00:37 – 00:42
Hey, podcast people. I’m your host. My name is James Kennison. And I am of course, John Steinklauber.

00:42 – 00:50
Welcome to the show. This is the show where we share your hilarious real life stories and invite you to send in your own and stuff. Yeah. That’s what we do.

00:50 – 00:54
That’s what you do. I’m just here for the ride. Yeah. I share the stories.

00:54 – 00:58
John shares the stories. We both share stories. It’s really great. Okay.

00:58 – 01:10
So John, I had a thing that happened this week. I had a yoga instructor. that came and lived at my house for a while. I’m having a hard time getting rid of him because every time I ask him to leave, he’s like, Namaste.

01:10 – 01:26
I was really getting worried for you for a second. Like, how did that work out? Are you like renting out one of your kids’ bedrooms? Yeah, it’s just a little, you know, basement.

01:26 – 01:34
I was going for some spiritual guidance. Namaste. And I can’t get rid of him now. Yeah.

01:35 – 01:42
Is he from the South? Is that why, namaste? I don’t know. I, that’s what I hear when he says it.

01:43 – 01:51
Oh, that’s what you, he puts his hands together and kind of bows, but bows to you. Yeah. He’s at least he’s being polite when he’s telling you that he’s not leaving. Yeah.

01:51 – 01:58
He’s he’s next door actually in the next room. So he told me to keep it down. What? The downward dog.

01:58 – 02:09
I don’t know what that is. Anyway. Um, you hear a dancing goat later on, then you should probably be worried. I’m dancing and prancing.

02:09 – 02:15
I don’t want to hear that. Um, this is from West. It’s our opening story from Manhattan, Kansas. It’s called the cussing.

02:16 – 02:41
Um, so if you wondered, I don’t know what this story means, but one time in the summer when I went to the pool, like for the past week, Uh, me and my friends arrived at the pool and started swimming around, but we have made the horrible discovery of cussing and not getting in trouble. Remember that John, that period of time? What would you say you were?

02:41 – 02:52
Like, I don’t know. I was late. I was a late bloomer. So for me, it was probably like 14 and a half, 13, maybe, you know, like I heard, go ahead.

02:53 – 03:20
Oh, I was going to say my, my, my phase was between 11 and 13. No, I, I, I heard it when I was in middle school, junior high, and then I put it into practice in like 10th grade. And you know, I was definitely in middle school, you know, my luck, I would, I would use it sparingly, but I would, I would throw it in. And, uh, one time I was on the bus and I was just talking casually to somebody next to me.

03:20 – 03:39
And I, I don’t remember what, what it was. I said, it was probably the S word shut up, you know, and, um, shut up. Yeah. And so I’m just talking, and then all of a sudden the entire, out of all the talking, I don’t know, it’s like a million monkeys typing, and they say eventually it would come up with the works of Shakespeare.

03:39 – 03:57
Well, a million monkeys typing, there would also be a moment where they all wouldn’t type at the same time, and there would be a gap. Well, that happened. Just as I said the word shut up. And I said it really loud and it was even louder because no one else chose to speak at that exact moment.

03:57 – 04:17
And the lady driving the bus looked up in that rear facing mirror that she had over her head and she locked eyes with me. And like Elon Musk, she was ready to cut me from the federal budget, let’s just say. That’s a very timely joke. Yeah.

04:17 – 04:22
In 20 years when people are listening to that, they’re going to remember. When he’s been assassinated. Yeah. It’ll be funny.

04:23 – 04:28
I don’t know. I don’t know what’s going on. But anyway. Uh, that would be my luck again, is what I’m saying.

04:28 – 04:50
It would turn this harmless joke into a horrible memory. Like how could you be so in insensitive James, the man, the man was gunned down in front of his family in front of that little boy that Donald Trump had to take care of while he did. You know, that’s what, that’s what would happen. I’m not saying it should happen.

04:51 – 04:57
You’re looking at me like I’m predicting this. I’m just saying, this is my luck. I’m scared. It’s my luck.

04:58 – 05:06
You know they control the airwaves now. Oh, gosh. You’re right. He’s probably listening to us and like, I don’t think I’m going to send those guys into space.

05:07 – 05:10
Yeah. I don’t know. That’s not what he sounds like. He kind of sounds like that.

05:11 – 05:26
Does he? Yeah. Yeah. I think that if you were to listen to my words and the way that I see things, I’m not gonna even try oh no that’s better than anything i could do so at least you can tell what it is so anyway he says we swam around the pool

05:26 – 05:41
cussing at each other and having a laugh of a lifetime back to the story thank you but then we we went to the thing called the bubble which is a big plastic semicircle full of air that you could jump on into the water. So we, this sounds fun. Yeah. Yeah.

05:42 – 05:55
I never had a bubble, you know, our, our pool had nothing but rules. Exactly. Exactly. And you could not put any of that pool furniture in the pool because you would get kicked out.

05:55 – 06:03
You could not run. Nope. Um, you could not cut off from, from the edge, couldn’t dive. You could jump in feet first.

06:04 – 06:16
And, uh, there was this dumb little thing called adult only time. Yeah. What’s up with that? Where we all had to get out of the pool and watch all the people that didn’t really care about swimming, get in the pool.

06:16 – 06:31
Yeah. Like they would really want to get in it after, after we got out because they know that’s when the pool’s got the most pee in it. My pool didn’t even have, uh, like a, like a concession stand. Yeah.

06:31 – 06:36
What’s that? I know. But nowadays you could get a snow cone at the pool. Oh, that’s fun.

06:37 – 06:43
For real? Yeah. People, kids these days need to tell us what it’s like. Yeah.

06:43 – 06:50
Because, like, I didn’t even have, we didn’t have a pool. My neighbor had a pool. I’m talking about the public pool. Yeah.

06:50 – 06:57
I never even knew what a public pool was until I went to college. Did they have a public pool in St. Mary’s? Yes.

06:58 – 07:06
They did? Where was it? It was busy being desegregated. Oh, just 10 years before I moved there.

07:07 – 07:16
Oh, wow. Yeah. So they, Georgia was the last, they were the holdout in St. Mary’s.

07:16 – 07:19
It was the biggest holdout. Yeah. Wow. St.

07:19 – 07:25
Mary’s? Yeah. Did not know that. Proud heritage right there.

07:25 – 07:47
So proud. But anyway, we swam around the pool, cussing each other, jumping off this amazing semicircle full of air. And we went there and I was on the bubble and the same lifeguard who’d been yelling at me all week for not jumping fast enough off the bubble, yelled at me again. So I jumped down and got with my friend and I started to swim, walk away from the lifeguard.

07:47 – 08:05
And I told my friend that lifeguard is a specific gardening utensil. Which one? I don’t think you mean shovel. That guard is a leaf blower.

08:06 – 08:14
Yeah. That guard is a daggone clip of jeers. Yeah. That lifeguard’s a pruning saw.

08:15 – 08:24
Yeah. That lifeguard’s the biggest rake you ever saw. Yeah. That lifeguard’s a real lawnmower.

08:25 – 08:30
Specifically. Hate her string trimming self? Yeah. She’s real.

08:35 – 08:50
There’s only one left, John, say it! I don’t know what it is. A garden hoe? Apparently, I said it too loud and the lifeguard heard me.

08:51 – 09:05
She called me over to her and what I should have done was just run away. But instead I went to her and faced my mistake head on. She told me that I was banned from the pool for that day. For the day?

09:05 – 09:21
For the whole day and sent me off with the manager lifeguard. The manager lifeguard sat me down and told me that it was not okay. She felt a little bad for me because I was absolutely sobbing my eyes out. That’s because you got caught.

09:21 – 09:36
I was the same way. Everything was great and wonderful being bad, but the minute I got catched, oh man, I was such a wimp like that. I would just start crying, dude. And not just to get out of trouble because I felt terrible.

09:37 – 09:43
Like I had no conscience until I got caught. Yep. And I thought it was so cool. And now I’m a fool.

09:44 – 10:01
I think that’s why you have to get on the kids because they don’t have a regular functioning. They have a Pinocchio conscience when it’s there. It’s there when it’s not, they, they it’s gone. Like if, if Jiminy can’t keep up, You know, and Jimmy can’t swim apparently.

10:01 – 10:10
Cause homeboy was cussing and he was spending too long on the thing. The bubble. Yeah. And he was thinking about gardening too much.

10:11 – 10:25
Apparently. Yeah. So anyway, sat me down was crying my eyes out. She said I could keep swimming if I wanted to just, but I, but I rode my bike home and continued sobbing about my mistake for the rest of the day and night.

10:26 – 10:40
See, that teaches you how bad cussing is boys and girls. Honestly, it’s one of the worst things I’ve done. So if that doesn’t deserve a prize, I don’t know what does. Well, it was really good.

10:40 – 10:51
And, uh, this is from Wes and Wes, what this story was actually read on the bonus content last week. And we thought it was so good. We wanted to share it here. Yeah.

10:51 – 11:08
And that rarely happened. I told him it does rarely happen, but I told him if he heard it on the bonus content, he would win a scabby, a scabby toilet collectible. And he did hear it and he did claim it. And so, but the other person, Did not.

11:08 – 11:22
I don’t want to say they didn’t cause I’m not absolutely sure. I think we’re done with scabby toilet collectibles. Um, this week though, we have a, uh, uh, a purse. It’s this is for girls.

11:23 – 11:31
It can be for guys who have a girlfriend. I’m sorry, I guess guys can carry. Let me show it on a camera here. It’s pretty cute.

11:31 – 11:39
Look at that. Can you describe this for the boys and girls? It’s Stitch from Lilo, or is it Lilo? No, Lilo’s the girl.

11:40 – 11:49
Stitch is the little alien. It’s kind of like a fuzzy-ish, bluish kind of look, little coin purse. Yeah. I would carry that.

11:49 – 12:07
It’s got a full embroidered stitch head and face and ears on it. And he’s smiling, not teethy smile, but he’s got a smile. It’s about the size of the pad of my hand, you know, without, if you took the fingers and the thumb off. Possibly with a hoe.

12:07 – 12:36
Um, it would uh, it’d be about this size So anyway this and two Uh nerds Um lip glosses are going out lip gloss this week to a story that we think is amazing But it has a keychain 99 has a keychain thing on it. And yeah, it’s a little clippy thing too. Like you can put You put it on your bag, you could make it part of your keychain mess. I know some girls love to like have a lot of keys, you know?

12:36 – 12:45
Yeah, because it’s like there’s one key and 50,000 charms. Right. Or whatever. We want to bless you with one more giant charm.

12:45 – 12:51
We do. A charm that could keep other charms in it. and possibly cash. That’s what we’re giving out next week.

12:51 – 13:07
No, this week, given this week, this week. I so somebody else getting that last week. Somebody’s doing this this week today. And if you had a you know what, if you win this, I will put a nickel and a dime and a quarter and a penny on it.

13:07 – 13:15
Oh, that’s a lot. That’s a lot of cash on me. So it’s actually a coin, but I mean, nobody’s nobody’s judging. Yeah.

13:16 – 13:37
All right. So let’s rewind the week. All right, so next week, before I get into Weekly Rewind, next week we have a Sonic the Hedgehog micro figure and collector case giveaway. That sounds cool.

13:38 – 13:48
Yeah. It could be any one of these like 11 guys. This looks like shadow or eight. It could be shadow or tails or not Sonic or knuckles.

13:48 – 14:12
Whoever that one is. The other one that looks like a, maybe you can read them. Silver, metal, Sonic, silver, shadow, Amy, knuckles, tails, Sonic, like two different, Three different variations of Sonic, and then Shadow, and Silver, and Knuckles, and Tails, and Amy. 1.5 inch.

14:12 – 14:24
I didn’t even know there was one Amy. You know, inch thing with a display case, and it’s going to go out next week. So send in your stories if you like Sonic. Send them in now.

14:24 – 14:31
Warning, there is a choking hazard. See the warning on there? Oh, yeah. So if you’re a person who tends to put things in their mouth and choke on them.

14:32 – 14:37
Don’t do that. Don’t do it. Don’t put Sonic in your mouth, idiots. Maybe.

14:38 – 14:45
Maybe. Don’t send in the story next week. Yeah. If you have a thing about putting Sonic in your mouth.

14:45 – 14:50
Yeah. Just hold on to that story. Yeah. Or the something that you won’t chuck.

14:52 – 15:11
Yeah. Well, if you put something in your mouth and joke on it and you’re, you know, the age of the person listening to our show, you, you’re an idiot. So I didn’t call everyone an idiot. I called people who would have a problem choking on this item and idiot.

15:11 – 15:26
So if you’re an idiot, do not send in your story next week. All right, speaking of idiot, um, last week I’m going to do two of them. Okay. Okay.

15:26 – 15:40
All right. Cause last week, well, I don’t know. I was at work and part of my job is I video and take pictures of people being trained. so that we can use them in other videos, like social media stuff and all this kind of junk.

15:40 – 15:57
And there was a lady there and she was very funny and very nice. And she knew the staff very well because she had been doing it for quite a while, but had never been formally trained in screen printing. So she was taking a class so she would know what she was doing right and what she was doing wrong. You know what I’m saying?

15:57 – 15:59
Yeah. Yeah. That’s cool. Yeah.

15:59 – 16:12
So she’s already screen printing. Yeah. And it has been doing business for six, seven, eight years, you know, wow. And with our company and knows everybody by name and had not even met most of them face to face.

16:12 – 16:23
So she meets me and she’s, Oh, you’re from the videos, you know, blah, blah, blah. I’m like, yeah, I’m from the videos. And, and, um, so yeah, can I take pictures and all this kind of stuff? So I’m down there doing that.

16:24 – 16:42
And, uh, a lady named Tracy comes up and she says something to this lady and the lady hears her say something else. And I come up late, late to the game. And I’m like, everybody’s laughing. And I’m like, why did I miss?

16:42 – 16:55
I just missed something amazing. You know, I, I need to know. And so the lady said, well, I heard Tracy come up to me and she said, do you want to play snorter? And I’m like, what the heck is that?

16:56 – 17:04
Play snorter. I guess if you tell me how to do it, I’ll play it. She’s like, but that’s not what she said. She’s like, I don’t even know what that means.

17:04 – 17:14
I said, I’m from Georgia. I can think about five different things that means. Like literally, can you out snore another person, snort another person? Can you catch a pig?

17:14 – 17:26
Can you catch a pig that is greased? Can we catcall fat girls by snorting at them? I mean, I’m from Georgia. There’s a lot of things that place snorter could mean.

17:27 – 17:37
But Tracy said, no. Apparently she had said, do you want to place an order? And she had just said it really fast. Is Tracy from Georgia too?

17:38 – 17:46
I guess so, man. I’ve decided the outside of about 30 minutes outside of every major city. It’s the South. Yeah.

17:46 – 17:52
Like there’s an accent. Everywhere. Everybody has one, you know. Except in the city.

17:53 – 17:59
Yes. But 30 minutes outside, it’s the country. And yeah, place an order. You wanna place an order?

18:00 – 18:03
Yeah, sure. I’ll play. I’ll place an order. Yeah.

18:03 – 18:11
Sounds like kind of like a fun game. It does. I was ready to get into that game. And then, you know, it turned out to just be placing an order, which is boring.

18:11 – 18:15
Okay. Here’s my other one. It’s kind of makes me bad. Okay.

18:15 – 18:22
So I wanted to share this one as soon as possible. Mine might make me bad too. So, okay. Well, we’ll see who’s worse.

18:22 – 18:25
Okay. Okay. Okay. Here’s, here’s bad thing.

18:25 – 18:29
Number one. I and John will do bad thing. Number two. I was at church last week.

18:29 – 18:38
Okay. Okay. And there was this girl in front of me and I was, I was, I was looking up at the screen cause that’s where the words are. Cause all these songs, I don’t know them.

18:38 – 18:46
I don’t, I, I don’t go to… I haven’t been to church in a long time, and I’m starting to go again, and all the songs are different. All of them. Yeah.

18:47 – 19:01
They’re not in hymn books anymore. That’s for darn sure. But these words are up on the screen, so I’m focusing on that. And this girl, this teenage girl in front of me, maybe 13 or 14, I don’t know, turns around and keeps looking at me.

19:02 – 19:12
And, uh, I ignore it for a while, but then I’m like, maybe she’s trying to get my attention. You know, I don’t know. So the next time she did it, I looked at her and we locked eyes for a minute. She turned back around real fast.

19:12 – 19:26
I’m like, okay, I don’t know what’s going on. But I, when she turned around, I was looking at the back of her head and I noticed she had one of those. Drilled out holes in her head that attach to her ear. You know what I’m talking about?

19:26 – 19:43
There’s pads They wear when oh, yeah, and they can’t hear clear. Yeah, so she’s cyborg, you know And and I’m like, dude I bet she hears me singing. Oh, it’s like popping out. Maybe I got a supersonic voice or something.

19:43 – 19:57
So I had to test it. So I stopped singing and she stopped turning around. So I’m looking at the back of her head and I just said in all the den, you know, there’s, there’s drums and guitars and pianos and people singing all around me. I said, can you hear me?

19:58 – 20:08
And her neck froze. I said, excuse me, can you hear me? I just said it just normal, like barely out my voice. She turned around.

20:09 – 20:19
She’s like, yes. Dude, you have superpowers! Yes. She’s got superpowers.

20:21 – 20:38
Honestly, the only difference between that and the truth is I had to say it like five times because I think she was gearing up to like, what do I do? He’s found out my secret. And like, was she too nervous to turn around, you know, because she had been turning around or what was she going to do? Was she going to keep her secret?

20:39 – 20:46
But her secret was safe with me because I just told everybody. Oh. Yeah, yeah. What’s her name?

20:46 – 21:03
Where she live? Well, it was funny because we had just did a story, didn’t we, about a kid who was playing hide-and-seek in the dark at a youth group. And he’s like, yeah, I’ve got a secret way to win. And he went upstairs, and the pastor was hiding in this super dark area.

21:03 – 21:16
And the kid heard him and turned right toward him and said, there you are right there. And the story ended up being that he had his hearing aids turned all the way up, and he could hear people breathing. I don’t, I don’t remember that story. Yes.

21:17 – 21:22
Yeah. We told it just a few weeks ago. Oh my goodness. And I was like, this is happening right now.

21:23 – 21:27
That’s awesome. Seriously. All this noise. And I’m like, can you hear me?

21:28 – 21:34
She said she could hear around it. Yeah. Yes. And I was saying terrible turnaround.

21:34 – 21:49
She wasn’t first to her neck froze. Like I said, the little tendons in her neck went up and I was like, dude, she can hear me, but now I have to confirm and Like can you and I haven’t seen her again. I didn’t follow up. I just I was like, this is our secret She’s like, this is my moment going back to that church.

21:49 – 22:13
Yeah, I wrote it down and i’m just like dude, that’s amazing And scary at the same time because I was singing when I used to try to sing Like in the old days, and now I just kind of sing. I just like, you know, this is our power. We send it to you. Scratch my back on scratchers too.

22:14 – 22:27
I’ll do anything that you want me to. Don’t send me to Hades, just send me to the zoo. That’s one of the songs we do. And I just sing it like that.

22:27 – 22:38
I’m not like… You know, like really trying anymore. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Harmonize and all that stuff.

22:38 – 22:43
Right, right. I used to harmonize a lot. Yeah. I tried to enhance the worship experience for those around me.

22:44 – 22:56
Well, for your own listening and stuff. They always sing in a key I can’t quite sing in, so harmony always fit just right for me. Sometimes I sing bass, but that’s because y’all sing too high. Yeah.

22:56 – 23:06
So anyway, when she kept turning around, I knew something was up. I knew something was up. See, I thought she was looking at the confidence screen in the back. Can you hear me right now?

23:09 – 23:30
He’s like, yes, you’re right in my- Can you hear me? I don’t think that makes you bad. I felt a little bad though, because it was like I was possibly playing with her disability, but maybe she had a distortion pedal on and I was sounding like that. Can you hear me?

23:30 – 23:36
Can you hear me? Yes, you can. Yes. Yes, he can hear you.

23:40 – 23:44
Okay. All right. What about yours? Mine just makes me a butthole.

23:45 – 23:52
Oh, um, Oh, can I say that? I guess so. I guess we can now. Oh, that’s the end of the show.

23:52 – 23:58
Sorry, everybody. One of the many tools of the day. You can just be the LBB, the living, breathing butthead. Okay.

23:58 – 24:37
Her butthead, but I’m sorry, you can edit that other part out because I don’t typically talk like that. So, It’s a beautiful day in my part of georgia today, uh for those who don’t know we’re recording on a sunday. Yes And it’s different because it was a crazy week for me and jason, uh, james james i’m jason now And jason I was gonna say james said we could record on a different time. So um Anyways, it’s a beautiful Sunday afternoon and the sun is out.

24:37 – 24:50
The temperature, you know, is just right for a light jacket. It just, unless you’re in my office and it’s really cold. It was a great day. for bikers to be out as well.

24:50 – 24:58
Not just bikers on motorcycles, but bikers on cycles. Cyclists. Cyclists. Yes.

24:58 – 25:07
Yes. Two cyclists, two wheeled cyclists. Anyways, on my road that I live on, there’s these 10 speed gang. I don’t know what they are.

25:07 – 25:26
I don’t know. They’re road bikers that ride around the beautiful countryside and get their exercise. But on my way here to where I like to record, I got stuck behind a biker gang. Oh, there was probably a stack of, I don’t know, maybe eight bikes.

25:27 – 25:33
You’re talking about cycles, right? Cyclists. No, I’m talking about motorcycles. Oh, motorcycle.

25:33 – 25:37
Okay. That’s a whole different story. Yeah. It is different story.

25:37 – 25:52
And thank you for helping me clarify that because these were motorized bikes. Yeah. And I was at the light weight and then they all get in front of me and then I turn in behind them and I’m following them. And I’m like, these guys are slow.

25:53 – 26:01
They’re really slow. They were cruising. I’m looking and I’m like, They’re they’re old. Yeah.

26:02 – 26:16
And they’re an old biker gang. And I was getting kind of triggered because I was thinking, ah, he’s old farts out here riding motorcycles. What’s up with that? And then I was looking at the bikes and like two of them aren’t even really motorcycles.

26:16 – 26:24
They’re three wheels. They’re trikes. And one of them doesn’t even look like a motorcycle. It’s like a car with three wheels.

26:24 – 26:35
And I’m thinking, all right, why did they let them into their motorcycle gang? And why are they driving so slow? A lot of their friends are dead and they needed some people to come back in. Just a theory.

26:35 – 26:45
Go ahead. Oh, I feel bad now, but I’m going to continue. Like I didn’t hear you say that because I was triggered or riled up or whatever. Anyways, I’m following.

26:45 – 27:01
I’m like, man, can we just get close to the speed limit? And they didn’t, and I’m still following them. And then they turn in to where I’m turning in. They’re like, Oh, look, there’s an empty parking lot in this big school lot.

27:02 – 27:21
Let’s just park there and hang out. And so of course I’m following them slowly because this is where I’m going and I don’t know who they are. And so I didn’t want them to think that I was following them. So I parked on the other side of campus so that I would not look like a creeper or whatever.

27:21 – 27:31
Right. Cause you don’t want to rile up a bike gang, even if they are old. They might throw their AARP cards at me and something. Well, they might kill you.

27:31 – 27:38
And then the was the the judge says tend to life. And they’re like, that’s the same thing. Yeah. So I care.

27:39 – 27:52
I got 10 years left. So so the three things are the I don’t know if there’s any point to this story except for me getting all frustrated. But here’s the I think this is what I’m most frustrated about. OK.

27:53 – 28:02
They weren’t that old. They were closer to my age than I thought they were. Don’t you hate that? Because they’re getting off their bikes and they’re like doing their stretches and stuff.

28:02 – 28:17
They take their helmets off and I’m like, stretches. Oh, they’re not old. They’re just, they do have AARP cards because they’re my age and I’m the age of old people. Oh no!

28:19 – 28:27
So that’s all. That’s all. No, no. It’s scary when you’re behind a biker gang.

28:28 – 28:47
You know what we have in St. Louis though? We have gangs of guys that are on four wheelers and, and like those two wheel scooters, like, um, I want to say like a Honda, uh, ruckus, you know, those that, that are 50 CCs, but they, they, oh yeah. Yeah.

28:47 – 28:56
They jazz them up, make them super fast. And about five moped. Yeah. 30 of them will get together and just start terrorizing the inner city streets.

28:56 – 28:59
Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Uh-huh.

29:00 – 29:05
They’re doing tricks. Scooters? On four wheelers and scooters. Four wheelers.

29:05 – 29:19
Doing 70 miles an hour down the street, just popping wheelies and being obnoxious. And God forbid if you look at them, because they’ll stare right back at you. Well, if you stare at them long enough, they won’t look ahead. Yeah.

29:19 – 29:24
You know? That’s true. They might run into the back of somebody. They might break their own neck going around the corner.

29:25 – 29:40
I’m going to eye you down while I’m turning this corner. I’m telling you every time I see those guys though, I like, I hope you have an accident in your pants. So I kind of soften it up. I hope you’re really inconvenienced today.

29:40 – 29:48
I hope you run out of gas one mile from a gas station. Exactly. I hope you play snorker. So.

29:50 – 29:56
Snorter. Snorter, whatever, play snorker. I don’t know what snorker is. It’s a it’s a different game, but.

29:57 – 30:08
Oh, man, we got a review brought to you by podgagement.com. Tanya M.J. says, I love this show. Five stars already listen to show seven hours straight, except for bathroom breaks.

30:09 – 30:15
Well, wait a second. You don’t have to stop. You don’t. We’ll join you in the bathroom.

30:15 – 30:24
Wow. Quoted by John. I’m going to mark that. That’s an audio quote that we will be using in all of our social media.

30:25 – 30:46
Let’s say it together, John, we will join you in the bathroom. That’s John Steinklauber, Sunday, March 2nd, 2025. John Steinklauber has said that, yeah, we’ll join you in the bathroom. I didn’t mean to say it like that.

30:46 – 30:54
I didn’t mean for it to sound like that. What I was saying is that you can listen to us in the bathroom. There we go. If you want.

30:54 – 31:05
Yeah, you don’t have to turn it off unless your P-Stream is that loud. Oh. Yeah. I don’t know about you, but I usually listen to something while I’m in the bathroom these days.

31:05 – 31:23
Like I, I, I have my earbuds, but they come out when I need something else to come out, you know? And that’s when I use them the most. So you listen to your stories while you’re. Getting rid of the boys.

31:24 – 31:33
Yeah. Dropping the kids off at the pool. We had a public pool story just a little bit ago. So.

31:34 – 31:54
Dude, I took these kids to youth camp, children’s camp every year. But this one year in particular is Northern Missouri kids camp. And we had the biggest group of kids cause we’re from the biggest church, you know? And I took them to Northern Missouri because it was a heck of a lot closer and a heck of a lot cheaper.

31:55 – 32:11
And I thought it was just a better, more country atmosphere and all this stuff. Uh, of course they had separated swimming times for the boys and the girls. And I would go and swim with the boys and the boys loved being thrown. you know, just grab me and throw me.

32:11 – 32:27
And so I would do that until I couldn’t do it anymore. And I get out of the pool and it still wasn’t enough. So they always, they were always sad when I left, you know? And, uh, but then the girls would go with all the lady workers, you know, and they would make faces each other as we went past, cause they’re all wrapped up in towels.

32:27 – 32:41
We’re all wrapped up in towels and, and the boys are mad cause they have to leave. And the girls are happy cause they got to kick us out, you know? So it’s great. But, Three days in a row, the girls pool was, was limited, removed like all the girls out of the pool now immediately.

32:42 – 32:51
Cause there was a turd in the pool. Yeah. Oh, gross. And I just, maybe I’m wrong.

32:51 – 32:57
Maybe I’m wrong. My kids were good kids. But it was just so, I’m like, has this ever been an issue before? No.

32:57 – 33:02
All right, God, it’s gotta be one of mine. It’s one of my kids. It’s one of my kids that are doing this. Why?

33:03 – 33:11
And then the day two, kids out of the pool, out of the pool. Day three, out of the pool. They don’t know. They don’t know who’s doing it.

33:12 – 33:22
I’m just saying like, usually when you find species in a pool, they shut it down. They shocked it. They shocked the crap out of it. They shocked the crap out of it.

33:23 – 33:31
But this little turd, I even got called in to see it. I don’t know why. Could you identify this for us? Yeah, that is indeed poop.

33:31 – 33:42
Yes. Yes it is. Um, but can you tell us which, which one of your students made it? I mean, you know, John goes in the bathroom with kids, but I do not.

33:42 – 33:52
Okay. He wants to, um, what was it you said earlier? I think I have it. We will go into the bathroom with you.

33:54 – 34:01
Um, correct me if I’m wrong. That, that is a misquote. Uh, it’s out of context. How about that?

34:01 – 34:13
It’s out of context. Thank you. But I love that about it because I’m not going to provide any context when I use it in social media all the time with your name attached to it. And hopefully your boss will hear it.

34:14 – 34:19
Um, I want to change your entire life. I’m going to destroy you. Gotcha. Okay.

34:19 – 34:51
Uh, anyway, so three times in a row, three times is the magic number and they shut down the pool for the rest of the week. And I just imagine what girl is reaching back and sliding that thing over to the side and dropping a perfectly formed dookie and then just slipping it back on and going about her business. She, she knows that It’s going to get, she’s been through the, you know, the first time, you don’t know what’s going to happen. Maybe nobody will notice second time, you know, third time, you definitely know.

34:52 – 35:05
And then you’ve ruined it for everybody. As much as I want to think it was some messed up white girl. Um, they said no one had ever done it before. And we were the new people, you know?

35:05 – 35:18
So it was probably one of mine. dropping the kids off at the pool in the pool. Just one kid, three, three kids dropping three kids off. Maybe.

35:18 – 35:30
We know how, like when you go to camp, you like, you’re afraid to go to the toilet and, and take a dump. And, um, so you’re like, Oh, Hey, you know what? I’m in the pool. There’s a bunch of other kids around.

35:31 – 35:50
I could poop in public and relieve myself and not be afraid. How do you do it without making a face though? Uh, I mean, you can hide what’s going on underwater, but what about what’s going on over the water? Why, you sure are concentrating over there.

35:52 – 36:02
Why are you staring off into space like that? Why are you smiling with all them teeth? Somebody might think you’re gnashing them together. I don’t know what’s going on over there.

36:02 – 36:14
You look like you’re laying an egg. Why do you got a vein popping out of your forehead? It’s like little toddlers do, you know, stand behind the couch and just peek around it. Yeah.

36:14 – 36:20
Yeah. They watching me go dump. So anyway, yeah, it was, it was rough. It was rough.

36:20 – 36:27
That was a rough thing. And I don’t quite know why I brought it up, but, um, I forgot where we were going. It’s fine. It’s fine.

36:28 – 36:39
Uh, please leave us a review on iTunes or Spotify. It makes us really happy and it really helps the show review.thatstorieshow.com. And we love to read reviews on the show. And so, uh, give us one.

36:39 – 36:56
They help us a lot. All right, let’s do some featured stories. I’m not going to tell you about the time that we had a kid that didn’t want to poop at camp at all. Every year.

36:56 – 37:23
Every year there would be a kid that didn’t poop and they would start having horrible pains. And as an early children’s pastor, not knowing, I thought, oh gosh, he has appendicitis. And so we would take them to the emergency room and they would do the x-rays and they would just come back and sheepishly tell us he’s just backed up to his nose. He’s backed up from his butthole to his nose.

37:24 – 37:45
He needs to drink some of that stuff that they gave us for colonoscopies. Yeah, he needs to be cleaned out. And sure enough, yeah, every year I took a kid to the emergency room because the camp counselor guy insisted on it. Like, if it’s not an emergency and we, if it is an emergency and we don’t take them, we’re liable.

37:46 – 38:04
So as soon as they started cramping. And so, you know what I did as part of my little, uh, my little prequel to, to youth camp is I said this, I said, you will shower every day. Yes. You will change your socks and underwear every day.

38:05 – 38:27
And, and you will poop every day. Cause if I make me every year, I have to take one of you to the hospital and I’m not doing it again. So what are the rules, boys and girls? I got a bus full of kids to say that they’re going to go poop.

38:27 – 38:35
Yes. I was not joking with that. I was not joking with them at all. I mean, I had years of experience at that point.

38:36 – 38:53
And I told him, I was like, you, if you’re the one that goes to the hospital, everybody’s going to know why, because we just told you why. Yeah. Cause you can’t, you haven’t pooped. I said, if you have to sneak back, come tell me, I will let you have special privileges to go blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

38:54 – 39:06
If you have to be alone, there’s bathrooms here, here, and here that you can go to. I understand, but you have to shower every day, change your undies and socks every day. And you have got to poop every day. And we never had another problem.

39:07 – 39:16
Hmm. They didn’t even have to do it in that order. Not in my church. Oh, anyway, this is, uh, I don’t know.

39:16 – 39:21
I don’t have their name. I’m sorry. Sorry. It’s Eliza from Edlin Edmond.

39:21 – 39:28
That’s yours. Not mine. Yeah. Well, if you, if you look at the one that you’re highlighting there and the one below it, they are, they are the same.

39:29 – 39:35
Oh, okay. My bad. My bad. Uh, why don’t you just read it then, John?

39:35 – 39:46
Okay. And the reason I noticed that is because I was like, I was looking at your story there and I was like, wait a second, this looks like one that I’ve heard before. And I did. It’s because I, I prepared this week for the show.

39:47 – 39:53
I’ve never podcasted before, so I don’t know what’s going on. You should know better though, John. Thank you for catching that. I, it is, I’m sorry.

39:54 – 40:08
I should have highlighted it and erased it for you. Hey, Eliza, this is your story, Harry Pepsi. She says my church does all kinds of events, but this one specifically stuck in my memory. We’re going to a baseball game, which I’m not excited for.

40:08 – 40:30
I assumed it would be boring, but surprisingly, I had fun with my friends. We did all the traditional baseball game activities, like eating Dippin’ Dots, popcorn, and drinking soda. My dad got me a huge cup of Pepsi. The way this baseball stadium was set up was that the cup holders were on the backside of the seat in front of you.

40:31 – 40:50
Unfortunately, the lady in front of me had very, very long hair. It was hot. And she flipped her two foot long hair from behind her and into my small cup of soda. I didn’t know what to do, so I quickly flipped that lock of hair out of the cup.

40:52 – 41:19
She had hair Pepsi. I told my friends and we all giggled until we couldn’t breathe the poor lady had no idea I still drank my Pepsi. I Also have no idea how the game turned out who even played The high on hair toxins, that’s why There’s something floating in the cup. This happened two or so years ago and I remembered it.

41:19 – 41:29
I immediately knew I had to submit it to that story show. I’m a middle schooler and I just discovered the show. Anyway, I hope this makes it on the next episode. It did.

41:29 – 41:36
It did. Man, hair in your Pepsi. Now I missed, maybe I missed a little bit. Let me review here.

41:36 – 41:43
Uh, did we get a description of the lady? She had long hair. That’s the only thing I remember hearing. It’s like two foot long, two foot long hair.

41:43 – 41:49
Okay. Not so middle of the shoulders, you know, not quite middle of the back. Yeah. Just normal hair.

41:50 – 41:55
And he has a giant soda. Liza, she has a giant soda. Yep. Okay.

41:55 – 42:14
So it throws off all my, my preclusions. Okay. Cause I, I was putting myself in the story and I was like, if I was a guy and I had a giant soda and this girl I really liked got her hair dipped in it, I would, I would probably grab the hair instead of flipping it out. I would, I would kind of seep it like tea.

42:17 – 42:25
You know what I’m talking about? Like dip it up and down. Her hair’s in my soda. So it would be crushed flavor, you know, just a little bit of that crush.

42:25 – 42:36
Get off in there. My Pepsi smells like her shampoo. Yeah. If I had a little pair of scissors, I might clip it off there.

42:37 – 42:41
Anyway. Excuse me. Your hair got in my soda, so I had to cut it off. Yeah.

42:42 – 42:51
Don’t think I’m weird or anything. You want to kiss right now and just make up for it? Oh, yeah. I have a name.

42:51 – 43:00
It’s James. Do you want to kiss real quick? James, exactly. I was never good at any of that.

43:00 – 43:12
I would have never said what was in my mind. But maybe if her hair falls in my soda again, we’ll get married. Yes, it’s meant to be. meant to be.

43:12 – 43:33
I, uh, oh, I was in high school in band and, um, I don’t know why, but I was really thirsty and we always got a spot where we were able after, after halftime, we got a free time. Right. So about 15 minutes. And I waited in line and waited in line and waited in line, and I was so thirsty.

43:33 – 43:39
I’m like, I can’t get a refill. They don’t give refills. I’m going to buy two sodas. And so I did, and I brought them back and barely made it in time.

43:40 – 43:48
But there was this guy in the trombone team that was older than me. He was a junior, and he was very mean. He was very mean. He was very funny.

43:49 – 43:58
but he hated me. And he said, you’re not supposed to bring anything back. And I said, but I didn’t have time. You know, I know, but let me just have some, all of a sudden it’s time to play.

43:58 – 44:30
So he takes down his trombone, he grabs my two solas and in front of me, he slowly pours them out on the ground. And I was so mad. I had never wanted to physically hurt somebody before. Like I’ve always been physically hurt myself, you know, like people picked on me and I wanted to hit him back kind of thing, but never had I ever just wanted to push somebody.

44:30 – 44:42
It would have been so easy. Give him a little shove off the bleachers and see him wrapped up in all that brass and his trombone wrapped around his neck and just, you know, maybe bleeding out. I don’t know. Oh yeah.

44:43 – 44:58
And that’s something I added now. I didn’t know what bleeding out was then, but thanks to ER, you know, the show from the nineties, I know, I know what bleeding out is. So, uh, I’ve never gotten over that. So this story brings up that story.

44:59 – 45:07
Oh dang. And I was so thirsty. I’m so thirsty now that I’m going to drink something. You go, you do that.

45:07 – 45:18
And you know what I’m thinking about is that I don’t remember what I was thinking about. So nevermind. That’s fine. I’m going to take a sip too.

45:19 – 45:24
Oh man. That’s so good. Cause I was so thirsty. I was so thirsty.

45:24 – 45:39
I was talking about that with my wife about children’s ministry, how when I used to do children’s ministry, I’m signing up for children’s ministry at my church. I’m going to see if I want to do it or not. And one of the rules is you can’t eat in front of kids. And I’m like, I never had to have a rule like that, but they have teenagers.

45:39 – 45:58
Maybe teenagers are coming in and helping and they need a rule like that. I was like, when I was a children’s pastor, I didn’t even like have water on the stage. to drink during sermons because I remember as a kid, if the teacher had water, I would just suddenly remember I was so thirsty and it was like torture. But if I never saw it, I would have never thought of it.

45:58 – 46:14
Yeah. So I, even though I had, I was within my rights as a speaker, a public speaker to have a glass of water there, I never did it because I cared about my kids. So anyway, I just make, makes me the best. So, I guess that’s the point.

46:14 – 46:21
I just, there you go. Tuning my own horn. All right. Excellent.

46:21 – 46:30
Excellent. So, Oh, y’all think it’s funny, but we used to talk like that. Okay. Joy from Houston, Texas.

46:31 – 46:39
My most embarrassing story ever told wrongly without my permission. Okay, just to clarify, she did send this in. She did give us permission. So I don’t know what the context is.

46:39 – 46:56
I haven’t read it. I worked as a concession stand manager at a bouncy house place. It was my first job after high school. So I typically worked in the side work room and let the concession stand girls do all the work because at under 18, I thought all managers did was watch their employees work.

46:56 – 47:06
So one day one of my high school crushes moms came in and was ordering pizza with one of the CS girls. What was CS again? Concession stand girls. Okay.

47:06 – 47:10
Cause okay. Thank you for fixing that. Yeah. For a party she was hosting.

47:10 – 47:26
I was quote unquote working in the side work room when I overheard her talking about her son’s crush from high school who works here. So of course I listened closely. Like, this is about me, but I was in for a surprise. Uh-oh.

47:29 – 47:42
Oh, joy. While waiting for her pizza, she starts to tell the story about what happened at her son’s, let’s call him Scotty, at his school lock-in the year before. Here is Scotty’s mom’s version of my story. Wait.

47:43 – 47:46
Wait. Okay, okay. You got it? What?

47:47 – 47:57
Wait, hold on a second. No, I don’t. So let me say it again. It’s Scottie’s mom’s version of my story.

47:57 – 48:13
So Scottie story about the girl, the manager, but mom’s telling it. To the CS girls. Wait, so she’s got a crush on this guy and she’s listening, thinking, and hoping that he has a crush on her too? Right.

48:14 – 48:21
But then mom starts telling this story that’s about her. So her emotions are everywhere at once right now. Oh my. Okay.

48:21 – 48:40
So here’s the story. The girl that my Scotty liked in high school works here and the funniest thing happened to them during his school’s lock-in last year. He said they were playing basketball in the gym and she stopped the game because she wasn’t winning and says, well, I think my abs are harder than yours. Punch me in the stomach and you’ll see.

48:41 – 49:00
We didn’t punch her because, well, you know, Scotty would never do that. But he said that he poked her midsection and she let out a really loud toot. The poor girl must have been pushing too hard and a little gassy. Well, they never got together, but he still remembers her.

49:00 – 49:09
I wonder if she’s working today. I’ll point her out to you. Oh no. I’m going to stay in the closet.

49:10 – 49:15
This mom is telling this to one of her coworkers. To both of them. The CS girls. Yes.

49:15 – 49:20
Yeah. The CS girls. They’re like, Oh, I wonder who this is. I wonder if it’s our manager.

49:20 – 49:31
I wonder if it’s the third person in our employee list. Yeah. Yeah, they kept chatting more and I contemplated whether to come out from the workroom and say hi, but I chickened out. Yeah, it’s a good thing.

49:32 – 49:42
I would have too. I was dead from embarrassment. I would have quit my job. This happened six months ago and I didn’t understand how this was still a topic and more importantly, he told his mom.

49:44 – 49:53
Here’s what really happened. Wait a minute. Retail harp. So now here’s the real story.

49:53 – 50:07
They, Scotty was losing that game. He stopped and said, I bet my abs are harder than yours. He was trying to win at least one game because I was beating him in everything else. So I said, no way punch my stomach.

50:07 – 50:17
It’s a wall of bricks. So already some of the, some of the things have been changed in the boys. Uh, you know, the boy was lying when he told his mom because this is a true story. Yeah.

50:17 – 50:27
She said, she said that the girl stopped the game, but that’s not true. She wasn’t winning. Yeah. I tensed up real tight to make my stomach as hard as a rock.

50:27 – 50:46
And I closed my eyes and I was squeezing a little too hard because yes, as soon as he poked my stomach, I let out a bit of gas, but I don’t remember it being really loud. She wasn’t wrong about me pushing too hard and being gassy though. We had just eaten a bunch of junk foods. So there was that, but I do remember very vividly was that he immediately said, did you just toot?

50:48 – 50:55
He is definitely his mother’s son. What high school senior says toot? Really? Mortified.

50:55 – 51:06
I of course yelled, no, you did. And then I ran away farting with every jump. No. I avoided him for the rest of the school year.

51:06 – 51:15
That’s my story. I’m sticking to it. I’ve been listening to your podcast now since the beginning and always want to send in, but I am a millennial. So you know how that goes.

51:15 – 51:21
Yeah. You want a trophy. Don’t you? I was definitely going to join your patron supporters as soon as I win the lottery.

51:22 – 51:31
Cause you can’t afford a house and you can’t keep a job. God bless you guys. Joy from Houston, Texas. Thanks for listening as long as you did.

51:33 – 51:42
That is the best. She deserves to win the purse thing. Yeah. Well, we haven’t finished the show yet, John.

51:42 – 51:48
I’m just saying that was really good. It was a good story. That was well put together. She might win a trophy after all.

51:48 – 51:56
She might. And she might deserve it this time instead of it just being a participation. I can’t believe Scottie’s mom. That’s so wrong.

51:57 – 52:07
Let me tell you a story about a girl that farted that you work with. Yeah. Could you imagine the mom walking in? Oh, one of my son’s crushes works here.

52:07 – 52:17
Let me tell you this story. What a wonderful mom. She ripped it when my son poked her in the tummy. I can’t wait to tell this story.

52:17 – 52:31
I’m going to go get pizza from that one place so I can tell those CS girls. In the high school it says toot. Did you just toot? I do think that’s appropriate for a girl though.

52:31 – 52:45
If you’re a young man and you have to ask that question, which you never should, but if you had to, you should say toot. Um, you don’t want to say, did you just rip a fart? Did you just blast a gut? Stop it John.

52:49 – 52:54
Nothing. I didn’t say anything. John, why don’t you read us a story? Okay.

52:54 – 53:03
This comes to us from our good… I’m sorry. Composure. All right.

53:03 – 53:20
This comes from us, uh, to us from our good friend, TJ in Rexburg, Idaho. He says, I have Tourette’s and sometimes my tics make me do stupid things and I can either cry about it or laugh. So I’m sending you this story so that you can laugh while I cry. Oh boy.

53:20 – 53:26
John might cry. I might. John gets sympathetic, man. I do.

53:26 – 53:42
I do. So let’s see how it goes. I walked into the bathroom with my over the ear headphones on listening to my music. ticked, flinging my head back like you’re giving an exaggerated backwards sup nod.

53:42 – 53:48
You know how you do that? Yeah, sup. His was exaggerated because it was a tick. I do that all the time as a 51 year old.

53:49 – 53:53
What’s up, sup? Do you? No. Oh, I still nod down.

53:53 – 54:00
I’m an old school Southern white boy. I nod down. Not down. I actually flicked my head back a little bit.

54:00 – 54:14
I’m saying, Hey, but I don’t like to older people, like to younger kids, I guess I’ll throw a chin up, but yeah, you know, you’re right. I like to my mom and stuff though. I, I, I like bow. I like kiss her feet and stuff.

54:14 – 54:17
Really? Yeah. You know how much I love my mom. Yeah.

54:18 – 54:23
I don’t even think I’m going to go to her funeral. Why? I don’t know. Is she dead?

54:23 – 54:35
No, not yet. But I’m thinking that way, you know, I’m thinking about it and I was like, gosh, I’m having nightmares about my mom’s funeral. Maybe I just won’t go. Oh, yeah.

54:37 – 54:58
I, uh, I don’t know if you’re joking or not because I can’t see your face right now. Cause I have the page on, but, um, yeah. So anyway, if she would know if you’re not there and she will haunt our next, uh, our next theme show will be dead moms. So if you have a story about a dead mom, send it in.

54:58 – 55:17
500 moms. No, no, sorry. Our, our, our next, uh, Our next, uh, theme show will be beast games. That’d be just stories from the beast game series on prime.

55:18 – 55:25
What’s that? Yeah. Mr. Beast has a show on prime beast games. You didn’t know this.

55:26 – 55:34
Yeah, I knew, I knew all about that. I was just teasing, uh, about the, um, beast games. Yeah. $5 million on the line.

55:35 – 55:40
For one winner? He hasn’t invited me. No, I didn’t go on there. To come play the beast games.

55:40 – 55:46
Anyway. Let’s find out if we cry with this guy or laugh at him. I’m sorry, TJ. We got sidetracked.

55:46 – 55:59
Dead moms next week. All right, here we go. Flicks his head back like you’re giving an X word, a backwards suck nod. And then my headphones, my headphones fly off my head.

56:00 – 56:11
And of course, they land in the toilet bowl. The toilet water. Oh, nice. I am throwing these headphones away.

56:12 – 56:29
Enjoy the comedy show that is my life. Oh, oh. He sent a picture He did and they were I can’t show it. It’s an audio show, but he did he sent a picture I’ll put it up on our patron page man.

56:29 – 56:48
He sent a picture and they’re floating. He didn’t make it up They are floating in the toilet water dude freaking over-the-ear Bluetooth noise canceling headphones. And it’s probably bad for me to laugh, but he said, he said it was okay. He said, you can laugh while I cry.

56:48 – 57:05
You just don’t, if you know, you got ticks, you know, don’t, don’t you think maybe don’t, Where are them when you’re over at toilet water? I don’t know. Or, well, you know, cause look, TJ listens to the podcast in the bathroom. Unlike some people.

57:05 – 57:12
Some people. Or what was your name? Let’s just say it this way. We’re, we’re honored to accompany TJ in the bathroom.

57:13 – 57:20
Yes. But we do not want to end up in your toilet. We don’t because you know, that’s not good. It’s not good.

57:20 – 57:28
It’s not where we belong. We belong in your ears. I’m crying a little bit on the inside TJ. Cause I do feel bad about your headphones, but here’s, here’s the, here’s the, here’s the consolation.

57:29 – 57:41
Uh, Amazon has these great earbuds. They’re called Tozo’s and they’re so cheap. that when they fall out of your ear and they land in the toilet, you don’t mind just going ahead and flushing them. Sweet.

57:41 – 57:47
Because they’re cheap. But he wants over-the-ear headphones. I’m sure that Tozo makes those too. Okay.

57:47 – 57:53
I don’t know if they’re cheap as these ones are, but… How much? How cheap are they? No one just want to know.

57:53 – 57:56
$20. Really? You know how long I’ve had these? No.

57:56 – 58:01
I’ve had these for like three years. Really? Yeah. So cheap.

58:02 – 58:04
And they’re good. You hear that? Yeah. Clicky clicky.

58:04 – 58:08
Yeah. Yeah. They’re good. I mean, they, they sound pretty decent.

58:08 – 58:12
You use them with your Apple phone or whatever? Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

58:13 – 58:28
The only downside is, is that sometimes, sometimes you have an Apple phone. I do have an Apple phone. That’s the downside, but sometimes I’m watching videos on it and then these stupid earbuds will connect. So I’ll like lose the audio while I’m not wearing the earbuds because you know what I mean?

58:28 – 58:32
Yeah. How’s the sync? Does it sync up right? Yeah.

58:33 – 58:40
Okay. You kind of paused. I looked at your face and it was like you were lying. No, I didn’t know what you meant by sync.

58:40 – 58:46
Oh, I meant like is, is the vocals in sync with the video? Oh yes. Yes. Always.

58:46 – 58:52
I gotcha. I misunderstood that. I thought it was a lie face and it was, I don’t know what you’re talking about. James face.

58:52 – 59:00
I should be more used to that than I am. Okay. Um, I was, I was calculating this thought. Yeah, I understand.

59:01 – 59:05
This is from, I meant like, yeah, go ahead. Sorry. It’s not important what I was thinking. No, it’s, it’s fine.

59:06 – 59:27
I want to hear what you’re thinking, John. I thought you meant by sync, you know, like how the Apple iPhone earbud things, they like pop up on your screen and they let you know that you’re connected and all that cool stuff. They don’t do that because they’re $20. Oh, so you just have to rub them together until the friction and it kind of sparks a fire between them.

59:27 – 59:33
I mean, how does it connect? Is it Bluetooth or does the phone just whisper? It’s Bluetooth. Siri’s over there just like singing the song through it.

59:35 – 59:44
Maybe. Yeah. You do have to take a wand out and kind of wipe it over it. What is it like having earbuds that are made by children in slave labor?

59:45 – 59:56
Oh, okay. Now I’m feeling bad about these earbuds. They’re not $20 for nothing. I just thought it was because they had robots that put them together for cheaper.

59:58 – 1:00:02
Maybe it’s AI. Do some research. Let’s see. What’s the name of the company?

1:00:05 – 1:00:13
T-O-Z-O. They’re probably made in China. Okay. So, T-O-Z-O.

1:00:13 – 1:00:25
Do you have a website where you’re looking this up? Slave labor. All right. Please don’t be using kids.

1:00:26 – 1:00:43
Currently, kids is wrong. Tozo is in the process. Oh! of removing child and slave labor from their workshops in Vietnam.

1:00:45 – 1:00:59
Full transparency. Um, there may be more wind noise now. Um, yeah, yeah. Wind noise.

1:00:59 – 1:01:08
They’re saying it had something to do with wind noise. That’s why they’re getting rid of the kids that put them together. Yeah. They’re, I don’t know how they’re getting rid of them.

1:01:08 – 1:01:18
I don’t understand. Probably, probably in the worst way possible. I, uh, I don’t know what to say. Say that.

1:01:18 – 1:01:24
I wish I hadn’t interrupted the show. Tozo. Tell you about my stupid earbuds. Open earring.

1:01:24 – 1:01:29
True. Oh, here they are. They’re on Amazon. Oh, they’re cute.

1:01:30 – 1:01:37
They are cute. They’re coming pink. Yeah. They’re earring headphones.

1:01:37 – 1:01:42
So that’s cool. You have the earring kind. No, no. These are, these are the T sixes.

1:01:42 – 1:01:59
They’re just the cheap on and they’re $35. Um, so, so far, I can’t see. I can’t find anything about slavery, human trafficking, or forced labor charges having to do with the Tozo brand. So I guess you’re safe.

1:02:00 – 1:02:05
Oh, okay. You can still get them on Amazon. Maybe they’ll sponsor us now. I made it up.

1:02:06 – 1:02:11
It was all made up. I was just stringing together keywords from an article. Are you serious? Yes.

1:02:12 – 1:02:23
You totally got me. I totally got you, Ted. All right, this is from Zoe in Paris, France. Jaws is real, people.

1:02:23 – 1:02:34
Whoever told you this deep sea is a safe space is either in denial or completely ignorant. Let’s be real. The moment you swim out far enough that you can’t see the ocean floor, you are automatically in potential danger. I agree.

1:02:34 – 1:02:38
Of what, you ask? James. What? Like in Florida.

1:02:38 – 1:02:43
Yeah. You can’t, the water’s murky and dark. From the moment you step in it. Yeah.

1:02:43 – 1:02:59
This person is apparently on the Gulf side or something, somewhere where there’s some see-through, but yeah, in Florida you can’t see through anything other than the part that smears out and spreads the hard shells. Hey. You know what I’m talking about? This says it’s from Zoe in Paris, France.

1:03:00 – 1:03:13
They must have beautiful oceans in Paris, France, Zoe. That’s the truth. So anyway, I don’t know, maybe a giant squid is grabbing your ankle and dragging you into the bottom. So, so trust me, scary.

1:03:13 – 1:03:26
You don’t, you won’t be reliving finding Nemo. It’ll be shark tail at best, especially if you’re on your period. When did we stop reading these in advance? I read this one.

1:03:27 – 1:03:34
Really? Yes. Cause it originally had my name over the top of it. And I was like, I don’t think I’m going to say that word.

1:03:35 – 1:03:41
Well, this one caught me off guard. So we we’ve said it. Well, I don’t know what it means. I don’t either.

1:03:41 – 1:04:07
I don’t either. So, uh, so if you’re on your period like me or have a habit of getting random cuts, all of your body, because you keep walking into walls, like you’re still trying to get into Hogwarts. Just a totally random example off the top of my head. Not at all my biggest fear since I saw that viral video of a snorkeler getting into a full-blown wrestling match with a squid over his GoPro and losing.

1:04:07 – 1:04:29
But let’s be honest, the deeper you go, the creepier the creatures get. From 200 to 1,000 meters down, scientists call it the twilight zone. That’s when the name, that’s the same name that heck elevator at Disneyland where I’m pretty sure I had a near-death experience before bouncing back. In this twilight zone, most of the light disappears.

1:04:30 – 1:04:47
But here’s the fun part. The color, the first color to vanish is red. So deep sea creatures have evolved to be red in order to make themselves invisible, which naturally brings us to my personal favorite nightmare fuel, the vampire squid. A name that is misleading, by the way.

1:04:47 – 1:05:03
If you ask me, it should be called the Roomba squid, because that thing is really nasty. It eats something called marine snow, which trust me, sounds way more romantic than it actually is. Marine snow is a delicate blend of dead bodies, poop, and snot. Basically, it’s a cross between children and pigs.

1:05:05 – 1:05:22
See, that’s my theory of what sea salt is. It’s just that dried out and we think it’s so special and wonderful and we put it on our corn. Yeah. And sea salt is just rotten everything.

1:05:23 – 1:05:31
Everything. It just came out of the water and they dried it out until crystallized. And now you’re going to put it on your French fries. I know.

1:05:32 – 1:05:54
Anyway, if you’re feeling brave, you can go even deeper and meet another squid, the big fin squid. This beauty has elbow-like bends and eight-meter-long tentacles. If you ask me, it looks like something straight off of Paris Fashion Week runway, except, you know, your designer cape wouldn’t eat you. Because, of course, the deeper you go, the more everything turns carnivorous.

1:05:55 – 1:06:15
Take that, vegan freaks. Not everyone can survive on seaweed and plankton. Even the creepiest fish need to get their protein fix, like the anglerfish, one of the One with the terrifying teeth and the little headlamp. When an unsuspecting prey swims too close, it snaps its jaws shut and devours it whole.

1:06:15 – 1:06:38
It was basically New Year’s Eve in Germany all over again. And you know I would be a prime target because multiple guys have told me I look yummy. Meanwhile, some self-proclaimed UFO experts have been spreading rumors about spotting alien life forms in the deep ocean and insisting we need to investigate. Investigate what exactly?

1:06:39 – 1:06:59
How our blood types are all equally compatible with local seafood’s dietary needs? Maybe, just maybe, we could leave the aliens alone to enjoy their peaceful lives in the lost city of Atlantis while we go back to doing what humans do best, hating and killing each other. Sounds like a plan to me. Did I write this?

1:06:59 – 1:07:10
I don’t know. Anyway, I should probably wrap this up. I just noticed that while I was typing the tilapia on my plate, winked at me. Zoe from Paris, France.

1:07:10 – 1:07:18
Holy crap. Zoe, are you doing stand up on the weekends? What is your deal? That was hilarious, but it wasn’t a story.

1:07:18 – 1:07:22
I mean, it’s true. It’s a true life story. True, I guess. Everything she said is true.

1:07:23 – 1:07:39
Oh, I wonder if she actually did get dragged down to the bottom of the ocean when she was swimming in it and then met all these scary, freaky creatures. Under the sea! Under the sea! Oh wait, the sea.

1:07:40 – 1:07:50
Bit to the knee. Now you are floating cause you have no throat under the sea. You know, I don’t know. You’re floating because you’re bloating.

1:07:50 – 1:08:00
Ah, yes. Yeah. I can come up with rhymes sometime. We have this salt here cause of Disney world here.

1:08:02 – 1:08:13
It came from you and it came from me. Yes. All right. We got to announce the winner of our, uh, of our, our purse here.

1:08:13 – 1:08:20
And it can’t be, it can’t be Zoe. Cause I can’t ship this to Paris, France. That’s true. Can’t do it.

1:08:20 – 1:08:33
It’s gotta be us only. Cause you know what? A while back, I told the guy in chat on our discord server, I told him that I would cause randomly I’ll get on the discord server. I’ll give away video games.

1:08:33 – 1:08:47
I will say, Hey, you want a free hat? First person to reply gets a free hat. So that’s the kind of stuff I do on there. And, um, and I said, whoever replies to this first gets, uh, a bunch of stuff, a bunch of swag.

1:08:47 – 1:08:59
And I was just going to throw in every sticker we ever made, maybe a key chain and all this. And this guy from Canada did. I didn’t know Canada’s post office was on strike. Oh, usually would have cost me a couple of bucks.

1:08:59 – 1:09:12
It costs me 23 or $24 to send what, what was about $5 worth of stuff, but I still did it. And he’s like, thank you. And I’m like, you’re welcome. Nice James.

1:09:13 – 1:09:21
Speaking of which anyway, so it can’t be Zoe. Sorry, Zoe. That was really good. I’m thinking joy.

1:09:22 – 1:09:41
joy joy had a great story i mean that was yes girls fabulous and she fought she brought farts to the table she did um toots yeah toots the table mortification that’s right She brought a crush. We always like stories about crushes. And he liked her back. That’s the thing.

1:09:41 – 1:09:46
Yeah. They didn’t get together. They didn’t get married. No, because she was too embarrassed.

1:09:46 – 1:09:54
That’s how I met your mother story. That’s right. Met her through a toot. And those abs that just wouldn’t quit.

1:09:54 – 1:10:07
Those abs. She was, she was fabulous. I’m kind of tied between that one and, uh, And the, the hair in the, in the mug though. The hair, Harry Pepsi.

1:10:07 – 1:10:14
Yeah. Harry Pepsi is probably wouldn’t want what you’re given this week. You know, he’s also deserving. Yeah.

1:10:14 – 1:10:25
TJ’s not wanting it now. Um, but yeah, we’ll, we’ll pick joy this week. Next week again, uh, joy, joy’s winning this next week. One more time.

1:10:25 – 1:10:31
Sonic the hedgehog collectible figure. You don’t know who it is. It could be one of eight. Figures it’s a blind box.

1:10:31 – 1:10:50
You can open it and find out or keep it for 10 years and sell it for $40. So it’s completely up to you how you want to do that. This podcast is possible because of our supporting listeners on Patrion, supporting listeners to get ad free listening swag and a weekly bonus podcast. Try it out free for seven days, support.thatstorieshow.com.

1:10:50 – 1:11:02
Special thanks to our producers, James Spangler, Carrie Wright, and Christopher Tynan. Uh, there is one more thing. Do you want a, do you want, A minecraft server for the show. We haven’t done it in years.

1:11:02 – 1:11:29
There’s been some people requesting it and I’m wondering if you do Send an email that story show at gmail.com. Is it going to be java? Is it going to be bedrock? um, and then also would you be willing to Support the show at a level of three dollars a month, which is two packs of gum a month To be on this server to help pay the bills because I want to get a good server I want us to

1:11:29 – 1:11:59
have a good server. I don’t want this crap server Oh, you can get one for free that you have to log into every three hours to keep it going. No, we want a good server Um, and I found a place called godlike and it’s it’s got good servers It’s uh, really recommended by reddit And we would run a vanilla server with some basic quality of life mods and stuff like that, because we’d want you to be able to lock up your chest and have no griefing and stuff like that and be able to roll back things.

1:12:00 – 1:12:11
But if you’re interested in something like that, email me that story show at Gmail dot com. Do you have a life funny life story that you’d like to share in the store? Maybe you do. Maybe your pants didn’t work right one time.

1:12:12 – 1:12:19
Maybe you farted when somebody punched you in the stomach. Maybe somebody put hair in your Pepsi. I don’t know. Uh, maybe you threw up on your brother.

1:12:20 – 1:12:32
Maybe you had a poop in a pool. We don’t know, but it’s time for us to get out of here. Submit your story at that story show.com while you’re there. Join our mailing list for the latest updates and please take a moment and leave a review on iTunes or Spotify.

1:12:33 – 1:12:48
And don’t forget to email us your address. If you heard your story for your free sticker, Tell a friend about that story show this week and remember when something weird annoying embarrassing or painful happens You don’t get stressed. Don’t get depressed. Just think hey this belongs on that story show.

1:12:48 – 1:13:09
We’ll see you guys next week. Bye Bye Yeah And stay listening because i’m going to do a song and I don’t think I don’t think everybody stays listening Oh. One time in the summer, I went to the pool. I made a discovery of cussing, thought it was cool.

1:13:09 – 1:13:24
So we swam around and jumped on a big semicircle of air. And I said I was there too long. But the lifeguard said she’d been yelling at me. She said, you’re not getting off that thing.

1:13:24 – 1:13:47
You need to move eventually. So she yelled at me again. And I called her something a rhyme ago. and it was not a gardening hoe so apparently it was too loud and the lifeguard heard me say it and she kicked me out for the day cause she said I was done playing but I ran home on my bike and I cried my little eyes out they

1:13:47 – 1:13:50
said I could keep swimming but I couldn’t get my cusses out