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Join James and John this week as we charge headfirst into some crazy real-life stories.
Jake makes a friend because he’s missing his fingers. Audry & Toby get to hear what boomers talk about on the phone. Marshall tells his story on the run. Glen’s red rocket goes off. Kynlee plays a stupid game and wins a stupid prize. James B. scares us, and when you hear his mysterious story, you’ll be scared of him too. Funny anecdotes aplenty on this week’s episode of That Story Show.
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Full Transcript:
This is that story show where your hilarious real life stories get the audience they deserve. Hey, podcast people. I’m your host. My name is James Kennison
and I am John Steinklauber. Hello James
Hey
today, we’ve got some great stories Jake makes
a friend because he’s missing his fingers
Audrey and Toby get to hear what boomers talk about on the phone. Oh Marshall tells his story on the run. Glenn’s red rocket goes off. Oh, Kenley plays a stupid game and wins a stupid prize. And James B scares us. And when you hear his mysterious story, you’ll be scared of him, too. Oh, Getting scared. It is spooky season, isn’t it?
All the middle schoolers you listen to us, be careful now. Yeah, don’t get too scared. Don’t get too freaked out by James B’s story. James B. We always like to start with an opening story. This is a voicemail from Jake. It’s called Prosthetic Pal.
Hey James, John, it’s Jake, the TSS historian, otherwise known as Pompe Pizzeria. I’ve had a lot of funny things happen recently regarding my whole hand incident. For those that don’t know, I lost parts of my fingers in a workplace accident about a year ago Not gonna delve too much into that
good.
Well, I got prosthetics with everything that happened and the other day at work I was typing away on a little computer and I was talking with 1 of the drivers and he says is that like a brace for your fingers? Or they’d like get a sprain or something? Or are those prosthetics? So I’ll pull 1 of them off and he sees my jacked up hand and he goes, wow, cool. So then he lifts his leg up, twist his foot around so that it’s facing, looks like it’s bending the wrong way. And he’s like, I got a
prosthetic too. And they caught the people in the office with me very much off guard. So I thought that was pretty funny. Thought I would share it with you guys. Hope you’ll have a great day.
Bye bye.
Yes. Man, he’s part of a brotherhood, John.
Yeah. I think what, you know what he said right after that, like, did we just become best friends? Yup.
We got a group on meetup.com. People missing all kinds of stuff. There’s a guy that’s just ahead. Don’t pity him. That’s deceitful. If he just has a head, That’s okay. He’s no less of a per- well he is. That’s right.
I’m just wondering how that works.
And it just doesn’t, it just doesn’t. No, I will admit when I heard him say he lifted his leg, that is not what I expected to happen. I thought he was already overstepping his bounds a little bit with, hey man, you have prosthetic torn, you know, like he was going to mess with him and stuff. Oh, you do. I’m going to pee on you like a dog pees, you know, guess what? I had a friend with a prosthetic limb and I was, I was introducing him to some people 1 time. And while I was doing that,
I was kicking him in his leg, right? You know, I told this story a long time ago, but I kept kicking him and I knew eventually somebody would say something like, why are you kicking him? And then I’d be like, he’s got a fake leg. So I’ve kicked him about 5 times and he leans over and he says, dude, you’ve got the wrong leg. That hurts.
Never gets old Because that’s embarrassing for you, isn’t it?
Oh, I rarely get embarrassed. But that 1, yeah, yeah, because he was so cool about it. He was so chill. He’s like a Californian. He’s like, dude, you got the wrong 1. It hurt. It really hurts.
I got a bruise there now, man.
I make it easy. Yeah. And like I should have been kicking his, his peg leg anyway. Right. How much did that thing cost? Probably more than the original, you know,
the things we did when we were young, right?
Right. Oh, I wish I had a prosthetic of some kind. I think, I think a pinky would be good. Yeah. Just knob it off right at the knuckle. Like the big knuckle, not the top knuckle. And then, and then, cause there’s this, there’s this YouTube group. I listened to a channel it’s called nerd forge and she has no pinkie because she, she lost it in a table saw accident.
Glad you didn’t say poker game. I bet you might left pinkie. I don’t need it anyways.
Anyway, she lost it and they tried to keep it, put it in some milk or something, you know, and it just…
Wait, this isn’t… They didn’t have that on video, did they?
No, no, no, no. It didn’t happen. YouTube. No, but she was always pretty reserved about it. And then she started making prosthesis and she made several kinds and they all bend when she flexes her hand. And she made 1 with flashlight. She made 1 with a lighter on the end. I think it just, and she just keeps getting, she’s been on Tested. Really? Yes, about her finger prosthesis.
All right, we need to get Jake to do something with his fingers.
Yeah, man. Send us some pictures, dude. We want
to see. I’m kind of curious. Do they look like Iron Man fingers?
It’s my fault I haven’t caught up with him for a while. I mean, Last year, the show was able to bless him with $4, 000. 2, 000 of it came from our patrons and then 2, 000 more from the wonderful listeners who gave via GoFundMe. And he’s apparently got a job. He’s typing. He’s got prosthetics. He has a new friend. Yes. It’s just, can life get any better for a guy that lost 3 fingertips? I can, I think not? So Anyway, we have a review brought to you by podgagement.com. NarthexCon is very special. Love this podcast
from Ken Was Born. He’s right though. NarthexCon is very special. If you don’t know what it is, it’s a convention we do every other year here in St. Louis.
Had it in 2024 this year.
That’s right. We just had it not too long ago and John was there and I was there and Chris was there and Daniel was there and all kinds of people that listen to the show were there. And we gave away lots of stuff and we ate pizza and we had special drinks that everybody had. That makes it sound like we were drinking, but it was just, we asked everybody what their favorite sodas are, we get them for them. So, and we recorded episodes of the show and it was just, it was fantastic. And it is very
special. And we’re gonna be doing 1 of them in the Atlanta area next year.
That’s right 2025 it’s
gonna be like North X Con 0.5, you know point Yeah, or something like that and we have yet to set a date But as soon as we do you’ll hear it right here or on our social media So please follow us or join our mailing list. That’s the best thing to do. You could do so at thatstorieshow.com. Please leave us a review on iTunes or Spotify. If you can’t tell, it really makes our day and it really helps the show. It’s time for us to do a news nugget. In Montana, a handful of cows found their
way into a newly built home and lived in it for a month before being noticed. Tee tee tee tee tee tee
tee tee tee tee tee tee tee tee. Yeah. Only in Montana.
John, do you see the picture that I put in the show notes?
Yes,
it’s beautiful. Would you describe it for the people?
I would love to, James. Imagine with me, if you will. Imagine with me, if you will. A beautiful built house. Probably. Oh, I don’t even know what you’d call it, but the walls are beige and nice, brightly colored, freshly painted trim, glossy white. And then As your eyes scan down this room, you’ll notice about the level where you get to the shoe molding or the bottom trim, the baseboards, that you can’t actually even see the baseboards because it’s full of poop.
It’s just a lake.
Cow poop.
Some feces. I’m not sure
if we’re looking into a bedroom or a living room because you know, it’s a finished house but there’s nobody living in it.
I like to imagine that we’re looking into a bedroom and the cow that’s in the picture is looking out of a closet. Yeah. Like, oh,
no, no, he’s he’s coming out of the master bathroom. He’s like, what are you doing here? He’s got a tag on his ear. He’s got a little bit of a guilty look like, you know, a golden retriever that just got caught eating the snacks before he was supposed to. But also, I don’t care look on his face.
Yeah. Yeah. To me, I interpret it, you know, a picture’s worth a thousand words. And I kind of see him as like, Oh, what are you doing? Or what are you doing here? You know,
I didn’t have I didn’t invite anybody over for
this. This is our house now, don’t you know? And it does look like a child has been in there and finger painted all over the walls from about waist height down.
Yeah. There’s splatter in there. I don’t even know how it got up there, but there’s-
It’s consistently splattered. Yeah. Like every
inch. It’s like perfect. It looks like a flat ceiling, a plain white flat ceiling, which are very popular these days.
It is gorgeous, like I said, from about belly button level down. And then it’s just cow.
And it’s cow.
Yeah. I mean, look at the trim above the door. You’ll see how thick that is over the window. It matches. Yeah. Nice white door with some nice hardware on the handle and cows. Well, the family was moving from Washington, brand new built home. The aunt was supposed to be checking on the place, but she didn’t do it. Really, really? A month? You didn’t check in a whole month?
Well, you know, it’s nothing out there. It’s just farmland. Somebody’s gonna be messing with the house.
I don’t wanna walk all the way next door. So a rancher had filed a report about missing some cattle and even checked their barn, but not the house. Why would they be in the house, right? So they think a bad storm sent them looking for cover And they also think the storm blew a door open or somehow 1 of the cows just nudged 1 open. So I say the ant goes down for this 1. You can’t blame the cows.
You know, they were just, you know, the door was open.
Yeah, They nudged it. They just did a little nudge. You can’t, you can’t fault a cow for nudging.
And apparently they’re curious because you let, you know, and they’re friendly.
They’re friendly because they, they, they let their friends in. They held the door open and said, Hey, move over and give us some room. This is a place, this is gosh. You know, what do they say? You don’t poop where you sleep, man. I guess when you sleep on your feet for most of your life. You know, you can do that and sleep there. I don’t know. Maybe that’s,
that’s only where they went. They just pooped where other people sleep.
So is that a carpet of poop or a hardwood floor of poop?
Man.
Here’s my vote for carpet. Cause if it, I don’t know though, if it was hardwood floor, I think we would see some curling.
Yeah. You can’t even see the floor.
No, you can’t. It looks like the surface of a swamp.
It does. Yep. That’s great descriptor. It’s just brown. It’s all it’s brown.
Different consistencies of brown. Yeah. Different variations.
It looks like something might be growing in it.
Something after a month. Yeah. There’s some lichen, some, some algae. So, yeah, I don’t know, man. We have a strict rule on the show that we talked about quite a bit last week. Yeah, we did. Once something happens in a thing, it belongs to that thing.
Right, especially something like this.
I say that because my question, and I’ve already answered is, can this house be reclaimed? Nope. I say, no, it’s a cow house now.
It’s a cow’s permanent bathroom.
I mean, say you even, you get about 12 vacuums and you suck up all this nasty stuff. Okay. You ruin them. Shop vacs just being thrown out. Give me a new 1. You know, you suck it all up. You rip up the floors. You tear out the drywall from about waist high down. You replace it. You restock it. You relay it. Everything’s redone. Does it still smell like the inside of a barn? I’m going
to have to say yes.
You feel like you’re too close to a cow’s bunghole? I would say yes. I think you have to tear it down and start over.
You know how things they, like odors, they penetrate into stuff.
That place is never going
to have a new house smell ever. It’s going to have an old barn smell. And maybe that’s okay for some people.
That’s fine. Maybe, you know, have you ever walked into a house and the house has a smell and you’re like, these people don’t know their house smells weird.
Everybody, every house has a smell.
Some of them are pleasurable. I will say they’re nice. Like it’s a nice scent, but sometimes it’s like they’ve put too much roach spray down, You know, something like that.
The basement stinks a little bit. You know, basements, old basements kind of smell.
So these folks might get used to it. And, you know, they just warn people, hey, when you come in, It might smell like 17 cows lived here for a month, but I assure you, we rented and ruined several rug doctors over this. We’ve got insurance on all of them. Dude, I gotta tell you, 1 time my dog threw up in my car and it was so much. He threw up like, he was such a big dog and he threw up so much. He just kept going and going and going. It was just this white liquid. Oh,
I’m gonna
make myself throw up.
And I was like, what am I going to do? So I pulled up to a gas station or 1 of those spray it yourself car washes. And I pulled up next to the, the, the vacuum and I put my quarters in and I sucked that crap up out of the carpet. No, you I did. I did. I did. It was like an inch deep dude.
First time I’m hearing this.
I’ve told it on the story before on the story show before, but have you? Yeah, it’s been a while. Was it before I came? It’s not something I’m proud of, but especially since, you know, it has it, it adds a residue now. And I was like, the next guy that comes along is going to be 1 of these white trucks with the white interior. And he’s going to start scraping that junk down. It At least most of it was white. So yeah.
The dude that had to empty that vacuum cleaner. He’s probably like, what happened here?
I don’t know. I just hope they were meant for fluids as well. You know, cause you know, people spill drinks and they just suck them up, you know? So
I don’t know. I don’t care
is the problem. I didn’t care if it was made for that or not. I needed to get this stuff up. I had no idea how to do it. That was the first thing that came to mind. I had 50 cents and the rest is history. I was so mad.
Took care of the dog’s yak.
Yeah, I did it. I did it. I did it my way. Like Frankie said, dude, It’s the way it has to be. Anyway, let’s do some featured stories.
Okay.
Let me tell y’all stories. Let me tell y’all stories. Let me tell y’all stories.
All right, this was middle school drama, so we have to play the middle school drama theme.
Dang it! Move out of the way, stupid.
If you’re new to the show, middle school drama is… We have to read it like a middle schooler as well. Yeah, dramatic. This is from Audrey and Toby. It’s called the colonoscopy call.
Oh, and it’s from Audrey and Toby
took 2 middle schoolers to put their mind together to create 1 brain and send in this story. So that’s a little scary. Yeah. What’s up, James and John? It’s Audrey and Toby 1 day after school. Me and my mom were at an antique store. A few people were there, I suppose. We were walking around and suddenly turned a corner and there was an old lady on the phone. Wow. Such a strange thing to see. She and the person at the other end of the line were discussing dot dot dot a colonoscopy! Okay. Enter panic mode or
sound effect. It was extremely gross and worst of all, she was on a speakerphone at full volume. I have to yell when it’s all caps. It was super echoey. And then we made a quick beeline for the door and haven’t been back to that store since that horrible day. Hope this makes it on the show. And sure hope your phone’s not on speakerphone, old man. Oh, geez. Thanks, kid. Thank you. Yeah. So I love that they’re never going back to that store because of a lady that was on the phone talking about her colonoscopy.
What if the lady that was on the phone, she was an antiques store, right?
Yeah, yeah.
So maybe they were selling her. Maybe
she’s maybe she has.
That’s not nice. I’m sorry.
Maybe she had some old equipment, some old colonoscopy equipment. I don’t know. I don’t know what they used back in the day, but it probably had a manual pump. Oh, what? Oh, why? Because it was pre electric days, you know, how they do colonoscopies before they had cameras and stuff. They had to just get in there. Use the jaws of life for the equivalent and just get get up in there like underneath a car and just see what you could see with your eyes. Let’s get a dental mirror. I don’t know. Did you say fecal mirror?
I said a dental mirror. Does this hurt? Feel like a polyp? Maybe it’s a relatively new thing. I don’t know, because the whole camera deal. But I just imagine this Victoria era solution that we’re missing out on that we’ve never seen early colonoscopies.
I’m not going to Google any of that. No, they just,
they just had a person with an extremely small head and they just forced them up there on the end of a rod. So just tell us what you see in Morse code. It’s dark. We haven’t invented a flashlight yet. You have to bring a candle. Sorry. I don’t think they drank all their solution. Some boys come in to see me anyway.
I’m just kind of floored. The fact that grandma had her speakerphone at full.
Oh, that’s the way you have to do it. It’s the most ridiculous and annoying thing.
It should be illegal
to speak on speakerphone in public, especially at a restaurant or something like that or on a train or through the shopping mall
or anything.
You just got your, why you do that? You got your phone up, right? Why not just have it to your ear? Why is it out and on FaceTime or on speakerphone? It’s stupid. It’s a stupid
thing. Earbuds or something.
If you do that, you’re an idiot. You’re an LBB.
1 of the many tools of the devil.
That’s right.
So this, this 1 story from Toby and Audrey, it’s middle school, LBB. And what was there something else? No, it’s just, okay. No, we had to
use the history lesson really kind of got thrown in there somehow Alternate history. Yeah steam steampunk colonoscopies Easier to do you just fill them up with steam and I don’t know. There you go. Check them out. That’s it. Just put some steam on it. It’ll be fine. That’s the solution in the steampunk land.
It’s an inspection and a completion.
Just swallow this cog and this pocket watch. We’ll time it, see how long it takes to pass through. If it gets hung up on anything, we’ll know to operate. You know, I don’t know. It works for me.
Steampunk colonoscopy. That sounds like a band.
Sounds like the name of
a show to me. Steampunk colonoscopy.
We got a voicemail. It’s from Marshall. It’s called dumb thumb. Here it goes.
Hey James and John, what’s up y’all? So I have I got to hurry. I have to my parents don’t know about this. I got to be quick. I have a story about a time that me, my mom, brother and sister were on a walk together. So there’s a corner to our home and we were like at the last part of the walk we were either walking home or going or just starting the walk and there’s kind of an on the turn coming to or from our house into like another part of the neighborhood there’s like a
little there’s a turn going uphill So I think I was going down it. So I was going down and the sidewalks are really lumpy there. And I’ll tell you today, today they just replaced it and they filled everything in like 2 days ago.
So that’s cool.
Also our neighbors are getting stuff done in the backyard. Anyway, I gotta be quick. I was running down and I pricked and I ripped open my thumb and it’s so bad. And it’s terrible. I wish I had a picture I could send you. No, no. But I don’t. There’s 10 seconds left. I wish you would make this longer. Love you guys so much. Thanks for listening. Shoot, my parents are coming. Gotta go. Bye.
Okay. And in true middle school fashion, he only told half the story. Let me give you guys a little education. When you tell a story and you get to the part where the thumb exploded, that is half the story. It tore it open. That is the midpoint. That’s the midpoint of the story. The rest of the story is what happened after that. Okay. So next time you watch a movie and Mad Max has to get free.
Yeah,
he gets free, but that’s the midpoint. Yeah. And then all the bad guys start chasing him, right? You know? Yeah. So when your thumb explodes, then we need to know what it looked like, felt like, sounded like what it dripped like.
Even though we don’t really want to know.
Yeah, John doesn’t. I do. I want the gory details. So Marshall, thank you for your story. I understand you were under a time crunch and that’s why you made it on the show because you were very creative. But listen, For everyone else out there, I go over this in the FAQ about submitting stories. Yeah. Don’t tell us half a story. Tell us the whole story.
Yeah, because now we’re going to have to make something up with what happened to your thumb.
That’s true.
I bet you he’s got prosthetic,
doesn’t he? Yes, his thumb exploded. Now it looks like somebody peeled back a banana.
Yeah, and
there’s a red piece of thumb sticking up in the skin is peeled back like banana skins.
I wasn’t thinking about that. That’s
no, that’s what happens.
It’s just a bone there, right?
There’s a
bone with a thumbnail on it. And the rest of the thumb is like a,
you could jiggle it around and stuff and that flops and makes little flop. You know, that’s
not necessary. That’s not even a little bit.
So all you have to do, though, is hold it upside down and let gravity pull all the pieces together and then wrap it in some twine. Maybe some butterfly band-aids. Those were cool back in the day. I don’t know how many you’ll need. Maybe some
duct tape. 500.
Don’t use duct tape, cause you’ll never get it back off. You’ll open up the peels. No, cause you
gotta like, like I gotta change your bandage and then it pulls everything off.
You need something that’s not gonna stick.
Just have a bone thumb hanging out there.
You know, when I got burned on my face, you heard that story?
I had
a burning marshmallow plunging in my face. The only part of it that scarred was the part, cause the guy stuck a bandage on it. And it was not a non-stick bandage. And the next morning they worked on my face for like an hour, wetting it down, trying to carefully peel off this thing. And my stepdad got tired of it and he ripped the last bit off and a little chunk came out. And I still, I still don’t grow hair in that little dot where he got. I never heard that part of the story. Yeah, it’s a
part I don’t tell, but he’s dead now. So he can’t sue me. The statute of limitations is definitely over. I guess so. And my half brothers don’t listen to the story, so our story show. So, you know, it’s all good now. It’s all good. I forgive you. I forgive you, John. Although I would have liked to have had a good face, a good face, you know? You got
a good face.
I’ve lost jobs because of that scar, so.
No, you haven’t.
I’ve lost women over that scar. But you ended up with the best 1, so. I did, I did. You get them- And She didn’t care. You gotta get them young and you gotta get them before they’ve got their eyes checked. She needed glasses and she didn’t know. So by the time she got glasses, she was embedded.
Already married.
He’s already there. This One’s called Button Blunder. It’s from Glenn in Clearfield, Utah. He said, I got an electric rocket launcher for my 12th birthday. My little brother was 2 years younger than me. He got an electric rocket launcher. What’s that? It’s the thing that launches rockets. But it’s electric. Yeah. How does that work? Well, it’s got electricity. I’d imagine. I don’t know. Let’s let’s let’s find out together. Hold my hand and let’s delve deeply
into this. I’m interested.
My little brother was 2 years younger than me and he wanted to learn how to use it And I didn’t know if my mom would approve of me showing how to launch a rocket to a two-year-old So instead of asking we went in the basement And I took it out of the box and showed him all the pieces. How does it go together? I was excited about his newfound interest in my most exciting toy. So I put it together all of it, every piece. And I showed him step by step how to launch it. Yeah, I
couldn’t stop. I mean, he’s only 2.
He’s not gonna.
And as an older brother, and you are too, you love it when the kids take an interest, you know?
Yeah, I’m the big brother, right? I know
stuff.
I know all the stuff.
I’m all important. First, I put the fuel in the rocket and then I put the rocket on the launching pad and then I connect all the wires to the fuel and then I said, now it’s ready. All you have to do is press this button and you would have thought that I would have just pointed to the button and then took it all back apart. But since my brain wasn’t fully developed, I pushed that button. Yeah, I did. The rocket launched in our basement. It hit the ceiling and then it hit 2 other walls before coming
to a halt in the corner. Popped. It has fuel. Popped out the little parachute. The worst part is the rocket hit a poster that my dad had hanging on the wall that was signed by the legendary basketball player, John Stockton, and he put a hole in it. No, Does that mean anything to you?
Well, I know who John Stockton is.
Oh, I don’t. I have no clue.
Did he play for the Bulls?
Can you, can you Wikipedia him while I finished the story?
I’ll do that. I’ll do that.
Then we can give some facts to make people care because I don’t know sports. Needless to say, my parents were not happy. What happens in the basement, unfortunately, does not stay in the basement. Hope this story makes it on the show. Thanks, Glenn from Clearfield.
It happened in the basement. Almost flew out into the rest of the house.
If it had been a cartoon, dude, it would have gone down your throat and zoomed you across the room like Roger Rabbit or something.
Yeah, that’s what it would have been. And then it would have like had a rocket shaped part on your butt when it was trying to exit.
Or it could have, you know, taken you to infinity and beyond, and you would have just made it into barely. Barely. We missed the truck buzz. We’re not aiming for the truck. You know, that was so amazing in Toy Story 1.
0, yes. Yes.
Yeah, because he went for the minivan and they dropped in right next to him. It was so great.
It went flying.
So tell me something about John Stockton that I need to know.
Okay. Well, John Stockton did not play for the Bulls, but he did play for the Utah Jazz.
That makes sense.
I think if I remember correctly, this story took place in Utah. Oh my goodness. He started playing in 1984. Okay. Played all the way to, is this real? He played all the way till 2002.
Wow. Is that real? I don’t even care. I’m
looking at career stats, I guess he’s American former basketball point guard. Yeah. And I don’t, that’s, that’s more than
I know. Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate it. I’m glad somebody has a poster of him and I’m glad you got in trouble, Glenn, because if I have posters, I have Buzz Lightyear stuff. And if my kids set off and rock it in the basement, it would destroy about a thousand dollars worth of stuff. And I would have to destroy a thousand dollars worth of their pinky.
And then you’d have to pay twice that to get a fake 1 to
put on there. I know there’s prosthetics and there’s clubs they could join, you know? Am I really being a bad parent? No, I don’t think so. This is from kindly from Clearfield, Utah. It’s the newest thing sponsored by that story show. This was called Hawaiian Hiccup. I was like 7 at the time. So I’m still losing some teeth. We were on vacation in Hawaii. We were driving to some random place and me and my brother were playing dogs and owners because that’s what seven-year-olds apparently do. In Dogs and Owners, I was the dog and my brother
was the owner giving me a treat, AKA a shoe. Oh. Suddenly he shoved it in my mouth and my Wiggly front tooth popped right out and from that point on we never played that game again Clear Kinley whatever I kindly Ask you to help me out with names.
I apologize.
No, it’s fine. Kenley. Kenley sounds better, but it’s, you got to admit it’s a freaking generation Z name. K-Y-N-L-E-E. You made that up people. You deserve to have it pronounced wrong for the rest of your life. Gen X, baby.
Yeah, there we go.
We were the last people with normal names. Everybody else’s named after John. They’re all, all your names sound like last names to us.
Yeah. We’re so old. We’re so old. Get off of our lawn.
You and your fancy names. Right. We’ll talk about colonoscopies if we want to, but we will, we will not do it on a speakerphone. We know we will. No, That’s boomers, man.
Oh, that’s right.
Freaking boomers all day. We have a boomer story that’s going to be in the bonus content today. So for those of you that aren’t on Patreon, what the deal is me and John record a second podcast called stuff that didn’t fit on the show. And sometimes it’s as long, if not longer than the real show. Is that, am I lying?
No, you’re not. Okay. Because that’s when we let our hair down.
We do. We do. And so there’s a great boomer story in there I can’t wait to share. So if you’re not a Patreon supporter, go to patreon.com slash that story show and sign up. You could sign up for a year for like $13. It’s crazy. It’s crazy. Or you can sign up on Apple podcasts for like a dollar a month or something stupid like that. So it’s not like we’re trying to rip you off here. It’s just bonus and it helps us. I don’t understand.
It’s good, it’s fun stuff. Helps pay the bills, right.
Here is the scary story we promised you. It’s from James
B. In
Harriman. I don’t even know where that is, but I bet if I looked it up, it would be 1 city in the whole America. It’s called Mysterious Mound. First, let me say you guys, James and John, you have been the source of wonderful entertainment during my commute. Thank you for the good laughs, including tears, for turning into bats, for dissing the LBBs, hallelujah. Man. Squeezed a lot of stuff in there. And our first home was a single story on a crawl space. The previous owners had rented the home to many different families with many of them
being from foreign countries With different cultures and histories that we weren’t familiar with this comes into play later. This is called build up Occasionally I had to go down to the crawlspace to see or fix something The old wood structure’s crawlspace was about 3 foot tall thus the term crawlspace It had a dirt floor and a lot of cobwebs with an occasional spider. Love that. There were some old lamps that may have been left down there as a light source for a past tenant. It was kind of creepy, but I’m really not bothered by that sort
of thing. All right. That’s your first clue about James. He’s not really bothered by that sort of thing. John, are you bothered by spidery, creepy, dark crawl spaces? I am.
Yeah, I’m not a big fan. I have a creepy dark kind of spidery
crawl space. Would it be safe at this point in the story to say that we are normal
people
when it comes to crawl spaces. We speak for most men and women when it comes to a crawl space. It’s not a thing, but for him, he’s not really bothered by it.
All right.
Okay. I just want to kind of Put that in there. On 1 occasion, he’s got a more testosterone masculinity.
I don’t know. Whatever it is that keeps you being afraid from that kind of thing.
Maybe he’s got that thing where he doesn’t feel pain and he doesn’t know when a spider’s crawling on his neck. I don’t know.
Or fear.
Yeah. On 1 occasion, our main water line sprung a leak. So I had to go down there and dig and reconnect a new pipe. At 1 point I was waiting for my brother-in-law helper to push the new pipe into me. And as I sat there in the semi darkness with my shovel and extension cord shop light and an old wood structure and my thoughts, I noticed that there was a dirt pile about 15 feet away that was roughly 8 foot long and 3 foot wide and 1 foot above the rest of the dirt floor. I contemplated
what it might be. It looked like the mound over a corpse. Someone might be buried there. I thought about the different people who had occupied the house before me and maybe an old uncle brought from across the Pacific with no paperwork or citizenship. Not that there was anyone like that that lived here before. And then I thought maybe some organized crime hooligans maybe had to get rid of someone. Not that there was anyone like that either, but you know how weird thoughts go. Yep. It also could be that nothing was there and it was left over
dirt from some previous work that was done. Either way, for whatever reason, it didn’t bother me at all.
Yeah, come on, James. James is, he’s a, he’s 1 of those kind of guys. It just doesn’t get scared.
Oh, we’re curious.
Well, he was curious. He thought through all the scenarios.
Yeah, but to not check, I don’t know. That’s why I called him James B. We usually don’t do a last initial, but I did not want his name and my name getting confused. Cause James K would be very concerned the minute he thought a corpse was buried under his ass, He’d be checking that mound out. Anyway, for whatever reason, it didn’t bother me at all. I finished up my work down in the crawl space, got my extension cord light and started back across the house to the access latch, hatch. As I came up out of it,
I saw my wife in the other room and I said, Hey, you’ll never guess what I saw down there. And just then in a millionth of a second, a massive torn of thoughts entered my brain. Are you insane? What are you doing? You idiot. If you tell your wife what you saw down there, the drama will be unimaginable. There will be no peace in this house. You’ll have to dig into that pile to see what is there. God forbid you might find something. Someone. Ooh, maybe the police will need to be involved. Yeah, I think they
should. We would have to move way too much work, way too much stress. You better come up with something good right now, right now. Oh, what did you see? My wife said, Oh, there’s a bunch of old lamps down here. Do you want me to bring any of them up? No, really, what did you see?” She said, I told you, there’s a bunch of old lamps. Do you want to see them? Never believe it. She didn’t, thank goodness. The mystery of the crawl space remains a mystery to this day, John.
He still doesn’t
know. He doesn’t know. We moved a couple of years later and on the first Halloween at our new house, I recalled the experience. So I told my wife and children and we all had a good laugh. They’re all nuts. All of them. Now they asked me to tell the story from time to time, but I still wonder… Hope it makes it on the show. Thanks and keep up the good work. James. Oh my gosh, James, you freak me out, dude. You, you lived there. You moved out. It’s somebody else’s corpse now.
Yeah. Or what if it’s, what if it’s not a corpse? What if it’s, what if it’s treasure?
He said he was very specific that it was 8 foot long. It was 4, 3 foot wide and 1 foot high. That’s the shallow grave. I’m sorry. I don’t care. He should have called the police. He should have gotten interested. He should have checked for bones. There should have been some interest. This guy is crazy. That’s why his story made it on the show. And that was the last story. I don’t wanna hear nothing else about it. We have a few announcements. The podcast machine needs your help. We’ve got to go fund me. You go to
help.thatstorieshow.com. There’s only $146 left. We’re trying to raise money because my existing computer is 8 years old and it has stopped responding when I try to edit our video and our audio and even launching web pages, it just randomly takes forever and crashes. And I knew it was gonna happen, but I wanna get this thing built before it dies. So help us out, get on help.thatstorieshow.com, $20, $10, $5, whatever it is. Let’s just get the rest of this done. And that’ll be great. We got hats available on etsy.com slash nlcast. We’re gonna have key chains and
stickers and magnets on there soon. As soon as I get all the details worked out with shipping and all that kind of stuff. And we are doing a series, best of series, and we need a list of your favorite stories. So email James at nlcast.com or that story show at gmail.com and give us your favorite stories. We would like to have an episode and story name, but if you just remember you liked the 1 story where the guy pooped in his hood, that’s fine. Just tell us that and we’ll find it. We got people, we got
people that know every story and every show and we’ll track it down. But if you know this episode number and the name of the story, that would help a lot, but we need your favorite story. Send them in that story show at gmail.com and then we can make a series of these best of episodes so we can play them if I’m not feeling good enough to do a show. So do it for me. This podcast is possible because of our supporting listeners on Patreon. Supporting listeners get ad free listening swag and a Beanly weekly bonus. That’s
when you put bonus and weekly together, you get a Beanly podcast. Try it out free for 7 days. And if you hate it, just quit. But if you love it, go to support.thatstorieshow.com. Thank you, Deborah Sims for becoming a patron this week and special thanks to our producers, James Sprangler, Carrie Wright and Christopher Tynan. Guys and girls, it’s time for us to get out of here. Hey folks, do you have a story you’d like featured on a future episode? Submit your story at thatstorieshow.com where you can type it in or talk it in. And while you’re
there, join our mailing list for the latest updates. Please take a moment and leave a review on iTunes or Spotify. And remember, when something weird, annoying, embarrassing, or painful happens to you, don’t get stressed, don’t get depressed, just think, hey, what’s under that mound? Nah. And this belongs on that story show we’ll see you guys next week bye bye stick around here we go my crawl space is mysterious Not that it bothers me, I am so serious I see a dirt mound, I don’t know what it is It could be a dead uncle or a dead
little kid But I don’t care, it don’t matter to me because I’m weird what we might call differently. Well others see a possible third degree murder. I just see a pile of dirt, my wife I’ll never tell her So every missing person that has ever been lost Might just be holing up and buried in my crawlspace boss Who needs to call the police? Who needs the CSI? Who needs to help a grieving family know their loved 1 might’ve died? So it’s better if I let her think I’m talking about the lamps not worth the drama and
the drama Cuz my world could collapse. Oh, it’s my secret I will keep it cuz it’s just how I’m wired at least until the Statue of Limitations has expired.
Ho ho ho! Is that Marshall Mathers over there?