cow. And so mom and Amy went grocery shopping.
Me and Johnlin huddle outside because mom bought a million dollars worth of groceries in a month just to supply for the next three years. She was preparing for Y2K well before the rest of y’all. So we start grabbing groceries And I don’t see anything. I just see like a skin in the back.
I thought it was Amy. Amy used to like cows. So I thought it was like a drapery or something. So we grab a couple and I’m like, it’s moving, whatever.
So I went inside, dropped the food off and went back outside to get more. I’m like, the drapery moved. It’s standing up now looking at me and thatstoryshow. That Story Show This isn’t even my story.
I’m leading up. There’s a cow in the back of your van. There’s a cow in the back of the van. But between the cow and the back of the van are groceries.
So David, you know what? They went and got a cow. Then they went grocery shopping. Yeah I think so.
Because otherwise it would be groceries then cow. So I’m like mom there’s a cow in the back of the van. She’s like yeah I know we picked it up. I’m like you picked it up how much you pay for it?
It was free. Because they give out the male cows because they can’t produce milk. It was a dairy. Okay.
And so they just give them away or they make… Only in Redneck,Dixie County,Florida. Or they make veal. Calf meat.
So you saved this cow. I saved this… Okay. Your mom did.
Amy named it Bernard the cow. That’s right because Amy loved cows back then. Okay. I wish she was here.
I’m totally going with this story. Do it. We’ll tell my other one next time. This wasn’t even it.
Okay. Okay. So the thing is, we had our cow Bernard. Well,Bernard lived with us for a while.He was in a pen outside.He was a good cow.
How,how,okay,what makes a good cow? He didn’t run around,he didn’t kiff,kiff,kiff people,kiff people,kiff. He didn’t do any of that. He was a really good cow.
Well,the thing is,it was Amy’s cow,but me and John had to feed it. Uh-huh. And so we fed it with the bottle,you know,it was all cute and stuff. And then he got the scours.
What is that? He started pooping himself and he couldn’t stop. Aww. He pooped himself to death.
No! Yes. He died. We buried him.
We buried him. We actually buried him in a place we’ll never forget. It’s called Bernard Cemetery. It’s right next to the gopher hole.
thatstoryshow.com thatstoryshow.com It wasn’t like it was rotten. It was just it died. We found a couple weeks later and I’m already feeling the PETA activist calling the show. Hey, it died on its own.
Okay. He didn’t kill it. So we put it in. He didn’t try to stop it.
Yeah. I wasn’t paying for a free cow. So we dug a hole big enough. It was probably like two feet deep.
It was nothing big. thatstoryshow.com That’s right. So we reburied him. Cougar.
Cougars in Florida. There you go. And so we reburied him again. And we walked off, you know, didn’t think much of it.
And we’re, probably about two years later, me and John are sitting there bored out of our mind. Don’t have any cable. Okay, you’re 15 and 16 at this point. Yeah, we’re getting a little older.
And we’re sitting there like we’re bored. And we started having fond memories of Bernard. How we used to feed him. How we used to shoot him with the BB gun.
There was only one pump. hey it was funny to watch him buck like that man he was like riding a wild bull and we were like I wonder if Bernard is still there in the hole that we dug so we pulled a Jurassic Park we marked out the area where he was buried yes we had stake and string on in the ground and we had to do it very we even got mom’s good paintbrushes from her ceramic dates thatstoryshow.com We were like, why have we not found Bernard yet? And the thing is I think he was so young that his bones weren’t thick enough and they just dissolved.
Wow. Well, we found his hooves. That’s it. But we took, it took us probably the whole Saturday to dig that old cow up.
And we dug and dug and dug. We couldn’t find anything. It’s not like he’s fossilizing or something. We thought he would be.
He was two years in the grave. Oh my gosh. So we dug him up and all we found was like a hoof and parts and stuff here and there. But it looked like, it was right next to my cornfield.
So it looked pretty cool. It was like signs. You had the cornfield and then you had the excavation of fossilized Bernard. I bet if we went out there right now there would still be the stakes.
You can dig around and find the hooves. We try to get some spray paint to spray paint around it and make it look cooler. So if you’re flying over a helicopter, you can see it. But we were so stupid, we didn’t think about it.
You know, kids are stupid. I remember thinking that when I, God, I don’t know how old I was, but I had a cup full of dirt on a concrete back porch, cup of dirt. And I was like, rocks come from dirt getting pushed together. thatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstorys Realities.
Yeah, it was good. I definitely learned a lot. What’d you learn Dave? I learned how to excavate the remains of a cow.
It was great. The alleged remains. It was like Animal Cemetery. Is that how you say it?
Is that the name of the movie? Pet Cemetery. Pet Cemetery. Dork.
It was scary. We used to go out there and scare people. This is where Bernard appeared. He used to call out in the night.
I always wanted him to get big but he never did. Dang dude. He would have been a big cow. Why did mom decide to get a cow?
I have no idea. It was free and she likes animals. What’s wrong with that though? Most people pick up strays off the side of the road or they’ll go down to the humane society and get an animal.
thatstoryshow.com,That Story Show Where are we at that people are just offering farm animals for free? Yeah. I understand this. It’s pretty funny.
But I guess it’s the same thing. What do you need a male goat for? You just, you need the females, I guess. You only need so many male goats.
Goat milk. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed the cow, Bernard the cow story there. I’m sure it’ll make a better, a better recap song. Yeah, and I have to actually do my real story I was supposed to do this week, because there’s still another one.
Okay. So, but we got to remember. Yeah. Okay.
I’m interested now, but now I’m going to make the people wait. Yeah. I got to keep the show kind of short. It’s time for News, E-mail and V-mail.
Up next, News, E-mail and V-mail. Okay, first thing up. Dude,uh,we got a couple emails this week that told us that we are on the second page of iTunes featured comedy podcast. Yeah.
Dude,that’s huge. That is big. We used to be the last one on the last page,which they only have five pages. So to be on there is an honor.
We’ve spent a while at the third page and now we’re on second and that’s huge. It is big. And honestly I don’t know the way iTunes picks that. I have to imagine that it has a lot to do with the amount of downloads we’re getting versus the Reviews the reviews you know and dude you guys are awesome again I know I say a lot but it ain’t that we’re all that it’s that we’ve got the
best listeners in America so thank you so much for all of you that make gave reviews by the way we have 70 last time I checked Wow 70 that’s crazy thatstoryshow.com,ReviewThatStoryShow thatstoryshow.com thatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstorys They have minimum orders of 24 most of the time, two dozen, and that still costs money because it’s screen charges, artwork charges, blah blah blah. And so it would enable us to do some of that. So the other thing is we are, I talked with David about this earlier, we’re talking about giving away a prize a week from now on.
And right now since we’re poor, and all we have is the buttons we’re gonna start giving away one button a week and I don’t really know all the details of how we’re gonna do it but I we decided today that we’re gonna give buttons away to the story or submission that makes us the happiest thatstoryshow.com Yeah. David likes your submissions. I do.
I’ve set David up to where he gets a copy in his personal email of everything that’s sent to NLCast or nobody’slistenedtousatgmail.com. So if you want to interact with him, he now has access to the email. It’s not just me. I won’t keep you all to myself any longer.
The last thing, David, do you want to do this last one, buddy? Last one. Okay, guys, I am out of the country in four weeks. That means your last American recorded podcast with me in the studio will be June 14th.
So it’s going to be a special show, ladies and gentlemen. And what I want to urge you to do is to write in, call in, you know, record something and mail it in and just send your love to David. I want to say this very clearly that it doesn’t mean the podcast is over. There’s no risk of that.
It also doesn’t mean that David is leaving the show. It just means that David is leaving America. Yeah, and I have to get settled in Ireland. So there could be as much as a month or it could be five years.
It could be actually, yeah. It just depends on how low it gets over there in the Emerald Isle for David. It’s going to get pretty low. But we’re talking about the possibility of bringing my sister, Amy, on and in joining us and making this a three cast instead of a two cast, but then that would also allow me and Amy to continue the show.
In David’s absence but we’re hoping that that will be minimal and David will get back on and we can forget Amy ever existed. We hate you Amy. Stop it. She’s on the forums now.
I love her. Amy’s my favorite. What does that make you feel like Dave favorite sister? I can’t say any of that.
I’m just saying she’s my favorite She’s my favorite Amy read the voicemails. I mean email Read them voicemails boy. All right. Here we go.
Alexis from Texas wrote. Oh, wow. I know in that cool I was at my best friend Deborah’s house one day before work hanging out in the kitchen. She just finished cooking these chipotle seasoned chicken breasts Her daughter Brittany had tried a piece of chicken and Debra and I followed suit.
With most Chipotle season’s food, the spice hit all of us suddenly. I reached for my cup of iced tea to cool my burning tongue, and while I was taking a sip, Debra looks at me in a total tarred face and says, Wow, that ch-ch-chipotle is really hot. Naturally, looking at her funny face and seeing her stutter was much too much for me, and I spit my mouthful of tea in her face. thatstoryshow.com,That Story Show thatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstorys I emailed her back and mentioned that you know what a little bit of chicken on the eyelash is better than chicken in your nose.
Remember the Peep Show? Amen. The Peep from Heaven episode. Uh-huh.
All right. Cameron Isle from Sinjin. That is a server and wow, which means he’s a complete nerd. I’m 15 years old and I live in California on a ranch.
Rich, rich guy. Rich nerd. Me and my friends wanted to play hide and seek and I was hiding really up high on a haystack. Wow.
Dallas. and then a haystack there are cracks that I forgot about and while I was standing I fell in the crack broke my mama’s back and I was stuck there for four hours my friends thought that I just found a good spot but it turns out my mom saw me fall in Your mom’s very cool by the way. Your mom saw you fall in.
She told her friends leave him in there until she said go get him. The reason she said this is because she told me not to go up there and I knew it was the best hiding spot. When I got out I looked like a scarecrow full of hay. Hats off to Cameron Nizzle’s mama.
Yeah. Mama Nizzle. That’s good. That’s awesome.
That’s the best way to teach kids. Review That Story Show or Oregon. Oregon. Like we say Kansas City, we don’t say Kansas City, we say Kansas City.
Yeah. And they don’t say New Orleans, they say Nolans. No, Nolans. Anyway, Matt C from Oregane, Oregame.
First off the bat, I want to say you guys have an awesome podcast show, duh. Dear Lord, I can’t believe you said that. Waste your text. And that you guys should keep them coming.
Anyway, the story, the older part of, the older part of my scout troop, that’s three kids and two adults, went, on an evil 15 mile backpack trip. And I was daydreaming and I looked over to one boy. We’ll call him Fred. No, we’ll call him Lucy.
Yes. Lucy was holding a match from an MRE up to his mouth. What is that? Meal’s ready to eat.
A military gives them out. It has everything. It’s very good. Sweet.
And you light it. Do you like the meal? No, you put, there’s like a package in there and you put water on it. And once you, the water hits that electric pack or that metal packet, it heats up.
Sweet. So how did he get the match? He says a match from an MRE. thatstoryshow.com thatstoryshow.com thatstoryshow.com thatstoryshow.com Only to my surprise, Fred and Jimmy were laughing their heads off.
I guess they were seeing if each other could lick the match out. Not doing what I did. And he says my mouth is fine. Oh, I was worried.
That was one of my many stories. Hope it’s good. Dude, when I was in scouts one time, there was this weird kid in scouts and he was down… They’re all weird, James.
I was in scouts. He was down there and he’s bending a twig. He’s just bending it near the ground, bending it. I’m like, what are you doing, man?
He looks up and he’s like, I’m building a ninja trap. A ninja trap with a twig. A ninja trap with a twig. And I’m like, dude, can I help?
And man, we were all into building a ninja trap. But in the back of my mind, I’m like, this is the stupidest thing I’ve ever done. First of all, he’s not a ninja. So, you know, so it’s not a ninja trap.
And then the second part is there are no ninjas to catch. So it’s not a trap for ninjas. It’s not a ninja trap in either possible thing. We’re just bending a stick.
And I’m like, what are we going to catch microbes? You know, it’s a tiny little thing. And so anyway, I finally gave up and came to my senses and got to work, you know, putting toothpaste in people’s shoes and stuff. That’s good.
So anyway, I’m glad I shared that. Feel better. Feel better. You want to hear some voicemails, Dave?
No. Hey, nobody’s listening. This is Abigail again. I’m so excited that you put on my voicemail last week.
I was just like, wow, all of America was listening to me. so yeah,but i have a question for david so since today was morrow,i decided to download all of your recent episodes since i’m a fairly new listener and i heard the lucy episode so i was wondering if you still get comments about the lucy thing so thanks so much for letting me be on here talk to you soon,bye Review That Story Show Hey guys,this is Alex,originally from Macon,Georgia. now I’m from DC we moved up here I tell you guys you have a hilarious podcast but your podcast has kind of not helped me in a way I am homeschooled right teenage church-going Christian musician so people already think I’m a little weird but now on top of
that I start saying broke ya out of the blue alright people have no idea what this means so they’re probably thinking you know I got some kind of disease or something but um me and my bro Alex well he’s not really my brother but he is a brother we were listening to your uh… podcast your ugly betty and your puke from heaven episodes jeez louise this thing made me crack up i did not know i had a bladder control problem until i started listening to you guys alright well i got two little stories i guess but one’s really short you know how uh…
you guys are calling people lucy you know anonymous people well when i was a baby and my cousin was a baby her name’s caitlin my grandpa would call her fred and he would call me thatstoryshow.com thatstoryshow.com thatstoryshow.com thatstoryshow.com okay so my mom’s like alright well I’m going to you know try and learn all their little Japanese names alright so this woman walks in with a little girl she goes this is Haranj alright my mom’s like Haranj and the lady kind of looks at her funny you know so my mom’s like okay okay maybe I didn’t pronounce it right and so she goes Haranj and this goes on for probably about 30 seconds and my mom looks down and this lady is handing her my mom her little daughter’s lunch Broke ya! Dude that mama got broke.
thatstoryshow.com Review That Story Show It’s very hard. I feel your pain there, dude’s mom. So, dude, you, I just want to go ahead and say it, you win our button for this week. Don’t you agree, Dave?
Definitely. Dude. So, send us your address from that same email address, and we will send it out to you, man. Hold on.
More to come. Hey, guys. Lauren Mack again. So, after listening to episode 22 and hearing my voice now, I just wanted to let everyone know that I did it.
And I did it again. only this time I was going to pick up my best friend from the last story up from a place she wasn’t supposed to be so I pulled up into the parking lot and there’s like a bunch of condos and I didn’t know which one she was in so I was calling her like 20 times and she’s not answering the phone and she finally calls me back and I went in to go get her and Halfway through meeting her friends, I realized, where are my keys? And I usually put them on my little belt loop, on my jeans or pants or whatever, and they weren’t there, so I was like, hey, I really hope I didn’t knock myself out of the car, because my keys are definitely not here.
Lo and behold, I have knocked myself out of my car. again and we had to go all the way back to my house and I had to be like hey mom and dad I want to take the fare key for a little while and they were like well where’s your car and I couldn’t sell out my best friend so I was like um sitting in the grocery store parking lot by her house and I definitely made that up on the spot so I unlocked my car and everything’s cool again that was that bye All right,Lauren,you know,we know the truth.We do.We know that you,I can’t get over the simple fact that your friend was where she wasn’t supposed to be and you helped her.See what happens when you’re not.That’s what happens.Even if you don’t believe in God,that’s karma.That’s karma.And karma comes from God.Bad karma!
thatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com The alternator apparently was busted out and you know it just wouldn’t start though it stayed running it wasn’t charging the battery and I was very embarrassed and not only that I had to call your dad and have him come get me and they’re asking why in the world were you down there when the girl you’re supposed to date’s all out in Point Peter and I don’t know that I ever had a good answer but. That Story Show That Story Show That Story Show See you can’t you can’t keep secrets Lauren for friends. No, they’re not.
This ain’t no like as the wind blows. Every bit of advice I’ve ever gotten says keep as few secrets as possible and that’s yours and other people’s. Be very selective on the secrets you do keep. Yeah, I mean secrets like how many times you go to the bathroom a day, you know stuff like that.
I can’t tell somebody that. Inconsequentials are fine. That’s a big word James, you learned that on your test? I didn’t even say it right.
Recap Song Recap Song Well, Bernard, you were in the back of the van We unloaded the groceries just as fast as we can, yeah. I went back into the van and I saw you sitting there. But you didn’t stay, did ya? You stood up and you looked in my eyes.
It was first love at first sight. Then we put you out in the pen. Pretty soon we fed you. But then you started poopin’ You splurged all over the wall You splurged down on my shoes I wanted to help you But I didn’t know what to do So I gave you Pepto Bismol Your tongue was pink I tried to help But it didn’t I don’t think, yeah
yeah Now you pooped out pink stuff because it was the pet abysmal. I should have been a normal teenager hanging out at the mall. Cows don’t belong here. Cows don’t belong here.
They don’t belong here. It’s my life. It’s my life. Cows don’t belong here.
Do some harmony. Cows don’t belong here. It’s my life. It’s my life, baby.
well that cow died late one monday night and we had to find a spot that he might like at night when his eyes are closed forever and we dug a big hole out in the yard with a spade it was actually flathead What are you laughing at? Cause I’m trying to leave you with a word that’s hard to rhyme,Gertrude. It was a big, big ol’ hole in the ground because it was a crater looking thing. I don’t have no rhymes to Gertrude.
You’re killing me man. It’s okay Dave. It’s okay Dave. well for two years in the future and we got grown and we started wondering if that bernard had gone home or if his bones were laying down in the bottom of a hole so we staked out the area we staked out four feet on each side and jurassic
park became more than a movie and much more than just a ride It was alive. We even have spotlights. Amy held the spotlights. And all we found was some hooves.
And you know that’s just not right. Could the tempo be a little slower? Could we do this a little bit longer? I don’t know.
Let’s take it to the chorus, David. Here we go. Let’s do not accelerate it. Cows don’t belong here.
Cows don’t belong here. It’s my life. It’s my life. Cows don’t belong here.
They don’t belong here. It’s my life, my life, my life, my life, baby. and still in the middle of the night you can hear that cow calling out and it makes you want to run and cry because it’s the saddest sound you’ll ever hear in the middle of the night a moo followed by a pfft it’s all over here anymore anymore it’s like the crowd like the telltale heart of a cow gone long before Cows don’t belong here They don’t belong here It’s my life,my life,my life,my life It’s my life baby Cows don’t belong here Cows don’t belong here It’s my life,my life,my life,my life What’s wrong with having
a dog? We had a few of those too. We probably buried that one too. We did,Docs,he’s still buried.
Next to Azalea’s. Oh,Dave,it’s time to go,man. Let’s make sure we tell these people all the details. You can check us out on our website at nlcast.com.
Add a slash forums to that and you are on the forums. It’s called Nobody’s Posting. We’d love to interact with you there,unlike some podcasts that we won’t mention here. We actually interact with our people every single day.
I’m actually addicted. I’m not bragging. you can call us anytime you want on the nobody’s calling line at 206-600-5704 that’s right and you can email us at nobody’s listening to us at gmail.com we have a frapper map on our main page and that is a place where you can put a little pin in and let us know where you’re listening from we got people from all over Dave we do even our own hometown we also have a myspace that’s myspace.com slash nlcast we’d love to be your friend thatstoryshow.com,ReviewThatStoryShow,ReviewThatStoryShow,ReviewThatStoryShow,ReviewThatStoryShow,ReviewThatStoryShow,ReviewThatStoryShow,ReviewThatStoryShow,ReviewThatStoryShow,ReviewThatStoryShow,ReviewThatStoryShow,ReviewThatStoryShow,ReviewThatStoryShow,ReviewThatStoryShow,ReviewThatStoryShow,ReviewThatStoryShow,ReviewThatStoryShow,ReviewThatStoryShow,ReviewThatStoryShow,ReviewThatStoryShow,ReviewThatStoryShow,ReviewThatStoryShow,ReviewThatStoryShow,ReviewThatStoryShow,ReviewThatStoryShow,ReviewThatStoryShow,ReviewThatStoryShow,ReviewThatStoryShow,ReviewThatStoryShow,ReviewThatStoryShow,ReviewThatStoryShow,ReviewThatStoryShow thatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com,reviewthatstoryshow.com On our blog that is at nlcast.com we have added a new
segment to where top commenters get listed right on the main page. So it’s not associated with the forums but if you want to comment on our show your name could be listed and that’s pretty exciting. It’s pretty big. For those of us that have no self-esteem.
How many hits have we had on the website? Can you count that? Oh my goodness David you just wouldn’t believe it. I don’t know.
I don’t have a counter. I don’t know, but you know, our frapper map is at like 280 something hits. 303. Really?
I was checking that last night. All right, Dave, is there anything else? No, dude, not really. Next, next, do we know what the show next week is going to be about?
Your show? We don’t have a theme show or any other reason. I just did a story two weeks ago and then last week I carried the whole show. I’ll do another one.
Okay. That’ll be perfect. Tell the story you didn’t tell today. Can you give us a hint, like a one word hint?
It has to do with the van. Okay. And it’s funnier. You mean funny.
It’s been a good show. It’s been fun. All the people. One more shout out to the folks in the chat room.
It’s good to see you there. But other than those folks, nobody’s listening. hey guys uh… what’s up it’s alex again i called last night um…
but something happened to me on the way home from the store like five to ten minutes ago and i thought well this should go on nobody’s listening don’t worry i washed my hands uh… i just went to starbucks got me a caramelized frappuccino delicious the best thing in the world i think it’s straight from jesus and um… you know I thought I felt something drip on my hand and you know how guys do they just go and lick it up so I went to lick it up and it was like my tongue was like half a millisecond away from licking this up and I look which I never do ever and a bird I kid you not had pooped on my hand okay so I almost licked up bird poop without looking Oh my goodness,alright guys,I’m gonna go take a shower because that was just disgusting,alright,broke ya!
Hey guys,this is John again,just catching up again,my computer was down and I lost my iTunes,but I got the listener input show now I’ve listened to,and here’s your feedback,you were asking for feedback at the end, David, you quit playing the guitar at the end. That’s not acceptable. You’ve got to keep playing, man. You’ve got to keep going.
You’ve got to keep it strong all the way until the end. You can’t stop. Because James is just talking. He’s just out there all on his own like he’s giving announcements at church and nobody’s listening.
Hey, one thing, Joe Smurr’s story about the spin the bottle made me think of something when I was, I don’t know, maybe 13 or 14. at a family reunion in Canada me and all my cousins are up there in this little town in the middle of Manitoba somewhere and uh… we’re playing like dare games you know not spin the bottle of course not but uh… one of them involved peeing so it had to go along with that other guy’s story about peeing and uh…
they dared like two of us to run down this main street in our underwear and go pee on this hardware store’s door and we did it so the good news is that we got away with it but the bad news is that we’re wanted so I can’t go back to Canada ever again alright later bye And now all the change stress away, because I have ready change boxes, bubble wrap, pillowcases, books… But we’re not changing anything, what’s the wonder? I heard that your youngest son is already changing.
I mean, Vesa gets his own room upstairs. Aha, okay, well then I would be a little worried about packing your steps. So you didn’t do anything? Can’t thank you, because it’s a matter of course.
It’s a matter of course. At Build Theme you can find affordable equipment for everything. It was a question then about your own or a friend’s project.