00:00 – 00:11
Welcome to That Story Show, where we beg for five star reviews. Hey, podcast people, I’m your host. My name is James Kennison. And I’m John.

00:11 – 00:19
Please give us a five star review. Please. Please. Welcome to That Story Show, a clean comedy podcast where we share your hilarious life stories.

00:20 – 00:28
Oh man, John, you wouldn’t believe it, dude. It was in the news here. Maybe it didn’t make it everywhere, but we had a tornado yesterday. Yeah.

00:28 – 00:31
Was that yesterday? Or the day before. On Friday. Yeah.

00:31 – 00:46
And on the way home, I kid you not, big tree over the highway. Never seen leaves and branches on a freaking highway before. Wow. And so the base of it is on pretty much covering the right side lane.

00:46 – 01:01
It’s a three lane. And then all the branches and trees were blown up against the concrete middle. stanchion, you know, whatever that thing is in the middle. And we’re, we’re all kind of slowing down and, and crushing roots.

01:01 – 01:14
And I don’t know, not roots, but you know, branches, the top, the top roots. Holy cow. I know. So I, I saw, um, some video.

01:14 – 01:21
Well, I think it was just yesterday. And I was like, Oh man, I, I had just heard from you or something at the point. And I knew you were good. Yeah.

01:21 – 01:31
I was alive. But like, Oh man, well, I wonder how close that was to you. It was pretty close. Like there were people in the, in the arch while the tornado was going.

01:31 – 01:38
That thing is made to flex though. I just, they, the people were saying it was scary. I bet. But they were fine.

01:39 – 01:42
That’s so dumb. They knew it was coming. That’s the thing. Why were they still doing?

01:44 – 02:07
Still doing tours. I don’t think I think they were up there and then they got the warning or something Yeah, they just we know wasn’t safe enough to go back down because it’s like an elevator or something Yeah, we we knew that thing was coming. So I don’t know. Yeah, the elevator’s weird, dude it goes up and then over and then up and then over because it’s on an arch and So it doesn’t go straight up.

02:08 – 02:24
Obviously it kind of It kind of starts leaning to the right or the left, whichever side you’re on. And then the bottom kind of kicks over and it’s level again. And then that right side starts tipping over and tipping over and then straightens it up again. It is weird, dude.

02:24 – 02:39
And it looks like when you open it up and get inside, it’s like an egg from Men in Black. Like it’s lit like one. It looks like those old 70s eggs that you would sit inside, except there’s five seats in a circle. It’s majorly close.

02:40 – 02:51
That’s not awkward at all. Not at all. Like people you don’t even know going up in this arch that’s cool for about five minutes. And then you’re like, I’m ready to go down.

02:51 – 03:02
I’ve seen, seen the earth from the arch. I don’t even, I can see pictures and I’m fine with that. Well, there was this other thing. A lady at the St.

03:02 – 03:10
Louis airport fell, um, onto the luggage carousel. Oh. Yeah. Because of the tornado?

03:11 – 03:25
No, it’s just the other big thing that happened around here. She’s slowly coming around though. So. That was wrong.

03:25 – 03:32
Yeah. Yeah. It’s that kind of show. We always like to start with an opening story.

03:32 – 03:42
This is from Jonah from American Fork, Utah. I wonder how many countries they went through before they settled on America. American fork. I wonder if they got a Jamaican fork.

03:42 – 03:55
Let’s do the Japanese fork. Oh no, they don’t have those. No, they don’t. Anyway, when I was in high school, I had a group of friends that were great most of the time.

03:56 – 04:04
Didn’t we all? Most of the time. Didn’t we all? We were hanging out at one of their houses and I got a call from someone, so I stepped out to take the call.

04:05 – 04:25
Obviously, this is the time before phones, you know. or after phones, I should say, after phones. Cause if you’re stepping outside to take a call, you either had that super long cord or you were cool with one of those wireless, uh, cordless phones with you pull the antenna out in the nineties. Yeah.

04:26 – 04:36
Sweet. Yeah. Sweet deal. Um, during my conversation though, several of my friends came outside with me, totally taking the whole point of going outside.

04:36 – 04:47
Um, useless. One of them approached me with a Nerf gun and he got really close to me and put the gun super close to the side of my calf. Hmm. And so he’s on a farm, I guess.

04:48 – 05:12
Uh, he proceeded to fire the gun and the dart stuck into my, it stuck to my calf. I thought it said into, it’s like, what kind of Satanism is this? Uh, the dart was one of those suction cup kind, but Oh, But because my leg was hairy, I was confused of how this dart would stick to my leg. Cause you’re not hairy and you’re fronting Jonah.

05:12 – 05:18
That’s, that’s the thing. You’re slicky, slicker than a baby’s bottom. That’s what it is. You got no hair.

05:19 – 05:30
Uh, I reached down innocently and pulled the dart away from my leg to my horror. I observed that a half inch needle. Oh no. Was jutting from the tip of the freaking dart.

05:30 – 05:37
Half inch? Why? Why evil friends? That’s the worst friends.

05:37 – 05:47
It’s the worst kind of friends. Um, moral of the story, sterilize your needles before shooting them in your friend’s legs. Just kidding. Do not shoot your friends with needles.

05:47 – 05:51
It’s dangerous. Thanks. And I hope it makes it on the show. Jonah, the PR guy.

05:52 – 06:01
Yeah. Finally, somebody got the right moral of the story. I always love it when people write their own moral because they’re, they’re usually really wrong. Like, they’ve learned the wrong lesson.

06:01 – 06:14
That’s why people need therapy, because you have to have somebody else tell you how to interpret your crap. Ah, yeah. Because you’re just like, my dad beat me because I was bad. And they’ll say, no, your dad beat you because you were ugly.

06:14 – 06:27
No, they’ll actually say your dad beat you because he was bad. You know what I’m saying? People turn that stuff inward. And it had nothing to do with your looks or who you’re made of or what you’re made of.

06:28 – 06:42
It had to do with your dad was your stepdad and all stepdads beat their kids. So quick announcement. Uh, my stepdad used to beat me. I’m sorry.

06:42 – 06:53
I wasn’t supposed to laugh at that. That’s why I’m kind of jaded towards stepdads, I think. I’m guessing you’re not going to be whenever, huh? I’m not planning on it.

06:54 – 07:05
It’s not like, so you plan on doing all the stuff that would be required to get to that point in my life. Can you, I mean, we’re a minimum of divorce. Okay. Then remarriage.

07:07 – 07:15
Ain’t nobody got time for that. Ain’t nobody. Ain’t nobody going to marry me. I had to get her when she was 16 years old.

07:16 – 07:23
I was, I was a little older. I wasn’t like a ton older. So it didn’t lie. This didn’t happen yesterday.

07:23 – 07:40
It sounded like it’s happened yesterday. But I got her young. I was young. We were young together and, uh, we’ve, we’ve been together for eons and, uh, yeah, not, not looking, not wanting to, uh, I don’t want him to ever be a stepdad.

07:41 – 07:47
No, no. I love marriage, but I would never do it again. Never. No.

07:49 – 07:54
I mean, I guess that’s why the vow goes till death do you part. That’s right. That’s right. Okay.

07:54 – 08:12
So question. Yeah. Okay. Um, if you are married till death do you part, you get in some sort of an accident and on the way to the hospital, they lose you for three minutes, no heartbeat, no nothing, but they resuscitate you.

08:13 – 08:28
Are you now free from your marital vows? That’s an interesting question. I guess, I mean, that would be up to Amy. Well, you died.

08:28 – 08:35
I’m kind of done with you. I mean, this is the out I was looking for. Yeah. I was waiting for this day.

08:35 – 08:49
Yeah. You make an interesting point that the wife would be the one to really decide whether this is her out. Cause I don’t want to leave, sweetie. I know I died.

08:49 – 08:56
Is it time to, you know, re recycle? What do you call it? When you do your vows over? Oh, renew renew.

08:56 – 09:00
Yeah. Renew your vows. I think it’s time we renewed them. Yeah.

09:01 – 09:10
Renewed them. Just in case. Yeah. Um, one time I was, uh, in the shower and then I got in the shower a second time and I was renewed.

09:12 – 09:20
So I was new the first time, but I was renewed the second time. Sorry. So. I don’t mean to cough in everybody’s ear.

09:20 – 09:25
Go get your vows renewed. I don’t know. It means something totally different and I don’t know what. Renewed.

09:25 – 09:36
Ugh. Or is it R E dot dot like R E colon nude? Like is your colon nude? Uh, that’s gross, John.

09:37 – 09:46
All right. Um, I hope not actually, uh, announcements. North X 0.5 is Saturday, June 28. That’s just around the corner folks.

09:46 – 09:54
I can’t wait, John. I can’t wait to see you. I can’t wait to see what kind of, uh, Airbnb I’m going to be staying in. That’s always a gamble.

09:54 – 10:00
Man, it’s out in the woods too, buddy. Oh no. I mean. Are there any bears?

10:00 – 10:10
That’s the direction where I hear the coyotes singing at night. I don’t want to, I’m going to sleep in your bed. It’s a king size. Okay.

10:10 – 10:17
So Amy, you, and then me. So I’m not near her. So it’s not breaking any rules. Right.

10:17 – 10:31
Yeah. I read a book the other day. that there was a song, a medieval song, about a maiden and a knight who slept in the same bed, and they put a sword blade between the two of them. Oh.

10:31 – 10:41
Yeah. To keep things civil. I roll around a lot, so I would probably wake up with some cuts. Dude, I would.

10:41 – 10:56
I would have my arms around her, but they would not be attached to me. That’s where the problem is. So anyway, NarthX .5 is free and it’s fun and we’re going to record some stuff. We’re going to have quizzes.

10:56 – 11:10
We’re going to have some giveaways and you can sign up though. You have to sign up narthxcon.com. It’s in Atlanta, Georgia. You can get all your info and register there and we hope you come because we’re going to do this no matter what.

11:10 – 11:17
You might as well show up. All right, let’s rewind the week. All right. I’ll go first.

11:18 – 11:31
Um, mine’s pretty quick. It was a conversation at work and everybody came back from mother’s day. And, uh, I’m like, Hey, how was your mother’s day? And, oh yeah, we went and, you know, ate dinner and that and the other, and it was fun.

11:31 – 11:45
And, uh, how was your mother’s day? And I said, well, I made my wife happy. And he goes, I didn’t want to know all that. And all of a sudden I realized I was talking like a dadgum homeschooler.

11:45 – 11:53
I just spoke out of church, you know. Made your wife happy. I did though. I made her so happy.

11:53 – 12:11
The real one is though, is that my wife told me, you know what, they’re doing a mother’s week this year. Mother’s week. And I’m like, they, I always know who they are. They are the majority of people that have an opinion and influence other people, right?

12:11 – 12:18
Right. The social media people, right? Yeah. Or, or just people before social media, there was still they, you know what they say?

12:19 – 12:43
It was just a majority of people that you don’t know that are out there that have a different opinion. So I imagine this makes sense in today’s day at age, that we would finally celebrate mothers for a week. You know, uh, so I was, I was into it. I, I served her, uh, she was right about things, um, for two extra days before I figured it out.

12:43 – 12:50
Yeah. So she had mother’s day all the way until Tuesday. Yeah. That’s amazing.

12:50 – 13:06
I felt really stupid. I never fall for anything, but I, I did. I was extra nice to her. Like there were so many, uh, arguments that I just gave up on, even though I was completely right.

13:06 – 13:12
Yeah. Yeah. It’s not really different than any other day. I used to fight for my opinion.

13:12 – 13:17
Yeah. It’s not worth it anymore. I mean, it never was. No.

13:18 – 13:31
You know what? The dumbest argument I ever had was with my wife over the color of the flowers she was picking for our wedding. Oh, wow. You, you actually had an opinion on it?

13:31 – 13:42
I don’t know why. I don’t know why. You know what I did? I put on a tux and I showed up at a certain time, and then I left with her in my car.

13:42 – 13:52
That’s what I’d done. That’s as much as I had to do with it. And I don’t know why, but we had this huge argument about it. And I thought I was entitled.

13:52 – 14:06
And I tell young men now, this is her thing. It’s not about you at all. except you get a bachelor party. And when you’re a Christian, you have awesome bachelor parties.

14:06 – 14:20
Cause they take you, your friends take you to somewhere like Dave and Buster’s before it got stupid. And, and they just give you everything you need. That’s the only reason I would want to get married again. Cause I didn’t have a bachelor anything.

14:20 – 14:25
Oh really? Yeah. What happened to you? Was it a shotgun wedding?

14:25 – 14:36
What’s the deal? No, no, we planned it. I did a lot of the planning even because I was up here and Amy was down in Florida. And, um, like I got the, I got the cake lady.

14:36 – 14:43
I got the venue. I got the flower person. I mean, I didn’t have input on all that stuff that she wanted. But you, but you handled it.

14:43 – 14:50
I lined it up. I got the meetings organized. So you were whooped before you got married. Yep.

14:50 – 14:58
But I didn’t have a bachelor party. Bad gummit, John. We might have to remedy that when I come to Georgia. Let’s do it.

14:58 – 15:09
Let’s make, I’ll renew my vows at the Narthex .5. After the bachelor party, because you’ll need to with what I have planned. Am I going to die? No.

15:10 – 15:15
Maybe. Maybe. All right. What do you, what do you got?

15:15 – 15:23
Rewind. Okay. So I didn’t tell you this. Um, and this happened, this happened a long time ago.

15:23 – 15:43
Oh boy. And I, um, I’m sorry if this offends you in any way, but I, I had to fly out to Wyoming to pick up my son’s car because he moved back home with us. And so I picked up his car and I road tripped it by myself from Wyoming. How many hours is that?

15:44 – 15:50
How many what? How many hours is that? Uh, it’s like, uh, 26, I think. Goodness.

15:51 – 16:01
And you rode that when you took him out there and back too, didn’t you? Yeah. Goodness, John. But, um, so I, I broke it up into a few days and I, I stopped a couple of times.

16:01 – 16:12
Oh, that’s cool. I noticed while I was driving through these different, uh, parts of the country that different cities have different smells. Really? Yeah.

16:12 – 16:24
It’s, it’s very interesting. So I, the first big state that you go through when you’re coming from Wyoming, at least the direction I was coming is, um, oh man, it just left me. Nebraska. Okay.

16:25 – 16:35
Okay. It’s a great state. I’m sure, but it smelled like cows, like almost the whole state through smells like cows. And it wasn’t great.

16:37 – 16:49
And I’m pretty sure that all of the drivers out there, the truck drivers, they were trying to kill me. Really? I was just in a little white Grand Marquis, just driving, cruising down the road. And I’m pretty sure they wanted me dead for some reason.

16:50 – 17:03
Yeah, but I kept going and then I wind up, um, and see, I didn’t go through Kansas city. I think it went around it all, but I did go through St. Louis. Really?

17:03 – 17:13
When was this? This was, um, December. Oh, I was around. You should have said something.

17:13 – 17:16
It was January. You’re in trouble. Yeah. Well, here’s the thing.

17:16 – 17:25
And I thought about why I was driving through your city. One thing I was thinking is that, wow, this city smells like weed. Yes. It is the official smell.

17:25 – 17:30
Yeah. If you smell skunk, it’s not skunk. It’s weed. It’s yeah.

17:30 – 17:38
It smelled like skunks. That’s what I meant to say. Smell like that. You can get behind a car of a person smoking a cigarette or a cigar, you won’t smell a thing.

17:38 – 17:49
But if there’s people smoking weed and they drive in front of you, you are going to get a car full of weed smell. It’s crazy. Well, it’s just all in the air. And let me tell you something, Atlanta is starting to smell like that too.

17:49 – 17:53
Yeah. Yeah. It’s really strange. It must be the sign of the times.

17:53 – 18:06
It’s so skunky. I would have, I was thinking when I was driving through, I wasn’t sure I was going to actually be going through your city. But then when I realized I was, I realized how late it was going to be. And I was like, I’m not going to bug this man.

18:06 – 18:11
He’s got to wake up. It was a Sunday night. I got, I got to where I’m so old. I go to bed at like nine 30.

18:12 – 18:16
Yeah. I would have totally woke you up and you would have been angry with me. So. I would have.

18:18 – 18:26
I would have thrown something at you. Yeah. It put you in a coma and then you would pass away for three minutes and then resurrect. And then when you got home, you’d have to renew your vows.

18:31 – 18:45
Or sleep with a sword between you to keep things kosher. Well, speaking of sleeping with a sword, have you ever had to stay in a hotel all by yourself? Yes. I did it for a month when I trained with a hat company I was working for.

18:45 – 18:50
Yeah. It’s kind of scary. It’s kind of lonely and scary. Yeah.

18:50 – 19:03
I had to like sleep with the TV on because I would hear things and stuff. And I’m not like usually freaked out by stuff, but I was kind of freaked out by it. Hotel or motel? Uh, well it was a, it was a hotel.

19:04 – 19:09
Okay. So the, so the, you, you didn’t, you were facing in, not out. Yeah. Yeah.

19:09 – 19:24
I was in a lot, there’s a lobby and all the, all the rooms were inside the building. Were there twins? Um, there was some kids riding around on a little bicycle kind of thing. Yeah.

19:24 – 19:31
They didn’t scare me too much. It was when the shower would turn off and on. That was what was scary. Oh, man.

19:31 – 19:35
Was it a Westinghouse shower? It was. Oh, that’s why. That explains it.

19:35 – 19:46
Never mind. That’s it. It’s not even scary anymore. No, I tell you anything that’s supposed to have more people in it than there are and there aren’t, that’s a scary place.

19:46 – 19:59
So churches, empty churches are scary to me. Empty libraries, empty museums. Um, museums are more scary. Like an empty mall would be really freaky, especially at night.

19:59 – 20:14
And then, uh, yeah, I could see a hotel room. Like I didn’t enjoy it. Like I never turned the TV on. I was just like on my phone and uh, yeah, I, I, I went, yeah, I went to bed like as soon as I could.

20:14 – 20:25
So I didn’t just sit there. What do you do in a hotel room by yourself? Yeah. I was, I was watching some R rated movies to find out and I didn’t happen across any.

20:25 – 20:38
It showed you what you’re supposed to do. Yeah. Oh, it seems like there’s so many movies that start with a guy making a really stupid choice. Yeah.

20:39 – 20:47
They’re, they’re all morality tales. Even, even horror movies back in the day, you know? Right. What was Jason trying to teach people?

20:48 – 21:03
Yeah. He’s just trying to be good and live right. No, he was, it wasn’t Jason first of all, but his, uh, his mother, spoiler, uh, was trying to keep kids from doing bad things. Oh, I never saw the movie.

21:04 – 21:16
Oh yeah. I wasn’t allowed by the time I wasn’t either. But that’s the difference between you and me is I was bad and you were good. So I found a way to see it.

21:17 – 21:26
Scared me to death. The first rated R movie I ever saw was aliens. Oh, that’s not even like scary. I thought I was so grown up.

21:26 – 21:33
I was like 12 or something. I watched it on VHS. and never told my mom. Oh man.

21:33 – 21:44
Sorry, mom. I remember the first time I listened to, um, non-Christian radio. Ooh. I thought for sure that the backwards masking demons were going to get me.

21:46 – 21:57
Come out of that boom box, weren’t they? And I was really surprised two things, um, that that didn’t happen. There were no demons. And secondly, how much better it was than Christian rock.

21:58 – 22:13
I’m like, this is what music supposed to be. So, yeah. The idea that a band would sing just one genre instead of all of them, like Carmen was blowing my mind. I’m like, you guys are capable of so much more.

22:14 – 22:24
If you just, if you just did some other stuff. Because Carmen did rap. Yeah. Yeah.

22:24 – 22:33
MC Hammer did a little gospel, like a Southern gospel. Southern guys. Yeah. Barbershop quartet.

22:33 – 22:38
Barbara Streisand sang some bluegrass. Yeah. Yeah. Just mix it.

22:38 – 22:45
Mix it up. Mix it up. Anyway, we’ve got a review brought to you by podgagement.com five stars. Thank you.

22:46 – 22:54
Says Emmett. I love this podcast so much. I think it’s great to show people that you can be funny without being inappropriate. Well, we are constantly inappropriate, but we are somewhat clean.

22:55 – 23:02
Thank you so much, James and John, for making such a great podcast. P.S. Lemons, lemons. Yes, I agree.

23:02 – 23:10
Please leave us a review on iTunes or Spotify. It makes us really happy and it helps the show. It really does. Review.thatstorieshow.com and maybe we’ll read it on the show.

23:11 – 23:16
I want to sing you a song. Do you? But I’m not going to, I’m going to play it instead. Okay.

23:17 – 23:23
This is going out to you and everybody else that thinks farts are funny. I found this. Oh, is this like a dedication? Yeah.

23:23 – 23:33
I’m going to do it like a radio dedication. This goes out from Lester on TikTok to all you fart lovers out there. hug somebody tight, and fart on them. Here we go.

23:33 – 24:07
I’m fart strong. My fart’s on. What? It’s a good song, the real one, but that one’s even better because there’s farts in it.

24:07 – 24:15
It’s a banger. as they say. Oh, I love it. Love it.

24:15 – 24:39
There’s a whole guy, his name’s Lester on Tik TOK and he just puts out these fart related songs. They’re all AI. Or was that a girl actually singing it? It it’s this guy probably uses tools like that, but most of it he, Most of it was that person singing and he uses samples to create the word fart.

24:39 – 24:50
And he does it for a lot of different artists and a lot of popular songs. So every week I’m going to play one until we run out. I want to hear him do some of the songs. I got Michael W.

24:50 – 25:00
Smith songs. Oh wow. Packing up the dreams, Scott’s farted. In the fertile fart of you.

25:00 – 25:08
Fart your farts forever. If the Lord is the fart of them. Yeah, that would be great. Let’s do some feature tours.

25:11 – 25:19
Let me tell y’all a story. Let me tell y’all a story. From Philippine, Michigan. Hi, James and John.

25:19 – 25:29
I’m in high school now, but I started listening to this show when I was in middle school. Cause we’re old. My birthday is always the week of spring break. That sucks.

25:29 – 25:39
Lucky. Why did you say lucky? I thought it sucked because I had an August birthday and my birthday was never celebrated at school. So what was your take?

25:41 – 25:54
I have a March birthday and People would probably sometimes remember that I had a birthday on St. Patrick’s day. Oh. And, um, sometimes not, I don’t know.

25:55 – 26:16
I never had cupcakes brought to school and there was none of this half birthday mess back then. Yeah, that’s true. People weren’t trying to find ways to make kids happy except on commercials. You know, always happy kids, always kids playing with star Wars figures.

26:16 – 26:27
And this was before they put this, the, the little phrase that this is not included. Products don’t actually fly. There’s not actually lasers. There’s no fire.

26:28 – 26:35
You know, you won’t become a superhero. Right. Right. And that’s why we all knew the story of the kid that jumped off the roof with a towel around his neck.

26:35 – 26:46
Yeah. This is a cautionary tale. Anyway, So my birthday is always the week of spring break, so my family and I went to Hocking Hills. Hocking Hills State Park in Ohio.

26:48 – 27:00
The rooms weren’t ready on time, so they gave us free dinner at the lodge. Dang. So the night before my birthday, we went out to dinner and I got my favorite thing ever. Barbecue, brisket, mac and cheese.

27:00 – 27:12
Oh, that sounds so good. Never even heard of that before, but I love brisket and I love mac and cheese. Oh man, it’s so good. I ate that thing so fast and I had a huge carrot cake after so many calories.

27:13 – 27:21
It’s so good. Carrots in it, it’s healthy. Yeah. I don’t even know why they put carrots in it.

27:22 – 27:30
It is literally one of the sweetest, most calorie-filled cakes you can eat. Really? Yeah. It’s so good though.

27:31 – 27:45
Maybe that’s why they put the carrots in there to make you feel like it’s not so unhealthy. So they didn’t have to call it sugar cake, like rot your teeth cake, make you so fat cake. How disgusting would that be? pretty, pretty dang disgusting.

27:46 – 27:55
I wouldn’t want that. I wouldn’t want that. Um, taking the twisty road through the Hills. We drove back to our cabin, getting to the cabin.

27:55 – 28:02
I felt sick to my stomach. Well, good, good. Cause you had a lot of food. I want, um, I thought I had to poop until the urge came.

28:04 – 28:24
I puked up chunks of Mac along with a side of barbecue juice. Oh, Gosh, cause it was sauce and then he juiced it. After letting it all go into the sink, I realized it was past midnight. What does that mean?

28:25 – 28:30
I don’t know. Did he throw up during the witching hour? What’s the deal? What?

28:31 – 28:44
Does that mean he’s going to turn into a gremlin cause he threw up after midnight? Yeah, food did pass through his gullet there. Maybe it doesn’t count unless it goes one way or the other, you know? I mean, he might’ve become a reverse gremlin.

28:44 – 28:59
Yeah. The gremlin on the inside. I’ll tell you though, every time I’ve ever felt the urge to poop, I have never thrown up instead. So he must’ve been full from the butthole all the way to his esophagus.

29:03 – 29:31
And it was like which side’s gonna win, you know Yep, and it’s gonna be a double play and I don’t know Midnight came in there somewhere falling asleep on the couch watching lacrosse and which is the only thing on at midnight. I that’s where lacrosse belongs Somebody from lacrosse world is gonna hate me, but it’s okay. I I thought to myself, happy birthday to me. I haven’t eaten barbecue mac and cheese since, and I’m not planning to anytime soon.

29:31 – 29:39
Hopes it makes it on the show. Yeah. I, a lot of these times it ends with, I’m never going to do what I did again. Yeah.

29:40 – 29:55
And that’s almost never true. My sister for her birthday, we got her a bag of Skittles, like a huge bag of Skittles. Yeah. She was throwing up like two hours later and we asked her, what are you sick?

29:55 – 30:07
She says, no, I ate that whole bag of Skittles. I couldn’t stop. So next birthday rolls around as a joke. You know, we got her another huge bag of Skittles.

30:07 – 30:19
No couple hours later, she’s barfing her guts up again. Like we can’t even have fun with this girl. She has a problem with Skittles. So we got a skittle problem.

30:20 – 30:34
Yeah. So this thing about I haven’t eaten, you know, she threw up and she probably told herself if she had written into the show, she’d have been like, I, I haven’t eaten skittles since. And, uh, and then her brother and sister got her some and she ate them all again. Just like that.

30:36 – 30:57
Well, I work with a guy who, um, I had some cheese puffs leftover from a party that my son had last week, last day of school kind of thing. And so I brought him into work so I could snack on them and I offered them to my coworker and he’s like, oh man, I can never eat those. I’m like, why? He said, well, when I was younger, I ate a whole bunch of them and I threw up cheese puffs and it was disgusting.

30:57 – 31:17
I can never eat another cheese puff again. So I was like, I’ve done that before, like with, with, uh, asparagus, like of all the things that you would never want to eat again, it was asparagus. But, and I remember seeing, you know, throwing it up and I’m like, I’m never going to do that again. I couldn’t eat asparagus for a long time, but now I eat it all the time.

31:17 – 31:24
Yeah. I love being able to forget about that. I, uh, gosh, what have I thrown up? What have I thrown up before that?

31:26 – 31:47
really turn me off. I tell you, anything that you eat and then you diet, with, with, uh, some sort of red Kool-Aid or something that’s really red. That’ll, that’ll throw you off a little bit. Like if your Mac and cheese comes up pink, you know, that’ll, that’ll mess you up.

31:47 – 31:56
That’ll make you kind of grossed out. Yeah. A lot of times I flush before I even look. Cause it’s not like a dump where you’re like, that’s impressive.

31:58 – 32:16
And you almost want to take a picture, show somebody. And then, but with puke, dude, there’s none of that. It’s not like, dude, I threw up so hard one time I passed out and fell over the toilet. Like my head was down in the little trash bin we all keep behind our toilet.

32:16 – 32:28
Yeah. Yeah. I threw up so hard. I threw it so many times that it just sprayed out like a, like a, a shower head, like a jacked up shower head.

32:29 – 32:48
And I just told Jen, don’t even go in there and clean that toilet until I’m done with this because it was everywhere. Oh man. It was like a bad lawn sprinkler. It was, it’s like somebody put their thumb at the end of the hose, how you spray people from further away.

32:50 – 32:53
Yeah. It was like that. Oh man. That’s gross.

32:54 – 33:07
I don’t ever want to take another shower again because of that thought. I don’t ever want to sit on a toilet. You know what I’ve noticed since I’ve been older, speaking of toilets, when I was in my twenties, I used to hate sitting on public toilets. Yeah.

33:07 – 33:27
And then when I was in my thirties, I would take in the office, I would take a Kleenex wipes and I’d take them to the bathroom with me and wipe down the toilet. As I have aged, As long as there’s not pee on the seat, I don’t even care. I just do my business. It’s like, whatever.

33:27 – 33:35
It’s my butt. Right. It’s, it’s your, it’s your posterior. So what if it’s just like touching butts with someone else?

33:36 – 33:43
So what? Everybody’s got them. Yeah. But yeah, I’ve noticed this about me and I don’t like it.

33:43 – 33:54
I don’t like it. I’m kind of the same way. Have you just gotten over it? I have like when I was growing up a teenager in my own house, I would wipe the seat down before I would sit on it.

33:54 – 34:03
And I was the only dude that used that bathroom. Um, but you know, the older I got, I’m like, uh, it’s okay. I can sit down. Yeah.

34:03 – 34:18
I would use the paper. Yeah. And here’s a tip guys. If you, if you use the paper, turn it around, and let the flap that’s in the center go down in front of you, so that the fold is in front of you.

34:18 – 34:27
That way, your doodle don’t touch the porcelain. Right. Okay. John.

34:27 – 34:34
The more you know. The more you know. I don’t have that sound effect anymore. All right, read us a story, John.

34:35 – 34:47
All right, well, this one comes to us from Colleen. Colleen says, years ago, we were in Canada at Niagara Falls. Awesome. We had been tent camping and had charcoal with us.

34:48 – 34:57
It was a beautiful day and we drove along the Niagara River. We noticed there were grills and picnic tables available. Sweet. What a lovely place to have a lunch, right?

34:59 – 35:10
All we needed was some hamburger to throw on the grill. So we stopped at a store and I went in and asked for hamburger. They looked puzzled and shook their heads, no. What?

35:10 – 35:19
We stopped at another store and another. All had the same reaction. This is strange. Yeah.

35:19 – 35:36
They went on for over an hour. This went on for over an hour, Colleen says. ready to end our search and realizing Canada must be a hamburger free nation. Apparently we tried one last time after asking for hamburger, the store employee said, Hey, do you mean grown beef?

35:38 – 35:49
So if you’ve never ever been in Canada, it’s called ground beef. Oh my gosh. You have hamburger. So what do they call it when it’s all put together in a sandwich?

35:51 – 36:06
I mean, I can understand calling the ingredients, you know, being persnickety about the ingredients. Like a bun’s not a hamburger, you know? The ketchup’s not a hamburger. The lettuce and the ground beef is not a ham, but it is hamburger.

36:06 – 36:15
In here, where we live. Hamburger meat. You’ve been to Canada. Have you ever, do they have McDonald’s up there?

36:17 – 36:21
Yeah, I’m pretty sure they do. So somebody knows what a freaking hamburger is. Yeah. Yeah.

36:21 – 36:30
They’re not aliens. Most of them live pretty close to the border. Right. Cause the rest of it is hamburger free.

36:30 – 36:39
I don’t even think they raise their own cattle. Do they? I don’t know. Canadians are not known for their cowboy Westerns.

36:41 – 36:49
I mean, they got so much land out there. I can’t see why they wouldn’t. They got baby seals. Maybe that’s beef to them.

36:50 – 36:56
And they just bring those ground seal. Yeah. I don’t know. Hmm.

36:56 – 37:14
Well, now, you know, whenever you have to go to Canada and you want to order food for grilling out along the side of the road, make sure you ask for ground beef because apparently they can’t put two and two together. Yeah. I always like, like knocking my cows over. Cause I like ground beef.

37:15 – 37:30
Yeah. I always like to take two of their legs off, because I like lean beef. Oh, dude, last time we made an Eileen joke, I got so much hate. Yeah, well, fortunately, I know for a fact that cows don’t listen to our show.

37:30 – 37:41
That’s right. That’s right. If you get offended about these cows, you’re a dumb butt. You’re an LBB.

37:41 – 37:54
One of the many tools of the devil. This is from Ella S. We were at our barn where we boarded our horse. My mom ran to grab something.

37:54 – 38:11
She left it in our horse stall. She locked the car, stepped out the door, leaving me and my siblings in the car like you do. Once she grabbed the thing she came for, she quickly ran back to our car. Just let me play this real quick.

38:13 – 38:19
Cause it’s reading like middle school. Do you agree? You agree? Yeah, it does.

38:19 – 38:29
It does have a little bit of a vibe going there. Yeah. So she tugged on the handle to open our car to our old van, but it didn’t budge. See that felt, that just feels better.

38:30 – 38:40
She tugged again. She had left the keys in the van. They were on her driver’s seat mocking her. My sibling and I were around two and four.

38:41 – 39:06
My mom locked eyes with my older sister and tried to make hand motions for her to get the keys and press the unlock button. It must have looked quite confusing to us with her panicking and pointing frantically at something in the door seat in front and making weird motions. My sister just stared dumbly at her and just smiled and thought she was being funny. My mom became even more upset when we died.

39:09 – 39:21
Just kidding. I’m writing this from the gray. My mom became even more upset knowing she would have to call someone, which she eventually did. So you remembered your cell phone, but not your kids, eh?

39:26 – 39:33
Man. Thanks for all the laughs. I’m currently at episode 156, the last show of Nobody’s Listening and Crying. Why do you ask?

39:34 – 39:39
Because it’s just so sad. That’s why. Wishing you the best from Japan. Oh.

39:40 – 39:45
Am I racist, John? Am I freaking racist or is this middle school thing? Well, maybe unintentionally. Ella.

39:46 – 39:49
Ella, though. Elia. Elia. Oh no.

39:50 – 39:55
Elia. You’re American. You’re up to me. Maybe.

39:55 – 40:00
Oh no. What have I done? I meant nothing. I meant no harm.

40:01 – 40:07
I love Japan. I want to go there someday. Me too. I watch videos on how to behave in Japan.

40:07 – 40:15
I literally do. Like how, cause I don’t want to ever go to a country and be the. Obnoxious. Stereotypical American.

40:15 – 40:22
So you don’t talk to people on the train. You don’t even answer the phone on the train. Really? Yeah.

40:22 – 40:27
Like who’s going to call me while I’m in another country anyway? Nobody. I’m not paying for that. I’m not answering.

40:27 – 40:35
That’s the thing. I came to Japan to forget about you for a while. That’s right. I don’t care if you’re my mom and you passed away.

40:35 – 40:48
We’ll deal with it when I get back. That’s right. And nothing’s more important than my visit to Japan. So I want to go to the areas where everybody dresses up super awesome.

40:49 – 41:03
I want to go to all the cool stuff. Like they almost dress in cosplay, but anyway, speaking of Japan, I think they’re from Japan. I’m going to see baby metal. You ever heard of this group?

41:03 – 41:08
Yes. You shared them with, I didn’t know who they were until you shared them with me. Yeah. Yeah.

41:08 – 41:21
It’s these three girls, Japanese girls, and they, they sing to the hardest hardcore music you’ve ever heard. Yeah. But they dance around and sing super cute to it. It’s like hardcore cute, right?

41:21 – 41:28
Yes. Yeah. It’s a mix of hardcore kind of music with, Oh, that is racist. Nevermind.

41:28 – 41:38
I don’t, but that’s one of their songs. That’s the lyrics to one of their songs. So yeah, I think that’s one that you shared with me is about chocolate. Yeah.

41:38 – 41:48
Yeah. Yeah. They sing about cute things too. And, uh, I’m in the seventh row near the front, so not quite in the mosh pit, but I might, you’re really going.

41:49 – 41:55
Yes. They’re coming. They’re, uh, I don’t remember. I don’t remember.

41:56 – 42:03
You get to do all the fun, cool stuff. Well, I looked and they were in my area. I have to go. Well, there you go.

42:04 – 42:17
There you go. All right. Uh, Hey, that’s the end of the show. This is, uh, this podcast has brought you because of our supporting listeners on Patrion supporting listeners, get ad-free listing swag and a weekly bonus podcast.

42:17 – 42:41
Try it out free for seven days, support.thatstorieshow.com special thanks to our producers, James Spangler, Carrie Wright, and Christopher Tynan. You have a funny life story you’d like featured on the show. Submit your story at thatstorieshow.com and while you’re there, join our discord server and please take a moment to leave a review on iTunes or Spotify. Don’t forget to email us if you heard your story for your free sticker.

43:01 – 43:17
So here I thought Canada was the crap, but they don’t know what hamburger is. And I’m like, hey, look at that. You asked around every time they didn’t get the message. I guess they were thinking you were talking about some kind of sausage.

43:18 – 43:29
But ground beef is what they said eventually. You think they wouldn’t know what McDonald’s was. That’s a clue there. I think you didn’t know that they were out of their minds.

43:30 – 43:59
So you kept going around for a whole hour time. Maybe you’re singing English and maybe you’re not. They say the same words as us, but they don’t match a lot. I mean, if somebody said hamburger and they wanted some beef, I think I know that that thing was free and I’d be a thief and I would take it and snake it and grill it up fine and then absolutely even though I didn’t pay it’d be mine.