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Kyrie’s teenage volunteers make yellow ice. Nathan’s friends see a demon in the woods. Julia throws off her Thai waitress. Marshall exposes his homeschool charm Lori’s husband launches fireworks indoors. Plus John’s church promotes drugs and James apparently has a dirty mind.
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Full Transcript:
This is that story show where your hilarious real life stories get the audience they deserve. Hey, podcast people, I’m your host. My name is James Kennison.
And I’m Jon Steilklauber. And this week on That Story Show, Kiri’s teenage volunteer makes yellow ice. Nathan’s friends see a demon in the woods. Julia throws off her Thai waitress. Marshall exposes his homeschool charm. Oh, good. And Laurie’s husband launches fireworks indoors.
Oh, no. You never know what you’re going to get with this show. You never know. Well, we always start with an opening story. So let’s get right into it. This first 1 is from Kyrie from Las Cruces, New Mexico, puddle problem. This summer, I worked as a camp counselor at a summer camp for a group of teenage volunteers who helped out in the kitchen. I love my kids to death, but you know, teenagers, they often get into some shenanigans. She spelled that correctly, hats off.
It’s a hard word to
spell. Yeah, there’s people at my work that have a habit of if you use a word like shenanigans, then you have to spell it. And so I avoid using words like shenanigans because how in the flip? You know, anyway, and all the craziest things happened on my day off. But anyway, 1 day I was off and 2 girls, teenagers wanted some Italian ice popsicles from the walk-in freezer. After getting permission, they went to the freezer to get their snack. And 1 of the girls apparently made the most hilarious joke in the world because the other girl
started to pee. I’ve heard of in the freezer. Yeah. I’ve heard of people threatening females, threatening to pee. I’ve never actually heard of somebody. Let it go. Let it go. But apparently it happened to this girl. 1 of the girls made the joke and the other 1 made the wet. In fact, she peed so much that a small puddle formed on the floor in the walking freezer, in the freaking freezer. So it gets so much worse because the pee froze to the ground.
In the freezer.
In the freezer. They both ran out and got 1 of their leaders and she told them to get a rag and water to clean up the mess. However, after trying to wipe it up with the wet rag, the rag also got frozen to the ground.
It’s a lot of pee.
So, the leader said, go get hot water. And after pouring some of that onto the crime scene, they were able to clean up their mess. Needless to say, they probably never went back into that freezer. But on the bright side, they still got their Italian ices. Yeah, but were they were they lemon flavored? I don’t know. That’s right. Because when we get Italian ice is always either lemon or it’s that you just have to scrape it with a spoon to get it up.
You know, it’s
this tastes so good. Tastes a little salty. I don’t understand.
Come on.
So bad. So bad. I didn’t know about Italian ices until I was like a grown man.
Yeah, same. I don’t think it exists. Well, see, it did exist when we were younger. We just called them frozen high C boxes. Oh. You ever
do that when you were a kid? You stick… They were juice boxes. They were the original… We were too poor for juice boxes.
No, sorry.
It’s okay. I don’t know
how we got them in my house, but.
But Italian ice, I had a girlfriend that was into them and I was like, where has this been all my life? I’m like, wherever they kept the juice boxes apparently.
So. Well, it wasn’t real Italian ice, but that’s what it was for us.
But you scrape it off and you eat it and at the bottom, if it’s melted a little, it’s crystallized and it’s super, super awesome.
Now, real Italian ice, that’s good stuff.
Totally different.
Totally different. But the Luigi’s or whatever they get in the grocery store, that’s…
It’s passable, man. It’s good stuff. It’s probably like 1 fluid ounce of water that they’ve turned into something tasty. And you’ve got to work for it, so you’re just like, mmm, this is a wonderful treat. But not a lot of filler, you know, it’s not filling you up really. No, it’s just
like a little, just like a little wet your whistle kind
of thing. A little sugar water.
Sugar water.
Turned a little bit different, I don’t know.
Yeah, I think I pronounced, what did you say your name?
Kyrie? Yeah, Kyrie.
I think I said Kylie. I apologize in the opening preview of the stories.
Sorry, We already established that Kyrie has a Gen Z name and she deserves to have it mispronounced her entire life. And she sent in another story in spite of that. So it’s okay. I want
to know what the joke was that made her friend laugh so hard.
I know. What could it be? What could it be?
I’m not good at jokes.
Let me see. I heard 1 earlier. Wasn’t an adjunct, that’s
for sure.
I heard 1 earlier. I don’t remember what it was, but I can tell 1 anyway. Did you hear about the restaurant in space? It has great food, but terrible atmosphere.
I don’t feel the need to wet my pants on the funniness of that joke.
No, no, no, it’s, it’s gotta be a lot better than that. Yeah. So anyway, let’s, let’s just stop and forget that I ever told that and rewind the week. All right. So who wants to go first?
That atmosphere?
Tell a little something about from the last 7 days or so.
I got something that happened 5 days ago. I had to do some math.
There you go. Well, that meets the criteria.
Well, there we go.
And this is a little bit of
a visual. So if you’re joining us online right now while we’re recording, then you get to see this. But for all of our audio listeners, which is 100% of you, I’m going to explain this. So James, I’m going to pull up on my screen an image. And it’s our church’s family fall fest or fall.
It’s like a slideshow frame.
Yeah. It’s a slideshow frame. It looks like something you’d probably grab off of Canva. In fact, I’m going to say it probably is pulled off of Canva and it’s very fall looking. It’s got the wood background and the
wood planks
and yellow.
It’s got some leaves and stuff. Yeah. Fall family fest.
Fall family fest. Well, I was I was running the media on Sunday and I’m looking at this picture and I’m like, there’s something weird about that. That picture. James, if you look right here.
Do you notice that leaf? That’s got too many fronds on it.
There’s an interestingly shaped leaf on that side. Isn’t that strange? Now, I’m not going
to say exactly what it is. That is not an oak leaf.
It’s not an oak leaf and I can confirm that because this, this is what an oak leaf
could look like. Right. It’s got 123456 little little maybe areas that come off the center. Yeah. It looks like a Canadian flag.
Right. It looks very Canada.
It’s a leaf. Yeah.
It’s a maple leaf and it’s got the fall colors on it. And then the other leaf that that’s actually on the family fall fest, the fall family fest flyer, it looks like this.
It’s a marijuana leaf.
So on that flyer, it’s even though it’s got the fall colors
on it, it looks like a man. It is, it is, it is the same thing. It’s exactly what it is. They didn’t know. The church person didn’t know Or they did and they’re awesome, but I don’t think they knew. I think they were in Jesus world so long that they don’t know. They just thought it was a fall leaf. But that
was a fall leaf. My thought is that maybe they went on Canva or something and they just picked up a template. Yeah. And there’s somebody who created this template with that leaf on there thought, I’m going to get a bunch of churches and they’re going to get in so much trouble when they use this because it’s not, it looks like it could almost pass as a, as a maple leaf, but it’s not.
It’s so not.
And I want so, so I.
What kind of family fester you have in there, John? It’s your church. Games, inflatables and weed.
Yeah. Munchies for everyone. Games and ganja. Inflatables and edibles.
Just doing everything.
So I noticed this like pre-service and I’m sitting next to the guy who’s running the live stream and I was like, hey, what does this slide look like to you? Do you notice anything on that? And this guy’s a retired band teacher. And so He’s had years with public school kids. And he’s like, well, that looks like a pot leave. And he even noticed the time on there. It’s supposed to be from 4.30 to 7. He said, maybe they need to change the time to 4.20.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So there’s good that there’s going to be food there because everybody’s going to be a little hungry after they have the fun. Oh, yeah. Oh, they
must have had a good time.
I think I’m going to come out. When is it? October 20th. I’ll be there.
Yeah. Go get a time machine.
Oh, it’s already happened.
The flyer. They put this on a big banner, a few big banners, and they put them around the church on a busy highway.
And it had this freaking leaf in it. Yeah. That’s beautiful. And God laughs. Oh, love it. Love it. Love it so hard. 00I love it so much. Thank you John for your show and tell weekly update this week You did fantastic
And and I’m guessing if people want to see this they could probably
go to YouTube
to later.
Yep look up episode 485 and you’ll see it live, but I think we did a pretty good job of explaining it. All right. So I’ve been working at work on this new project and it’s like a help desk that I’m having to populate with information because the company in question tries to use Discord instead of Slack. Cause Slack costed them money. So they’re on Discord and they’re trying to disseminate information and help and videos, and it is a wreck. They are doing a terrible job. So for our customers, we created our own help desk and it’s
been my job to go and cut and paste the title of every video, organize it and link to it. And I’ve done 22 individual pages full of these links. But I realized that I made a mistake the other day because there’s all these names that we use in the printing industry that I have no idea what they mean. I’m actually told a salesman, I’m like, you need to take me downstairs 10 minutes a day and just teach me because I don’t know what a shaker baker is, but it’s something to do with something There’s an oven.
Can you help?
Huh? Yeah, a shaking bag and I help.
Yeah, yeah.
It’s an old commercial. Nobody got that joke.
There’s an oven, like I said, it’s all has to do with DTF printing, direct to film printing. But I thought I’d seen all of the inside baseball in those, but I cut and paste the title in and then go to get the link. And it’s like, how to tell if you have a bad dumper. And I laughed to myself, cause I’m like, that’s funny because it’s called a dumper. Apparently it’s something’s being dumped into it, but this could be good advice for any of us. Not to tell if you have a bad dumper. And I was
kind of laughing at myself. That’s another name for a but a dumper. And then I go to paste the URL in and I look at it again and it’s the damper. I have no idea what a damper is, but it suddenly became very unfunny and I just realized I have a dirty mind. You wanted to see
a dumper.
I wanted to see a dumper. It seemed like it could be a part of a printer. Maybe it’s where unused ink goes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like it’s like a waste toner. It’s perfect.
I mean, there’s something called a shaker. Maybe it shakes out stuff and whatever falls in goes into the dumper, but no, it’s a damper. And I know what dampers do in theory, but I have no idea what part they do in a printing solution. I have no idea. But yeah, yeah. The only other thing I have is an LBB. 1 of the
many tools of the devil.
All right, so my wife was at the park, at Forest Park, which is where the World’s Fair was back in the day. Really? Yeah, and now it’s a giant park and it’s beautiful. The art museum’s there, there’s all kinds of fountains and there’s a few buildings that still lasted from that period. So she has this place, she stops for water on her miles of running. She runs miles and like 3 to 5 miles every time she goes out there. She has this stop, you know, where she stops and gets water. So she goes to run towards
it. She’s looking forward to it. But wouldn’t you know, some lady has this giant dog on a leash, the dog has his hands up in the water thing. She’s pushing the button for him and he’s drinking out of the water fountain. Let me just say that again though. He’s not drinking out of the water fountain. He’s dog drinking out of the water fountain, which means he’s lapping it up, licking all over the fixture that is supposed to launch water for humans up in the air. Now all you dog lovers who make out with your dogs and
kiss your dogs on the face and you live by the creed that our mouths are dirtier than theirs that’s bull crap because I can’t lick my own butt, okay? And if I could I wouldn’t need podcasting.
What does that mean?
I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t see. Okay. But he just. But anyway, you’re probably saying that’s no problem because nobody will know any different, But it does matter because dogs can lick their own tush and it’s gross. OK, it’s gross. It’s made for people. If you know if your dog needs water, but do you be the responsible dog owner and bring a little cup or a little bowl and a little bit of water. I mean,
just lead them to the toilet. They’ll drink out of that.
There’s a lake right there. Just take them down to the lake. Let them lap it up. You know, I don’t know. So anyway, my wife did not drink out of it and she’s kind of tainted toward the whole thing. Because once the thing has been used by a thing, it becomes part of that thing. So gross.
That’s a dog water fountain from here on out.
That’s right. Dog water. You’re putting out dog water, you LBB. So there we go. We got a review brought to you by podgagement.com. Amazing podcast says generic soap. Love those usernames. This podcast is amazing. It helps me fall asleep. That’s Great. And because you 2, I always go to sleep with a smile on my face. Hey, they redeemed it.
So that we put people to sleep and they smile. That’s nice.
Yeah.
Well, thanks.
Well, That means they never hear the recap song. Oh, yeah. I kind of worry about people missing the recap songs. Because if I were them, once I heard, Oh, that’s all the stories. I’d be like, okay, he’s just going to talk about hats and key chains. He’s going to say goodbye. And then they’re going to play the outro.
You missed the whole outro.
You missed the recap song every time you do that folks. So listen all the way through to the end for the bonus content of the real show. So leave us a review on iTunes or Spotify. It makes us really happy and it really helps the show. Review.thatstorieshow.com is where you go. Guys, let’s do some feature stories. All right. This one’s from Nathan. It’s called Demon Dots. Hi, ex-pastor dude and angel.
Which 1 is which?
Yeah, we’re both ex-pastors. And we’re both angels. I’m an angel of death. John wears a halo. My horns keep my halo up. So it’s me, Nathan White again with another story. This story takes place on a friend’s back porch at nighttime. The porch had no lights, so it was almost completely dark. And my sister and a few friends and I were all sitting around and telling ghost stories. So great 1 friend was telling us what the story about this demon with red eyes that possessed little girls They were going hardcore, You know, I was just thinking
about this. I can handle monster stories, you know, because I know there’s no such thing as monsters. I can handle serial killer stories because there’s been like what, 5, you know, and the Chances are that they’re not going to get around me, you know, because I’m not a college student, you know so That seems
to be about
a young teenage boy. That seems to be the 2 target audiences for the serials of the killers, but demon stories You know, I believe in the Dems. And, the Dems,
they’re a little bit more scary.
Yeah. So I don’t mess with demons. I don’t talk about them. I’m not, I’m not, I’m not, I believe we have authority over them, obviously, but they’re still scary. You know what I’m saying?
Yeah. That’s their whole purpose in life, isn’t it? Right.
Yeah. I think it’s sane. I mean, it was 1 of the biggest fears of my childhood was demons and the rapture.
Because demons, if you sneeze funny, they’re going to enter your body. Yes. And then you’ll be possessed and you won’t have any control.
And then you’ll have to go to church and have them cast out and you’ll have to burp or poot or fart or puke or something to get them out. And then, and then, you know, every time your mom left something boiling on the stove, you’re like, Oh gosh, I got left behind. You know, so anyway, 1 friend was telling this story about the demon-eyed person that left, that possessed little girls. At the end of the story, the demon ended by getting sucked into a vacuum and panished.
Was this a
Luigi’s Mansion story? Or so everyone thought. Legend had it that the demon never left, of course, and it was hunting the same back course that we were sitting on. Dun dun dun.
In the vacuum?
Yeah, it somehow was kept in. It’s like a ghost trap and ghost, ghost, busters. We, we laughed it off since the story was over and 1 girl jokingly said, what if we saw some red eyes for real right now? And we laughed until my sister said in a panicked voice like those. And we turned around and sure enough there were 2 glowing red dots in the darkness staring straight at us And that is right That is why you don’t play with demons right there because they will come
looking at you
and they would just peek out at you It’s like an invitation. It’s what happened I mean exorcist started all because a lady was playing the girl was playing with a Ouija board. Don’t you let them demons in, baby. Anyway, we freaked out naturally and ran inside and we told the adults what happened and they couldn’t stop laughing because they were Satanists and they were looking forward to this moment in our growth and our journey toward the devil. No. Once they composed themselves, they explained that the glowing red eyes were actually a security camera. And we all
laughed about it and went on with the evening. Anyway, I hope you like my story. I really hope it makes it on the show. Nathan. Did
you know what the parents after the kids went to bed were like, you don’t have any security cameras.
Need to pray. We need to get some olive oil and sprinkle it around like holy water.
We’re going to get the olive oil and put it in a pressure washer Pose
it down Okay, so
everything out of this place
since we’re talking about Christian scaredy-cat stuff my friend Amy she used to be a pastor on staff with me and she was scared, like always, even as an adult she was scared. And I asked her 1 time, I’m like, why are you so scared? She says, Migget has something to do with my dad. And I’m like, well, wow. And then overreaction.
I mean, that’s probably usually do right.
Probably is your dad’s fault if you’re so hyped about it. I was like, well, what’s the story there? She says, well, I went is in my room 1 time and the window was dark and you couldn’t see out except I saw these 2 green lights, these 2 green eye shaped lights coming in. And I ran out and I told my dad and he said, Oh, that was probably for some night vision goggles. And I laughed so hard, but she didn’t even move. Her face was like solemn because this was PTSD time for her. And for me,
it was hilarious. Her dad scarred her for life with this joke. And It reminds me of how I used to pray with my children. I’d be getting really snarky with them and they would act like they weren’t scared of anything. And so I would pray with them and say, Dear Jesus, please bless them. Thank you for a fun day. And please Don’t let them get scared of the devil underneath their bed. In Jesus name, amen. And they’d be like, what? But they never called out. They never called out in the night for anything. They never got
scared. I think cause. Never once? Never once. Oh man. The only time my daughter ever got scared was when she was in middle school and she was reading some lady’s house of weird kids book. I don’t even remember. Lady’s house of weird kids. Yeah. And, and, there was a character that was supposed to be dead. And this little boy was in the basement and he sees her and she stopped reading and got freaked out and she called me in there And I said, baby, I know you’re scared, but whatever it is, you’ve got to keep reading.
And she did while I was standing there. And it turned out that the girl wasn’t dead. He was just told she was and it was a big joke, but she had stopped at the worst time, you know, and was living this truth. And, as her
mind was making up everything, every scenario,
speaking of every scenario, my friend Tracy’s church, she went to youth group and like most youth groups, she was told all about all the bad things that you shouldn’t do. And the way they motivated her to tell others about Christ was they said that on your way to heaven, you will probably pass 5, your closest 5 friends that you didn’t tell about Jesus on their way to hell. And they will call out your name and say, why didn’t you tell me about Jesus? Why didn’t you tell me? And this is like 1 of Tracy’s biggest issues
now. Like, wow. And I’m like, can I be 1 of the 5?
You know,
cause I’m hardly gonna make it. So, you know, I’ll be like Tracy. Tracy. Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you force me to go to church with you? I was listening to this comedian this weekend. She was raised up in the church and she’s kind of stepped away from it now. And her parents told her the other day, she’s like over there and they were telling her about how she’s going to hell. And she says, what they really mean is I love you and I care about you because that’s the way they think. But apparently
there’s only so many ways to say I love you and you kind of get tired of that. So then you start telling them, you’re going to hell.
You’re going to hell.
So my dad just says, how’s that car doing? That’s the way he says, I love you. My mom says you’re going to hell. That’s what she says.
So anyway.
Yeah, I can’t tell you how many times I worked myself up into a lather over demons as a kid, because, man, my mom would talk about him, dude. And she would sit us down and cast demons out of us regularly. Oh, she had a whole list.
She had the names and stuff.
Yes. Yes.
Oh, wow.
She got them from somebody else. Well, there was like the spirit of rebellion. She always liked to harp on that 1 quite a bit.
Okay. Yeah. The spirit of rebellion. Yeah. And. Because rebellion is a spirit that jumps in your body.
It’s not a lack of character. It’s not a decision to be bad. It’s a demon. And so, yeah, you learned really quick that you could blame almost anything on the demons. It wasn’t me. You can’t what me.
Devil made me
do it. I need an exorcism. That’s what I need. I don’t need 2 weeks in my room, you know, no television. I need Tammy Faye to bless me with those, those beautiful eyes. And, you
know how My mom got the spirit of rebellion out of us.
With a whoop down?
It was called the Rod of Correction. It’s a paddle.
Yeah. See, what would he… Oh, I got all that too.
Trust me. I got… I had the spirits cast out
of me. Drive him right out. Yeah. Right. I 1 time I was getting I was getting an exorcism and my wife or my wife, my my mom pulls out a paddle. And so I just jumped off a cliff. What? I just jumped off a cliff into the water. Jesus reference. Yeah. You were. Did you feel like you were
on all fours and you were squealing?
I was. I was.
A swine.
You know, there’s this book called Pigs in the Parlor. Have you ever heard of that book? It’s an old book and it has the scariest, scariest cover because it has this close up drawing of an eyeball and inside the eyeball are 2 pigs, 2 big faces and they are evil. And Pigs in the Parlor is a story about demonic warfare. And it’s the scariest book. It even opens by saying the devil does not want you to read this and the demons will try to stop you. And I was like, oh, I’m stopping now.
I’m kind of scared now. And I’m glad I have this camera because I can make sure
but it’s so it goes in deep on demonic influence and all this. And this was way before this present darkness, you know, where we made it entertaining to have demons around, you know,
because it was a battle, you know, it was about fighting them.
And then, you know, right before that, Carmen was having demon fights and stuff. Right.
The witch’s invitation.
Witch’s invitation. You know that never happened. He never went to a witch’s house. He made that whole thing up.
I thought that was supposed to be based on another person’s story.
Oh, sure. That they showed off all these clippings of things that they had made happen in the world. Yeah. No, I don’t believe in witches.
See this man? I cursed him. Something else happened. We did a, we did a, like a, a human
video. We did it to the champion.
Yeah, we did that 1 too.
Everybody did the champion though. Human videos. That’s what they called
them. That’s what they call them now.
Oh, they still do them?
Yeah, they do. It’s like a big fine arts, you know, in our denomination. They still… I’m like, I don’t know of any… Anyways, I don’t want to harp on it, but I don’t know of any churches that actually use that as a ministry tool.
No, they Just do it for each other. It’s a big deal in fine arts, let me tell you. Yeah. Let’s go out and do 1 of those in the streets.
Yeah. It’s just not like that anymore. It’s different age. Sorry.
I don’t mean
for all of you agey folks out there. Don’t get upset with me. I
was just… We’re former… Sort of former agey people. So anyway, Julia writes, the menu mishap from Columbus, Georgia. Now that I got all my demon jitters out. During a dinner outing with 4 other couples, my wife and I were at a Thai restaurant where the menu items were identified by numbers and patrons were expected to order by these numbers, but I was in a playful mood. The confused server with her limited English repeatedly sought a number from me. Clearly searching for a numbered order persisting, I requested their specialty. She eventually went to finally place the orders.
Shortly after everyone’s meals arrived and each person was presented with a full appetizing plate. However, when it was my turn to be served, I was presented with a teapot and a teacup accompanied by the server’s cheer for declaration. Our specialty. Our specialty. Indeed, she had followed my request to the letter. This amusing misunderstanding provided a hearty laugh for my group and left us with an enduring tale. Julia, Julia, III didn’t believe your story. So I looked it up on the internet. I’m like, surely this has been made up on the internet and she stole it and
she cut and pasted it. I could not find it anywhere. No 1 has ever made this joke. This actually
happened. You thought that she…
It sounded too perfect. It
is perfect.
But it is real.
This specialty.
She never, I mean, this is her story. There is no other story out on the internet like this. There is nothing. I searched broad and wide with many keywords. This is Julia’s original real life happened to her story.
Julia’s from Columbus. I want to go to that restaurant now. It can’t be too far from me, Columbus. Yeah, no, it’s not. That’s near me.
Oh, wow.
I’m gonna go down there and find a Thai restaurant.
Stalkers. We have a Thai restaurant that we go to regularly. It’s really nice. Got great Pad Thai, but it’s called Pad Thai. Pad Thai, yes. And so when you search for Pad Thai, it sends you every place that serves Pad Thai in
the city.
So we had to memorize the strip mall that it’s in. It’s called Lamplighter Square. And so I tell Google, give me directions to Pad Thai and Lamplighter Square and it knows exactly what I’m talking about, but It was a problem. We got some middle school drama though All right, this one’s called bear battle and it comes to us from Marshall from Mobile, Alabama. Alabama? That’s about as Alabama as you can get right there.
That’s down on the coast, right?
Mobile says, this is the best middle school story you will ever hear. I was at Youth 1 night after pizza enjoying my ice cream sundae! Well this thing is, I didn’t have any gummy bears because it from an experience at summer camp. They become rocks anyways. I’m eating my ice cream laughing with my friend pretending to vote each other out in among us with my smashed red cut. I feel a pain in my side. I look where the menace hit me and I saw a gummy bear. I realized 1 of my friends throw a gummy bear
at me, though I asked them but they denied it. I looked around all the girls table behind us, the high schoolers diagonal from us. My back was to the girls table by the way. Then there’s no punctuation. Then like in the perfect fashion, I hop up and see 2 boys who are kind of troublemakers, us giving the good kids suspected it was obviously them. I marched over to that table and said in the voice I have, were you throwing gummies at me? I see they have a napkin full of gummy bears lying out. And in true
homeschool fashion, I says, are you sure? They, like they were gonna say, oh wait, we did throw it at you. They responded, yes, we are sure. I said, okay. And I went back to my table after a couple minutes. I got hit again in the side. I look over and the boys gummy bears are gone. There’s just a lumpy napkin. I had no suspicion of as I got hit, I had ice cream on its way to my mouth. I dropped it on the floor. Now I was flipping annoyed cause yeah, you can hit me once and
I’m fine, shame on me, but hit my ice cream, shame on you! I marched over to the napkin area to clean up the mess and told the person in charge. She said she’d keep an eye out. I cleaned it up and then after a couple of minutes I felt another land on my back. The nice boy next to me said, I saw them throw it. When the words left his mouth, I was already out of my seat marching over to those boys. We both said I saw you he saw you overlapping our voices the person in
charge lad charge the person in charge let us Call let’s call her Lisa came and said it was you they replied we don’t even have any gummy bears. They said in their defense, I looked at the napkin and yanked it up revealing gummy bears all over the table. The bigger 1 said, it was his idea. Miss Lisa said, as punishment, you can give, you can have all the gummy bears and throw them at the smaller one’s face. He has to take he can’t dodge. 1 detail left out when the gummy bears fell on the table. I
started yelling exposed. You’re exposed over and over. The high schoolers were like, Oh, you’re exposed. Half making fun of me, but mostly making fun of him. No, they were making fun of you. They were totally making fun of you because you’re a homeschooler and you didn’t know what exposed meant. Anyway, the whole room went quiet. I gathered the gummies and took my first pitch and chucked them. And I felt like buddy, the elf, I yelled, take your mouth, open your mouth, eat it, eat it, eat it, take it like a man. All the people, people in
the room were laughing hysterically. And I was cause I threw them all. I probably sat back to my seat and grand and satisfaction. Hope this makes it on the show. Byes also proofread this and fix grammar. LOL.
No, too much work.
You can’t be too bothered. I can’t be bothered. So,
oh, man. Marshall.
OK, so before we move forward.
So much to unpack there.
There’s so much. There’s a there’s a whole story within the story. And the reason why I made it on is because he said, you’re exposed. You’re exposed. And he didn’t even know what he meant. But
I think he kind of had it right. Yeah. Right. But it’s like, nobody uses that term.
Okay. So there’s a Q word that we used to use back in high school, in middle school, right? And then it became a no-no to say. And now people are starting to say it again and describe themselves with this Q word.
Oh,
right, right. You know what I’m saying? I’m not gonna go any deeper than that. But I use that word because it means weird in my homeschool brain.
It did, right.
And I was telling some friends about my stepdad and his brothers. And they were in a photo together and the oldest kid was the shortest, which was my stepdad. And the youngest boy, there was like 5 of them, was the tallest. And they were in line from oldest to youngest, but shortest to tallest. And I said, yeah, my whole family, my dad’s side of the family is queer. It’s just so queer. And they’re like, what? Did you just come here and tell your story over here? And I thought I had the funniest story and I was
using the keyword over and over and over. How, how queer was your, was your dad’s family, James? Oh, very, very. So, yeah. So anyway, I thought I would take a moment and really explain what we’re looking for in a story, okay? I wrote this up as an article, so we’re gonna review it real quick. Generally clean, this is a question you need to ask yourself. Is your story generally clean? Cause we’re cleaning for ages 13 and up. We don’t swear. We don’t share explicit content, gross, painful, stupid, and juvenile. We’re good with. Is your story well
written? Did you do your best? Some errors are fine, but if you don’t put it in the effort, we won’t put it in either. Is your story short enough to be read in 3 to 5 minutes? Don’t send us a wall of words. We can’t use your story if it’s long, no matter how funny it is. Is your story true? Don’t grab a story off Reddit, don’t make something up, we will know. You can tell a story that your dad told you and stuff like that, but it needs to be something that happened to you or
someone you know. And lastly, is your story funny? Any story can be funny, It’s all about how you tell it. Don’t be afraid to exaggerate. Share how you felt in the moment. Wrap it up with a moral, a lesson you learned. All these things will make your story better. Also, submit only 1 story a week. We’ll never read more than 1 story per person per week. If you have more than 1 story to share, share 1 per week. Otherwise they get passed over in our system. Tell the whole story. Every story has a beginning, a middle
and an end. If you fall down and bust your head open, that’s the middle of the story. The end is what happened after that. Don’t write middle school drama versions. Write how you write. We’ll decide who’s worthy of the middle school drama designation. Don’t submit your story more than once. If it’s been a while and your story hasn’t been used, there is a reason. Sometimes it’s cause they’re aren’t funny, but most of the time it’s because it’s been used on stuff that didn’t fit on the show. Some of them are too long. They’re in line waiting
their turn, but submitting the same story will not improve your chances. Frequently asked questions. When will you read my story? If your story is selected, we’ll read it when the time comes. It could be a month, it could be more. There are people that have waited up to 8 years for their story to appear on the show. How will I know when you read my story? If your story is chosen for the show, we will send a message via email that you submitted it to let you know. Can I ask why my story wasn’t chosen? No,
we’re not here to hurt people’s feelings. We try to use every story we get, trust me. But if it didn’t get read, it’s because of 1 of the issues above. Will you help me write my story? No, we don’t have the time. If you do your best work and it just needs a little help, we will help. But we will try to make it the best fit for the show possible. Still have questions? Email James at JamesNLcast.com. So now go submit a story, because we need stories badly.
That’s a PSA by the way, right?
Yeah, we need stories. We’re pretty much out. Everybody’s sending in stories for the wedding show, which is always my fear. When we do theme shows, every story that comes in is a theme show story. So if you start hearing wedding stories next week, it’s because we didn’t get your stories. If you’ve been waiting to get your story on the show, This is the week. All right. So anyway, we have 1 more story to go. And this 1 is from Lori and it’s a voicemail. And here it goes.
Hey, James and John, this is Lori from Texas. As my husband and I were traveling in the car, I was explaining to him about your fun podcast. I was explaining that the premise of many of the stories submitted were from middle schoolers and the crazy things they do. My husband just started laughing and recalled a time when he was in middle school. His parents were out, he was a little bored in his bedroom as this was before video games were available and of course kids never had TVs in their room. He decided it would be a
good idea to shoot fireworks out of his window. To his surprise, the fireworks threw off sparks and melted a spot in the carpet.
Oh, you’re dead.
His parents were not easily amused, so the panic ensued. He quickly rearranged the furniture so his bed covered the spot of melted carpet. The hole was not discovered for several years only after he went to college. Here’s a short poem for you. Fireworks shot off in a bedroom throw off sparks of red. The sparks may melt the carpet, so cover it with your bed.
She made her own recap song! Put it to a tune! She did it! She did it with a poem, and this is what I want to become normal. Okay. I want everybody who submits a story. If you can write a 2 sentence recap song on the end of it. That would be so freaking amazing. Can’t believe she did that. That made my day. Absolutely made my day. Write your story and then write a recap. I don’t know. I don’t know.
I liked it. Oh, anyway. Well told too.
We got a couple of announcements, Halloween stories, scary stories, best costume contest, all coming up very soon for our Halloween episodes. So you’ve got a little bit of time to get your Halloween stories in, send them. You have a scary story, somebody scare you, you scare somebody else and best costume contest, James, what do you mean? All you gotta do is email us at thatstorieshare.com and tell us the best costume you ever wore. And we will pick 1 and we will send you something. I don’t know what it’ll be, but we’ll pick like maybe the top
3 best costume ideas that you have and make sure it’s real. And if there’s a story to go with it, send the story. But we will have an online, first ever on a podcast costume contest that we’ll never see. So share it with us. Go to thatstorieshow.com, click on submit a story, hashtag Halloween. We got stickers, keychains and hats available at merch.thatstorieshow.com. We even have a bats shirt that we re-released.
The cute bat, yeah.
Yes, the cute bats out there again. So get it while
it lasts. It’s a hoodie too.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wedding theme show November 21st, hashtag wedding. Get your stories in. We’ve got so many, John, it might be 2 episodes worth, I’m telling you. And we might have to move it up. I might have to move it up to now. This podcast is possible because of our supporting listeners on Patreon. Supporting listeners get ad-free listening swag and a weekly bonus podcast. Try it out free for 7 days at support.thatstorieshow.com. And I know a lot of our listeners are middle schoolers and you don’t have money of your own, but you know what, your birthday’s
coming. Christmas is coming. Yeah, you just tell mom and dad, I want ad free listening. I want bonus content. I want to become a supporting listener on patreon.com. Go to support.thatstorieshow.com, try it for free for 7 days. I love no commercials being a supporter says Beth. This is the only podcast I finally support out of the many that I listen to. Anytime I hear a commercial on the other podcasts, I get annoyed, but I love this show enough to support. The bonus content is a plus as well. Beth, Thanks to our producers, James Spangler, Kerry Wright
and Christopher Tynan. Guys, it’s time to get out of here. Do you have a story you’d like featured in a future episode? I’m sure you do. Submit your story at thatstorieshow.com where you can type it or talk it. While you’re there, join our mailing list for the latest updates. Please take a moment to leave a review on iTunes or Spotify and remember, when something weird, annoying, embarrassing or painful happens to you, don’t get stressed, don’t get depressed, don’t call up a demon, just think, hey, This belongs on that story show. We’ll see you guys next time.
Bye, John. Bye, James. All right. Gotta leave them demons alone.
Stay far away.
See what we got today. I will never forget the way she peed on the floor. Italian ice was wanted, so she made a little more. Demons make good stories till you’re out there in the dark and someone sees 2 glowing eyes. Your undies now have a mark. When order ring by number, It’s important to remember that they do it Cause they couldn’t understand what you had told her Specialty? Being cute you see? What that gets you B is some special T I’m in middle school and I lose my crap at you. Throw a gummy bear at
the back of my head. What do you want to know? What that’ll make me do? I’ll tell on you, you crazy fool. You’ll never receive it coming. Like Scooby-Doo. You’re exposed! You’re exposed! Well, you’re kind of sort of supposed to know what you’re saying, but you don’t because you’re homeschooled and that’s really funny because that mean you’re home fooled. Hey, welcome to stories of which are stuff that wouldn’t fit on the show, where we put stuff that wouldn’t fit on the show. Yeah, it’s good.
It’s stuff that didn’t fit. Yeah. Now it does because it’s after show. Yeah. Our hair comes off.
So we moved recaps. Yeah, we moved weekly rewinds to the main show and I got a lot of emails saying that they appreciated that. So it was missed. You know the reason why I moved it originally? For 2 reasons. 1.