00:00 – 00:15
This is that story show where embarrassed people turn into bats and fly away. Hey podcast people, I’m your host, my name is James Kinnison. And I’m John Steinklober. Welcome to that story show where we share our hilarious real life stories with you.

00:15 – 00:22
Your hilarious real life stories, rather. They belong to everybody. Everybody’s life stories. They’re open to the public.

00:22 – 00:30
The public submits them, we read them, and then they go back out to the public. Yeah. It’s a blessing. It’s a great thing.

00:30 – 00:50
It’s a wonderful thing. It is a wonderful thing. I think about it sometimes as I’m laying there in bed trying to sleep, trying not to think about that hot girl I saw earlier that day. And what I do is I replace that as images in my mind with how great our podcast is and our podcast audience.

00:51 – 01:01
Yeah. Yeah. I think about them when I’m cutting the grass or driving to work or listening to stuff. Yeah.

01:01 – 01:11
When I’m not thinking about hot girls though, I always think about the podcast. I don’t ever think about hot girls. I don’t either. I just want to be trouble.

01:12 – 01:19
I feel like I want to be in trouble. Yeah. I want my wife to hear this in like a month. and be like, what was that?

01:20 – 01:29
That’s why you’re sleeping on the couch. Why’d you say that James? What was that? Oh, I don’t know, man.

01:29 – 01:45
I, I’ve been, uh, I’ve been on Tik TOK. Oh yeah. I’ve been, I’ve been doing the Tik TOK thing and there’s this cat, this AI cat. I don’t know if you’ve seen his big, fat, yellow, orange cat.

01:45 – 02:04
And he invites friends over like a duck or a pig or something. And he’ll like bathe them and watch TV with them. And then he gets them to drink something and they die. And he cooks them and eats them.

02:04 – 02:17
That’s gross. Well, it makes sense if it’s a duck or a mouse. But then, but then my friend, he’s sitting next to a lady and a baby and he steals the baby. What?

02:17 – 02:31
And he plays with the baby. And then he calls a friend, like a rooster and a rooster comes over to help him with the baby. And he gets the rooster to drink something. Then he cooks the rooster and feeds the rooster to the baby.

02:31 – 02:43
And then it ends with the baby getting give back to the mom. So it takes down a little emotional rollercoaster there. It does because you think he’s going to eat the baby. And I was kind of disappointed when he didn’t, honestly.

02:44 – 02:50
Oh, geez. A cat? What’s this channel I need to know about? I don’t know.

02:50 – 03:02
I haven’t even subscribed to it. I just accidentally hit a heart button. Now you’re going to be seeing all the AI cats that TikTok has to offer. I’ll tell you that a cat is evil, dude.

03:02 – 03:12
I don’t even know if it has a name or nothing, but somebody’s getting rich off AI video. Yeah, they sure are. Anyway. And you know, it’s not hard.

03:13 – 03:34
It’s not hard to generate that stuff these days, so. That’s right. But you know what? If there’s ever a video that is audio, like the audio is auto-generated, just out of principle, I swipe past it or dislike it because I don’t care how much of a hook they have and how much I want to listen.

03:34 – 03:51
If you can’t freaking say it yourself, You’re already stealing somebody else’s content, right? You won’t believe what you’re about to see. This guy grabbed a microphone, but it’s the best thing ever. Watch till the end to see, and I’m just like, screw you, screw you, screw you.

03:51 – 03:57
Hit like and subscribe. Yeah. Or watch our live. It pronounces live wrong.

03:57 – 04:05
Yeah. I’ve seen those too. You know, the ones that really get me are the ones where, like, I see these a lot with Joe Rogan. Uh huh.

04:05 – 04:12
Like it’ll be an AI version of his voice and they’ll start off with a video of him. Right. And you think it’s him talking. It’s like, what?

04:13 – 04:20
Oh, that’s not the real Joe Rogan. Nope. Nope. That guy doesn’t say half the stuff they make him say.

04:20 – 04:27
Yeah, I know. He should like sue or something. I’m glad we’ll never be that popular. I don’t know, man.

04:28 – 04:53
Somebody’s just by nature of hearing this episode, somebody’s going to be like, oh, I’m going to go on YouTube and download Johns and James and I’m going to make them say stuff. Can I admit something to you? I think I’ve admitted it to you before, like maybe last year at some point, that when I found out that you could take just a little bit of somebody’s voice and make an AI version, I really wanted to buy it and make you start saying inappropriate things on the show.

04:56 – 05:09
Maybe I could start saying inappropriate things and then you could say, that was the AI, John. And I can do it for free. Yeah. All right, John, do your worst.

05:09 – 05:23
Remember, we have a 10 year old that listens. Cats are the enemy of the planet and they will steal your soul. Slurp it right out of your nose while you’re sleeping. And they’ll poop on your bed.

05:25 – 05:31
All those things are true. But it’s inappropriate, right? Because I said poop. I mean, AI John said poop.

05:35 – 05:47
Speaking of inappropriate, I’ve got a weekly update later that I’m going to have to tiptoe through. But I have to share it. If I don’t share it, I’ll have to shut the show down until I can figure out a way to share it. Okay.

05:47 – 05:55
So anyway, we have an opening story and this is from Kairi, Kairi, Kairi, Kairi. Remember Kairi? Kairi. She’s from Berryville, Arkansas.

05:55 – 06:00
She came to North Excon. Did she? Yeah, her and her whole dang family. Yes.

06:01 – 06:06
She was the happiest person there. Yes. Yeah. Yes.

06:06 – 06:12
Do you remember now? I think I do. She was young. Her whole family had the baby there.

06:12 – 06:15
Yes. Had a very short mom. Yes. Yeah.

06:16 – 06:21
Yes, I remember. Her name’s Carrie. Lots of denim skirts. No.

06:22 – 06:26
Yes. Yes. I don’t remember denim skirts. I do.

06:26 – 06:36
And they will agree because I think they’re in the chat right now going, yeah, that was us. Yes, I remember. They said up front. Yes, they did.

06:36 – 06:52
Anyway, dear James and John, this story didn’t happen to me, but to a friend of mine. Well, this friend who we’ll call Lucifer for old time’s sake, travels a lot. Yeah, I miss the Lucifer days. So he was at the airport waiting for his flight when he had to go to the restroom.

06:53 – 07:11
So he went to the bathroom, did his business. Like you do. Went to open the door and the door wouldn’t open. So he tried the door several times with no success and he looked underneath and above the stall to see if he could get out that way, but no dice.

07:11 – 07:22
Yeah, that that kind of ended. I don’t know, when you started learning about germs. Yeah, never. There were several times I did escape from a locked stall that way.

07:24 – 07:28
Nowadays? I will die in there. Yeah. Rather than crawl on the floor.

07:29 – 07:42
Yeah, it’s so gross. Anyway, finally he decided there was no other way, so he backed up as much as he could in a tiny stall and slammed his shoulder into the door. What do you got, three feet of throw there? You know, how heavy is this guy?

07:43 – 07:55
The door swung open, but that wasn’t all that happened. The walls of the stall begin to fall in on top of him. I can see it because the door would go forward. What would happen to the sidewalls?

07:56 – 08:05
They would get pulled in. Like a stack of cards. Yeah. There had been a man in the stall next to him and the stall is now collapsed on him too.

08:08 – 08:14
It really happened. What the, here it is. There’s a man. The guy’s just trying to, you know.

08:14 – 08:26
He’s now in a lean-to. He’s trying to keep his, his derriere centered on that thing. Now he’s trying to lean. He’s got to lean over.

08:27 – 08:45
He was trying to read that call for a good time number off the side and all of a sudden it was in his face. I don’t know where that’s been. Lucifer shoved the door. and helped a man out who was cussing at him the whole time.

08:45 – 08:58
Of course he was, because he had his pants down. I mean, I’d be a little upset too, man. I’m not a swearer, but I’d probably find a few. That’s a sacred time.

08:59 – 09:08
Yeah. I don’t know. Ah, maybe the H word, you know, helped him out. One of the light, light ones, you know?

09:08 – 09:14
Yeah. What, what the H? The H. Yeah, that’s, that’s, it’s not going to send you straight to hell.

09:15 – 09:22
Dang it. Oh, I said it. Whoops. We usually say Hades, sorry kids.

09:22 – 09:44
Hades, heck. Once the man was safely out of the wreck, I love that it was a wreck, Lucifer turned and ran. He’s got a little Charlie Chaplin run going on. I was going to say, I was going to say something else, but Yeah, it was turned and ran.

09:46 – 09:59
His plane was about to leave, so he jumped on a left. Dude, that’s a way to go. If you’re going to do something bad at the airport, make sure you can run straight right before they shut the doors. No, man, the guy on the can was a pilot.

09:59 – 10:08
They had no way. That would be my luck. Yeah, I’d be my I’d be safe in my seat. And the guy would get on the thing.

10:08 – 10:13
Oh, crap. He’s on this plane. Put on his hat. And then he would look down the aisle.

10:13 – 10:27
Gentlemen, in the third row, we’re going to have to kick you off the plane because… Because you left it in a wreck. I feel really bad for having to fix that mess. Hope this makes it on the show.

10:28 – 10:35
Yeah. Oh, man. It’s terrible. I mean, he had to get out of the bathroom.

10:37 – 10:51
Yeah, but who would have thought? Who would have thought they were that wimply put together? Well, I don’t know. I already think it’s weird that we’re like the only country that puts gaps in our freaking stalls.

10:51 – 11:01
Are we? Yeah, I think we’re known for that. That’s what I’ve heard. But like, I’ve never been to another country to go in their bathroom.

11:01 – 11:12
It makes no sense. I’ve not liked it since I was a child that people could see it. Little kids will put their eyeballs up to it. What are you doing in there, mister?

11:13 – 11:20
You just give this wave. Okay. Just cover your eyes. Turn around and turn around the phone and show them what you’re playing.

11:20 – 11:28
I don’t know what you do. Oh, I want to play that game too. You’re playing sneak IO. That’s the funnest game.

11:28 – 11:52
It’s the funnest game ever. Do you have Clash of Clans on your, on your phone, mister? So the only bathroom story I have is, uh, when I was, I don’t know, I don’t know how old I was, but I didn’t have a child yet. And I, I did, I did say the A word, I think, but you’ll understand why in a second.

11:53 – 12:07
All right. So I’m at the urinal. There’s a little, there’s a little piece of wood between my urinal and the urinal next to me and some, Oh, we’re at a t-ball game or something. So the t-ball player comes up and he starts doing his thing and he’s probably seven or eight.

12:09 – 12:18
And the guy just straight up turns 90 degrees and starts peeing on my shoes. No. And laughing. That’s not nice.

12:18 – 12:42
Like he knows me. And, uh, I, I of course dance away and zip up and I said, I’m going to kick your little butt. And he runs off and I never could find him, but I really wanted to hurt him. Like I at least wanted to kick him with my wet foot.

12:42 – 12:53
Yeah. Dry your shoe off on him. On his body. Why would a kid just do that?

12:53 – 13:07
What kind of spoiled, fearless butthole are you? I would have never, in a million years, first of all, peed next to a grown man. Never. Just out of respect and fear.

13:08 – 13:24
But then go the next mile and say, yeah, I’m just going to pee on this random dude. I’m so funny. Was there somebody with a camera around and like, no, this is years before smartphones, you know, stuff. Yeah.

13:24 – 13:46
No, this kid had no YouTube to be influenced by. He had no reason other than he was just psycho. I think these are the kids that ended up on milk cartons because nor perfectly normal people like me were driven to murder. Oh, I mean, this was in Kingsland, Georgia.

13:46 – 13:51
I could have drug him out into the woods. Into the swamp. Yeah. Yeah.

13:52 – 13:59
Something would have ate him. Plenty. Wow. He might’ve been one of the creatures from the swamp, actually.

13:59 – 14:07
That’s probably why he was acting so terrible. Nasty kids. Swamp brain. He’s just nasty.

14:07 – 14:15
Just a nasty kid. Anyway, we got announcements. NarthexCon.5 is on Saturday, June 28th, 4 to 6 p.m. Eastern, Atlanta, Georgia.

14:15 – 14:23
It is free. All you gotta do is go register. NarthexCon.com for more information. and to register.

14:23 – 14:34
We want to see you there. So all the people on the East Coast that’s been whining and complaining that we haven’t taken care of you, well, here we go. We’re coming out there. I’ve already got my Airbnb taken care of.

14:35 – 14:46
John’s going to give me free rides everywhere so I don’t have to rent a car. You’re gonna have to ride in my truck. In the back. No, man, I’ll let you ride up in the front, right there with me.

14:47 – 15:01
Nice, nice, nice. So this week, what we’re giving away at the end is a nice set of Flair Paper Mate pins. Look at those things, John. Whoa, those are appropriate for spring.

15:01 – 15:29
Yeah, they’re special edition Candy Pop felt tip pins, and these are going away to one lucky Winner what makes some candy pop is it the colors or I think see the colors are just kind of yeah They look very spring-like, you know, yeah steles. Yeah, they’re not quite blue. Not quite pink. Not quite purple yellow Yeah, here’s some other stuff that we’ve got to give away soon We have a Darth Vader Mac.

15:30 – 15:45
Yeah, Darth Vader Mac. This has already been one but skippity toilet figurine Pokemon Mega Mega Bloks set. I thought I heard Lego. I just know maybe they didn’t.

15:45 – 15:51
Mr. Beast Lab Swarms. We got some of those to give away here shortly. What’s that? I have no idea.

15:51 – 15:59
We got Sonic collectible minifigures. Wow. I have gift cards. Let me see if I can find them.

15:59 – 16:05
James has got… It’s like Christmas time. It’s not even Christmas yet. It’s not even halfway to Christmas, people.

16:06 – 16:13
All you gotta do is send in a fun story. Yeah, what is that? Tell them what that is. That is a Minecraft creeper.

16:14 – 16:18
Metal fig? Yeah. Come on. Has it got some weight to it?

16:20 – 16:32
It does. Do you have a chicken jockey? I don’t know, but here’s, tell them about these. James has Roblox gift cards.

16:32 – 16:44
You know Roblox, it’s that wildly popular game. And a Fortnite V-Bucks card, come on. 2,800 V-Bucks, that one’s gonna be for something special though. We’ll buy you a whole custom skin.

16:45 – 16:56
Yeah, maybe. I haven’t played Fortnite in a while. Tune in and make sure you listen. You don’t know how many gifts we’ve given away and then nobody claims them because you’re not listening to the show, you punks.

16:56 – 17:04
You gotta listen. You gotta be an active listener, right? That’s right. And it’s not like you don’t know when to listen because you email everybody when we read them the story.

17:04 – 17:09
Yeah, I do. I do. Or the James bot does. Let’s rewind the week.

17:10 – 17:39
Let’s do it. All right, so I go first or maybe you should go first john because I go first I need to pray a little bit. All right while you’re fasting and praying and caffeinating, um, I the reason why a lot was out last week is because I I was on spring break And I got to go to the beach Yeah, I heard that. Dang it.

17:40 – 17:59
I got to, was that, was, was that a demon being cast out? That’s apparently what happens when, when the demon comes out of you is you burp or throw up or something. Yeah. But I went on a family, not a family, actually I left my children at home and I met up with my sisters and my brother.

18:00 – 18:12
And it’s the first time that we’ve actually slept under the same roof since the 80s. That’s weird. And that’s no lie. We all rented a house down there on the beautiful beaches of Panama City.

18:13 – 18:21
Rosemary Beach if you want to be so it was just a sibling get-together. Yeah. Yeah siblings and spouses. Oh, oh Yeah.

18:21 – 18:39
Yeah, so we all brought our respective spouses except for my youngest sister whose husband is a drunk truck drunk No, he’s a truck driver. Yeah drunk first. Sorry Yeah, but anyways, it was awesome. But here’s the downside of it.

18:39 – 18:49
I Couple downsides. I don’t really like the beach because I grew up in Florida. I just never I’m way over it. Yeah But it was nice to visit and here’s the other nice thing.

18:49 – 19:09
I didn’t have to go to the beach every day Because it rained Yeah, and um the time I did go to the beach it was fine, but I We were there for a few days and it was great and I did go to the beach once and it was nice and enjoyable. Do you remember the movie The Truman Show? Yeah.

19:09 – 19:18
It’s one of my favorite movies, believe it or not. Yeah. I just love it. Anyways, they filmed that just down the street from where I stayed.

19:19 – 19:45
Cool and the down the other downside of it was this and this is where it gets kind of Not really funny, but annoying It was spring break for a lot of people. Oh and um, I I’m sure I was this stupid when I was that young but man, it’s the teenagers these days are just I don’t know. Out of control. They were running around.

19:45 – 19:55
This was a nice kind of like we got an Airbnb in this nice neighborhood. Right. And it was right across from the beach. And these kids are just like a pack of wolves.

19:56 – 20:05
Yeah. This neighborhood had security that would go around and stuff. I don’t think I would be as naughty as these kids were. Yeah, naughty as a pack of wolves.

20:06 – 20:15
Yeah, naughty as a pack of wolves. That’s what wolves are known for. Yeah, their naughtiness and misbehavingness. I mean, they didn’t do anything like…

20:15 – 20:24
They weren’t hiking their legs and marking territory or… Nah, I didn’t see any of that. I was trying to think about naughty wolves and they might do something like that. They eat a baby?

20:25 – 20:30
No, they didn’t, that I know of. Okay. They didn’t do any graffiti or anything like that. Okay.

20:31 – 20:40
noisy and quite nefariously rascally. Rascally? Yes, those wily, rascally teenagers. How dare they?

20:41 – 20:53
I mean, I would have said get off my lawn, but I didn’t have any lawn there, so… No. And if, even if, even if, they’d be like, you’re just renting this lawn. Yeah, well, they were renting place there, too.

20:53 – 21:22
So, I mean, we were all strangers in a foreign land. You know, we have an Airbnb next door to us and it’s been mostly a good experience, but every once in a while, there’s a lot of kids over there and our dogs bark a lot. And today I wanted to throw each dog like a football over the fence so that they could actually achieve their goal of attacking. Because they’re really brave when there’s a fence.

21:25 – 21:39
I was really wanting to hike them like a Heisman Trophy winner and just throw them over the fence, spiral them, and see what they would do. when there was no fence. Do you think they’d attack? No, not a bit.

21:39 – 21:47
Oh, they would run and hide, huh? No, they would love them. They would instantly love the people. We were barking because we were angry, but now we’re in love.

21:48 – 22:08
Have you ever seen the video where the dogs are barking each other through the fence and they open the gate slowly and the dogs walk away from each other and then they close the fence and the dogs come back and bark? There’s gotta be something innate in a dog It’s like, God, I got to protect a boundary. But if there’s no boundary, I’ve got no guts and I’ve got no instinct. And so, yeah, I just wanted to chunk them.

22:09 – 22:18
I wanted a good excuse. But these were probably zillennials. Have you heard about those? They’re between millennials and zoomers and stuff.

22:18 – 22:29
And I would have been in trouble. So I just called my dog stupid and I said, get in here stupid. And so that way I offended them. and my dogs at the same time.

22:29 – 22:37
Don’t do that, man. Call those animals stupid. Yeah. I bet they have a bad home life, you know, and they do.

22:37 – 22:46
They do. They know I hate them. The dog, I interrupted you. You were talking about, no, that was it.

22:47 – 22:52
Oh, okay. Bad teenagers, teenagers. Stop it. Yeah.

22:52 – 23:01
Don’t still, you don’t have to be that way. There’s a better way to be. I remember it, John. I remember the time it’s, You get spunky.

23:01 – 23:19
You get downright spunky. And you start thinking that you’re, like, I’m going to start doing things that are bad. You know? Like, not evil bad, but just, I’m going to be obnoxious, and it’s going to make me feel mature.

23:19 – 23:47
Yep. Like I’m not going to, I’m going to yell and scream outside and I’m going to get loud at the mall or I’m going to wear flip flops in a movie theater and leave and come back 700 times. You know, I’m going to text and take selfies and stuff. I, you, you go through that phase and you think it makes you grown, but It doesn’t.

23:47 – 23:52
Go ahead. No, that’s it. That’s the PSA. You’re giving it out right now.

23:52 – 24:09
It’s like a young man that is trying to grow out his mustache. You think that makes you look grown, but you look like we did when we tried it, and you need to stop. You need to shave that stuff off. Yeah, because it’s got to go through that peach fuzz phase first.

24:10 – 24:16
Yeah. A peach fuzz mustache is not a mustache. No, no. It’s just gross.

24:16 – 24:20
But every boy does it, you know? I did it. I did it. You did it.

24:21 – 24:45
And this poor kid in middle school who got hair before everybody else did it, you know, just as bad on him. Oh, it was pretty awesome though, man. And later, trust me, if you were with us live, Later on, you’re going to grow so much hair on your face, you will literally hate it. And then when you get into your 50s, it’ll grow on your ears and out your nose.

24:45 – 24:59
And you won’t even know until you’re sitting in the barber chair and he just goes, and you hear it clicking with some hairs and you’re like, How many of those were there? I need a report now. No, I never saw him. It’s too late.

25:00 – 25:02
Never saw him. All right. My turn. My turn.

25:02 – 25:10
All right. All right. All right. I’m looking forward to this because I have been anticipating this for quite a while and I don’t know if I can make it through it.

25:10 – 25:13
So here we go. Lord Jesus bless us in Jesus name. Amen. Okay.

25:15 – 25:21
So it starts in the bathroom. Oh, okay. Shocker. Just a normal day.

25:22 – 25:36
Nothing’s going bad, nothing’s going wrong. At least I thought so. So there had been some toilet paper in the bathroom, the toilet, in the toilet. And I wanted it gone before I sat down.

25:37 – 25:58
So I flushed the toilet and I sat down. But the toilet water rose and itchy and scratchy got dunked. Was that subtle enough? Yeah.

25:58 – 26:05
Okay. I’m just choking on a… It was so cold. The air is thick over here.

26:05 – 26:16
I jumped. I jumped up. It’s a sensation I have never felt before in my life. So unexpected.

26:17 – 26:25
So very unexpected. And I didn’t even have time to respond because the toilet was about to overflow. I had to get it together, John. Yeah.

26:25 – 26:33
Yeah. I’m dripping. Dripping down my leg. Oh, that’s dangerous.

26:34 – 26:46
You probably had to take a shower after that. No, I don’t remember. I did later, but not immediately. I was like, toilet water.

26:47 – 26:56
Yeah, but it was clean. Yeah, but it was, was it? I’m just, I’m just, I can’t change the story. It’s telling you the truth.

26:57 – 27:19
I, um, I, I just figured there’s, I don’t, I don’t ever think of them as sanitary. You’re never sanitary. I think it was something that I breathed. We’ve all gotten into a cold.

27:20 – 27:32
you know, body of water. And that area is the hardest one to get wet because you anticipate it. And then you’ll just kind of go, Oh yeah. Cause it’s the warmest area.

27:32 – 27:41
I think other than armpits, the, you know, it’s the warmest area in your body. Is it really? I think so. I don’t know.

27:41 – 27:58
I feel like I need to look to science and see what Google says. I’ve seen like heat signatures and stuff, and you know, it’s one of the warmest parts of your body. That was James, just in case you’re wondering. It was me.

27:58 – 28:13
And, uh, so anyway, I don’t want to drag it out. Um, I don’t want you to drag it out either. I don’t, I don’t want to leave y’all hanging. Um, uh, we got some reviews brought to you by podgagement.com might be the last ones we ever have and say, Hey, great.

28:13 – 28:33
Gray heart says, Hey, James and John, I loved your show until you talked about itchy and scratchy. Now, I love your show since I was listening when I was 11, and now I’m 14. I love you guys’ humor, and I am constantly laughing when listening to your show. As a teen, I find it very amusing listening to you guys catch up on trends that have now died.

28:35 – 28:43
That’s really old. Yeah. Yeah. If you, uh, if you all read this, please play the sound for middle schoolers.

28:43 – 28:50
Well, we can’t because it’s broken. Um, and no, you don’t get my name. Gray heart. All right.

28:50 – 28:55
Thanks. Thanks for that. Yeah. Our, uh, our sound machine is broken today.

28:56 – 29:09
Yeah, we made some updates. Actually, StreamYard, our video streaming service, made some updates for us. Yeah, we don’t like them anymore. They doubled our subscription fee for no reason.

29:09 – 29:26
They’re like, thanks for being a wonderful subscriber. One of the first ones to believe in us. We’re going to double your fee. You know, they got acquired by another company and here’s the shady part for, here’s the shady part is they don’t list their prices on the website anymore.

29:27 – 29:44
They have you apply and then they find out how much they can get out of you and they give you a price based on that. Nice. So that’s what I found out they did with us is they figured out how much we use the service and how much we benefited from it. And they charged us up, charged us because of that.

29:44 – 29:59
And I said, you know what? There’s better out there. And I found it, it’s evmux.com. So if you’re a podcaster and you want to do live streaming, EVMUX is like 20 bucks a month compared to 30 something that we were paying.

29:59 – 30:08
And we were about to pay more. So this is funny podcast content at its best. This one’s from I Need Peace In My Life. We love this show.

30:08 – 30:22
My son, 12, and daughter, 8, and I listened to this podcast for three years now, and we laugh so hard we will have tears in our eyes on our way to and from school. Thank you so much. That is awesome. I love it.

30:22 – 30:30
At least they did until this episode. So, Mommy? Yes, son? What’s itching and scratchy?

30:31 – 30:46
Um, there were these characters on the Simpsons. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. It’s a mouse and a cat. They fight, they fight, they fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight,

30:46 – 31:00
fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, Drives me crazy. No, it’s just the one I could find. Oh, I didn’t know the whole steam deck.

31:00 – 31:06
The stream deck just was going to go on us. Nothing works. Oh, that, that works. Rewind the week works.

31:07 – 31:11
That one doesn’t. That one does. Cause it turns off my lights. Whoops.

31:11 – 31:14
The bell sound doesn’t work. Nothing. What? Yeah.

31:15 – 31:19
So stupid. Does that work? Nope. Nope.

31:19 – 31:27
Okay. You didn’t hear it. All right, this story is from Tyler from Battle Creek. He says, I have three kids and my wife was gone one evening.

31:27 – 31:42
God forbid. Three kids? She left you alone with three kids? Man, James, I never, I never in my life was left alone with three kids.

31:42 – 31:48
What is the world coming to? I never, I was never left with three kids either. Yeah. Yeah.

31:49 – 31:56
Now there were Sundays. I was left with like a hundred. I was left with two at a time. Yeah.

31:56 – 31:59
Yeah. We only had two though. Yeah. That’s what I’m saying.

31:59 – 32:08
Yeah. Only two of them were my own, but on Sundays when I did the kid’s church, I had a bunch of kids. Bunch of kids. And of course I wasn’t alone.

32:08 – 32:13
No, never alone. We had a rule of three. Yeah. Yeah.

32:14 – 32:28
Yeah. It was that you could never be alone with a kid. It was always either two adults and one child or two children and one adult in every single place. So, so anyway, yeah.

32:28 – 32:34
And I’ve been out of the business so long. Yeah. Yeah. And there’s no bad stories about me.

32:34 – 32:38
You know why? Cause nothing bad ever happened. Good on you. There we go.

32:38 – 32:45
Tyler from battle Creek. I have three kids and my wife was gone one evening. I was cooking dinner. She made you cook dinner.

32:48 – 33:06
While the older two played, my youngest, about one year old, stumbled around getting into the cabinets around me. At some point, he disappeared from view, but I could still hear him until I couldn’t. Kids don’t know, but that’s what we listen for, isn’t it, John? We listen for the silence.

33:06 – 33:22
Yeah, because you know them kids are being bad. Yep, it gets too quiet. I went to see what he was doing, and I found him standing in the bathroom rubbing his hands together with some of the finest lotions, the kind you can only get from the toilet. What?

33:22 – 33:33
Because my four-year-old forgot to flush and to close the door. Ding. That’s so nasty. Gosh.

33:33 – 33:40
That wasn’t lotion? No. Gosh, I thought my weekly update was bad. This is the worst.

33:41 – 33:56
That’s Battle Creek Tyler. That’s scary. I hope that your toddler, your one-year-old, got a very good bath and scrubbing after. That’s why you have three kids in case one just doesn’t work.

33:59 – 34:05
You have to start over. Poop pants. We have a rule around here. That one belongs in the toilet.

34:05 – 34:18
That one belongs in the toilet. Must’ve been named John. That one you have to throw away and just have a new baby. Just have a replacement baby or be happy with the two you have.

34:18 – 34:32
You’ll never get left alone with three kids again. It’s like my kids when they were about five and six came to me and said, were we adopted? I said, not yet. Hang in there.

34:34 – 34:42
I am bad. It might happen. It’s still not too late. Not yet.

34:43 – 34:49
Oh, man. The sad thing is that I’ll never get to say that. I know. They’re too grown.

34:49 – 35:05
I also taught them that when they’re playing music, it means the ice cream truck’s out of ice cream. And I always meant that as a joke that I thought they would figure out, but they were in high school. And they came to me and they’re like, Dad! Oh my gosh!

35:06 – 35:15
We saved so much money. Yeah. Yeah. It’s like, you know, you can buy, you can buy a whole box for what it costs.

35:15 – 35:26
Just buying two of them from the little truck. And it’s not like they look like what’s on the package. Nope. They look like they’ve been outside for a day, you know, and then got refroze.

35:26 – 35:44
Yeah. I don’t know. Why do you need ice cream in the shape of a Ninja Turtle? Mickey Mouse yeah, but for some reason it sells and that’s that Well, I got a grill good I got a great story for you, James.

35:45 – 35:52
I have no idea. The story Lord is providing these stories. And I have not yet read this. So this is new to both of us.

35:53 – 36:02
So this is a, this is evil. And I don’t know for some reason in parentheses, it says girl. So she is a girl and she’s written in before. Okay.

36:03 – 36:11
Evil girl. Her name is evil, evil, or is it evil? Oh my gosh, John, it’s evil. Okay.

36:11 – 36:19
Why you gotta complicate it? I don’t know. Why you gotta go and make things so complicated? It’s spelled E-V-I-L.

36:19 – 36:23
Yeah. She, she’s evil. She wants to be evil. Yeah.

36:23 – 36:31
But A-A-Ron is also spelled A-A-Ron. No, it’s not. It’s, it’s Aaron. And there’s no double E-V-I’s or L’s.

36:31 – 36:37
It’s, it says girl. Her name is evil. She’s a girl. It matches cause girls are evil.

36:38 – 36:52
And okay, here you go. Here’s the story. Here we go. Over the years, I grew to believe many crazy things as a kid, all of which I believe because my parents told me, such as the ice cream truck is out of ice cream.

36:55 – 37:06
Is this my daughter? We’ll have to find out. If I swam in a pool with swimming lane lines on the floor, they would turn into hammerhead sharks. Wow.

37:06 – 37:18
That’s scary. That’s not even a good lie. She believed it. If I stayed in a pool after it closed, the floor would open up like a garage door and the pool would become bottomless.

37:19 – 37:28
Dude, that’s actually pretty creative. That scares the crap out of me. And I will say it that way because that is the most frightening thing I can think of right now. A bottomless pool.

37:28 – 37:37
That’s scary, dude. I’m not even joking. Yeah. Uh, because she says the walls of the pool would fold over the top of the pool.

37:38 – 37:51
Trapping me. Dude, I saw a video the other day of a guy that was swimming. He had cut a hole in ice and he was swimming under the ice and he was freaking not… He had a, he had a rope, but somehow he wasn’t thinking right.

37:52 – 38:00
And they were trying to point him to the hole, but he kept swimming the wrong way. He was freaking out. Like he was on fire or something. Have you ever seen people on fire and they started running?

38:00 – 38:09
No, he was doing that except under the ice. And I’m like, first of all, why were you under ice? Yeah. Why do people do stupid things like that?

38:09 – 38:24
And then secondly, I was like, you still need, you’re not, you don’t deserve to die. And, and surely if he died, they wouldn’t videotape it. And, but there was, there was one whole guy that’s like, I’m going to videotape this dude instead of helping him. That’s the thing.

38:24 – 38:30
That is crazy. It was one whole human. It’s like, this is good. This is content for my channel.

38:31 – 38:40
But he did make it. He got a hold of his rope and he got a hold of his sanity, but he was under there a long time. That’s cold. I was holding my breath.

38:41 – 38:46
And, uh, we’re, yeah. Anyway. So yeah, that’s a real fear. That’s a real fear.

38:46 – 39:02
The walls folding, trapping you. It must’ve been the same fear that the guy in the first story went through when he was pooping and all of a sudden the walls folded up around him. Like he was inside of Optimus Prime and he started transforming. Yeah.

39:08 – 39:17
There was some moderate curse words flowing from his mouth. Yeah, there was a lot of poop coming out of his butt and poop coming out of his mouth. So. OK.

39:17 – 39:21
Just verbal poop. Oh, gotcha. Thank you. Thank you.

39:21 – 39:40
Well, story continues. If at any point I couldn’t touch the ground while swimming, it was because The merpeople in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire were coming to tie me to the bottom of the pool. Oh. I had only seen passing glimpses of this scene, but that was enough to scare me just like real Grinch.

39:40 – 39:45
Real Grinch is terrifying. Yeah. I was never afraid of real Grinch. That’s because you were grown.

39:46 – 39:59
My daughter saw it because her stupid grandpa showed it to her when she was three years old and she was scared to death of real Grinch, especially the part where he could cling to the ceiling. Oh. That is kind of scary. Yeah, it’s kind of scary.

39:59 – 40:10
Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. But I mean, in your grandpa’s, in her grandpa’s defense, you know, he grew up with cartoon Grinch. He probably assumed, oh, you know, cartoon Grinch is not bad.

40:11 – 40:26
Real Grinch can’t be too bad. Anywho, if you defend everybody, I probably would. You never met her grandfather. He could be a serial killer and you’ve just defended a serial killer.

40:28 – 40:38
I mean, was the cereal that bad? Just kidding. Okay. I won’t defend anybody anymore.

40:38 – 40:45
You’re done for the rest of the service. I mean, for the rest of the podcast. AI John will take over. Okay.

40:45 – 40:57
All right. If I got out of the floaty tube in the lazy river. If I got out of the floaty tube in the lazy river, the lifeguards were to release piranhas that would eat me. God, your parents hated you.

40:58 – 41:05
I still don’t like swimming in places I can’t see the bottom of. Hey, that’s every Florida kid ever made. That’s true. So true.

41:06 – 41:24
That is true. To be fair, though, it was most likely my active imagination because I was a good kid and wouldn’t have needed death threats to make me behave. Oh. I recounted all these details to my parents who promptly claimed that they never said any of these and blamed them on my sisters.

41:25 – 41:56
Oh, evil. No wonder why you go by that name because your parents are Mr. And Mrs. Evil. Your sisters they did it all so yeah, it was your sister’s sweetheart the whole time It was it was just lies and lies. You know what my my brother no my son grew up believing because of his sister Tell me okay, so he was very young so you have to take that new to account, but she told him he was adopted and Oh, uh, from Alaska and that we picked him

41:56 – 42:10
up at a stuffy house. Now the stuffy house, uh, he called his little stuffed animal stuffies. Okay. And this was a house made of stuffies and that’s why he liked them so much because it was his former home.

42:12 – 42:30
And he believed this. And also, another separate lie that he believed, and I think this one’s downright evil, is he had a question to her about all the Santa Clauses that he would see, you know, around at the different malls. And she says, oh, those aren’t the real Santa Clauses. And she should have stopped there, but she said, no, they’re robots.

42:30 – 42:42
So he’s terrified. Every time we went to the mall. Why is he afraid of robots? Because they look so freaking real.

42:42 – 42:49
Is that uncanny valley mess? That’s right. They were pretending to be real. And Jay, do you want to get your picture taken with Santa?

42:50 – 42:59
No, no, no, I don’t. Not robot Santa. No. This is a story from Lily from Ethel, Louisiana.

42:59 – 43:07
I blame myself, John. I don’t blame you. No, you have every right. Hey, James and John, I’ve got a great wedding story for y’all.

43:07 – 43:22
It was a beautiful, extremely hot, sunny May, Louisiana day. But not only that, it was my sister Carolyn’s wedding. I was a bridesmaid and it was held at my grandparents’ mansion of a home. jealous.

43:23 – 43:33
Nice. My, my, my grandparents’ house was up on blocks. Like cinder blocks. It was a homemade home.

43:34 – 43:41
It was not. Oh, it was a homemade home. But they built it on blocks for whatever reason. Keep it up off the ground, silly goose.

43:41 – 43:53
Yeah. You could get all the way up underneath it, the whole thing. Anyway, after a delicious dinner, it was finally time for what everyone shows up for at a wedding, the dancing. Yes, of course.

43:53 – 43:58
That’s why I go. That’s why I went to mine. Yeah. So I could dance.

43:58 – 44:10
Same, except we didn’t have any. We didn’t have any dancing or alcohol either. I had access to my grandmother’s phone, which controls the home audio system. Oh gosh, we got somebody rich here.

44:10 – 44:20
Oh, the home audio system. What do your grandparents do for a living? They’re retired. Retired from what, the mafia?

44:20 – 44:29
Making rockets. Yeah, they have speakers wired all over the house, including outside. Oh, nice. And it’s connected to an app.

44:29 – 44:36
These aren’t boomers. These aren’t the boomers I was promised. No, they might be us, James. No.

44:36 – 44:42
They might be Gen Xers. They might be. They make elder Xers, just old, old Xers. Yeah.

44:42 – 45:02
Anyway, phone in hand, I could choose any song I wanted from the playlist Carolyn made. I chose a wedding classic Dancing Queen by ABBA. Okay. So when the guests heard this, the dance floor was more packed than it had been all night.

45:03 – 45:10
Yes. I don’t know the words, but I’d sing them right now. You are a dancing queen. Yeah.

45:10 – 45:14
That’s all I know. Seventeen something. Okay. Okay.

45:14 – 45:22
That reminds me of a video I saw this week. These two people were dancing to that song, right? And they were in love. They were in love.

45:22 – 45:33
They’re dancing. They’re making it very obvious that they’re grooving and all this. And he dips her down and she goes, dancing queen, only 17. And he drops her on the ground and runs away.

45:34 – 45:41
Cause she’s only 17. I saw that same video. Yeah, it’s good. It was funny.

45:41 – 45:47
It was scripted. Yeah, of course it was. It was a comedy show, but it was hilarious. When the guests heard this, the dance floor was packed.

45:47 – 46:02
Someone close to me made a song suggestion and I searched for it on Spotify, found it and added it to the queue. But the only problem was it didn’t add it to the queue. It turned off Dancing Queen in the middle and started playing One Direction. Oh no.

46:02 – 46:18
Gotta hate that. The crowd quickly turned into a mob of disappointed dancers. I felt horribly embarrassed. With shaky hands and knowing my mother wasn’t happy, I quickly repented and went back to Dancing Queen.

46:18 – 46:28
But that’s not all. As the evening went on, I wanted to play Sir Duke by Stevie Wonder. Oh, Sir Duke. Sir Duke.

46:28 – 46:36
Okay. But the outside speakers weren’t working. So sounds like first world problems. So I turned the ones in the kitchen all the way up.

46:37 – 46:56
In the kitchen, guests were mingling and eating, and they saw my new brother-in-law, Josiah, running toward me, yelling, hey, Lil, Lil, hey, you got the speakers in the kitchen all the way up. I said, oh, sorry. I’m not going to be so stupid twice. Everyone was a sport about my rotten DJing, but to this day, I still hate the song Dancing Queen.

46:59 – 47:15
My sins are often recounted by my family, as my mother will say, your father and I were just a dancing when you turned it all off. Oh, I was remembering my mistakes a few days ago and thought this belongs on that story show. Hope it makes it on the show. Love Lil.

47:16 – 47:21
Dang. Dang. I thought the bell didn’t work. No, it doesn’t work on this, but it does here.

47:21 – 47:24
Listen. You’re right. I hear it. Yeah.

47:25 – 47:52
I have, I have two soundboards, so I have a backup. I have a backup. So at, um, at our wedding, uh, rehearsal dinner, um, my mother, uh, wanted to give me a gift in front of everyone. And my mother’s not a great gift giver cause she doesn’t like to spend money unless it’s on herself.

47:55 – 48:24
So she had this bag, she had this bag, this plastic bag from a, like, I don’t know if she went to party city or dollar general, but she just bought some random crap. And, uh, the first piece of crap she pulled from this bag was a plastic boat. Oh, the, you know, the floaty boats that you would use. Yeah.

48:24 – 48:42
Or the bathtub. She’s like, here, this is for you to use in the bathtub. That was her laugh. And I’m like, this is, this is, This is one of the few times I’ve ever been so embarrassed.

48:42 – 49:13
And most of the times I’ve been embarrassed, it’s been, been because of this woman, but, uh, then she pulled out some, uh, bouncy balls, like super balls, you know, she put them on the table and she goes, these are for when, and she just laughed to herself. Cause she had something dirty in mind. I’m sure something like when, when Jen takes them, You’ll have these. Okay.

49:14 – 49:17
Yeah, exactly. Exactly. In front of everyone. I know.

49:17 – 49:46
This is a rehearsal dinner. So these are all the people that you, the closest ones to you. Pastor, all my adult friends, Jen’s grandparents, her parents, and then my mom. have is having the floor and pulling out some balls and trying to make some sort of joke about when you give up yours.

49:48 – 49:57
She was. I know. So that was the only thing he got. Oh, dude, don’t get me started.

49:57 – 50:10
My mom has never been a great gift giver ever. Got a plastic boat. And they were both so unrelated. I mean, I thought there was going to be like a story that kind of went with it.

50:10 – 50:24
No, there’s no catch up for you. Go to the old episodes, John. When, when David and I were telling our stories, did any of them have a happy ending? Name one, name one.

50:26 – 50:34
None of them. I won’t. None of them. Yeah, we laugh about it, but we are all in therapy and we’re all on medication.

50:34 – 50:52
So you tell me how it turned out. But I was so happy when we were done, when we were done being married. Oh, I mean, we’re still married. I guess I should say when we were done with the wedding, what I should have said.

50:52 – 51:05
Right. The ceremony, all that stuff. Yeah. When the attention was off of us, when we got in that car and drove away from all of those people, And this was when we were throwing bird seed.

51:05 – 51:13
Do they still throw bird seed? I think so because it’s still more environment. You know what they do now? They throw bubbles.

51:14 – 51:18
Oh, do they now? I think, well, I don’t know. Every wedding. Cause I heard the rice thing was bull crap.

51:19 – 51:22
Really? That the pigeons would explode. Yeah. I don’t know.

51:24 – 51:33
I don’t know anything about that. Cause for like a hundred years, we’ve been throwing rice at weddings. Yeah. And there was not a shortage of birds back then.

51:33 – 51:44
Yeah. The bird population has not dwindled one bit. And I’ve never seen swoops of birds just dive bomb a wedding party. Right.

51:44 – 51:55
We’ve got to get that rice. It’s got to be good. I don’t even think seagulls would bother with rice. And I have been dive bombed by a seagull.

51:56 – 52:00
And that’s how you say it, by the way. It’s not a seagull. It’s a seagull. Seagull.

52:01 – 52:05
Yeah. So. Yeah. Yeah.

52:05 – 52:09
I don’t know. Birdseed. My wife eats birdseed for breakfast. Did you know this?

52:10 – 52:14
No. You ever seen cashew? Yes. I like it.

52:14 – 52:19
It’s birdseed. Look at it. It looks like birdseed. Cashy.

52:19 – 52:22
Yeah. I swear there’s birdseed. It’s good. I eat it.

52:22 – 52:35
I eat cashy peanut butter crunch, man, but that doesn’t look like birdseed. There’s like, cashy looks like dog food and birdseed mixed together. There’s like kibble in there. Tell me, tell me there’s not kibble.

52:36 – 52:41
Yeah. In there somewhere. I think it’s called wheat or something. Yeah.

52:42 – 52:55
They’ve formulated it to be a cereal, but I think it started as something else. They’re all made at the Purina plant. That’s all right. Well, it’s time for us to announce a winner and I’d love to give away some of these markers.

52:56 – 53:02
Um, I’m going to say that evil gets it for me. What do you think? Evil gets it for you? Yeah.

53:02 – 53:12
I laughed really hard at that first story, that opening story. Let me see. Let me re reread that one real quick. Uh, I mean, evil story was great and she probably does deserve.

53:13 – 53:28
I’m going to, I still got to go with evil. Okay. Cause she had so many things packed into that story. I, I, the first one was hilarious, but, um, you know, so many lies that this poor girl went through.

53:28 – 53:36
I think she needs these pens to write it in her diary. I think you’re right. She’ll make, she’ll be able to therapy right with those pens. Yeah.

53:36 – 54:01
Every color could be a different emotion, kind of like inside out. Like pink could be like the lies that her parents told her. Purple could be the times when, I don’t know that the, the, the trauma and orange could be, I don’t know that. That blue is all the fake pool stories that she was told.

54:01 – 54:31
And like I said, yellow could be all the, all the crushes she had, but she messed it up because she was at the pool and she thought a hammerhead shark was going to get her or the bottom of the pool is going to disappear and has become bottomless. So there you go. Don’t say we don’t, we don’t celebrate our female listeners. Cause I’m going to tell you, uh, boys are easier to buy for, but, um, we, we have plenty of, uh, stuff for the ladies.

54:31 – 54:43
Matter of fact, John, I want you to tell them what we’ve got right here. That could be for anybody. That is a Lego sunflower set. How many pieces?

54:43 – 54:49
There’s 191 pieces. It is Lego number 40524. Yeah, if you want to look it up. But it’s two sunflowers.

54:56 – 55:16
And I do, I try to get stuff that’s gender neutral when possible, but sometimes I see stuff that is so cute. Like we finally had somebody claim that stitch purse with the, uh, yeah, it’s just, these kids are sending in stories and then not listening to their own show. I don’t understand it. Is it, is it cause they’re dumb?

55:17 – 55:24
No, you can’t defend anybody else, John. I promise. It’s because they didn’t hear it. I’m not defending.

55:24 – 55:30
I’m just saying probably a good possibility. Okay. Is they accidentally didn’t listen. All right.

55:30 – 55:43
Here’s my, here’s my logic is logic. Okay. So you sent in a story, right? You, you, you out of thousands of people sent in a story, you wrote it up, you sent it in, it got picked.

55:44 – 55:54
Out of all the stories that come in, yours got picked and read on the show. And they got notified. And you got notified. Like, hey, we’re going to read your story.

55:54 – 56:05
You beat out tons of other people. And then you don’t listen. Oh, and you got picked. You got, you won, you won too.

56:06 – 56:21
Okay. So that’s the other thing is you beat out everybody that week. just by getting read, but then you won the prize, you don’t listen, and then somebody else wins your prize on a future episode. I don’t know.

56:22 – 56:37
Oh man, that’s gotta be heartbreaking. This must be the kind of kid that pees on a grownup shoe. No, no, none of our listeners would ever do that. If you do, if you do, I would throw you like a football over a fence.

56:37 – 56:56
with some, with some peanut butter on you. I don’t know. I don’t know what I was thinking. If you put peanut butter on them, they’ll be sticky and gross, and then you throw them over the fence, then they’ll land in the dirt, and then it’ll be even worse.

56:57 – 57:02
That’s where my brain was going. Okay. That’s John being dark, everybody. What?

57:03 – 57:18
That’s John trying to make it worse. Yeah. Like I said, we’re going to cut off his feet and feed them to him, and he’d be like, yeah, and I’m going to put some marinara in there. Oh, hot sauce.

57:19 – 57:24
The bomb. Hot sauce. It’s the hottest. Now he’s on track, but that peanut butter thing.

57:26 – 57:31
Peanut butter is most uncomfortable. Oh man. Oh man. All right.

57:31 – 57:50
Well, that is us. Um, this podcast is possible because of our supporting listeners on Patrion, supporting listeners, get ad-free listening, swag, and weekly bonus content. Try it out free for seven days, support.thatstorieshow.com. Matter of fact, you might just want to go by and sign up as a free member because every now and then free members get stuff too.

57:51 – 58:02
So support that story show.com special thanks to our producers, James Spangler, Carrie Wright, and Christopher Tyne. And do you have a funny life story you’d like featured on the show? Sure. You do submit your story at that story show.com.

58:02 – 58:11
And while you’re there, join our discord server. It is hopping over there. Yeah. We also have a Minecraft server now, so make sure you join the discord server for more information on that.

58:12 – 58:35
Please take a moment and review the show on iTunes or Spotify, and don’t forget to email us your address if you heard your story for your free sticker. Don’t say we never did nothing for ya. And remember, when something weird, annoying, embarrassing, or painful happens to you, don’t get stressed, don’t get depressed, just think, hey, this belongs on that story show. We love you, I know we pick on you a lot, at least I do, but we love you and we would never put peanut butter on you.

58:36 – 58:47
We might throw you over the fence, but I would never let John make it worse by putting peanut butter on you. I’m sorry. It’s alright, man. I’m alright.

58:47 – 59:02
Oh, he’s got a flow. Okay. Alright. This story didn’t happen to me, but to a friend of mine.

59:02 – 59:17
We’ll call him Lucifer because I don’t think he’s fine. I think he’s pretty weird. He was at the bathroom and he did his business and he tried to open the door, but he couldn’t get out soon. And he backed up as far as he could.

59:18 – 59:45
Then he rammed the door with his shoulder and that wasn’t any good. because it fell like a house of cards. He was trapped in there in the dark and the other guy next to him tried to poop but he couldn’t get out because he stuck in a loop and he fell and he danced and he said a bunch of stuff that I couldn’t repeat and then he fell on his pants and I tried to help him up but he was swearing at me and I think he should have stopped but he didn’t and And I had to hop back on the plane.

59:45 – 59:50
Didn’t happen to me. It wasn’t me at all. It was that other guy. See, I am lying.

59:50 – 1:00:09
It really was me. I was in the guy’s bathroom, even though I wasn’t supposed to be. And I’m a girl and I was ran and I had to hurl because I saw this dude and he had his pants around his ankles. And that’s why his cousin and me, cause I went in the wrong bathroom seat and he was rankled.

1:00:09 – 1:00:18
I don’t know. I can’t run anymore. This was very short for some reason, like I ran out of music. I don’t know.