Episode Summary

After months of planning (actually mostly just talking and wishing) the Nobody’s Listening podcast has become a reality.

Nobody’s Listening will be filled with stories from our past. We invite you to join in the fun by emailing us your true-life, funny stories at thatstoryshow@gmail.com or calling in your comments to 209-5NLCast.

The podcast inspiration came from the many times that we would call one another to relive different events from the past, often with a third person on a third line. Many of the stories were so crazy sounding people didn’t believe them. We figured we needed to share our stories with the world.

This week we focus on several stories that all revolve around me (James) embarrassing myself. I kick a one legged man, sing to an exterminator, get in trouble with my wife and steal a b-b gun from some children. Did I mention it’s funny?

The show is ended with a Recap Song. You’ll just have to hear it for yourself.

Huge thanks to Michael from the Weekly Merloc for all your help in shaving a few months off the podcast learning curve!

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Memorable Moments:

• First released episode
• David: “But you’ve just gotta swing with the branches.”
• David: “Nothing in the basement. Nothing at all!”
• James: “Beams of evil hate would have streamed from her eyes and burned my skull.” David: “Definitely, definitely.”
• James: “That’s not very dark.” David: “That’s not dark? That the E-minor, that’s the darkest chord in the world!”
• James burps and David kicks the desk.

(Notes by Tavin and James Kennison)

Full Transcript

Note to Readers: This transcript was generated using the AI tool, Transcript.lol. While we do our best to edit for clarity, some minor errors may occur.

[00:00:00] David: That Story Show

[00:00:25] James: How you doing out there podcast people? This is Nobody’s Listening, a brand new podcast from your host James Kinison and David Kinison. That’s right. Two brothers, 33 and 23.

[00:00:35] James: Yes. And I’m the oldest of five. David’s the youngest of five. And we’re going to bring you stories from our past and present and possibly future.

[00:00:44] James: The future. We’re precog. Two of three precogs. Yeah.

[00:00:51] James: So anyway, just let me tell you a little bit about why we’re going to do this podcast. Actually, David, why don’t you tell this time?

[00:00:57] David: Actually, we have this time. We have tons of stories in the past when we were in our childhood days. I mean, I got a little bit more than James does because he’s 10 years older than me. So he left home when he was 18, and I still had 10.

[00:01:12] James: I was going to say, because that doesn’t make any sense. I’m older than you. I should have more stories than you. And I do.

[00:01:17] James: But there’s just stories, David, you can’t hear until you’re more mature. until my insurance goes down until your beard grows

[00:01:27] David: But anyway, we got so many stories. Well, yeah, me and James combined and… Because your beard’s a little thin. Because it is, isn’t it?

[00:01:37] David: Dude, I use Rograin. You Rograin. What? Rograin.

[00:01:41] David: Rogain. This doesn’t work. But anyway, so we got tons of stories. We need to keep going.

[00:01:46] David: This is live to hard drive and… I taught him how to say that. I know, it’s big. And we usually would just, because I just moved to Phoenix in the last week and a half.

[00:01:56] David: I just moved to Phoenix. You moved from Phoenix to Missouri. To Missouri.

[00:02:03] James: And that’s where we’re broadcasting from, Middle America. But we’re wanting to do a podcast because David and I have these stories and a lot of times when he tells people or I tell people, they don’t believe us. They don’t. And so we end up calling each other to confirm and of course they hear the same story from the other brother.

[00:02:18] James: They finally believe it. But we’re like, why do this one person by one person? Why not take our stories to the internet, to the gospel of Kennison? thatstoryshow.com.

[00:02:49] James: The format of the show, we’re going to do this weekly. Right now we’re recording on Wednesday night, so you should be able to start getting podcasts as early as Thursday morning, Thursday afternoon, but we do want to do this weekly. And we also want to do weekly updates. Every week we’ll start the show by introducing ourselves and giving you an update of anything that’s gone on during the week.

[00:03:12] James: We will do a featured story this week. We’ve got a pretty good one for you then we’re going to respond to any emails or phone calls that we might have had during the week and Then we are going to do something interesting at the very end called the recap song We’re going to recap the entire show in the freestyle music format accompanied by David Kennison on the guitar. Yeah.

[00:03:39] James: So we’ll see how that works. We’ll see. Anyway, before we get into our weekly update, let me just tell you, you could visit us online at nobodyslistening.net. That’s N-O-B-O-D-Y-S-L-I-S-T-E-N-I-N-G.net.

[00:03:52] David: That’s right in front of them.

[00:03:54] James: and you can email us at yourstoriesandyourcrazythings because that’s another part of this podcast. We want to give you an opportunity to share your crazy stories and anecdotes. You can send those to nobodyslisteningtosatgmail.com or you can call us at our brand new phone line, the nobody line at 206-600-5704. David’s already got it memorized and I never knew he had that talent, but apparently he does.

[00:04:20] David: I do.

[00:04:20] James: So anyway, David, what happened with your week this week?

[00:04:23] David: Um, nothing much, just been looking for a job. Oh great, alright, well anyway, I’m gonna move on to… Okay, I hate you. Um, nothing much, James. Just looking for a job. Just looking for a job, basically, you know, just got in town, I feel like a bum right now, but I’m not making any money. Right. But you know how it is, you gotta swing with the branches. Yeah. I just made that up. But yeah, you definitely gotta just swing with the branches. So good.

[00:04:52] James: I actually have a job so I can move on beyond that just tell you this week Something crazy that happened to me. I was in Target. You were there. Yeah, I was there And all of a sudden this guy comes up by me.

[00:05:03] James: He’s like, hey James and I turn around and it’s it’s Dennis he’s one of our he’s a guy I work with and at my church and and so I’m like immediately wanting to introduce him there because my family’s all around my sister-in-law our sister and brother-in-law my wife and all these and my brother and so I’m like hey guys have you met Dennis you know and so they’re doing introductions well the thing is and David knows this now but may not have known it at the time is Dennis only has one leg yeah he can from the knee down he was in hot he was in a motorcycle accident seven years lost his leg from the knee down wears a prosthetic And he’s really cool about it. And so I was wanting to show this off a little bit.

[00:05:43] James: So I start checking his legs.

[00:05:46] David: I was wondering what James was doing.

[00:05:48] James: He was tapping Dennis’s right leg. I start kicking his both legs with my foot. And I found the one, you know, I couldn’t remember which one it was, but I found one that was really hard. So I start kicking it over and over and over again so that the point was so that the family would go, what the heck are you doing?

[00:06:05] James: Why are you kicking this man’s leg? dude we’re going about 15 seconds into this and finally he turns to me he just pauses the conversation with everybody James that’s my real leg all serious it wasn’t funny James you’re kicking the wrong way it was horrible and I was immediately feeling so stupid cuz it’s like he’s like I was gonna try to fake you out and not do anything he says but it’s it started really hurting So yeah, I was just like horrified. I hate getting in trouble.

[00:06:37] James: I hate doing stupid stuff.

[00:06:38] David: Yeah, it was pretty embarrassing because you were trying to show it off. Like I have a friend with half a leg and I’m kicking the right leg.

[00:06:44] James: But the thing is, here at work, everybody makes fun of him. I mean, because he’s a really cool guy, but I never do. And the one time I decide to break my own rules. You mess up.

[00:06:54] James: I kicked the wrong leg. Show.

[00:07:25] David: and David agrees actually you did start yeah I started I got the trial thing going on for 10 days I think I got a day left.

[00:07:31] James: You played a warrior up to level 12 in like a few days so he’s definitely hooked. I was addicted. Unfortunately he has no money and no computer.

[00:07:41] David: I’m not going to play it anymore.

[00:07:42] James: So he’s not going to play past the thing but your account still will be active even a year from now.

[00:07:47] David: So I could still pay. You could start anytime.

[00:07:50] James: That’s cool. Oh wow excuse me. What’s our featured story today?

[00:08:11] David: Our first story is we call it Hallelujah. And basically when James first moved to Kansas City, he bought a house. Well, not when he first moved, but when he first got his new house in Kansas City here, he needed some help doing some stuff around the house. So we were in the bathroom tearing a door, trimming out and all this stuff.

[00:08:34] David: And well, let me tell you what was going on.

[00:08:38] James: I had just recently gotten back from a missions trip to Mexico. And I had met several people, including a Mexican pastor that obviously spoke nothing but Spanish, very, very limited English and had a Spanish speaking congregation. And I had the opportunity to go and just help them out, help them build their church and stuff. But I was telling David how people in Mexico, don’t pronounce the J’s in their words like Juan instead of like you know somebody ignorant would say John you know except this pastor and I don’t know if it’s all if it’s just a Spanish culture Christian you know people that go to church would say this but when he

[00:09:19] James: would say the word hallelujah he would pronounce the J I don’t know how hallelujah is spelled, but it’s something like J-A-H at the end. So instead of hallelujah, this pastor would say hallelujah.

[00:09:33] David: Yes. So, so James, you know, informed me of all this and we’re sitting…

[00:09:50] David: And he gets, and he gets louder and louder. Review That Story Show And I’m trying to figure out what do I say I can’t stop laughing tell the guy what’s going on So I’m like come in follow me, and he’s like are you sure I was like yeah, okay?

[00:10:35] James: And this is where I have to take over because I’m staying on the sink in the bathroom fixing the bathroom, and I’m singing at the top of my lungs. Suddenly my brother appears in the doorway red‑face, tears streaming down his face laughing at anything, so I’m like man. I’m really funny I’m making this dude laugh so I just go and that’s when he steps to the side and the freaking pest‑control guy with the weirdest look on his face steps in the room and I’m just going That Story Show That Story Show and so my plan was to be done by the time she got home from work but no… I hear the door and I’m like “David, dude, get to the door, don’t let her come down here.” He goes up there and she comes up and she’s like “What’s going on?” because he’s looking guilty. His response is “Oh, you know, I’m just hanging out, you want to go get a soda?” He says nothing in the basement, nothing at all and she’s immediately going “Get out of the way.” Review That Story Show What do you want to go there for?

[00:12:42] James: I don’t even remember doing this.

[00:12:44] David: Dude, you blocked it out. It’s denial. Denial is a sick, sick disease.

[00:12:47] James: Then what did I do? What’s so bad?

[00:12:49] David: No, no, no. We got a U‑Haul and we were moving somebody and me and Jonathan found a BB gun, a very cool… Our other brother, Jonathan… M‑16 looking BB gun.

[00:12:57] David: Yeah. And James was like, you’re too young to have… And it was in the truck. It was behind the seats in the old U‑Haul.

[00:13:02] David: Somebody had left it there. Left it there, yeah. It was a BB gun. It was not a real gun.

[00:13:07] David: And so James was like, let me see that. Oh, BB gun’s not a real gun. You can’t kill someone. How old were you?

[00:13:13] David: I don’t know, like two. No, I was like six or seven. Oh, okay. That’s better.

[00:13:17] David: So we already had BB guns. And so, uh, we take it, me and John play with it. And then James is like, you, you can’t have this. You can’t have this because you’re too young.

[00:13:27] David: And then he takes it.

[00:13:29] James: And that’s it. But then hatred was… I put it back behind the seats because that’s what you should do.

[00:13:36] David: So he basically put it behind the, supposedly put it back in the, behind the seats, but I have a heartfelt hatred for BB guns and my brother now.

[00:13:49] James: Well, that was our week. That was not our weekly update. That was our featured story. Plus you got some bonus content there, but I hope you enjoyed the hallelujah story.

[00:13:58] James: You’ll probably hear us reference it. Both David and I have colds, so please forgive my crunchy voice and my coughing and David’s coughing, but in… We actually have a call that we need to play because what we’re going to do is we’re always going to take this period of time and respond to emails and calls. Hopefully you guys will start calling in to 206‑657‑04 and emailing your stories to nobody’s listening to us at gmail.com. Now we’ll take stories, we’ll take comments.

[00:14:26] James: We want to hear how we can make this podcast better. But a special someone, very weird, very strange, scared me, called in. So let’s play that right now. Hello, this is JoJo, and I’m a Christian clown, and I happen to hear, happen upon your podcast, and as a Christian clown, I must say I’m very offended by the content of the episode that you have.

[00:14:51] David: I consider myself a very spiritual person, and someone that isn’t easily offended, but I must say, your brother, David, who continually said, “oh my God,” was not seeing it in a very relevant and respectful tone; he was saying it as a cuss word so I just want to call you and tell you to stop before your brother goes to hell in a handbasket. Okay, well this has been JoJo the Christian Clown. Have a blessed day. Okay, yeah, that’s pretty scary. JoJo the Christian Clown. Yeah. Very strange.

[00:15:30] James: Am I supposed to feel convicted for that? I think so, David. I don’t really know how to respond to that.

[00:15:38] David: I don’t know.

[00:15:38] James: I’ll just say, without offending anyone, that sir, we’re sorry if saying “oh my God” offends you. Yeah, both of us are people that believe in God and all that and so we didn’t mean to do anything to you, sir. Please feel free to call back and respond but we’re gonna keep it PG. Yeah, we’re keeping it PG. We don’t swear on the podcast or anything like that. All our stories will be as clean as possible. I mean, I just want to say, good luck, get a life, Christian clown.

[00:16:11] David: Get a life. What does a clown do calling up a podcast and harassing us?

[00:16:19] James: He’s apparently talking about our pilot, our unproduced, undistributed pilot that we released to friends and family. So I don’t even know how he got a hold of it. But there were a few out on iTunes that went out. I don’t know how they got it.

[00:16:34] James: Please, like I said before, go to www.nobodieslistening.net, check out our website. You can see our show notes up there. Make sure you email us at nobodieslistening2us at gmail.com and then you can call the nobody line at 206‑657‑04. Hopefully soon, our feed has been accepted by iTunes.

[00:16:55] James: It has not showing up in the search yet. So most of you guys will probably get this maybe as late as after the second episode, but I’m gonna try to get a hold of them to find out what’s going on. Cool, but give us some feedback. You know, give us ideas. Yeah, whatever you got us, whatever you got to do, but give us some feedback on the iTunes thatstoryshow.com, That Story Show, That Story Show, That Story Show.

[00:17:55] David: G or D beginning?

[00:17:56] James: I’m feeling since both of my stories today seem to totally be depressing towards me.

[00:18:02] David: Okay.

[00:18:02] James: Like I was embarrassed with Dennis and I was definitely embarrassed with the holiday story. And you getting me in trouble with Jennifer. We’re gonna have to go dark.

[00:18:12] David: I got you in trouble with Jennifer. Oh, yeah, we have to go dark. Okay.

[00:18:23] James: All I was trying to do was introduce my friend to you. He had a bad leg. I never tried to embarrass him that way. But that day I kicked him in his good leg. He tried to take the pain like a big old man. He tried to take the pain like a big old man. But he couldn’t because I kicked him in his good leg. I haven’t seen him since that day. I think he doesn’t want to talk to her. It’s not that I think, it’s just that I don’t know what I’m gonna say when you talked to him that day. Well, what was I thinking anyway? I thought you were stupid! Well, if I kicked him in the good leg, at least he could heal.

[00:19:50] James: Them fake legs cost thousands of dollars daily. Millions, I’ve heard.

[00:19:56] David: Who you been talking to? The doctor kept working again.

[00:20:03] James: I was sitting on the floor in the bathroom one afternoon I was trying to fix my dream. I was singing a song about a word about a J that drove me insane and then I went…

[00:20:34] David: I’ll do not hopefully wet myself cause I was laughing so hard and I found this guy walking in the door Hallelujah, Hallelujah, that’s all I could see.

[00:20:56] James: While David’s bringing that guy down my hallway I saw him in the doorway. Tears streaming down his face. I thought I was being a funny man but he was a big disgrace. David stepped to one side like I said before. The man was staring at me through that open door. I stopped and mid‑jump I said I forgot that you was coming today. Oh my god it was so embarrassing. It was so embarrassing. Immediately I decided not to sing anymore forever for like a month. Hazel. The only thing I gotta say David, JoJo the Christian Clown, needs to find another job, needs to get something else to do. If you need a life, I’m sure they’re hiring, winos at the zoo.

[00:22:02] David: I just rhymed, we can go with it, it’s like Bob Dylan.

[00:22:06] James: It’s like, yeah, freestyle, it’s okay. JoJo, no no. Don’t you go on my podcast dissing us anymore. We won’t accept your calls or ever play your voicemails.

[00:22:28] James: Anyway, that’s all we’ve got for you today. I hope you enjoyed our podcast. I hope you appreciated the work we put into it. Please remember to call us at the nobody line at 206‑600‑5704.

[00:22:39] James: Keep your calls short. We’ll try to play them on the line and email us at nobodieslistening to us at gmail.com. Visit us on our website, nobodieslistening.net. N‑O‑B‑O‑D‑Y‑S‑L‑I‑S‑T‑E‑N‑I‑N‑G.net.

[00:22:54] James: And again, thank you, Michael.

[00:22:56] David: Thanks, Mike.

[00:22:57] James: We appreciate you. We do. Don’t know what we’d do without you.

[00:23:02] David: David, thank you, bud. Thank you, Jamesy‑wamesy. Even though you weren’t feeling really good. Even though Jays wasn’t feeling too good either.

[00:23:07] David: Davey‑wavy. Davey‑wavy baby.

[00:23:10] James: King Davey.

[00:23:11] David: King Davey, King James.

[00:23:12] James: Inside baseball from our family that you will never understand. Anyway, that’s it till next week. Yep. Talk to you later.

[00:23:20] James: Bye. Oh, you know what, Dave? I forgot our closing. Yeah, me too.

[00:23:24] James: I forgot too. You know what? Even if this podcast stinks, it doesn’t matter. You know why?

[00:23:28] David: Why?

[00:23:28] James: Because nobody’s listening.

[00:24:29] David: I just stepped on the mic. I’m sorry.

[00:24:30] James: One more time. Okay, how you doing?