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Emmy’s cousin gets pinched. Austin’s friend is afraid of warm water. Myah gets brave for the sake of a chicken. Jonah grosses us out with a fart gone wrong.
Austin wins a Sonic the Hedgehog Micro Figure & Collector Case. Myah wins a super cute Stitch coin purse with Nerds lip glosses. Next week we’re giving away a Lego Boba Fett Microfighter to one lucky storyteller. Get your story in today!
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Full Transcript:
00:00 – 00:08
Hi, James and John. This is Dan Lewis, and I just want to say, wow, 500 episodes. That’s quite a feat. 500.
00:08 – 00:22
That’s more than I can count on my fingers and my toes. So that’s quite impressive, and I hope we get 500 more. I’d like to do a little intro for you, if you wouldn’t mind using it. Here it goes.
00:23 – 00:29
You’re listening to That Story Show, where you can take James and John with you to the John.
00:33 – 00:41
Hey podcast people, I’m your host. My name is James Kenison. I’m the John. You’re the John.
00:41 – 00:52
It can be taken to the John. Oh man, that was awesome. Just when I think I can’t love our listeners anymore. Then we get crap like that.
00:53 – 01:04
Yeah. You go and redeem yourself all over again. Gosh, 500 episodes, John. What’s that noise?
01:04 – 01:05
Air horn.
01:05 – 01:07
Yeah. I have it on my thing.
01:07 – 01:11
That’s okay. Yeah. It doesn’t play. Yeah.
01:12 – 01:31
Oh, goodness. John, John, John, this week, real quick, just a little thing to start us off. My wife got mad at me this week. She said, she said, stop singing, I’m a believer, you know, or she said, and I was like, no, I love that song by the Monkees, right?
01:32 – 01:41
Yeah. And she says, no, if you don’t stop, I’ll leave you. And I thought she was joking, but then I saw her face. No, I’m a believer.
01:41 – 01:42
Okay.
01:43 – 01:45
It’s a little bit funny.
01:58 – 02:05
I got a little scared there for a second. It’s not right. I could see like flames starting to come up from behind you.
02:05 – 02:07
Yeah, the devil was here for a minute. I was afraid
02:07 – 02:08
your face was going to peel
02:09 – 02:15
off. I chased him off. I chased him off. Well, this is a story called That Story Show.
02:15 – 02:24
And this is a storytelling podcast where we share your hilarious funny life stories. And we always start with an opening story. And this was from Emmy from Accident, Maryland. It’s called Butt Cheeks.
02:26 – 02:28
Can I let you in on a little secret?
02:28 – 02:29
Yeah.
02:29 – 02:32
John, I’ll tell you right after this, okay?
02:32 – 02:33
Okay.
02:33 – 02:57
Hey James, one day my mom and my dad and sisters and I drove over to my aunt and uncles to visit and they live down a long dirt road in the backwoods of Oklahoma. When we finally arrived, we pulled in and my eldest cousin zipped around our SUV on his bike. And he was around 13 or so at the time, which puts my sister Julie at like five. So my sisters and I hopped out of the car promptly as we were excited to see our cousins.
02:58 – 03:08
Levi, the one on the bike, pedaled over to say hello. And he was being a cool kid and was pedaling while standing, you know, the way all cool kids do. Absolutely. That’s the way I did it.
03:08 – 03:25
And Julie walked up behind him and pinched his butt cheek and yelled, butt cheeks! super loud as she pinched. He took off like a shot on his bike. My mom hollered at her and my other sister and I just stood there staring in disbelief.
03:26 – 03:48
We never mentioned it around him again. Though my sisters and I do laugh about it till we cry because who does that to people? Five-year-old, five-year-olds do. This is one of the same sisters in episode 404 Julie’s tumor is named after She gives our lives a lot of joy by way of crazy anecdotes.
03:48 – 04:04
Well, you’ll have to go listen to Julie’s tumor because one time any and I were chatting on discord or something and And she was like, yeah, my sister had this weird thing in her nose one time. And I’m like, well, that’s hilarious. You, you should send that in. She said, I did.
04:04 – 04:12
I said, did we ever read it? She said, you named a whole episode after it. I’m like, oh my gosh, I read a lot of stories. I’m sorry.
04:12 – 04:14
So yeah. Go check out a
04:14 – 04:15
hundred episodes worth
04:15 – 04:22
of stories. That’s yes. It’s, it’s, it’s almost been 20 years, John December. It will be 20 years.
04:23 – 04:30
Isn’t that crazy? We should be a lot further along than we are, but 500 is still a good place to be. All right.
04:31 – 04:32
It’s special.
04:32 – 04:38
It’s time for me to tell you what I was going to tell you before I tell you what you told you. Yeah, what were you going to tell me? Before I tell you those, let me tell you these other things. Okay.
04:39 – 05:05
First of all, if you tell a story on this show, if you get a story on this show, you not only get fame and fortune and wonderful things that you can share with your family, Unforgettable memory you also win a sticker. So when you hear your story on the show, make sure you write in from the Email that you sent the show story in From originally and we will send you a sticker. So don’t forget to do that If you hear your story on the show, don’t be cheating and try to send something in because I do check secondly.
05:05 – 05:06
Mm-hmm
05:07 – 05:23
We are giving away a Sonic the Hedgehog mini figure collectible and comes with the case. It’s awesome. We’re doing that this week. A little side note that I’ll add is nobody claimed the stitch purse.
05:24 – 05:33
So it is still up and available. Ladies, if you would like to win two, uh, nerds, What is it? Lip glosses? Lip balms.
05:34 – 05:40
And a very cute stitch embroidered stitch purse, coin purse.
05:41 – 05:41
It didn’t get
05:41 – 06:01
claimed? No, they didn’t listen to their story and they’ve passed their chance. And so, uh, I’ll give it to anybody, but I, we have so many awesome female listeners and storytellers that I would hate for a dude to get this, honestly. So nobody’s claimed those stitch purse.
06:01 – 06:11
So, uh, next week’s giveaway. If you’ve been holding onto your story, John, I want you to describe to them what you are seeing in the window.
06:11 – 06:11
Oh,
06:12 – 06:24
that is, uh, a Lego star Wars mini that micro fighter, micro fighter. Sorry. It’s Boba Fett’s. Starship, also known as the Slave I.
06:24 – 06:32
That’s right. It’s not politically correct to call it that anymore, but we all know the truth. Yeah, it’s just a ship.
06:33 – 06:36
Just the name of them. Stupid ship. It’s not even real.
06:37 – 06:37
Yeah.
06:37 – 06:40
It’s not. I mean, it’s in a galaxy long ago, far,
06:40 – 06:41
far away, you know,
06:42 – 06:43
it’s like old or something,
06:44 – 06:44
but yes, it’s
06:44 – 06:45
Lego. All
06:45 – 06:49
right. What I was really going to tell you after all that. What were you going to tell me? We have a new, a new entity.
06:53 – 06:59
in our life here on the show. I like to call him Story Lord. Story Lord. Story Lord.
06:59 – 07:04
Story Lord. Star Lord. It’s kind of like Star Lord. But Story Lord doesn’t flip people off.
07:05 – 07:14
So that’s always good. Like like Story Lord did. Star Lord did. Story Lord holds the sacred duty.
07:15 – 07:33
of choosing which stories make it onto the show every week with the wisdom of a wizard, the instincts of a raccoon digging through a dumpster and the skill of a DJ picking just the right tracks. He mixes our story selection every week and gives you your story. He gives your story. It’s moment in the spotlight.
07:34 – 07:38
Wow. Welcome to the show. Story Lord. Now he’s not here.
07:38 – 08:04
Obviously he’s out there doing his job right now. He takes all of the awesome stories, he mixes and matches and puts them together, and he sends them to me. And so first of all, thank you, StoryLord, you know who you are. And this enables us to do something we’ve been wanting to do for quite a while, is the stories are all a surprise to us.
08:04 – 08:24
That’s going to be so good. In the past, I used to read all the stories, obviously, to approve them. John used to have to pre-read his because it was just a good idea. Now, when we read them, we have no idea what’s coming, but somebody’s already screened it, and our reactions are first.
08:25 – 08:29
So it’s a first-time reaction. So I’m very excited about it.
08:30 – 08:34
So this episode, episode 500, is curated by Storylord? Storylord.
08:35 – 08:42
Oh man. I’ll tell you who Storylord is, but I don’t want anybody else to know he’s an entity. He’s a, he’s a, he’s a SCP.
08:43 – 08:46
He is a dangerous man. Faceless figure.
08:46 – 08:48
Yes. Storylord.
08:48 – 08:52
It’s like a Time Lord. Time Lord. Yeah. It’s a Time Lord.
08:52 – 08:59
Yeah. And he lives in a very tall building and he’s like Bruce Wayne. I think
08:59 – 09:00
he’s going to be awesome.
09:00 – 09:01
Except he doesn’t put on a mask.
09:02 – 09:15
And his parents aren’t dead. Story Lords had a great family life. He’s not trying to avenge evil, but he is in the tower. Like you said, wisdom of a wizard, instincts of a raccoon.
09:16 – 09:20
He needed that. I asked for that specifically. He’s kind of our guy in the chair. Well, kind of.
09:20 – 09:28
We still need a guy in the chair. Yeah, the live guy in the chair. Yeah, we need a live guy during the live show. We need a live guy in the chair or a girl in the chair.
09:28 – 09:33
Girls are good too. We established that with Batman. He has Oracle, right? Yep.
09:33 – 09:34
Oracle.
09:34 – 09:47
Yeah. So if you’re into that kind of thing, let me know. but he is kind of like that. You’re not wrong, but it is, he’s, he’s a producer of sorts if you really want to get down to brass tacks, but I like to call him story Lord.
09:47 – 09:55
So story Lord, thank you for doing what you do. And thank you for making it exciting. Starting at episode one 500. I keep wanting to say 100 for some reason.
09:55 – 10:08
Anyway, let’s, let’s rewind a week. All right. Uh, my, my first rewind is a conversation I had my wife this week. Uh, do you remember the show Lassie?
10:09 – 10:11
Yes, yes. Okay, so what
10:11 – 10:13
kind of collie was she? Oh, it was a collie,
10:13 – 10:13
just regular. Border collie,
10:13 – 10:14
right?
10:14 – 10:14
Or just a
10:14 – 10:17
regular collie? I think border collies are a little bit different.
10:17 – 10:21
Okay, well, it was a collie. It was a dog. And it was a show. It was a black and white show about a dog.
10:22 – 10:49
And I don’t know if anybody that listens to this show knows about Lassie, but it all boils down to this. Lassie had one trick. Lassie would find somebody that needed saving, they would go to somebody and bark at them, and then they would know to follow Lassie to the trouble, and then Lassie gets the credit for saving them. And so, the joke amongst people my age is, what Lassie?
10:49 – 10:55
Did Timmy fall down the well? Woof, woof. Yeah, yeah. And so then you chase Lassie and you go.
10:55 – 11:04
And so me and my wife started talking about that. And Jen’s like, how many freaking times did Timmy fall down that well? And I’m like, it was a lot because they had multiple seasons, you know.
11:04 – 11:06
Timmy’s always getting in trouble.
11:06 – 11:18
But then I started asking, why do you need to have this conversation with Lassie? She only does one thing. When she comes barking at you, you do not need to ask her what’s going on. What’s up, Lassie?
11:19 – 11:28
What’s going on? Woof, woof. Did Grandpa cut off his finger? Well, I better, I better follow you.
11:28 – 11:36
And then she runs and you change. Why do we have the conversation with Lassie? Why are you questioning Lassie? Just go with Lassie.
11:37 – 11:56
Lassie knows what’s up. So I don’t know. That’s just a thing maybe just for me, but I’ve noticed in a lot of movies and TV series, when there’s a trick, that people talk about it. And it’s like, we, we, the viewers know what’s going on and you’ve owned Lassie for a long time.
11:57 – 12:00
And Billy’s fallen down that well multiple times. So
12:00 – 12:01
why-
12:02 – 12:02
One day
12:02 – 12:03
Lassie’s just going to be like, forget it.
12:04 – 12:21
Well, it’s just that Lassie only comes up barking like that when somebody’s life’s in danger. So why wouldn’t you immediately just throw down whatever you’re doing Lassie doesn’t understand English. I don’t know, maybe it’s dumb. All right, here’s my real one.
12:21 – 12:38
All right, I was at church last week. And I didn’t even notice, but there was these two middle school girls sitting across the row and behind me a little bit. And I now know what they were doing. They were either best friends or sister and sister.
12:40 – 12:45
But they were kind of giggling and teasing each other kind of thing, quietly though, like you do
12:45 – 12:45
in
12:45 – 12:45
church,
12:46 – 12:46
so
12:46 – 12:49
you won’t get in trouble. Respectful. Yeah, yeah. Respectful, yeah.
12:49 – 13:00
So only God knows. In case mom hears. Right. And suddenly one of them goes, burp, just legitimate from the soul.
13:01 – 13:24
burp and they laugh so hard and then try to hold it in, you know, like try to hold in the laughter. And I look over there and they’re just laying on the floor, like so embarrassed. And when they finally pulled it together, they started looking around to see who was looking and I was looking and I was applauding.
13:28 – 13:31
You’re cheering for them. A golf clap.
13:31 – 13:38
I was. A little silent golf clap, like respect, mad respect. Are they embarrassed? Oh yeah.
13:38 – 13:43
Even more? Oh yeah. Smiles do something like that. Church
13:43 – 13:51
burps. Church burps are the best. Yeah. Depending on which denomination you’re in, you either just were delivered of a demon or you
13:51 – 13:51
got
13:51 – 13:52
excommunicated. Yeah.
13:57 – 14:01
Yeah, either got rid of Damon or you get excommunicated for having him in the first place. Yeah.
14:03 – 14:05
To the extremes, of course. Yes.
14:05 – 14:13
Yes. It’s hard when you’re handling those snakes and you got a burp coming on because you don’t know how that snake’s going to handle it, you know? Right. So.
14:14 – 14:14
Anyway.
14:16 – 14:19
We can joke like that because we grew up in a Pentecostal church,
14:19 – 14:19
right? We grew up in a
14:19 – 14:23
church, in a snake church. I didn’t. Except we, I didn’t,
14:24 – 14:29
I never went to a church that actually handled snakes. No, we didn’t. I never did either, but I- A lot of
14:29 – 14:29
people- I
14:29 – 14:38
like to lie, John, and- Whoa. Do you? I like the feeling of being able to say, I grew up in a snake church. I mean, say it.
14:39 – 14:48
I grew up in a snake church. Didn’t that sound fun? I mean, I am also a billionaire.
14:48 – 14:56
That sounds fun. Do you want me to try that? I’m a billionaire. No, no, that wasn’t as good.
14:56 – 15:01
It’s more empty feeling. How about this? Let me try this. When I was a kid, I was a billionaire.
15:02 – 15:03
Oh yeah. That’s
15:03 – 15:05
it right
15:05 – 15:07
there. That’s how to lie properly.
15:07 – 15:07
You have
15:07 – 15:08
to put it in the
15:08 – 15:15
past. Everybody has a friend when they were growing up that had like money stashed somewhere.
15:15 – 15:15
Yeah.
15:15 – 15:17
According to that friend they did.
15:17 – 15:26
And, and, and like, you know, my dad will beat up your dad. It’s better to say my dad once upon a time could have beat up your dad.
15:27 – 15:28
Yeah.
15:28 – 15:30
You know, like he would have if he was still
15:30 – 15:36
alive. Yeah. Oh, that’s the way to do it. That’s the way to do it right there.
15:36 – 15:42
Yeah. My dad’s the original deadbeat dad. Can I laugh at that?
15:45 – 15:46
Sure. All
15:46 – 15:46
right. Hit
15:47 – 15:56
me with your weekly rewind, John. All right. This is an interesting one because it’s kind of a story within a rewind. I hope you don’t mind.
15:56 – 16:20
I was at home minding my own business this week. And a friend of mine, Dylan, who I also work with, he texts me randomly and he says, we will join you in the bathroom. From the- From the- As he heard last week’s episode. And I was like, come on, man, you know what I meant, right?
16:20 – 16:50
I wasn’t meaning we’ll go in the bathroom with you physically, but you know, in your ear pods, And so he so I was just like, you know, yeah, I guess he got it And then he said, you’re about to go in the bathroom with me. So I don’t know if this message that he sent me was from the can. I don’t know. Or if he was listening to our podcast in the can, but I like to think it was, but do you mind if I read his story?
16:50 – 16:53
Do it. This is a surprise to you. I’ve read it. Okay.
16:53 – 17:09
Anyways, he says, when I was little, I was always constipated. So my parents would want to see when I actually would use the bathroom. And this happened for years. And I got used to showing my parents my poop when I was in middle school.
17:09 – 17:17
No! No! No! Yeah, this is a true story.
17:17 – 17:30
I started spending the night with my friends, and my close friend happened to be the son of the county commissioner. Well, I spent the night with them, and one thing led to another, and eventually I had to use the bathroom. Oh no! What do you do?
17:30 – 17:38
Because I was always constipated, it was a rather large deposit. Oh! Well, I did not want to ask him to come see me.
17:39 – 17:45
I was afraid to flush it because I didn’t know what happened. Who did he ask? The kid’s dad.
17:49 – 18:03
So very secretly, secretively, I approached him and told him to come with me. At which point I showed him my poop yet again. And he started screaming and laughing. Yes.
18:03 – 18:12
Of course. He called his whole family up. to look at it. And before long they had grabbed the family camera.
18:12 – 18:17
No! And taken a picture of it before
18:17 – 18:21
chopping it up to flush. I
18:22 – 18:22
can’t
18:22 – 18:22
help
18:22 – 18:22
but wonder if
18:23 – 18:23
that picture
18:23 – 18:23
still
18:23 – 18:30
exists somewhere. That family probably framed that thing or put it in a photo album.
18:31 – 18:31
Oh my
18:32 – 18:39
gosh. That is so weird. It’s so weird, John. What is it?
18:39 – 18:57
I mean, at what point did they, did the mom just need to let that go? And then like, you know, you’re old enough now, maybe you had dinner and sit down with the family and like, you know, we’ve done this, but we’re going to pass the torch to you, you know? And now you’re grown. We believe in you.
18:57 – 19:01
We trust you. We think you can handle your own turds. And, um,
19:02 – 19:03
You can be the judge of it.
19:03 – 19:07
Yeah. You can see if you get a, if you did a good poop poop, you
19:07 – 19:12
know, little man, you always be mommy’s little man. Don’t get you with your little poopsies.
19:13 – 19:19
I don’t know if that was supposed to be anonymous or not, but sorry, man.
19:19 – 19:20
Daniel on
19:20 – 19:29
the chat brings up a good question. What knife did they use to cut it? Oh, uh, hopefully a good steak knife. a good steak knife that now belongs to the toilet.
19:29 – 19:45
Speaking of which I watched a movie this week that I, I will not tell you the name of it. I will never suggest it to anyone, but it was suggested to me and I watched it and it was weird. And it was about this lady swallowing things. It wasn’t the main point.
19:45 – 20:06
The whole point of it was she was trying to, She was in a bad relationship and she was trying to get some sort of control over her life and her way of dealing with it is she would swallow things and then reclaim them from the toilet. Oh, buried treasure. And, uh, yeah. Deep Blanchett.
20:06 – 20:24
And they didn’t show anything or nothing, but they did go to this little tray on her desk. Cause the first thing she swallowed was a marble and she put the marble on the tray. And I was like, see that marble now belongs to poop. You know, that’s, that is not, but then they come back later in the movie
20:24 – 20:25
and there’s like 12
20:26 – 20:35
items on that tray. And I’m like, I don’t know why I’m watching this anymore, but she overcame her problem. Okay. It’s a real issue.
20:36 – 20:48
It’s a very rare disorder where people eat things that aren’t edible. And that’s what she was struggling with. So it wasn’t like as bad as it sounds what I’m saying. So don’t, don’t eat stuff.
20:49 – 20:51
kids and
20:51 – 21:00
idiots. And if you do make sure you visit the type of doctoral help that you need to make sure that you stop.
21:00 – 21:17
Yeah. Yeah. I don’t think we have anybody that’s medically messed up. I just know we have some kids that listen and you never know an idiot or two might be out there and they’re just like, Oh, that sounds good.
21:17 – 21:30
Oh, you know, it’s the people that they say, don’t try this at home for. Yeah. You know, we never had that said to us when we were kids. You know, don’t
21:30 – 21:30
try
21:30 – 22:00
this at home kids because you know, we were smart enough and the idiots among us that did try it, um, There was no social media to tell the world that they did it. So, you know, I think I heard a story of a kid putting a towel on and jumping off a roof because he thought he could be Superman. I think all of us heard that story. That story was probably made up, but now it’s like required and it’s always said as a joke, but yeah, people be like, don’t try this at home kids.
22:00 – 22:14
And so, yeah. Um, don’t try this at home idiots. That’s what I want to say. Cause I think kids are smarter and I think all the adults are definitely smarter, but then there’s gotta be idiots out there too.
22:15 – 22:28
And they’re the ones I think that everybody’s really talking to. It’s like, cause kids are smart. I believe kids are too smart to do that kind of stuff. But idiots aren’t and idiots come in all ages.
22:28 – 22:35
True. Yeah. I mean, and you, and you can kind of go back and forth cause like I’ve been an idiot.
22:35 – 22:42
Yeah. Right. I’m an idiot about stuff like this morning. Here’s the, here’s what I did.
22:42 – 22:46
Idiot. It was, it’s time changed Sunday, right? Time, time change. And
22:47 – 22:48
yeah, that’s right.
22:48 – 23:20
I got up, I got up at a certain time cause my digital clock, my phone went off. And immediately I switched to analog time because I have clocks all over my walls and I’m a Gen X-er and I can tell time. And I came downstairs and my digital clock that I use to keep track of what time it is when I’m podcasting is still on analog time, even though it’s digital. And I get on my computer and I’m farting around for a while, changing some profile pictures, doing some things.
23:21 – 23:32
And I realized that my computer time is wrong. It says that it’s 8.30, which is when I need to be at church. Uh-oh. And I’m
23:32 – 23:33
like,
23:33 – 23:43
no, everything else is wrong. The computer’s right. And so I went so fast, John. And I was an idiot two times.
23:43 – 23:53
The first time was when I trusted in analog clocks. The second time is when I was driving very fast in a construction zone. So don’t do this at home kids. Yeah.
23:54 – 23:57
Yeah. Idiots. Only idiots. Kids can’t drive.
23:57 – 24:08
So, That’s it. All right. Anyway, we got some reviews brought to you by podgagement.com 100% recommended says not much, just a nickname. This podcast is hilarious and clean.
24:08 – 24:14
And as a middle schooler, I definitely recommend it for other kids. Edit. Thank you so much for featuring this review on the show. How did you
24:14 – 24:15
know
24:15 – 24:22
other edit? Oh my gosh, my story is going to be on the show. So excited. So we must’ve read their stuff.
24:23 – 24:30
Uh, solid infinite out of five says, okay. Uh, I’ve been listening to this podcast since car theme show. It’s
24:30 – 24:31
been a while.
24:31 – 24:48
I just wanted to say that this podcast is the best. I highly recommend it to everyone. Once I laughed so hard that the water I was drinking squirted out of my nose while I sat on a train, James and John are the absolute best of the best at making me laugh. Continue the great work because every episode warms my heart.
24:48 – 24:59
Hope this review makes it on the show. Okay. So yes, look what we’ve gotten to where people are putting hope it makes it on the show in their reviews. In the reviews.
24:59 – 25:04
I love it. It warms my heart even. I do. It warms my heart almost as much as the review did.
25:04 – 25:13
So please leave a review on iTunes or Spotify. It makes us really happy and it really helps the show. Review.thatstorieshow.com. So
25:14 – 25:22
thank you so much. You know, we get, so I got an email and I’m pretty sure you did too from somebody we, we were, we found out that we’re number two.
25:24 – 25:24
Yes.
25:25 – 25:28
You got that email? I did. I got an email from, from
25:28 – 25:32
Anuj. Yes. Yeah. So we got featured.
25:32 – 25:40
I got an email. We are on a top 20 list of clean comedy podcasts. Family friendly. Family
25:40 – 25:40
friendly,
25:40 – 25:49
clean comedy podcast. And I went to see, okay, what, what number did we end up at? And John’s right. Tell them what number we ended up at, John.
25:49 – 25:52
We’re number two. We’re number two.
25:52 – 25:53
What?
25:53 – 26:06
What? We can only go up from here. It’s perfect. It’s a, it’s a solid number two, you know, like your friend who had to cut it up with it and take a picture of it and stuff.
26:07 – 26:17
Oh yeah. That was, I was, cause you know, sometimes we get this like, fishing kind of stuff. People are like, Oh, hey, I can make you famous. You’re, you’re number one.
26:17 – 26:19
Um, we want to be number
26:19 – 26:19
two.
26:20 – 26:23
Yeah, it was, it was appropriate that we were number two and
26:23 – 26:23
I think that
26:23 – 26:25
was feed spot or something like that.
26:25 – 26:29
Yeah. If you ever put us on a top anything list, make us number two.
26:30 – 26:38
Yeah. Yeah. Cause number one, you know, it’s okay. But number two, that’s special to us.
26:39 – 26:43
Speaking of number two, I gotta, I gotta tell one more story. Okay. Okay. It’s a story show.
26:45 – 26:57
But it’s not on the list. This is off the back of the head. When I was in high school, I worked for Roland’s Grocery Store, and there was a friend, his name was Adam. Do you remember Adam, John?
26:57 – 27:00
He was our drummer in our little band.
27:00 – 27:02
Yeah, I do remember Adam very
27:02 – 27:20
well. Yeah, so Adam goes to the bathroom and comes out, and I go in after him, and he had not flushed. He had done what I would call the largest number two, just a single number two. It looked, I kid you not, like a puffer fish.
27:21 – 27:30
Like, you know, they, they freeze them up, dry them up, you know, and they’re, they’re either deflated and they’re skinny or they’re inflated and they have the spikies all sticking
27:30 – 27:31
out.
27:31 – 27:41
Take the spikies off in the face. And that’s what I had in the bathroom. And I, I flushed it and it, it kind of stuck. And then it went down.
27:41 – 27:59
I was like, Oh, thank God. Cause I really got to go. And this is crazy. And I, I, I, I don’t know, maybe cause I was young and dumb, but I went up to him and I’m like, dude, I don’t even remember how I said it, but I’m sure it was cringe because I was a dumb kid, but I’m like, dude, that was
27:59 – 28:11
the biggest poop log I’ve ever seen in my life. Is that like normal for you? And he’s like, yeah. He says, I got a really big butthole, I guess.
28:16 – 28:20
I’m surprised he didn’t try to bring you back there to look at it before
28:20 – 28:20
he tried to flip
28:20 – 28:25
you. I am too, actually. But maybe that’s what he was doing. Maybe he was trying to show off.
28:25 – 28:41
Yeah. But I was thinking about this the other day is the reason why I think I’m like, that’s not something you should brag about. That’s not a superlative that you want to go for. You want that thing to be able to hold tight, you know, keep all the marbles in the bag kind of deal, you know?
28:42 – 28:52
Good point. I don’t know. It’s, it’s like a thrifty, uh, hint, uh, clinch sack. You know, you want to be able to pull it thing and it, and it keeps stuff even when it’s upside down.
28:52 – 29:02
And if it’s loose as a goose, you know, something’s going to slide down the noose. You know what I’m saying? It’s a new speed. So I don’t know.
29:02 – 29:03
I don’t know.
29:04 – 29:05
Wonder what old Adams up to these days.
29:06 – 29:16
He’s filling up toilets. That’s what he’s doing with his loose turd pipe. I don’t know. That’s why I didn’t want to use his last name.
29:16 – 29:24
His turd pipe. He’s got to tighten that thing up, man. Get some new fixtures. Anyway, let’s tell some featured stories.
29:25 – 29:30
Let’s do it, please. Let me tell y’all a story. Let
29:31 – 29:36
me tell y’all a story. All right. So Storylord made these, got these together. So, uh, I’ve never read this.
29:36 – 29:41
This is from Austin, the deer roper. Uh, from Blanchard, Oklahoma. It’s called
29:41 – 29:47
Marco pillow. Okay. And to the story, Lord, he even came up with,
29:47 – 29:49
no, they come up with their own titles. They do.
29:50 – 29:53
Yeah. Okay. And we’re using them. So if they don’t, do we,
29:54 – 29:56
I don’t know. I don’t know all the rules.
29:56 – 29:57
Okay.
29:57 – 30:02
I don’t know everything. I just know that. This is what we got. Hello, podcast people.
30:02 – 30:14
This is Austin, the deer roper. I don’t even know what that means. A friend, we’ll call him Alex, came over to my family’s house before he moved away to Tennessee. We goofed off and started playing Marco Polo.
30:14 – 30:16
Okay, so do we all know that game?
30:18 – 30:21
Maybe just for listeners who don’t have a pool. Maybe for the idiots. Or
30:21 – 30:21
have
30:21 – 30:22
never been
30:22 – 30:24
swimming. Yeah. They’re not idiots.
30:24 – 30:27
If you don’t know what Marco Polo is, you’re an idiot.
30:28 – 30:28
That’s not
30:29 – 30:29
fair. And it
30:30 – 30:31
might just be from
30:32 – 30:34
somewhere that they can’t play Marco Polo.
30:36 – 30:51
Now, if you don’t know how to play Marco Polo, the way you play idiots is you get in a pool. And they’re not in a pool though, I can tell already. But usually we always play it in a pool and everybody closes their eyes except for one person. And
30:51 – 30:51
the
30:51 – 31:02
people with eyes closed say, Marco. And that makes the other person have to say Polo. And then you try to reach for them and grab them. So it’s like tag in a pool with no eyes.
31:03 – 31:11
Well, no, the people who, only the one person who’s looking, the guy who says Marco, that guy has his eyes closed, or girl.
31:12 – 31:13
They have their eyes closed. That’s
31:13 – 31:13
exactly what I just
31:13 – 31:20
said. Exactly what I just said. I said, everybody has their eyes closed. They say Marco.
31:20 – 31:23
No. And one guy has to say Polo.
31:24 – 31:28
No, that’s opposite how I played it. Oh, really? Yeah.
31:28 – 31:29
Yeah. So
31:29 – 31:30
you got to pull full of people,
31:30 – 31:30
right?
31:31 – 31:34
And then one person is it. Okay,
31:34 – 31:34
all
31:34 – 31:46
right. And he goes underwater, he or she goes underwater, they count with their hands up, one, two, three, four, five, six, you know, their eyes are closed. Everybody in the pool, their eyes are open. Okay.
31:47 – 32:00
And then Marco Polo guy pops up, whoever’s it, and he says Marco, and everybody else in the pool says Polo. And so you’re trying to find the persons with your eyes closed. Yeah. Did you really play the opposite way?
32:02 – 32:05
No, you’re right. I’m an idiot.
32:07 – 32:08
I don’t remember how to
32:08 – 32:15
play Marco Polo properly. I like your way. It’s kind of interesting. No, my way is stupid as crap.
32:19 – 32:25
I’m having to eat it, man. I put my foot in my mouth so bad. I’m like, that’s exactly what I said. I was so offended.
32:25 – 32:27
And now I’m realizing I
32:27 – 32:27
was
32:27 – 32:35
so wrong. Like what kind of idiot do you think I am, John? Well, a pretty big one, actually.
32:36 – 32:38
No, I just, we play it different.
32:39 – 32:44
Never gonna read another story on this show again. That’s my new… Anyway, let me finish the story.
32:44 – 32:45
Okay, go ahead.
32:46 – 33:03
So now you know what Marco Polo is, thanks to John. Forget what I said. Anyway, it ended up Alex’s turn when one of my younger brothers, we’ll call him Lucy, came outside and turned on the hose. In case you didn’t know, water left in a hose in the middle of summer makes the water very warm at first.
33:03 – 33:10
Yeah. Anybody that had to drink out of a hose knows that you got to let the water run for a while. Cause it’s going
33:10 – 33:10
to be
33:10 – 33:19
hot. Cause it’s going to taste like hose really bad. And it’s going to be warm. And one time in Florida, I turned on the water hose and it backed up a little bit.
33:19 – 33:28
And when it did splutter out a dead lizard came out of the hose. So do you think I wanted to drink out of that? Nope. Yes, I did.
33:28 – 33:36
I drank it anyway. It didn’t belong to the dead lizard. I just let a little bit more run out, you know? That water never touched that lizard, so.
33:36 – 33:46
That’s true. Yeah. Just had to pass where it died. I didn’t always have the, you know, the standards that I have now.
33:46 – 33:58
Yeah, magic skills. But it was things like that that did it. Anyway, it makes the water very warm at first. Lucy sprayed just as Alex opened his mouth to say, Margot, and he got blasted full on
33:58 – 33:58
the
33:58 – 34:10
face with warm water. His only response was not violence, nor was it depression. No, his mind went straight for the worst. The only thing that escaped was a slightly annoyed, did somebody pee on me?
34:12 – 34:18
Why? How do you do that when we’re playing games? He’s had his eyes closed, right? You know, he doesn’t know.
34:20 – 34:33
I doubled up laughing at such a random series of events. It worked out too perfectly. To my favorite podcast from your dedicated listener, Austin, the deer roper. I need to know what a deer roper is and now.
34:34 – 34:35
So
34:35 – 34:52
think of three things that could possibly be. First of all, obviously there’s a, there’s a, there’s a rodeo. Yeah. And here you are on a regular, uh, you’re on a horse and they release, they release a deer and I’m making up mine.
34:52 – 34:59
You can make up yours. Okay. Yeah. And mine has a lasso and you throw the lasso over the deer and the deer has horns.
34:59 – 35:09
So it’s a buck. And, uh, and you, you jump off the horse, you push the animal over and you tie up his legs and then you put your hands up in the air time.
35:10 – 35:14
Yeah. That’s it. That’s I, that’s where my brain went first. Okay.
35:14 – 35:15
As
35:15 – 35:18
far as deer Ropers go. All right. So just give it a little more. What else is it?
35:19 – 35:27
Uh, it could also be a person that makes ropes out of deer. Oh wow. Harvest the deer. That was a
35:27 – 35:28
lot
35:28 – 35:31
more. You gave it a lot more. Did I go too far? No, no, it’s fine.
35:31 – 35:58
It’s, it could also be my favorite band’s lead singer’s friend. My favorite band’s lead singer is Five Iron Frenzy’s Reese Roper. And perhaps he has a friend or a brother or a sibling called Dear Roper. And maybe Austin is his relative and he is a deer roper, like a roper who is deer to someone, you know?
35:59 – 36:08
Yeah. But a deer roper is pretty gross, dude. Cause then you would take a deer, right? And you would take all of the stringy bits that wouldn’t just turn into hamburger.
36:09 – 36:13
And you would have to spin them in some sort of machine to weave them into rope.
36:14 – 36:17
Yeah. That’s kind of gross. Actually. That,
36:17 – 36:20
That’s that’s that’s where I was going. Think about it like that. You win. You win.
36:21 – 36:27
You win. How? Because yours was darker. And to me, darker it is,
36:27 – 36:31
the better it is. So. Well, I. Couldn’t be just like leather, leather.
36:31 – 36:35
You make deer leather. Yeah. And then you have leather rope.
36:36 – 36:39
Yellow leather, red leather, leather, leather, leather. I don’t know.
36:39 – 36:41
Yellow leather, leather, leather, leather, leather. My
36:42 – 36:43
other brother, deer lover, lover.
36:47 – 36:49
Oh my gosh. All right. Read us a story,
36:49 – 36:52
John. This is exciting. Hey, this one comes from Maya.
36:53 – 36:53
Oh.
36:54 – 36:58
And this is from Moreland, Georgia, which is right around the corner. Let me interrupt and say
36:59 – 37:08
if this is a girl. Okay. And she hears this and will report in. I will give her the purse and the lip gloss.
37:09 – 37:25
All right, Maya, you better be listening. Can I check something real quick? Because I got a text earlier this week, just random text. Random text, she said, hey, John, are you the host of that story show podcast?
37:26 – 37:40
And it’s like, I haven’t talked to this person in a while. Wow. random thing pops out and I said, uh, depends, am I in trouble? And she said, she laughed and she said, her kids listen to it all the time.
37:40 – 37:41
And,
37:41 – 37:49
um, and, uh, and I’m like, why? I was like, well, how did you, how did you find out about that? And I said, I’m, I’m just really the co-host. So I had to establish that.
37:50 – 37:51
Yeah. I’m only partially to blame
37:52 – 38:05
for the evil. Yeah. And she said, well, she asked a homeschool group about, a Facebook homeschool group about, you know, kid-friendly middle schooler podcasts. Yeah.
38:05 – 38:12
We were recommended. Awesome. So where did your son go to school? And then she said, Maya sent in a story.
38:12 – 38:15
So this is that story. No way. Wow. It
38:15 – 38:24
all comes together. Dude. Dude, John. What’s up?
38:26 – 38:28
It’s like it was meant to be. I know.
38:30 – 38:30
Go
38:30 – 38:30
ahead.
38:31 – 38:32
And so how did
38:32 – 38:33
the story Lord know this
38:33 – 38:39
was going to be the one? Dude, that’s just the Lord for you right there. That’s the story Lord. The Lord is leading.
38:41 – 38:47
Okay. Well, this is a lot of backstory, but so Maya, this story better deliver. That’s all I’m saying.
38:47 – 38:49
You’re going to get a purse. You’re going
38:49 – 38:49
to get a purse.
38:49 – 38:53
You’re getting a purse and some lip gloss. So congratulations. All right,
38:54 – 38:57
go. Let’s hear the story. This is chicken leg versus my leg. Which is more important?
38:59 – 39:07
One time, my mom told me to organize the cans in the pantry. At the time, we had just discovered that my chicken had a disease called bumble foot.
39:07 – 39:10
That wouldn’t be what I would actually name my chicken.
39:11 – 39:13
That would be a great name, Bumblefoot.
39:14 – 39:20
Like I would take his three toes, you know how they have three toes? I would tape them together and call him Bumblefoot.
39:22 – 39:29
Cause he would walk weird, you know? Bumblefoot. That’s, that’s like that goofy character. He’s like a side character.
39:29 – 39:39
And he just like is always aloof and dropping things and probably wears like a, a fedora. And who’s that over there? Oh, that’s just bumblefoot.
39:39 – 39:43
I feel bad now. I looked it up. It’s a bacterial infection of the foot pad in chickens.
39:45 – 39:56
Ah, yeah, that’s what Maya says. It’s a foot infection where big bumps form in a bird’s foot and you must dig it out with a knife. Oh, it only happens really to overweight
39:56 – 39:59
or obese chickens though. With
39:59 – 39:59
a
39:59 – 40:08
lack of proper hygiene. What the freak? I didn’t know chickens had hygiene. Well, I mean, they’re like the least hygienic animals in the world.
40:11 – 40:15
Besides pigs, maybe. And hippos. And rats. Yeah.
40:15 – 40:16
There’s
40:16 – 40:16
a lot more. Mice.
40:16 – 40:19
There’s a lot. Okay. The list is growing. Yeah.
40:20 – 40:36
Anyway, so my parents were going to try to perform chicken surgery while I was organizing cans in the pantry. I was on the stool and there were some cans behind me on the ground. I reached up to the right to put a can away. It fell off the stool, hitting my ankle right on the
40:36 – 40:44
edge of the can. And I heard what sounded like a ding. A what? A ding.
40:44 – 40:54
Oh, what kind of ding? I don’t know. It kind of sound the ding that your ankle makes when it hits a cane.
40:54 – 40:54
Can I talk any
40:54 – 40:55
higher? I don’t know.
40:58 – 41:09
Maya says, it hurt worse than any pain I’d ever felt before. I clutched my ankle just about to scream for assistance when I thought about my poor chicken who was having surgery in the
41:09 – 41:10
dining
41:10 – 41:10
room next
41:11 – 41:14
to me. Oh, in the dining room? Gosh. Yeah.
41:14 – 41:17
You got to eat off that table. Don’t you know the rules?
41:18 – 41:23
Well, I don’t know how long my has been listening to this show, but maybe just we should reiterate
41:23 – 41:43
Yeah, when you do something with a certain item, that’s gross It then belongs to that procedure forever. Okay, it starts back in the day When we had a story that was submitted about a lady that brought a bowl of egg salad or something to a church potluck No, it goes
41:43 – 41:46
before that even The guy with the tooth.
41:46 – 41:52
Yeah, that’s true. But it really solidified itself in history with this story.
41:53 – 41:53
Yeah,
41:53 – 42:30
because the girl, the lady brought this tater salad and she’s washing out the bowls and she tells somebody that Okay, so when a baby’s born, the baby comes out of mommy, and then there’s something else that comes out of mommy, and it’s called afterbirth, people. It’s a placenta, okay? And they never show it in the movies, because it’s so dang gross. But she said, this bowl caught the placenta of all my children and it’s like they just had eaten out of that bowl, right?
42:30 – 42:34
So John and I have a rule. Yeah,
42:34 – 42:36
I enforced
42:36 – 42:36
this
42:36 – 42:36
rule as well.
42:37 – 43:08
Between that story and the one he was talking about where a guy swallowed it in his tooth, bleached it out, and glued it the freak back in, we have a rule that says once you’ve used an item for a certain purpose, it can no longer be used for that purpose. And once you have worked on Bumblefoot on your chicken on your dining room table, that is now a surgery performance table. It’s not to be eaten on, it is to be put out of the yard, underneath the tent, so it doesn’t just rot away.
43:08 – 43:17
We’re not saying throw it out, we’re saying it is for bumblefoot surgery now. It’s bumblefoot’s table. That’s right, because there’s pus, and there’s icky
43:17 – 43:17
foots,
43:17 – 43:25
and there’s bird poop, and there’s probably bugs in there. Is there bugs in the bumblefoot? Probably. Probably.
43:25 – 43:37
So you don’t do that next door to a pantry, and then just clear, wipe down the table, hon, we gotta eat. No. So anyway, your, your family is in trouble. Your whole family.
43:37 – 43:44
I’m not giving you this dining room table. I’m not giving you the purse. You already said it. No, no kickbacks.
43:44 – 43:46
But if you let a chicken poop in it, I’m going to be mad.
43:48 – 43:52
Yeah, especially if you use that nerds lip gloss on the chickens
43:52 – 43:53
out of
43:53 – 43:54
them. It’s for chickens
43:54 – 43:55
after that,
43:55 – 43:59
you know what I’m saying? For chickens, right. You can’t share it with chickens. Anyways, I’m sorry.
44:01 – 44:10
So, Maya, she fell on a can. She’s like in pain. I hope, Maya, is it she? I probably have met you before and I’m sorry if I forgot.
44:10 – 44:16
Anyways, I knew if I screamed, my mom and dad might jab the surgery. Into her foot.
44:17 – 44:17
So
44:17 – 44:17
thoughtful.
44:18 – 44:21
In this moment, she held it in.
44:21 – 44:37
I held it in until I could see my face. A purplish red reflection in a can. Finally, my dad found me. Then we went to urgent care to find that my ankle was fractured.
44:38 – 44:38
Oh,
44:38 – 44:41
gosh. Of course it was. That’s what that
44:41 – 44:41
pain
44:41 – 44:48
was. and use crutches for a little while, but I’m fine now. Awesome. How to apply this to your life.
44:48 – 44:48
Oh,
44:48 – 44:49
James. There’s
44:49 – 44:54
a moral. We like morals. Yep. Because this is sent to us from a homeschooler.
44:55 – 45:04
I’m pretty sure. Sometimes you must sacrifice yourself for others, even if they are a chicken. Hope it makes it on the show.
45:05 – 45:10
Yes, it did. It did. Chicken leg versus my leg. Which is more important?
45:10 – 45:20
Well, you know what? We’ve made quite a few discoveries in this story, and one of them is that your table now needs to be replaced.
45:21 – 45:24
Your dining room table is now a surgery table
45:25 – 45:25
for
45:25 – 45:26
bumblefoot chickens.
45:26 – 45:52
So call in or write in again and claim your purse and your nerd’s lip gloss and sell it on eBay and put it toward your buy a brand new freaking table money. That’s new fund that you need for your house because you should have a place to do this and it should not be your kitchen table. Yes. See, John, John struggles to agree, but he does.
45:52 – 45:59
All right. Uh, this is from Jonah in Provo, Utah. Uh, Christmas gastastrophe. Ooh, Provo.
45:59 – 46:00
I’ve been
46:00 – 46:02
through there. Really? Yeah. What’d you do?
46:02 – 46:10
Over the summer? Um, I was driving. We actually stayed in a little town North of Provo called Orem. Hmm.
46:11 – 46:11
And
46:11 – 46:13
they really know how to name them up there in Utah. Yeah.
46:14 – 46:15
Right outside of Salt Lake.
46:16 – 46:18
Provo. Which is
46:18 – 46:19
named after a lake
46:19 – 46:23
that’s big. But what’s Provo named after? Look it up while I’m reading this. Provo?
46:23 – 46:30
Okay. Yeah, I just want to know. Christmas break was awesome. Our family gathered at my parents’ for Christmas Eve dinner.
46:30 – 46:49
We all retired to the living room to relax and play some games as we waited for Christmas to come. In our food comas, my brother and I lay on our backs in the carpet, and I recently learned a funny thing about my sister-in-law’s family. Growing up, when they needed to dissipate buildup pressure, they were taught to excuse themselves from the room. That’s
46:49 – 46:49
a good
46:49 – 46:57
idea. So it’s not that way in my family. No one holds back. Not even my three-year-old daughter can stop herself.
46:57 – 47:26
Anyway, There we were laying and I felt some intestinal activity and pressure building and I looked over and noticed that I was perfectly positioned near my brother. So I scooted over so that I was right next to him and he apparently was very distracted by his phone because he did not react to our cheeks getting uncomfortably close. I lifted my leg, moved even closer and opened the valve. Open the valve.
47:26 – 47:26
What does
47:26 – 47:27
that mean?
47:27 – 47:34
The joke was on me. The only air to leave my body was a gasp, an oops, and an explanation that I needed to go to the bathroom right
47:34 – 47:35
away to clean
47:35 – 47:36
myself. Oh no.
47:37 – 47:46
A gasp. Jesus. I don’t even know what that means, John. I don’t even know what that means.
47:47 – 47:52
The only thing that came out was a gasp. He was like, uh-oh, I gotta go.
47:54 – 47:58
Isn’t every fart kind of a gamble? Especially
47:58 – 48:05
the older you get, yes. You can’t trust those things at our age, James.
48:05 – 48:26
So she had to go clean herself up. My whole immediate family died laughing as I waddled out of the room like a freaking toddler. My sister-in-law, however, sat in mortified silence trying to process witnessing making a backdoor delivery in her husband’s face. Cause she’s from this perfect family, right?
48:27 – 48:34
The family I would want to be from by the way. Yeah. Yeah. That’s, that’s what the, that’s the family that I claim to be from.
48:34 – 48:40
Right. That’s not true at all. It’s not. Cause I remember specifically one time I was talking to your mom when she was my youth pastor.
48:41 – 48:41
Yeah,
48:41 – 48:49
and she backs up a couple steps and I’m like I was really trying to share and I step closer and she backed up two more steps and
48:49 – 48:49
I’m
48:49 – 49:03
like She could just tell on my on my face. That’s like I was being offended and she says I’m trying to fart She just says it. And I’m like, I’ve never heard a woman fart. I’d never heard that a woman did fart.
49:03 – 49:06
She introduced me to a whole new world. Then
49:06 – 49:06
I saw
49:06 – 49:16
her face. Dun, dun, dun, dun. Now I’m a believer. Anyway, so she’s from a perfect family and she’s all upset.
49:16 – 49:35
As for me, I went to set a new personal record for the, oh God, Should we start reading these again? Don’t you have to say this? As for me, I went on to set a new personal record for the most liquid dispensed into a toilet. Oh, I threw away my underwear.
49:35 – 49:41
I scrubbed my shorts and took a much needed shower. Thanks. Love you guys. Hope it makes it on the show.
49:41 – 49:42
I don’t want it on the show.
49:44 – 49:46
It was the story Lord picked it out.
49:46 – 49:48
Thanks story Lord Well,
49:53 – 49:57
at least he knew that those underwears belong to the trash now
49:57 – 50:09
gosh leave it up to Jonah Jonah, Jonah to have the grossest story ever far, far Lord. I mean, story Lord, we, we might have
50:09 – 50:11
to have a conversation
50:11 – 50:28
about what’s acceptable. That should have been edited a little bit for content. How would you, how, if you were to go back and edit it, if I were to edit it, okay, let me hit the retail heart. My whole immediate family died laughing as I waddled out of a room.
50:29 – 50:45
My sister-in-law, however, sat in mortified silence trying to process witnessing me making a backdoor delivery in her husband’s face. As for me, I went on to set a new personal record in the toilet. My undies were gross. My shorts were gross.
50:46 – 50:55
So I threw them out and took a shower. Love you guys. Hope it makes it on the show. And that is how I would clean up that story, but it wouldn’t have been nearly as fun.
50:56 – 51:00
So I was wrong. Story Lord’s right. All right. It’s time for
51:00 – 51:00
us to
51:01 – 51:18
announce a winner who gets the Sonic story, uh, or, uh, the minifigure for their story. Let’s go backwards. Jonah just, I, uh, last from the past. Marco Pelo was freaking hilarious.
51:19 – 51:20
Marco Pelo from the deer
51:20 – 51:21
roper.
51:22 – 51:29
And, uh, I, Emmy, I already know Emmy. She’s old. She’s old. Yeah, she’s old.
51:31 – 51:36
Meaning like us, I mean not like our age, but she’s grown. She’s
51:36 – 51:43
not a middle schooler. Right. She probably would appreciate, is this week the Lego? No, this is Sonic.
51:43 – 51:46
Yeah, next week’s Legos. So,
51:46 – 51:57
um, let’s do, let’s do Austin, the beer roper, man. Dear roper. All right, dear roper. Congratulations for Marco Pilo.
51:57 – 52:08
That was a funny story that that was worth a Sonic the Hedgehog. Somebody pee on me? Giveaway. Next week, though, send in your stories for a chance to win a Star Wars Boba Fett Starship Microfighter.
52:08 – 52:09
Everybody know it’s still
52:09 – 52:10
slate one.
52:10 – 52:26
And we’ll see you guys next time, guys. This podcast is possible in these little giveaways and stuff we do because of our supporting listeners on Patreon. Supporting listeners get ad-free listening, swag, and weekly bonus podcasts. Try it out free for seven days at support.thatstorieshow.com.
52:26 – 52:36
Special thanks to our producers, James Spangler, Carrie Wright, and Christopher Tynan. Do you have a funny life story you’d like featured on the show? Maybe the worst text you’ve ever sent or received? Trying to look cool and doing something dumb?
52:37 – 52:53
Forgetting someone’s name? How about using the wrong word and sounding absolutely weird? Submit your story at ThatStoryShow.com, and while you’re there, join our Discord server, and please take a moment and leave a review on iTunes or Spotify. Don’t forget to email us your address if you heard your story for your free sticker.
52:53 – 53:07
And remember, when something weird, annoying, embarrassing, or painful happens to you, don’t get stressed, don’t get depressed, and don’t tell me how much you spit into the freaking toilet. This belongs on that story show. We’ll see you guys next week. God bless.
53:07 – 53:17
All right. Here we go. I’m just a little lady and I shouldn’t be telling
53:17 – 53:22
That I was doing some things on the toilet, shouldn’t be yelling But I liquefied
53:22 – 53:34
junk and it came out of my bong And it hit the water, I had to splash it cause I’m dumb I had to flush it 30 times to make all the liquid go I thought the
53:34 – 53:56
liquid was supposed to come out my peepee hole But it did not, it came out the other way and I am lost I pray Jesus help me help me but he’s stuck on the cross and he doesn’t hear me cause I’m drowning in filth and I wish it wasn’t this way but it really is I can’t keep my undies and I
53:56 – 54:05
can’t keep my pants all I can do is waddle around cause I got poopoo in this dance. That was so terrible.
54:06 – 54:07
It was so gross.
54:09 – 54:20
That song now belongs to the toilet, too. Yeah, my voice. My friend, the whole concept of the recap song is in the toilet now, so. Yeah.
54:21 – 54:22
Welcome back to middle school.
54:24 – 54:34
Hey, how you doing out there, podcast people? This is Stuff That Didn’t Fit on the Show for episode 500, where we share stuff that didn’t fit on the show. John, what did you think about episode 500?
54:35 – 54:43
You know, it felt a lot like episode 400 and below. Yeah. But it was a lot of fun. It was good.
54:43 – 54:57
So crazy. I was actually, that story about being found, Um, that I shared from that, that yes, the lady. So I was going to use that as a weekly update, but it was just too fitting. Yes.
54:57 – 55:05
It’s so awesome. And I’m glad she won something. I didn’t know, you know, we didn’t set that up in advance or anything.
55:05 – 55:10
That was crazy. It’s just like, uh, all the, all the pieces coming together. It isn’t the Lord. Good.
55:11 – 55:25
Yes. The story Lord. And so is this, do you think anybody, so I remember when I was a kid growing up in a Christian school and of course learned about the Bible before I learned about the medieval times. Yes.
55:26 – 55:28
And when they started calling other people Lord’s, I was
55:28 – 55:30
like,
55:30 – 55:33
yes, yes, yes. Do you think we’re going to have any people think
55:34 – 55:48
you can’t call anybody Lord except for the Lord? I don’t know. I don’t know, maybe. You know, these days if I’ve learned anything, I’ve learned that if people can get offended about something, chances are they freaking just will.
55:49 – 55:52
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