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Aimee never had it easy. She was just trying to get her younger brothers to fold some laundry… what they did instead will make you laugh out loud.
It’s our 10th episode and we’re more excited than ever to be doing this podcast! Thanks to everyone out there who keeps us pumped up with emails, forums posts, voicemails and comments! Without you… well… nobody would be listening.
Stay tuned after the show for a amazing song from The Lucy Sisters! They have a MySpace and a gmail account (thelucysisters@gmail.com). Tell them what you think of them.
Full Transcript
(00:00) Voice Actor: You’re listening to nobody’s listening. You can’t handle this How you doing out there posh cat
(00:18) James: How you doing out there,
(00:46) David: I started last time or the time for last.
(00:52) Voice Actor: What’s been going on? Here’s your weekly update.
(00:57) James: You always say that you never want to start. Okay. And then you never do. So what you got?
(01:07) David: Okay. You know how I had the two jobs? Yes. Okay.
(01:10) David: Well, I currently only have one now. Yeah, so I got attacked by two Lucy sisters at work. Well, my old job.
(01:19) James: The Lucy sisters? No, no, no, no, no.
(01:21) David: Different Lucy sisters. Three and four. Yeah, not cool. I wanted to punch one of them.
(01:30) David: I got let go.
(01:32) James: By who?
(01:34) David: By Manager Lucy and Seniority Manager Lucy.
(01:38) James: So they just, what was the deal?
(01:42) David: I mean, is there a story here? There could be. Well, so I wanted to punch one of the guys in the face. One of the Lucy guys.
(01:50) David: He looked like Gomer Powell at the age of 22. He was just totally jacked up and stuff. You know, well, we’re going to have to let you go. Your performance level was not up to par.
(02:01) James: So they just had it out for you.
(02:04) David: Yeah. Because I know your performance is never just par. My performance is never par. It’s above and beyond.
(02:11) James: If you were golf, you would be below par.
(02:15) David: Like an eagle? Yeah, because that’s a good thing. Dude, I forgot you had the Wii. Dude.
(02:20) David: I’m lusting now.
(02:21) James: That should be my Stinkin’ Weekly update. Okay, my turn.
(02:23) David: Yeah, you go.
(02:24) James: Ah, I forgot about that. Guys, I was at Walmart and Stinkin’ saw the Wii in the case. I took a picture.
(02:32) David: There was only one?
(02:32) James: Yes, one stinking box with the Wii on it. I called the Walmart dude over. I’m like, hey, is this for real? And he misunderstood me.
(02:40) James: So he’s like, oh, dude, it’s the real deal. It’s awesome. It’s amazing. Dude, it’s so fun.
(02:45) James: I’ve been a big fan of Nintendo forever. And I’m like, no, I mean, like, is that a store model? You know, is it like a box? Cause I went to like GameStop and saw four of them, got all excited.
(02:56) James: And I’m like, I’ll take one. And they’re like, that’d be four bucks. Cause they were charging me for the box. No, but, uh, but anyway, I bought the thing and man, me and my wife have had a blast.
(03:05) James: I got the extra controller. We’ve been playing tennis and I’m telling you, I mean, you played it.
(03:10) David: What did you tell me?
(03:11) James: You love Xbox.
(03:12) David: You love all those, but what did you say about the Wii? It’s so interactive. It’s not just sitting there hurting your back.
(03:19) James: It gives you an opportunity to hurt your entire body.
(03:21) David: The thing is, me and James were playing bowling when you first got it, and I didn’t want to leave. It was like cocaine. And we were bowling, and if you twist your wrist a little bit, you’re spinning that ball.
(03:32) James: You hit some other little character. It’s crazy. But dude, we’ve been playing it and it’s been so much fun. And I don’t know, these guys really, you know, if you’ve ever seen people play and they tilt their controller and they’re like trying to make Mario not die.
(03:45) James: And so they’re like, and this thing actually lets you do that. And that’s crazy, but that’s not even my real weekly update. Okay, the real weekly update is that I was on the phone my wife and she’s and she’s in my old nasty Honda Civic and I’m behind her in our Honda element and I’m kind of a few miles behind her and I’ve got the baby with me and she’s just driving along it’s the middle of the night she’s like, you know, the heat The heat gauge says that it’s hot the car is hot and i’m like Okay, she says but it started on like medium heat and and so i’m like, okay So maybe the gauge is
(04:19) James: broke. I just keep driving. Is it ticking? Is it doing anything like that?
(04:21) James: No, no, no, i’m like, okay, so she keeps driving and then she’s like now I smell rubber and this has been like 10 miles later I’m like, well, you know that could do you have the vents on outside? You know our town is is a town of many smells And uh, so I was still thinking maybe we could make it and then all of a sudden she’s like Okay, the engine light came on. And I’m like, okay, pull to the side, you know, go ahead. And then the next thing she says is, I gotta get out of the car.
(04:46) James: And all I hear is, you know, with the phone and buttons are getting hit. And I’m like, Jen, Jen, Jen, talk to me, sweetie. Talk to me. I’m thinking she’s burning to death.
(04:57) James: In the car, you know, she’s strapped in she can’t get out and I’m I immediately hit the hazard lights and I gun it and I’m like I got the baby in the car so I can’t do any two-wheel turn Yeah, but I’m I’m having a lot of fun weaving through traffic and everything Anyway, so she calls me back and she’s like I think the car’s on fire. I’m like And I’m like, thank God she’s alive. I’m like, are you okay?
(05:17) James: She’s like, yeah, I’m to the side, but I think it’s on fire. I’m like, well, hang up with me and call 911 immediately. Well, I pull up right behind her, not two, two minutes later. And I’m just, like I said, gunning it.
(05:25) James: I had to cross three lanes of traffic because I thought she’d be on the right and she was on the left. I pull up behind her and there’s just steam coming out. You know, I immediately. So i’m like and she’s like my husband just showed up.
(05:36) James: She’s on the phone with 9-1-1 And I says, uh, I said sweetie. It’s it’s not on fire. It’s just steam. She’s like, okay, it’s just steam.
(05:42) James: Bye and And uh, you know, i’m not trying to make her feel it sounds stupid I she didn’t know, you know, the different steam dissipates and smoke doesn’t but the thing is she actually burned up a car one time When we were dating in high school and her dad had put a boat battery in the car and boat batteries have holy Yeah, their contacts come out. Yeah, they come out like two or three inches and it had worked its way through the insulation under the hood hit the hood spark lit up the entire thing burned out everything right in the middle of St. Mary’s, Georgia and Right in the middle of the road.
(06:14) James: So she’s a little paranoid about fire and car fires and understandably So but I was very very dude. My heart was of my chest all night. I’m thinking dude. She’s gonna die I’m gonna have to raise this kid.
(06:23) James: I think she needs her diaper changed and You know, so there was a lot of issues involved, but that was my weekly update. But yeah, we dude, I wish I had four controllers and more than one other friend.
(06:35) David: I wish you would have brought it. We could have just got a whole podcast. Everybody watches ball. Oh, it’s amazing.
(06:44) James: But the physics on the bowling, oh, it’s insane. The pins really feel heavy, especially when you hit people.
(06:48) David: Because I actually picked one up when we were playing.
(06:50) James: Oh, speaking of Wii weekly updates, this is the last thing. This segment’s getting longer and longer every week. I know. But my wife, OK, you’ve seen the things on the internet where people are killing each other with these Wii remotes, you know?
(07:00) Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah.
(07:00) James: Putting them through television screens and hurting themselves. My wife is so into tennis, dude. She used to play tennis. And she’s walking up on the screen, you know, just swinging this thing, stepping closer.
(07:13) James: I mean, she’s killing the ball. It’s hitting this thing totally hard. And all of a sudden, I didn’t even realize it. She swipes that sucker, does a backhand, and puts a huge scratch across the front of my screen.
(07:25) James: I thought it was a giant scratch. It turned out she had just rubbed off some of the plastic off the end of the remote because I was able to scratch it off the screen. But dude, she was like up in the game. Like, you know, the commercials, the old 80s commercial where they jump into the game.
(07:39) James: She thought she was going to do that, I suppose. I used to think it was really funny, all these people hurting themselves, and how stupid are they? But I’m like, dude, it’s what you do. It’s a great game, and it’s interactive, and people don’t know how to handle it.
(07:56) James: And now she’s afraid of hitting anything, so I put a little Elmo chair.
(08:00) David: This is your that’s your line my wife.
(08:03) James: Yeah, we have an Elmo chair to my daughter’s It’s and I put it in front of her a couple of feet I’m like if Elmo starts to giggle then, you know, you’re too close. Elmo was giggling the whole game, dude So anyway, that’s our weekly update and as you know, it’s time for our featured.
(08:19) Voice Actor: Yeah story It’s the featured story Alright. Dude, time for the featured story.
(08:31) David: The featured story today is… David’s turn. Okay, it’s my turn and I came up here and I had two ones that I really wanted to release.
(08:42) James: Okay.
(08:43) David: So guys we’re doing a two hour podcast today.
(08:47) James: It is episode 10.
(08:48) David: It is episode 10.
(08:49) James: So it’s 10 hours long. 10 hours long.
(08:51) David: I still I don’t know which one. Okay, here we go. Back when James had left already the family he grown up in.
(09:00) James: Okay, just for just for our listeners sakes. I am. I am the oldest.
(09:04) David: Yes.
(09:04) James: of five kids and David is the youngest. There’s 10 years between us. And David, one thing else. People say our voices are so much alike, they don’t know which one of us are.
(09:15) James: So I am James.
(09:17) David: I am David.
(09:18) James: And for the rest of the show, I will speak like this.
(09:21) Speaker 4: Hello, I’m James.
(09:24) David: And I will totally speak like this.
(09:27) James: Okay, it’ll help everybody. Okay, we’re brothers. What do you expect?
(09:31) David: Yeah, we had two different dads though, but we tell the whole story So David anyway, so um, I’d left the house apparently James James had moved on moved out to better places I don’t think Leanne was still there other sister. Yep She moved in with me for a while and me and Jonathan had an alliance to hate Amy Our other sister with a passion
(09:52) James: Okay, so just for the record, it was me, a sister, Amy, Jonathan and David.
(09:59) David: Yeah.
(09:59) James: So that there was just the three of you guys living in this three of us and mom was always gone.
(10:02) David: I don’t know where mom went. Maybe a little sip sip, maybe a little cough syrup. But I don’t remember. Everything happened when Mom wasn’t there.
(10:12) James: Yeah, I know. You guys had a lot. Well, the thing is, she worked far away. And she had quite a commute.
(10:17) James: And so you guys were getting off. Most people get off work at five. You guys were getting home about three after school.
(10:23) David: Yeah, so we had two hours of bell time.
(10:24) James: And then she had a commute. So there was another hour. You guys had three hours.
(10:28) David: This was in St. Mary’s. Well, I tried to defend you, Mom. This is St.
(10:34) David: Mary’s, but mom was never home. Okay. I mean, she was. HRS, she was.
(10:40) David: It’s over now. Yeah. So anyway, the thing is, we hated Amy with a passion. She was the middle child.
(10:46) David: We claimed different heritage and different fathers.
(10:50) James: We used to tell her she was adopted, dude. She was the weird one. Cause she had it on both ends. Cause it was me and Leanne and then she was the youngest for like years.
(10:58) James: And we just pick on her and pick on her. And then we leave her with these two mutants that my mom had with some random guy.
(11:06) David: She did marry this random guy.
(11:07) James: So even though she, Even though she was the oldest all of a sudden of this second family.
(11:13) David: She didn’t know how to cope with the cracking on the younger people. Because we used to hate her.
(11:18) James: You guys were ganging up on her. Okay, so you hated Amy.
(11:20) David: So we hated Amy, and she would always, instead of saying, hey guys, can y’all mop the floor real fast? It’d be great. Like, mop the floor, mom told me to tell you, mop the floor. Like, I hate you, you’re younger than me, I don’t know how to handle this, so I hate you, mop the floor.
(11:38) James: Well, we taught her how to treat younger siblings, I’m sorry.
(11:43) David: Yeah, out of pure hate, and malice, and loathing.
(11:46) James: The only time we ever got along with another sibling was when you were aligned with another one. I mean, when you were aligned with them against another one.
(11:53) David: Exactly, that’s the only time you got along.
(11:55) James: It’s that premise, the enemy of my enemy is my friend.
(12:00) David: Yeah.
(12:01) James: Matter of fact, the only reason why we can do this podcast is because we both think Jonathan’s a ninja.
(12:06) David: 13 degrees of separation. That’s true. I don’t know.
(12:09) James: Anyway, go ahead. You hated Amy. So we hated Amy.
(12:11) David: And Amy hated you. And every time she wanted us to do stuff, she would never. And she wasn’t good at delegating chores. When does this get funny?
(12:17) David: I’m trying to. You keep interrupting me. How many minutes have we just killed? Go for it.
(12:23) David: So she would always say stuff like, do stuff. Don’t, like, please. She wasn’t nice. And so she brought in two big hampers full of clothes.
(12:39) David: You know what I’m talking about.
(12:40) James: Yes, this is good.
(12:41) David: So brings up two full hampers. Pull him up and put him away me and Jonathan have had it we try to reconcile We wrote letters of endearment with I hate you.
(12:53) James: You will die while you’re sleeping mother you I Mean before this I chased Amy around with a knife and John had to talk me down I can’t believe the levels that you guys took your hatred to me and Leanne when we hated each other We just do the kid hitting thing where you just you just hit him.
(13:09) Speaker 4: I
(13:09) James: Yeah, and we would, you know, we’d throw pillows at each other. You guys are steak knives and threatening letters.
(13:16) David: Charles Manson. We had the spirit. So we used to, you know, we told her, no, no, no, we’re not going to do it. We’re not going to do it.
(13:24) David: We hate you. No. And so we decided, we mutually decided we were going to run away. We’re going to get away from this pit.
(13:31) David: We’re going to run away from Amy. We’ll miss mom a little bit, the food, but we’re going to run away from Amy. And so we write this letter. I was like, John, get a pen.
(13:41) David: We don’t have pens in our room. We’ve got crayons. Give me a crayon. OK, dear, John’s like, you’re spelling that wrong.
(13:51) David: Give me the paper. D-E-E-R, mom. M-A-M. Oh, gosh.
(13:58) David: No, dear Amy and mom. I remember now, I was just thinking about it on the way here. We did a half story for each. We hate Amy, mom.
(14:06) David: We are running away. We will not fold up the clothes. We will not do this. This is our checklist.
(14:13) David: We’re not doing any of this. We’re union, dang it. And then the last thing, we love you, mom. We will miss you and the dogs.
(14:21) James: And the dogs.
(14:22) David: Love. You lied about that part. I know. I was trying to get some brownie points from mom.
(14:26) James: Miss some cockatiels, too.
(14:28) David: About 20 of them. So we finished with love you. John and David. So then we get our army bag and fill it up with the clothes we’re not supposed to fold up.
(14:40) David: I would not be surprised if I missed the point of we did fold up our clothes to put them in the bag. I don’t know. So we throw the clothes, and we’re all mad. We’re like, OK, we actually moved the hampers in front of the door.
(14:53) David: So if Amy come in, we could grab one, a shirt or something, and start folding it. So Amy would catch us in the act of folding.
(14:59) James: Oh, yes, yes.
(15:00) David: So we open up the window. And we actually try to talk, what’s his name, chocolate little poodle we had. A shortcut? Shortcut.
(15:12) David: We tried to talk him into going with us, but he didn’t want to go. So we tried to talk our little poodle into going with us, but he didn’t want to jump out.
(15:19) James: No, he had it good there.
(15:20) David: So we ran outside. We’re hauling butt. We’re running, dude. We’re probably about 10 feet out the window.
(15:28) David: And we stop and realize the shed is the best place to go for the night. It’s a shelter.
(15:32) Speaker 4: It’s like 10 feet out the back door.
(15:34) David: That’s what I’m saying. We ran and ran and ran for 10 feet. And they were like, okay, we both concur. I say they concur now because I know what it means.
(15:43) David: Back then, I had no idea. But we both concurred that it’d be the best place to stay in a shelter. Ran in there, like hid in there. It was like five hours later and the sun had already set.
(15:53) David: Well, I was getting close to set. It was dusk. And you hear a mom yelling and she just came through the walls.
(16:01) James: First of all, what did she say? And then I will do it in the mom voice.
(16:03) David: She’s like, Jonathan David, where are you?
(16:05) Speaker 4: Jonathan!
(16:06) Speaker 1: David!
(16:07) Speaker 4: Where are you? That’s exactly what it was.
(16:10) James: Thank you.
(16:10) David: I inherited her screaming voice. As the window shutters and the car alarms go off, we’re like, oh crap. Yeah. David!
(16:20) James: We were scared crapless. And I told Jonathan. Actually, you know what? When mom was really yelling fast, she would name all of us.
(16:26) James: So let me do that. Go. She had to go through the list. Yes.
(16:33) James: I know your name.
(16:34) David: You’re all doomed anyway. So we hide up in the shed for like those five hours and it was getting dusk.
(16:41) James: He was saying shed ladies and gentlemen. Thank you shed.
(16:45) David: Beep. And so we’re sitting there and I’m like, Jonathan, if we just stay here. Nobody can find us. Don’t break down and give up.
(16:54) David: Don’t give up the hope for running away. And then we both realized we didn’t bring any food. So we’re like, crap. Eat your clothes.
(17:03) David: So here comes, what’s the shortcut? Just looking around. Hey, what’s going on? I’m a poodle.
(17:09) David: I’m outside. I’m enjoying life Oh humans in the shed humans in the shed and so he comes run at me He’s like a pointer one of those hunting dogs he trains for the tail comes up the left foot comes up little Bob He’s pointing at us and mom just goes there Jonathan. Oh David, get out of the shed right now!
(17:28) David: Get out of the shed! I was like, dude, just don’t give in. Don’t give in.
(17:31) Speaker 4: She couldn’t see you behind all that.
(17:33) David: I know. We were like laying underneath our bag of clothes. So she saw probably some underwear hanging out, some Superman underwear. She was just fishing.
(17:40) David: Yeah. So we got out and she called my dad. The scary thing is that I let Johnlin go first. So if they did turn around, I could run back into the room and hide underneath the bed and say I was sleeping there the whole time.
(17:51) David: But it didn’t work. So she’s like, so I’m calling your father. I am calling him. Amy, give me the phone.
(18:01) David: I’m calling his father. And so dad shows up and dad starts laughing. I mean, he wasn’t like openly laughing, but he was dying because he thought it was funny the letter was the favorite thing. that he loved, and so mom each gave us like five lashings with a wire coat hanger and we never- No way!
(18:19) David: No, it was something hard. I don’t know, it was like a shoe.
(18:22) James: Dude, she used to hit us with what was called Big Red.
(18:25) David: Big Red?
(18:26) James: Yeah, we tore apart. Oh, that’s another story.
(18:28) David: Don’t do it.
(18:29) James: I might save it.
(18:30) David: So, you know, basically in the end of the story, the moral of the story is don’t run away without food.
(18:36) James: And when you do run away, actually stinking run away.
(18:39) David: Yeah, it was scary. Because if we did run any farther, we would end up being this S-pole. And it was high tide.
(18:45) James: That’s right, from episode what?
(18:47) David: It was high tide.
(18:48) James: What episode was that?
(18:49) David: That was… Five? Five, yeah.
(18:51) James: The cesspool. What are the guys in the chatroom saying?
(18:54) David: I don’t know. I can’t tell. So yeah, that’s basically it, kids.
(19:01) James: I know it’s not that funny, but it’s okay. Dude, I never… Me and Leanne wanted to run away one time, and it was… We were much younger than you, and we were in a doghouse in the backyard.
(19:12) James: Doghouse? Yeah, we had a doghouse back then. No, this was Jacksonville before you were born. And we were sitting in there, and we were just upset.
(19:17) James: I don’t think we were upset about anything. We just wanted to live at the park. Because we wanted to play. It’s so much fun.
(19:22) James: It was so much fun. We wanted to live there. And so we started discussing moving the doghouse down to there so we’d have somewhere to live. And we could swing all day and have fun.
(19:32) James: And they had a water spigot and all. We didn’t think about food or anything. And Leanne started crying. And I’m like, what’s wrong, Leanne?
(19:38) James: What’s wrong? Because that was back when we got along before we started all hating each other, before you guys came along and spoiled it for all of us. We ruined everything.
(19:45) Speaker 4: And she’s like, I’m going to miss mom. And I’m like, the park’s just down the street. We can come and visit.
(19:50) James: And then I was thinking, but we can’t because she’ll keep us. So you actually moved on that and actually found out that I was right. Even at five years old, I was right. You gotta run away.
(20:05) James: Totally. Far away. Didn’t you guys do that again sometime?
(20:08) David: We did it one time and you came out and told us that the cops would find us. And Dad actually helped us pack our bag that time. That was way before this time.
(20:16) James: That’s right. You guys were eensy then. You guys were really young that time.
(20:20) David: I think we were still crawling around with our placenta on.
(20:24) James: God!
(20:25) David: Yeah David anyway, that was our vision story.
(20:28) Voice Actor: So now it’s time for news email and voicemails Up next news and female
(20:48) James: It’s our 10th episode. That’s the first piece of news. 10th episode, 10 weeks of doing Nobody’s Listening. And as far as I know, there’s a lot more than just nobody listening here lately.
(20:59) James: If I checked right, we had about 350 unique downloads just last week. Different IPs, different people. Not all just me and you anymore. And so it’s growing.
(21:12) James: It’s awesome. And we’ve got the best listeners in the world. We’ve got awesome people on our forums. and people even voicemails and uh yeah it’s awesome it’s it’s just crazy that there’s just two guys who decided to do podcasting as a hobby yeah that people would even care so we started with a theory that our stories would be enjoyed by others and yeah it’s uh
(21:33) James: it turned out pretty good it’s all right that’s all right it’s all right Anyway, so the 10th episode. So thank you for making this possible. All you people that just push play. Oh, the other piece of news that I’d like to illustrate.
(21:45) David: Yeah.
(21:46) James: By drawing it on a radio show.
(21:48) David: Okay.
(21:49) James: Is, um, the Lucy sisters have, have gotten ahold of me and they’ve told me that they are, they, they want to respond to their fans and they have an email and it is the Lucy sisters at gmail.com spelled just like it sounds. T-H-E-L-U-C-Y-S-I-S-T-E-R-S at Gmail.com. They also have a MySpace.
(22:09) David: Oh my gosh.
(22:10) James: How sweet is that? It’s MySpace.com slash the Lucy Sisters. That’s right. And we have a MySpace.
(22:18) James: We do. So all you people need to get on MySpace.com slash N-L-Cast, as in nobody’s listening cast. And add us. How many friends have we got?
(22:34) James: I’m one of them.
(22:36) David: I’m one of them.
(22:37) James: There’s two Naomi’s one of yeah and People people have joined up so we’ve got peeps We got people but we don’t have you so if we don’t have you get on there. Also, we are on stick cam We’re on stick cam right now.
(22:50) David: Actually, we are
(22:51) James: And we’re on there every Wednesday at 8 o’clock p.m. And I don’t know if this is going to… 8 o’clock Central, right? Yeah, 8 o’clock Central Standard Time.
(23:01) James: I don’t know if this is going to happen for sure, but we’ve been contacted by Stick Camp. Yep. And they want to feature us on Wednesday, every Wednesday at 8 o’clock Central on their main page.
(23:13) David: Yeah.
(23:13) James: And it’s stinking awesome. It’s pretty sweet. So we look forward to meeting a lot more people on there. So we’d love to have you on to watch us record.
(23:21) James: I don’t know why anybody would.
(23:24) David: Pretty boring.
(23:25) James: Yeah, the magic is gone. If you think we’re both hot, don’t get on stick cam.
(23:30) David: Definitely not.
(23:31) James: Because David’s really overweight.
(23:36) David: You’re a jerk.
(23:39) James: David’s kind of chubby.
(23:40) David: He’s not fat. I’m like a hefty couple.
(23:42) James: He’s just it’s just a little bigger I mean, you know, his undershirts are not XL, but they’re definitely stretching large out a little bit So anyway, we got some email David, okay read it sweet read it now We got one from Mike, yeah, there’s Mike from speaking of Mike speaking to yours I Where is Mike from? Mike? I don’t know.
(24:05) David: He never said?
(24:06) James: Oh, he is from the Combobulator, dude. The freaking podcast that I listen to.
(24:11) David: What’s that?
(24:11) James: He’s from England. He’s from, like, the UK. Oh!
(24:15) David: Oh! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don’t tell me about that. Yeah.
(24:18) David: Oh. So read it. Read it. OK.
(24:19) David: Hey, guys. Just had the privilege of listening to the episode nine of your podcast. And you guys are brilliant.
(24:23) James: We’re brilliant. I don’t know what that means in UK. But over here, it means we’re shiny and freaking awesome.
(24:27) David: Basically, it means we have class. Ooh. I must now go back and download the other eight casts. See, that’s great.
(24:33) David: People are actually going back and catching up. That’s sweet, yes. And I’ll be sure to download future shows. I’m hooked.
(24:38) David: You have a great way of sharing stories and the features in your cast are very inventive. I love the recap song.
(24:43) James: I don’t know what recap song means in the UK, but over here it means the song we’re going to do after this.
(24:47) David: It means brilliant. Okay, I’ll try to send you some sort of email. It’d have to be an MP3 file for you to mix it in, if that’s okay?
(24:55) James: Yeah, that was interesting.
(24:56) David: That wasn’t. You have a good work guys.
(24:58) James: It can be a pretty it can be pretty thankless job podcasting But I want you to know I’m definitely listening and looking forward to seeing where you guys go awesome Well, we’re going to stay right here in this closet and keep recording this podcast. So anyway, Ian has it Ian.
(25:15) Speaker 1: Oh
(25:16) James: You mean to do this one? Okay, cuz I read through it I didn’t he says he had a comment about our name from Paul last week and he says he says personally I like the name to have brothers telling the whole story for a subtitle, but he says it’s too long for a regular name yeah, and he says that he had a spirit day a couple weeks back and he’s normally the guy that will join in when they need somebody and He said he needed somebody in the blue team for a dance competition. So he joined in even though he sucks at dance.
(25:41) David: Yes. I hate dance
(25:41) James: So long story short he ends up leaning backwards with his head about two or four inches off the ground while his friend Let’s call him Lucy is spinning around holding his legs Now now Lucy and I aren’t the biggest guys and so Lucy who isn’t the brightest person starts to lose his balance Sort of wanders backwards on the stage and all this happened a bit before the school play So there were these big rectangular boards on the stage and also there were there were judges at a table or no There was a judges table turned out Lucy was spinning in closer and closer to those triangles in the that table. In the next 10 seconds, he banged his head on the floor.
(26:15) James: Lucy and I were tackled. So yeah, tackled. So he didn’t hit him. But the during this entire time being tackled, hitting my head on the floor, and hearing people on stage gasping, so I guess there was blood involved.
(26:27) James: He said he only had one thought, man, this sounds like something that they talk about on nobody’s list. Yes. And I wrote him back, and I’m like, dude, you are dying. Your life was flashing before your eyes.
(26:39) James: And you put all that aside. You pushed pause on the giant remote from Click. And you said, man, this is what they’d be doing. This is what James and David would be doing.
(26:50) James: So anyway, that was from Ian. So thanks, dude. We’re glad that you were thinking about us. But if you ever get older and start driving and you’re heading toward a head-on collision with a semi-truck, don’t think about us.
(27:03) James: We don’t want that kind of pressure.
(27:05) David: And don’t let us know when you die.
(27:06) James: Actually, if you’re driving right now, watch out! There’s a truck! Shoo, we just saved you and then we got one more right?
(27:13) David: Yes. Good show. I like the suggested name change It has a certain ring to it, but it perhaps but perhaps a little long Happos telling the whole story or something just for the record.
(27:24) James: We need change in the name That was Paul and dad gumming starting in our he he’s just he just likes stirring up conflict and controversy because he’s a rock star and that’s what they do and Rock stars are anarchists. And though I appreciate their rebellion, it’s really cute and all, we ain’t changing the name. No, we’re not. I’ve already registered nlcast.com for two years with GoDaddy.
(27:47) James: If for no other reason, I don’t want to type in 2habbrotherstellthewholestory.com slash 2habbrotherstellthewholestorypodcast slash 2habbrothers.com. Yeah.
(28:00) David: Anyway, keep those stories coming. I like listening to them at work. So add Sweden to your listener base. Added.
(28:08) James: He did a little emoji.
(28:09) David: Recommend.
(28:09) James: Emoticon. He did a little smiley emoji.
(28:12) David: I don’t like that.
(28:13) James: So he thought he was being cute.
(28:14) David: There we go.
(28:14) James: Actually, they probably say cheeky. No, that’s the UK. What do they say in Sweden?
(28:18) David: I have no idea.
(28:19) James: What does cheeky mean?
(28:20) David: Cheeky, you’re being smart. Oh, it doesn’t mean- Not like you’re sarcastically smart. Okay, good.
(28:25) James: So he says he’ll recommend his show to his colleagues. So undoubtedly people speak English in Sweden.
(28:31) David: Yeah, everybody’s speaking English. Sweet.
(28:33) James: You know what I heard? That if you speak two languages, you’re bilingual. If you speak three, you’re trilingual. If you speak one language, you’re American.
(28:44) James: That pretty much makes sense. That’s because every other country speaks some other language. So anyway, Loopmaster, dude, represent Sweden.
(28:52) David: Yeah, dude, that’s good.
(28:53) James: Awesome, dude. That’s what’s crazy about podcasting is you’re reaching all over the globe.
(28:57) David: Yeah, because our farthest east was UK. That’s right. And then we just got Sweden.
(29:00) James: Preaching the gospel of Kenison. We just got to spread this filth all over the nation and all over the country. Anyway, we got some voicemails before we do our Dilly Babu, so let’s play our first one right here. Sorry, people on stick cam.
(29:14) Speaker 6: Hey, what’s up? This is Josh from Baltimore. Hey, guess what? I’m going skiing this weekend.
(29:23) Speaker 6: But hey, I’m going to be sharing the podcast with all my friends, because that’s pretty cool stuff. I just kind of like how, you know, two normal dudes taking everyday stuff and making it absolutely hilarious. And it’s something I can play around my parents, you know? And it’s really cool because everybody can enjoy it, young and old, you know?
(29:39) Speaker 6: And I really like that summer camp story, or the youth group camp story. Not the one with the gorilla, that was good. But the one where you told about the, uh, face of ghost. That was funny.
(29:50) Speaker 6: And the torture chamber, your comment about the lungs being in his butt cheeks. When he sat down, you had a breath. That was just absolutely hilarious. I played that to my mom and she laughed.
(30:00) Speaker 6: It was, oh my gosh, it was great. I got to finish packing for my skiing trip and, uh, I’ll catch you guys later.
(30:07) James: All right. Awesome. Thank you.
(30:11) David: Yeah.
(30:12) James: No, I think it’s awesome that he loved the butt cheek comment, because that one is the one that makes me die. Matter of fact, Michael Marlock mentioned that one too.
(30:22) Speaker 4: Yeah.
(30:22) James: He loved it. All right. Voicemail number two is from God knows who. Oh dude, I do know who this is from.
(30:30) James: It’s from Rockstar Paul’s mama. We got busted.
(30:34) Speaker 7: Hi James and David. This is Sherry. And just in case you think that nobody’s listening, I am. And I did notice that many of your stories involve one or more of my children.
(30:48) Speaker 7: And if they ever should require a therapist, you will be at least 50% of the reason. And the whole salsa thing, yeah, Nick’s still kind of trying to work through to get over that. I do have my three children raised. You’re just getting started.
(31:07) Speaker 7: So I can begin to make up my plans might be for Jenna’s next birthday. The gifts could include a drum set, finger paints, and a large bag of candy necklaces. And James, for your next birthday present, maybe a bag of spiderwebs, a large box of tomatoes, and a glass 90% full of ice and 10% Diet Coke. And a waitress that will never come back and refill it.
(31:41) Speaker 7: David, your children someday are going to be a little harder to reach and get to, but I’ll figure out how to pay you back because I’m sure that you tormented Nick more than once or twice. So, just to let you know, somebody’s listening.
(31:59) James: Dude, we’re busted. That’s all I know is we are busted because Sherry knows me so intimately. She knows I love Diet Coke with no ice and that’s why she was all about like ice and no Diet Coke. And she knows that all the toys that toddlers, that parents of toddlers do not want their kids to have.
(32:17) James: So anyway, Sherry, all I can say is bring it. Bring it, girl. You talk to talk. You got to walk the walk, chickadoo.
(32:26) James: So anyway, we got one more voicemail from our good buddy Nathan, also known as George McFly. So he sounded a little more Georgie today than he was last time. So listen up.
(32:37) Speaker 1: Hey, it’s Nathan again. Heard your podcast. Very good today. Very good compared to some.
(32:46) Speaker 1: But I love the Killer Salsa podcast. One thing. Not, none offense hopefully taken by the dude that was with you, James. Forgot his name already.
(33:02) Speaker 1: David’s son. Don’t remember his name. But just wanted to let you know that I miss David. And David, I know I have never even met you.
(33:10) Speaker 1: And hope to someday will. But I just want to let you know that we thoroughly miss you. Not saying that the other dude didn’t do a good job. But it was like going to Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat And expecting Donny Osmond to star in it and then his stunt doubles doing it and he’s not even there.
(33:27) Speaker 1: He’s like at an apartment in Venice or something. And that’s how it was. You weren’t there and missed you. Another scenario like going to the river dance and expecting Michael Flatney to dance and he wasn’t dancing.
(33:45) Speaker 1: It was some other dude. And so I just want to let you know that I missed you today and hope that you were making tons of money and excited about the next podcast. Talk to you later. Bye.
(33:57) James: Okay. So anyway, Nathan, thank you so much, dude. And Nathan is a good friend of mine. And Nathan, dude, he was talking about you, man.
(34:05) David: Yeah, yeah. Thanks, Nate. Thanks, Nate. Thank you, Nate.
(34:11) James: He loved you, dude.
(34:12) David: He missed you. He missed me.
(34:13) James: So we thank Paul, but we’re glad to have David back.
(34:17) David: That’s the great thing.
(34:19) James: So anyway one more but you know what I’m gonna have to save it for the end of the podcast We’re getting a little long but the Lucy sisters have blessed us with another song and it is an amazing story and it is to the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody and I’ve never heard Bohemian Rhapsody played on a piano and in neither of you so I have it tune in right after the show and we’re gonna play that but we just want to say Lucy sisters and Heck with us get your own podcast. Yeah your own thing. My goodness.
(34:45) James: We’re not good enough for you and your awesomeness So thank you for blessing us and also be checking on a little little ditty from Rivo So that’s coming up a little bit Time for your favorite game You ain’t right Last week, Rockstar Paul and I both told stories, and Rockstar Paul talked about a time he was arrested for doing Super Balls in a mall, and I told about a time I ran over a dog because it wouldn’t move out of my way when I was driving very slowly. And people wrote in and said if they thought I was right or was not right. The truth is, David, I wasn’t right.
(35:36) David: I lied.
(35:37) James: The truth was that there was a dog that did that, that would move because it knew nobody would hit it. And I fantasized many times about rolling over the stupid dog, but I never had the guts to do it. I always turned at the last minute, which the dog knew I would. But Paul did get arrested for doing Super Bowls, throwing Super Bowls in a mall.
(35:58) James: So he’ll have to call in and tell us some stories about that. Definitely. But anyway. It’s time for that.
(36:05) James: We’ll have a new contest called You Ain’t Right next week where David and I will each tell a story and you’ll get a chance to decide who was right. Who was right? Let’s see. G.
(36:13) James: Smith and Mikey both emailed in and said, and they guessed me, and they are the winners of Absolutely Squat Jock.
(36:21) David: So have we came out with our Squat Jock?
(36:24) Speaker 4: We came out with I meant to say jack squat and it came out squat jock Have we came out and told about our new stuff.
(36:30) James: We’re getting No, not yet. I was hoping it would be ready by episode 10, but I have not gotten it but we do have a little surprise coming later on for our listeners and We’ll hopefully be able to report on that next week.
(36:43) Voice Actor: So it’s time for the recap song, dude It’s what the world’s been waiting for the recaps
(36:53) Speaker 4: David thought he could run away to the back shed You don’t know what was going on in your head You packed your bags You folded those clothes You didn’t have a choice. You felt that you really needed to go. It was all because you hated my sister. And I understand it, that your hate was understated.
(37:49) Speaker 4: It was all that you could do to live and stay in the same room with that girl. Understand the pain, David. There’s several things I don’t understand about the plans you made. Why’d you only run ten feet to the backyard and stay in a shed?
(38:14) Speaker 4: A whole bunch of dead rats A whole bunch of crud and junk in there Why didn’t you run a little farther Through the woods, at least to another location A little further down the road, David, my brother The funny part of the song is that That little poodle that didn’t want to go with you on that trip decided he really actually was a spy. Mom treated those dogs better than she did you or I. And we know where he stood.
(38:59) Speaker 4: He stood at a pointing stance and pointed at you guys a little too good for a poodle. Aren’t poodles just supposed to pee on people and lose their teeth and go blind? This poodle had, he had a dream. He wanted to be something, make something of his life.
(39:24) Speaker 4: He wanted to impress a mom. So he pointed you guys out. That dog wasn’t really a dog. He didn’t have it where it was at.
(39:37) Speaker 4: He wasn’t a real dog, he was a rat. Cause he ratted you out You tried to send Jonathan out first To see if you could fake my mom But she’s really smart And the dogs would have told her anyway Anyway, the Lucy sisters They give us a brand new song And they’re on MySpace Where they should have been All along My wife thought she burned up the car. I was way too far behind her.
(40:19) Speaker 4: I thought I’d have to get married again. Have to marry someone and pay for a whole new wedding. Thought she was burning in that car, but she wasn’t. And I’m so happy that everything turned out all right.
(40:38) Speaker 4: This is the suckiest pirate song in the world. Can’t think of nothing else. What happened to the days of the poop song? And times when we scared little boys in the basement.
(40:52) Speaker 4: And demon possessed fire alarms. It’s just that kind of show. It’s probably way past time for us to go. It’s just the way it is today.
(41:09) Speaker 4: Go back and listen to episode number eight, because it was much better than this one.
(41:16) James: Just nothing rhymes today, Dave. Well, anyway, that was a recap song. If this is your first time tuning in with us, give us another shot. I always hate the recap song until later, and then it’s like, OK, it wasn’t that bad.
(41:27) James: But nothing was coming today, dude. Nothing. Yeah. Could happen some.
(41:31) James: Anyway, thank you for listening to us. Remember, check us out on iTunes. Give us a review. We’d love to hear from you.
(41:38) James: Go to the Frapper map at our website at www.nlcast.com and put a pin in so we know where you’re listening from. Check us out on the forums. We have a lovely community of people there. Just type in their little hearts out.
(41:53) James: Check us out on Myspace. That was myspace.com slash nlcast. You can email us at nobody’s listening to us at gmail.com. Email us your stories, the things that have happened to you in your life, and then you can call us on the nobody line.
(42:07) David: 206-600-5704.
(42:11) James: That’s right. And leave us a voicemail and you’ll probably make it on the show. Again, thanks Lucy Sisters for giving us your two cents. And this will wrap it up.
(42:22) James: You know, David, it’s getting harder and harder to convince everybody that nobody’s listening. We’re done. Hallelujah. Good God.
(42:33) James: Anyway. Dude, you got fired from your job.
(42:37) David: I wanted to take a hot seat and shove it in the guy’s face.
(42:40) Speaker 4: You can’t say hot seat because they’ll know who you’re talking about.
(42:43) David: I wanted to take something, a broom handle, and just break his nose. That’s the first time I ever had rage at work.
(42:49) James: Really?
(42:49) David: Yeah. I was like, you’re talking about something.
(42:52) James: I’ve never really been fired. I’ve been, I guess I was.
(42:54) David: I was let go.
(42:56) James: I was let go too. I was told to go home and they would call me when they wanted me to come back and they never called. So how screwed up is that?
(43:05) Speaker 8: Molly, your mom lied to me, man. You’re not dead. That’s awesome. Can’t wait to talk to you.
(43:11) Speaker 8: This is Dave.
(43:11) Speaker 4: Bye. This is bloody fun.
(43:17) Voice Actor: I just pulled a Mr. Da-da-da-da-da-da. Hi, this is the Lucy Sisters. Hi. And, um, we have a fan.
(43:29) Voice Actor: Hi Paul, nice job last week by the way. Anyway, so we have another song. It’s a special number about one of our favorite cars, our 78 Volvo. So we hope you enjoy.
(43:44) Voice Actor: Lucy, I said take a trip. Gonna be nowhere to hang. Kansas City all the way. Oh no, smoke is rolling all around the car.
(44:15) Speaker 1: Dad’ll kill us when he sees His Volvo and two daughters on 35 Racing cars in the media This Volvo’s my worst nightmare
(44:40) Voice Actor: It can’t be my fault, all I did was drive it.
(45:21) Speaker 1: For me, for me, for me!
(45:57) Voice Actor: Sometimes things just happen. Some cars catch on fire. Sometimes it just happens. Homos always catch on fire with me.