00:00 – 00:17
This is that story show where we pick all the chunks out of the ice cream and then put it back. Hey, podcast people. I’m your host. My name is James Kittleson.

00:17 – 00:19
And I am John Stein Klauber.

00:19 – 00:28
Welcome to the show. This is a show where we share your funny life stories. People of all ages love this show. I’m old.

00:29 – 00:34
I’m getting there. Yeah. You’re the same age as old people, I think.

00:34 – 00:34
Really?

00:34 – 00:36
I think so. That’s what I’ve been told.

00:36 – 00:52
All right. III have to wait for my weekly update to tell you about my oldness. Cause that’s been a question I’ve been asking the last couple of episodes is when do we know we’re old? And I think I’ve, I think I hit the point, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

00:52 – 01:07
We always start with an opening story and then we’ve got some important announcements. I warned you for that’s the name of the story from Courtney, from Virginia. Okay, here we go. My son was born with Hirschsprung’s disease.

01:08 – 01:33
This means he was missing ganglion nerves in a portion of his intestines. And these nerves are what moves the stool, and for our middle schoolers, that’s poop, through your bowels. That means your butt tubes. Because of this, he was unable to have a bowel movement he was unable to take a crap on his own but there were times that he was so backed up he would have an explosive bowel movement.

01:33 – 01:47
That means explosive bowel movement. So for this, he had to go through a lot of testing. 1 being a colonoscopy. That’s right, folks.

01:48 – 01:50
How many weeks in a row is it now? 4?

01:52 – 01:54
4. Yeah, this will be the 4.

01:54 – 01:58
Cause it was yours. Mine, then yours. Yeah. And my wife’s.

01:58 – 02:00
And then this

02:00 – 02:01
last week, somebody wrote.

02:01 – 02:11
Yeah. Somebody. So I wonder how long we can keep it going. People, if you have a colonoscopy story, is there no end to the colon?

02:11 – 02:12
There we go.

02:13 – 02:14
Sorry, I stole your joke.

02:15 – 02:15
It’s a gas.

02:16 – 02:17
Oh, it’s it’s a

02:17 – 02:19
say that anymore, do they?

02:19 – 02:23
No, they don’t. But you know, a colonoscopy story should come out pretty easy.

02:27 – 02:32
I was drinking coffee when you said that. It almost ended up on everything.

02:32 – 02:37
Yeah. Yeah. And why don’t don’t spray it? Say it, you know, so.

02:42 – 03:00
All right. So he had to go to a colonoscopy. And by the way, if you don’t know what a colonoscopy is, all right, we do have some younger listeners. They basically, when they’re not emergency colonoscopies, the goal is they clear out your intestines.

03:00 – 03:01
Yeah.

03:01 – 03:33
And then they stick a camera up your butt and they look around for what are called polyps, which are little growths that could turn cancerous if they were left untreated, and they remove those. And just for your FYI, colon cancer is the most painful kind of cancer that you can have. And it’s the most easily avoided kind of cancer. You just have to go and get your butt scanned and probed.

03:33 – 03:35
It’s not as bad as it sounds.

03:35 – 03:50
No, no. Just the prep is terrible. They make you drink this horrible stuff and it goes down hard and then you poop for a solid day. And you kind of wonder, how does my body know to make that water come out the other pipe?

03:51 – 03:51
Right.

03:51 – 04:08
How does it know that it’s not for pee pee, it’s for poo poo? And then, then you go to the doctor and they put you to sleep and it’s the best sleep of your life and you wake up and it’s over no embarrassing moments

04:08 – 04:11
right you don’t even have to look anybody in the eye

04:11 – 04:33
it’s fantastic even though somebody looked in your eye your brown eye what I’m brown eyes. I have 3, 3 brown eyes. Anyway, because he was being treated at a teaching hospital. That’s where your parents need to take you.

04:33 – 04:34
Okay.

04:34 – 04:39
There are always medical students helping with the procedures. That’s, that just means there’s an audience.

04:40 – 04:43
That’s that’s right. That’s the worst. They’re all there to learn,

04:44 – 04:58
but you’re sleeping. So, yeah, but this kid wasn’t, Oh, well you just wait. This was an, this is a kid having a procedure. 1 young medical student was tasked with the job of inserting the tube.

04:59 – 05:13
See, I don’t know what the procedure is. I just know that stuff goes in there. So she was having trouble. So she pulled her face mask down and put her face right down by his bottom to get a better look.

05:14 – 05:16
Why would you take the face mask?

05:17 – 05:38
I don’t know. I warned her and I said, you may not want to get that close. He can be explosive at times. I’m not sure if she didn’t hear me or if she thought she knew better Because in the medical field, I am not, but B-U-T-T, soon after, there was a huge blowout.

05:38 – 05:45
So once she popped the cork, she was covered in feces.

05:45 – 05:47
Oh, no.

05:47 – 05:54
I wanted to say, I warned you, but I just stood there trying not to throw up as she continued her job.

05:55 – 05:59
What an amazing… See that’s why they make the big bucks.

05:59 – 06:08
She definitely was made for the medical field because she didn’t react and she kept going as if nothing happened as if her face was not covered in poop.

06:08 – 06:11
No please tell me that did not happen.

06:11 – 06:22
That did happen my friend. Happy to help the streak keep going. Courtney the streak. Not the streak in your drawers either.

06:22 – 06:29
The streak of colonoscopy stories. Who’s going to bring next week’s colonoscopy story? How long can we keep this going? I know it.

06:29 – 06:37
Like if you took out all your intestines, your intestinal tract and laid it out, isn’t it supposed to be like 3 miles or something like that?

06:37 – 06:43
I don’t know. It is a, it is a ridiculous length of. Yeah. Intestinal drama.

06:43 – 06:55
So could we keep it going as long as our intestines are? That That’s the question. 300 episodes, Rick and Morty 300 days. I don’t know.

06:56 – 06:57
300 episodes, 300 seasons.

06:58 – 07:00
So, the 27 feet,

07:01 – 07:02
27 feet,

07:02 – 07:04
length of human intestines is 27 feet.

07:04 – 07:08
Well, I learned everything I know about anatomy off YouTube, so.

07:08 – 07:11
Okay. Yeah. Well, on Wikipedia, so we’re equal.

07:11 – 07:12
Okay.

07:12 – 07:17
Now, your blood vessels, of course, if you were to expand those out- Ah,

07:17 – 07:18
that must have been what I was thinking.

07:18 – 07:20
You will get miles out of that.

07:20 – 07:22
Please don’t anybody do that. Yeah.

07:22 – 07:23
That’s not.

07:23 – 07:33
Like if you’re thinking of, of gifts for the holidays, that’s not 1 I want. I don’t want to have my, my bloods, my blood tubes stretched out.

07:33 – 07:34
No, thank you.

07:34 – 07:46
No, no, no, no. Now, if you could put me behind a cartoon X-ray machine that would just show all my blood tubes and me take a selfie, absolutely. Okay. I’m down for that.

07:47 – 08:01
Because then I would get a full body, full body suit. You know, those stretchy suits that were popular and I would have it printed with all my blood tubes and it would look like me, but just out of blood tubes.

08:01 – 08:07
Do you remember that show back in the eighties? I think there was a guy, his name was Mr. Body.

08:07 – 08:08
Oh gosh. Yeah.

08:08 – 08:14
And he, he Mr. Good body, Mr. Good body. Oh my goodness. Yeah. Is that really what his name was?

08:14 – 08:18
Yeah. Mr. Good. Okay. It was all about health and stuff.

08:18 – 08:21
Yeah, but he, to me, he always looked like he was naked.

08:21 – 08:25
Yeah, yeah. I was so uncomfortable whenever that guy would come on.

08:25 – 08:40
He had his heart and his lungs and his muscles and everything, but it was on this pink skin colored suit. Yep. And it was skin tight. At least they didn’t have, it wasn’t completely anatomically correct.

08:43 – 08:52
It was more of a Ken doll version, if you know what I mean. Yeah. Anyway, I told you I had some announcements. Here is my announcement.

08:52 – 09:01
Number 1, we’re bringing back, if you tell a story, you win a sticker. Ooh. Yes, yes. The audience loves it.

09:01 – 09:18
Yes, They love it. They love it. So anytime you hear your story read on the show, I’m not gonna tell you, you have to listen to the show and then you have to email me from the same email you sent the story and I will send you a sticker. So don’t be waiting a month.

09:18 – 09:24
It would have to be within a week, okay? A week or 2. Yeah. What about this?

09:24 – 09:24
Yeah, okay.

09:24 – 09:32
Yeah, because if you don’t listen right away, I’m not rewarding that. I want weekly listeners. So you have to be faithful.

09:32 – 09:35
So also holidays happen. So, you know,

09:35 – 09:43
yeah, last week, we had a story and somebody mentioned a skibbity toilet collectors figure.

09:43 – 09:43
Yeah.

09:43 – 09:48
And it just so happened this week that I found this at Target.

09:49 – 09:49
No way.

09:49 – 09:54
Look at that. Skibbity toilet. It’s a mystery figure. Mystery collector figure.

09:55 – 10:14
And series 1, homie. So I’m going to give this away today and then I’m going to go back to Target and I’m going to buy another 1 and we’re going to give another 1 away next week. So to 1 lucky storyteller, I’m going to announce a winner and you have to email me and I will ship this to you.

10:14 – 10:19
So is that, is, Is that officially for this episode or is that for next episode?

10:19 – 10:20
This is for this episode.

10:20 – 10:24
Whoa, so Seth’s going to be a surprise for everybody. Yes.

10:24 – 10:26
And then there’s another 1 for next episode.

10:27 – 10:28
Okay.

10:28 – 10:34
Yes. We’re kicking it into high gear, my boy. We are. Let’s rewind the week.

10:34 – 10:49
All right. I told you my rewind the week would have to do with me being old and I now know I’m old. And it’s because Saturday me and the wife went roller skating. No, I’m sorry.

10:49 – 10:57
Not roller skating. That would have been fun. We went to ice skating, which is horrifying. It’s the scariest thing you’ll ever do.

10:57 – 11:06
Unless you’re, unless you’re like 5. And apparently if you’re 5, you can go a million miles an hour. You can skate backwards. You can do flips and all kinds of crap.

11:06 – 11:25
Cause I was going around the, the brink trying to get brave and, and just thinking about cracking my skull on that ice and, And these kids are just zooming. I felt like between my legs and everything, cause you know, they were everywhere. And then there was a bunch of kids with these cheater.

11:26 – 11:28
Oh, and the little walkers.

11:28 – 11:31
Yes. Is that what they’re called? Yeah. They had those.

11:32 – 11:33
Assistive kind of,

11:33 – 11:38
I was like, where’s mine. I need 1 of those. But anyway, they

11:38 – 11:39
didn’t give you 1.

11:39 – 11:46
No, they didn’t. They didn’t have adult versions. I wasn’t going to have a hunch over at 1, you know? So I did good.

11:46 – 12:09
I did good. I never fell. I thought I was a few times But the whole point is when we went in there, there was all the pricing up on the back and it said, you know $12 for you know people that are citizens of the area 15 for people that aren’t And then they had a price for 50 and over, which saved you $3.

12:09 – 12:24
And I went up there and I says 2 for over 50. And Jen’s like, you realize that’s your first senior discount. Oh, I’m like, I’m old. Freaking old.

12:24 – 12:28
Now I got my first senior discount, homie. What? Yes.

12:28 – 12:29
For that.

12:29 – 12:35
I know, but it saved me $3. So it was worth the pride. It was worth the lack of the pride that I lost.

12:36 – 12:37
Yes. It’s not 50 yet.

12:38 – 12:40
No, they didn’t. They didn’t test me.

12:40 – 12:41
They didn’t card her.

12:41 – 12:49
They didn’t card me either. But I’m 51. 51. Yeah.

12:49 – 12:50
Oh, man.

12:50 – 12:51
So anyway, that’s my weekly update.

12:53 – 12:56
Congratulations on that. I’m very excited for you.

12:56 – 13:07
Yeah, I wonder what else I could get for free or reduced. Maybe movie tickets? Does that apply to movie tickets now? Because how, how cool would that be?

13:07 – 13:09
I mean, that would be ideal.

13:09 – 13:13
Yeah. Why, why don’t you start on your story and I’ll look it up. Okay.

13:13 – 13:23
You, okay. I will start on my story because mine has nothing to do with age. It does have everything to do with fun though. So I’m outside of my office.

13:23 – 13:43
So my my office I use that term loosely because my where my place of work is is big metal building. It’s not even that big. It’s like, I don’t know, maybe 20 by 30. And it’s, we call it the tech shack because we, our technology is in here and this is where IT lives.

13:44 – 14:00
And, And we’re on the backside of the campus, we’re behind the gym, you know, we’re just, you know, where you want the IT guys to be, you know, just kind of out of the way. You don’t really want to see them. We just want to know that they’re working and that the internet works. And that’s, that’s really all that matters.

14:00 – 14:13
And when my computer’s bad, you know, we want to all out to them, but just show up enough to fix the computer and then be gone, right? Just kidding. That’s not the way they treat us. But anyways, we’re back here.

14:13 – 14:41
And what they’re doing on our campus right now is they’re installing this walkway, which has covering, you know, for so that the high schoolers, when they go from 1 side of the campus to the other, they can walk under some shade or if it happens to be raining, they can stay a bit dry. So there’s construction going on. In fact, today was such a symphony of saws and metal and all that great stuff.

14:42 – 15:09
But Monday, It was not a good day. It was it was a it was a wet rainy day and they had just started working on it and the rains kind of drizzling and they’re out there These guys are just working hard. They’re like they’re gonna get it done rain or shine And then it starts raining a little bit more. So they take cover in this building that’s next to mine where they park all the golf carts and stuff, right?

15:09 – 15:10
Is this too much information?

15:10 – 15:13
Oh, it’s, I don’t know where it’s going.

15:13 – 15:25
It’s getting wordy. Okay, well, we’re getting there. So we can hear everything that’s going on, right? And we can hear them over there in the building and underneath the awning there where they park their golf carts.

15:25 – 15:41
And they’re just talking to stuff. And then all of a sudden, it gets really loud. And it’s almost like they’re singing and they’re whooping and hollering and Can’t really understand the words they’re saying but there there’s something going on

15:41 – 15:42
who’s whooping and hollering

15:43 – 15:58
The the workers guys that are putting this awning up because you know, they had taken the rains starting to come down to this point. So they’re over there just kind of doing just getting out of the rain. And, and we’re like, what’s going on? And so we have, you know, cameras around and we’re able to pull them up.

15:58 – 16:21
And so we pull up the cameras for that area And these guys are jumping and hugging and high fiving. And then they start packing up all their stuff because the best that we can tell is they were just given the day off because of the rain. Oh, they were cheering for that. I don’t know why that was funny to me.

16:21 – 16:29
No, I mean, it’s very exciting. Like when you said they started making noise or something, I thought maybe 1 of them lobbed an arm off or something.

16:30 – 16:35
That’s what I was thinking. Yeah. But then when we pulled the cameras, cause I don’t want to see any of that. Right.

16:35 – 16:43
But we pulled the cameras up to see what’s going on. And they were like, cheering, giving each other hugs. I mean, literally these guys were like,

16:48 – 16:58
So it’s true that you get older, but you never really grow up as a man. You know, because they’re they’re cheering like they got out of school. You know, it was exactly

16:58 – 17:09
that is like they showed up for school. They were determined to do it. And the teacher just walked up and said, Hey, guess what? Not only are we not going to take a test today, but you can all go home.

17:09 – 17:10
Oh, I mean,

17:10 – 17:15
Hey, I guess that sounds like I’d hug a dude. I didn’t know, you know?

17:15 – 17:20
I mean, I assume they did know each other. They didn’t knock on the door and ask us for hugs.

17:20 – 17:31
But you just don’t often see construction workers hug. Other construction workers. So that that was something that must’ve meant a lot. So thank you

17:31 – 17:34
for sharing. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

17:35 – 17:51
Well, we have some reviews brought to you by podgagement.com. And as much as I love sharing our five-star reviews once in a great while, and I mean, once every 3 years, we get a one-star route. People either love us or they hate us. There’s never any in-betweens.

17:52 – 17:53
There’s no like 3 stars saying

17:53 – 18:03
there are, but there are more, mostly fives and then a few ones. So here it is.

18:03 – 18:04
All right.

18:04 – 18:05
I prepared for this. Yeah.

18:05 – 18:08
I, I mean, you know how my heart gets.

18:08 – 18:23
Yeah. I’m a relatively new listener, but I have been binging this podcast for a couple of weeks now. I’m listening to a bunch of shows from earlier this year right now. And I got up to 3 69 and that’s when I decided this was not the show for me.

18:23 – 18:40
A rant that was very derogatory toward people who have a different opinion. It really just shows his ignorance. I have better things to listen to. Even if it’s just my dog snoring on the floor here next to my chair, as I work, don’t waste your time with this 1.

18:40 – 18:47
There’s another podcast called our American stories. That’s far better. Carol 1134. Okay.

18:47 – 18:52
So that’s the review. She hates me because I went on a rant. So I had,

18:52 – 18:53
it was you. It could have been me.

18:53 – 19:13
No, it was not you. It was me. I got up and I listened to episode 3 96, which is a dog’s story, I think, or a dog’s tail. Anyway, I found the rant that she was talking about and I sped it up a little bit so we can listen to the whole thing together.

19:13 – 19:14
Are we ready, kids?

19:14 – 19:15
Oh, yeah.

19:15 – 19:22
Here we go. My wife asked me yesterday, she said, James, will you take the vaccine? And I’m like, heck no. Don’t you know that’s the mark of the beast?

19:22 – 19:24
No, that’s not what I said.

19:24 – 19:29
But I’ve heard that crap. I’ve heard that crap. People believe that.

19:29 – 19:37
That there’s a chip in the dang serum. That’s bull. It’s ridiculous. First of all, even if there was a chip, even if there was a chip in there, it wouldn’t mean nothing.

19:37 – 19:42
Because it’s a mark, people. The Bible says it’s a mark. A mark on you. It’s going to be noticeable.

19:43 – 19:53
It’s going to be something you chose, not something you were tricked into. So you’ve got nothing to worry about, even if it is a tag of some kind, but it’s not. But even if it were, it wouldn’t be that tag. It wouldn’t be that.

19:53 – 19:59
So don’t be a hashtag. Don’t worry about it. Take your vitamins and get better and let’s get back to normal. Isn’t that the most important thing?

20:00 – 20:18
Yeah. So around 2020, I made a comment and went on a rant about how the vaccine wasn’t the mark of the beast. And she says it was derogatory toward people who have a different opinion. So Carol, Apparently you thought it was the Mark of the Beast and you know what?

20:18 – 20:33
I’ll take a one-star review from you any day. Oh no. Matter of fact, thank you. Thank you for hating my show because I want people that think stupid things like that to hate my show.

20:34 – 20:37
I do. John doesn’t, but I do.

20:39 – 20:41
I just want to be friends with everybody.

20:41 – 20:48
I know you do. And I love everybody. I do. But if you think that the vaccine with the mark of the beast, you’re crazy.

20:48 – 20:53
You’re a crazy person. So don’t don’t listen to my show. You’re not allowed. Stop.

20:54 – 20:54
Stop listening

20:54 – 20:55
right now.

20:55 – 20:56
Yeah, we don’t want

20:56 – 20:59
you to American whatever other stories.

20:59 – 21:07
Yeah, Our American Stories is apparently a better show. So everybody quit this 1 and go join their fandom.

21:08 – 21:08
Yeah. I

21:08 – 21:09
don’t know when they started. Tell them we

21:09 – 21:11
sent you though, do that.

21:11 – 21:34
Yeah, tell them, you know, maybe they believe that the Antichrist is propagating his thing through the serums and the pokey sticks. Yeah. So to undo the damage that was done to my soul over that, I’m gonna read 2 positive reviews that we got this week.

21:34 – 21:38
You know, they say it takes 2 positives to cancel out a negative.

21:38 – 21:46
Yeah, well, that’s how many we got. 5 star is 10, but 2 is enough for me. 5 star review. Don’t listen to the show while working out.

21:46 – 22:10
I’ve been listening to you guys for over 2 years now. I discovered the show while going on a road trip with my kids and I was looking for something for them to enjoy. Now I’m the 1 that listens the most because I travel a lot by myself and I even listen when I work out. So 1 day I was listening to you guys while on the bench press back in May and James made a funny comment and I started laughing and I didn’t have a spotter and I almost dropped the bar on my chest.

22:10 – 22:21
Love this show. I follow you guys on Twitter, by the way, PS, I did the opposite. I moved from Missouri to Florida. The Souther you go, the worse the drivers are, except for St.

22:21 – 22:25
Louis drivers. They’re the worst, Mr. Phillip. And he’s right, St. Louis is the worst.

22:26 – 22:29
Thanks, Mr. Phillip. And do watch this Bench Presses.

22:30 – 22:40
I didn’t get who this was, but they said 100% recommended. This podcast is hilarious and clean. And as a middle schooler, I definitely recommend this for the kids. Edit.

22:40 – 22:51
Thank you so much for featuring this review on this show. I had to put it on. I was only going to read 1 and then I got this 1 today and I’m like, I have to put it in there. Cause he

22:51 – 22:52
gets the dang, doesn’t he?

22:52 – 22:54
Oh, absolutely. Yes.

22:54 – 22:57
Yes. Cause we did, we played it on the show.

22:57 – 23:00
We did. We featured it. Oh,

23:00 – 23:02
I love our school for the win.

23:02 – 23:18
I love our middle school listeners. I, I make fun of them a lot and I make fun of their spelling and their bad grammar and the fact that they have cringey crushes on each other and stuff like that. But deep in my heart, I still am a middle schooler.

23:19 – 23:21
I am with you.

23:21 – 23:29
It wasn’t too long ago that I admitted it. I was watching My Little Pony Friendship is Magic. Do you remember that? So

23:29 – 23:32
that was, That’s when we learned what bronies are.

23:32 – 23:49
Yeah, I was a brony before there was a name for them. Matter of fact, that’s when the middle schoolers started calling me that and I learned what it was because I’m like, dude, I watched this new show and I kind of hate to say I liked it, but I liked Powder Puff Girls too, you know? That was a good show.

23:50 – 23:51
I don’t think I watched it.

23:51 – 24:01
Oh, good Lord. It was so good. Anyway, please leave us a review on iTunes or Spotify. It makes us really happy most of the time and it really helps the show.

24:01 – 24:21
Most of the time Review.thatstorieshow.com. And you can leave us reviews in Spotify and iTunes. But anyway, it’s time for us to do some featured stories. All right.

24:21 – 24:30
This one’s from Ella from Pittsburgh, Vermont. Hi, James and John, I’m a middle schooler and like all middle schoolers, I enjoy your podcast. Yay. Yay.

24:30 – 24:48
My story happened several years ago when I was around 7. Me and my good friend, who was 4 years younger than me, and our moms were coming back from a day trip and the ride was pretty long. My friend, let’s call her Lucy, yeah, that’s, was still at the age where she took naps and she hadn’t had 1 yet. Uh-oh.

24:48 – 24:51
Man, I wish I was still at the age where I got naps.

24:51 – 24:55
I’m still at the age where I take naps, but I just don’t get to take them.

24:55 – 24:59
That’s what I’m saying. I wish, I wish it was woven into the culture.

24:59 – 25:01
Ah, Enforced. Yes.

25:01 – 25:26
I should get a half hour nap somewhere in there, you know, half hour for lunch, half hour for sleeping. Anyway, we could tell she was very tired, but she refused to go to sleep. So we kept talking and she was more and more annoyed by our talking as we drove on because she needed to be sleeping, but she refused to go to sleep or admit that she was even tired. Eventually it got to the point where she couldn’t stand any of us anymore.

25:26 – 25:31
And she said very loudly, the trees are sleeping

25:33 – 25:35
required for the tree say

25:35 – 25:51
random childhood stuff. This is still a running joke between us and we mention it every now and then. So even though she’s grown, we still say, shh, the trees are sleeping. I hope you laughed as much as we did and I hope it makes it on the show.

25:51 – 25:54
All right. Yeah. There you go. All right.

25:54 – 26:04
That, it reminds me of something my daughter said 1 time she was trying to talk in a Southern accent cause I, I can do it easily without even trying because it’s my native language.

26:04 – 26:06
You were born into it.

26:06 – 26:16
I was born into it, man. I can slip back anytime I want. But anyway, my daughter doesn’t do it by default. She talks like me and her mom.

26:17 – 26:36
And she was like saying things like you do when you don’t know how to do an accent, right? And she was like, I was like, what about tree? She’s like, look at that daggum trie. And I don’t know why, but that became a meme in our house for a long time.

26:36 – 26:44
It was like, look at that daggum trie. Daggum trie. It’s not how Southerners say tree, but she was, she was faking it till she made it kind of thing.

26:44 – 26:46
She’s a Southern Valley girl.

26:46 – 26:49
It’s a tree. It’s got 2 syllables. It’s a tray

26:49 – 26:54
or a try. You can almost make it, make it spell. Try. Try.

26:55 – 26:57
So daggum try.

27:02 – 27:12
Your turn. Okay. Well, this story comes to us from Rachel in Iowa. I have a story about an incredibly traumatic experience in the port of party.

27:13 – 27:17
Actually, I’m going to just stop right there and say any experience in the port of money.

27:17 – 27:19
Yeah. I agree.

27:20 – 27:24
I can’t, I don’t like those things. I mean, they’re necessary, I guess. Yes.

27:24 – 27:25
They’re uncomfortably warm.

27:26 – 27:26
Oh,

27:27 – 27:28
which enhances the scent.

27:29 – 27:30
It does.

27:30 – 27:34
And you can see all the way down into it. Uh-huh. It’s like,

27:35 – 27:37
I just, I don’t like them.

27:37 – 27:37
Nope.

27:37 – 27:44
But, that’s not where Rachel’s going. She, because she says, I promise it does not involve poop, at least not directly.

27:44 – 27:47
Okay. Well, we’ll see. This’ll be the first time.

27:47 – 28:03
Yeah. A non poop port-a-potty. Well, that’s, let’s, let’s see. When I was a child, I was irrationally terrified of anything with more than 6 legs and spiders were the worst and still are, in my opinion, This phobia caused me to lose sleep.

28:04 – 28:10
And I even fainted on 3 occasions when 1 of the 8 legged horrors caught me by surprise.

28:10 – 28:11
Oh my gosh.

28:12 – 28:17
Now that’s a story in itself, Rachel. You might wanna send that in too.

28:17 – 28:21
Yeah, anybody that’s got a good pass out story, we’d love to hear it. Dude,

28:22 – 28:27
I’m sure I’ve told mine, right? If I haven’t, remind me 1 day. I used to pass out.

28:27 – 28:29
Do it right now. Do it right now.

28:29 – 28:37
Yeah? Yeah. The first time I remember passing out, so I have this thing with blood, right? I think I’ve mentioned that before.

28:38 – 28:58
I’m better, I’m better, but I can’t stand blood. Okay. Like, especially my own. So the first time I remember passing out was when I don’t even know how old I was, but, I picked up a piece of glass on the ground and it cut my finger pretty good.

28:58 – 29:06
Cause I was going to be like a big kid, right? I was going to pick up that glass and I was going to throw it and make a shatter. And I picked it up and it cut my finger right down the middle.

29:06 – 29:10
Oh, I see it. I see it. Yeah. I remember that now.

29:10 – 29:11
Yeah.

29:11 – 29:19
Yeah. I think that was a story. Might’ve even been a show title, but anyways, I have a, a slit that runs down the middle of my- I

29:19 – 29:23
gotta admit, I have a butt finger too, but that’s because it went through the toilet paper. It’s not my fault.

29:28 – 29:43
But yeah, I passed out. Like I remember looking at it, seeing the blood, and then I was out cold. The next thing I remember was waking up on the couch of my friend’s house. And, my mom was probably there or something.

29:43 – 29:51
I don’t know. I can’t remember exactly. I just remember they gave me a cold Kool-Aid to drink. Ooh, that was before we had juice boxes, by the way.

29:51 – 29:53
Yeah. Remember those Tupperware cups that they had to,

29:53 – 29:58
yeah. And those Tupperware cups that they could snap a lid on and it had a little drink spout on it. Anyways. Yeah.

29:58 – 30:07
I was drinking that and that was great. And then I had my finger wrapped up. I didn’t have stitches or anything, probably because they didn’t want to take me to

30:07 – 30:07
a doctor. Your parents

30:07 – 30:08
were poor

30:08 – 30:09
like mine.

30:09 – 30:11
And band-aid worked just fine.

30:11 – 30:11
That’s right.

30:11 – 30:20
And now I have a really cool fingerprint. That’s nice. But That was the first of many passouts. But anyways, I never passed out to the sight of a spider.

30:20 – 30:23
So I’d love to hear how that worked out, Rachel.

30:23 – 30:25
That’s a phobia right there.

30:25 – 30:36
That’s a phobia. That is intense. Well, she continues. 1 summer day when I was about to turn 8 years old, I was at my little brother’s baseball game.

30:36 – 30:50
I needed to use a bathroom. And at the time, the only choice was a line of several porta-potties. I was disgusted by the idea of going into 1 of those on a hot afternoon. See, even at 8 years old, she knew.

30:50 – 30:50
She knew.

30:51 – 30:56
But I knew I had to suck it up or pee my pants. Yeah. Either of those. So.

30:56 – 30:59
Yeah. You have to think about it though. You’re like,

31:00 – 31:06
You really did, right? It’s like go into that hot box of nastiness or pee my pants.

31:07 – 31:10
It’s more sterile. Technically your own pee is sterile.

31:10 – 31:12
Just be uncomfortable for a little while.

31:12 – 31:20
Yeah. Get a whooping, get it over with. They won’t hit you too hard because they don’t want it to splash around. Yeah,

31:20 – 31:33
that’s right. That’s right. Soggy bottom. But she says, I went into the only 1 that was open, turned around and locked the door and froze in terror.

31:34 – 31:43
No, the wall, the ceiling, the door, every surface was covered in daddy long legs.

31:43 – 31:53
Oh my gosh. You don’t have to be scared of spiders for that to be freaky. No, I mean, that’s like an SCP 5, 001 freaking port-a-john of spiders.

31:54 – 31:58
Port-a-john of daddy long legs. And those things congregate,

31:58 – 32:01
dude. They like, they are friends. They hold hands.

32:01 – 32:10
Yeah, They do. I know now that these are not truly spiders, but back then that information would not have made any difference.

32:10 – 32:12
I don’t know that they’re not spiders.

32:13 – 32:19
They’re technically not. Why? I don’t think they actually have 8 legs.

32:19 – 32:21
Well, they don’t weave webs, do they?

32:21 – 32:27
No, I don’t know. I don’t know what a daddy long legs is, to be honest. Maybe you can Google that while I’m

32:27 – 32:28
reading the rest of the story. Okay, all right, go ahead.

32:31 – 32:59
I felt myself get lightheaded, but managed to cling to consciousness with the knowledge that if I fell, I would have to touch an arachnid-covered wall. All I wanted was to get out of there as fast as possible. My brain would not tell my hand to reach out and unlock the spidery door. I don’t know how long I stood in there hyperventilating in the nasty air, but finally I managed to close my eyes, open the door, and race back to my parents.

33:00 – 33:27
My mom looked down at me and said, who’s your friend? As she pointed at my chest. I still vividly remember looking down at my blue and white striped shirt and looking into the eyes of the daddy long legs that hitched a ride out of that porta potty with me. I caused a huge screen, caused a huge scene, screaming, flailing my arms, hitting my torso, and finally just sobbing and wailing.

33:29 – 33:44
I did not go into another port-a-potty until I was in my thirties. Lucky. I’m now 40 years old and I still check every wall and corner before entering any kind of unfamiliar stall. Okay.

33:44 – 33:45
Probably good words of wisdom.

33:45 – 34:05
Yeah, that’s true. You need to check all the areas. My kids had a fear of 1 of the closet, the closet in their bathroom because we have 10 foot ceilings upstairs, okay? And so the closet has a 10 foot ceiling in there and the shelves only go up to normal height.

34:06 – 34:18
And so there’s this clear area up there. It’s dark. And, when they were super young, they thought real Grinch was up there and yeah. And yeah, yeah.

34:18 – 34:29
Real Grinch. That’s what he’s called. And then then there were ninjas and they they had to check under the cabinets, under the sink, and they had to check up in there because ninjas could be anywhere.

34:30 – 34:32
They were afraid of ninjas.

34:32 – 34:38
And that shows how good they are because there were probably 10 in there and they looked and never found them.

34:38 – 34:43
No, that’s hilarious. That’s

34:43 – 34:48
how awesome ninjas are. Okay, So daddy long legs are arachnids.

34:48 – 34:50
They are arachnids. They are okay.

34:51 – 34:54
They’re not spiders. They are.

34:54 – 34:55
It’s a difference.

34:55 – 35:10
They are more, they are in the arachnid family, but so are scorpions and stuff. Oh, and, they skitter like spiders, blah, blah, blah. But they’re more like scorpions and spiders. Really?

35:10 – 35:24
Yeah. Scorpions, mites and ticks are all author pods, but they are not spiders, but they’re not insects either. Insects are animals with 6 legs, wings are antennae and arachnids have none of these characteristics. So anyway,

35:25 – 35:27
they’re bugs. They’re all bugs.

35:28 – 35:36
So yeah, they, they have different kinds of eyes and all kinds of stuff. They’re just 1 of their own kind, really.

35:37 – 35:38
Yeah. Okay.

35:38 – 35:46
I just, I like to pick all their legs off 1 at a time when I was a kid. And that was bad. That was a bad thing. It’s not nice.

35:46 – 35:47
You ever throw them into the ant piles?

35:48 – 35:51
No. Did you?

35:53 – 35:56
James, we had these huge ant piles in Florida. You know, there’s

35:56 – 35:57
fire ants.

35:57 – 35:57
Right, yeah, fire

35:57 – 35:58
ants, yeah.

35:58 – 36:07
And you stick your finger in it, all these ants would come crawling out like crazy. When I was, I feel terrible for this. This isn’t admission. Maybe it’s confession.

36:07 – 36:09
Yeah. Get it off your chest.

36:10 – 36:14
In elementary school, school kid. And we used to catch grasshoppers.

36:15 – 36:16
Oh, John.

36:17 – 36:18
Pull off their back legs.

36:18 – 36:20
No, that’s their best legs.

36:21 – 36:25
Yeah. No, they couldn’t jump. And then we throw them in a fire a pile

36:25 – 36:41
John John Please tell me this was the other kids idea and you were just trying to be cool like them, not that you’re a psychopath. You’re a psychopath, aren’t you? Sorry, I forgive you.

36:42 – 36:52
I was terrible and I stopped doing it. It was only a few occurrences that it happened. But then I was like, man, this is terrible. What if somebody pulled my legs off and threw me in there?

36:52 – 37:04
See, yeah, that’s, that’s means you’re not a psychopath because psychopaths can do that and they never think about how it might affect others, but you have redeemed yourself. Okay.

37:04 – 37:06
Now. I’m not a psychopath.

37:06 – 37:17
I did see in a cartoon how people could take a magnifying glass and fry bugs. And you can fry ants and they’ll pop like popcorn. Real fast.

37:19 – 37:21
Ants kind of deserve it.

37:21 – 37:22
Yeah. Especially fire ants. Yeah.

37:22 – 37:24
Especially fire ants.

37:24 – 37:29
Fire ants are, they exist to torture you and to, cause they bite you and it hurts for hours.

37:29 – 37:38
They’re part of the curse, I think. So like, what did we do? You built that mound right there in the middle of my playground. I accidentally stepped on it.

37:38 – 37:45
And they’re, they’re a foot tall. Or am I exaggerating? They’re like a pyramid that’s a foot tall. I used to run over with a riding lawnmower.

37:48 – 37:50
Big old cloud of smoke and fire ants everywhere.

37:50 – 37:55
Fire ants is everywhere. It’s like, here you go. Here’s your ants life for you. Pixar.

37:55 – 37:57
Build that back. Yeah.

37:57 – 38:04
Put that back. You turds. Yes. That’s a word we can still say from the 80s.

38:05 – 38:12
Can we say turd? Freaking turd. That’s 1 of my favorite words. I called some middle schoolers turds the other day in front of 1 of the teachers.

38:13 – 38:16
I like the kids didn’t hear me, But I said, man, that kid’s a turd.

38:16 – 38:26
Yeah. That’s it. So we started laughing. That’s like, if, if calling women, Karen’s like bad women, Karen’s gets old, just start calling them turds.

38:26 – 38:28
It works the same way.

38:28 – 38:29
It’s a turd.

38:29 – 38:34
You are such a turd. I mean, I thought it was spelled TERD

38:34 – 38:37
for the longest time. TUURD.

38:37 – 38:40
Yeah. It’s so great. Phonetically and otherwise.

38:40 – 38:40
Good word.

38:40 – 38:43
The perfect word. Really? It might be. It might be.

38:43 – 38:48
Hey, this is from James. Hi, James and John. No, it’s not. It’s just, I’m supposed to read it.

38:48 – 39:01
This is Eden Garcia and I have a story for you just to give you a little background. My dad is Brazilian. Since English wasn’t his first language. He sometimes has trouble finding the right word for the situation and has a small accent.

39:02 – 39:07
When he first moved here, though, his English was much worse. Did I read this last week?

39:08 – 39:08
Yes.

39:08 – 39:11
Okay. Yes, we did. Let’s skip it.

39:12 – 39:13
Sorry.

39:13 – 39:22
Okay. So let me tell you the funny part. He said, tonight we’re going to be doing something a little risque and he meant to say risky. So that was the funny part.

39:22 – 39:27
All right. Yeah. We defined risque for all the middle schoolers out there last week.

39:27 – 39:31
Yeah. Go back to episode. Was it 3 90, 3 96.

39:32 – 39:43
I know it’s crawling quick. Like a, Like a fire ant. All right, go ahead and read the next story then, John, because I gave you the worst to pronounce hometown ever.

39:45 – 39:48
Ah, Julia from Cordallen, Idaho.

39:49 – 39:51
How sure are you of that? I am absolutely

39:53 – 39:56
unpositive as far as doubt goes.

39:56 – 39:59
And so I would say, let me take a stab at it. Cordalane.

40:03 – 40:05
Cordalane. Cordalane.

40:06 – 40:08
Cordalane. I’m sure they say it fast.

40:09 – 40:09
Coeur d’Alene.

40:10 – 40:20
Like we have this Crive-Core area, but it’s set. It looks like. I don’t know. It looks like that is what it looks like.

40:20 – 40:32
It’s French, Creve Coeur, but even Google can’t say it right. Like, Creve Corle or something, I don’t know. Anyway, she also calls my David. I think

40:32 – 40:33
it’s Coeur d’Alene.

40:34 – 40:39
She calls my friend David Godbout. She calls him Godbu. Godbu? Yeah.

40:39 – 40:48
So I’m like, did, did I’ll say, yeah, call David Godbout. And she’ll say, did you mean call David Godbu? And I’m like, yes, of course I did.

40:48 – 40:49
You did.

40:49 – 40:51
That’s what I meant. Cause I’m such an idiot.

40:51 – 40:53
His last name is French.

40:53 – 40:56
Because I’ve known him for 30 years, but I don’t know how to say his name.

40:56 – 40:59
Yeah. He apparently doesn’t know how to say his name either.

40:59 – 41:00
Or spell it.

41:00 – 41:01
Or spell it.

41:01 – 41:09
It’s funny because he’ll tell people his name and they’ll be like, dude, is that why you’re a pastor? He’s like, yeah, no, he should say yes.

41:10 – 41:13
I changed my name because I changed my name to God.

41:13 – 41:21
My mom knew I’d be a pastor. So she married a guy named God bout. So that’s how it works anyway.

41:22 – 41:23
Cause I’m all about God.

41:26 – 41:26
All

41:26 – 41:31
right. So I’m going to call this place Coeur d’Alene because I feel like I’ve heard that before.

41:32 – 41:34
That actually sounds good.

41:34 – 41:51
Doesn’t it? Yeah. I’m just, I’m, I’m a hundred percent, absolutely uncertain that I’m pronouncing it right, but I’m going to go with it. So Julia, if I’m wrong or if I’m right, you feel free to write back and say, how dumb I am or, or how smart I am.

41:51 – 41:53
So leave a 1 star review.

41:54 – 42:08
It makes, yeah. Either way you say it, make sure it comes in the form of a 5 star. Cause we need, we need, 8 more, 8 more, 10 stars, you know, 5 stars to cancel out the 1 star. That’s how it goes.

42:08 – 42:15
Right. Yeah. Yeah, there we go. So Julie says, I have a story for you about my stupidity when I was about 13.

42:16 – 42:19
I guess that makes this a middle school drama story.

42:19 – 42:25
000, hold on. Hold on. Dang it! Move out of the way, stupid.

42:26 – 42:29
Yeah. However, this has nothing to do with school.

42:29 – 42:31
Oh, well, I take it back.

42:31 – 42:43
Yep. Let’s… That’s how I say things in reverse. When I was around 13, I had a pair of gerbils named Fred and George, named after the Harry Potter characters of course.

42:44 – 42:47
Those are the Weasley brothers, the twins, right?

42:47 – 42:52
I met the real them. No way. Yeah. At, at Dragon Con few years back.

42:53 – 42:55
Really? Yeah. I was there with you

42:55 – 42:58
then. Yeah. But you weren’t there then when they were at the table.

42:59 – 43:02
Well, dad gum. Why, How did I miss that?

43:02 – 43:07
I don’t know. I was just around there trying to get sound bites and they, their manager said they couldn’t do it.

43:07 – 43:09
Oh, I remember that. Yeah.

43:09 – 43:10
Okay. Maybe you were there.

43:10 – 43:14
I do remember that. I remember that was a bit of a stink. Yeah. Yeah.

43:14 – 43:15
It’s like, Well,

43:15 – 43:18
they wanted to do it, but they weren’t allowed to.

43:19 – 43:24
You know, that was before I even saw any of the Harry Potter movies. So I really knew they were. Yeah.

43:24 – 43:26
Okay. That’s why you don’t remember it. Like I do.

43:27 – 43:29
Yeah. Sweet. Yeah. Sweet.

43:29 – 43:46
All right. Well, Cool beans. Well, Fred and George are gerbils in this story and their favorite food was Cheerios. Now when gerbils eat, they go into what I like to call a food trance because they are so absorbed in eating that I can do almost anything to them.

43:48 – 44:04
Why would you give brain surgery whilst you eat? No, that’s weird. I would stack as many Cheerios on top of them as I could, you know, and pet them and all that stuff. Now Their cage was set up at the end of an opening to a set of stairs.

44:04 – 44:12
From the back of their cage to the bottom of the opening was about an 8 foot drop. Wow. Dang. So they were like,

44:12 – 44:15
They were set up to die. Yeah. Like lemmings.

44:15 – 44:26
Yeah. Sure they were sherbels. They might’ve been lemmings. The, the 8 foot drop was to the wooden steps below, so it gets more intense.

44:28 – 44:44
I had the top of the cage open and George was sitting down enjoying a Cheerio while I was there trying to string a bunch of Cheerios onto his fuzzy little tail. Fun fact about gerbils, they’re incredible jumpers and can jump up to a few feet.

44:44 – 44:45
Oh, I didn’t know this.

44:46 – 44:47
Vertically when startled.

44:47 – 44:52
Oh, I sure certainly didn’t know that. That’s like a yard.

44:52 – 45:13
Might have to fact check that just in case, but George suddenly snapped out of his food trance and jumped vertically like 2 or 3 feet in the air and over the back of the cage. Oh, he fell in slow motion and hit the wood stairs far below. Oh my gosh.

45:14 – 45:17
No, Please don’t tell me that’s the end.

45:18 – 45:19
All the way down there.

45:19 – 45:27
If it is, that’s okay. We’ll deal with it. It’ll be a very sad recap song. Everybody hurts sometimes.

45:28 – 45:29
A little REM in the background.

45:29 – 45:38
We fall down from the stairs. Yeah, there we go. No, no. She says, Julia says she rushed down and picked him up and grabbed him.

45:38 – 45:50
She thought for sure. I thought for sure that he had broken his black, his legs or his back, but he was totally fine and lived to the ripe old age of 4 and a half years.

45:51 – 45:54
That’s good. Very long life. Yeah.

45:54 – 46:01
Yeah. Very long for a gerbil. According to Julia, I scooped him up and gave him extra love for a while after that.

46:01 – 46:06
Both parts of it. Both parts. Stuck them back together with some tape.

46:08 – 46:09
I glued them on with super glue.

46:09 – 46:13
I gave him some extra love so that the parts would stick together and congeal.

46:14 – 46:16
Extra love in the form of

46:17 – 46:23
Holding his head up because his neck was broken. Yeah. He, he, he, he passed away at 4

46:23 – 46:29
and a half years because nothing would hold together after that. So it’s pretty much just hot glue.

46:29 – 46:40
All right. So if, If you age, if your whole life is only 4 and a half year old, 4 and a half years, right? Yeah. That means that every month you live is probably like 3

46:40 – 46:43
years. Whoa. Okay. Okay.

46:43 – 46:52
So time goes by slower for you, right? In theory, if you’re living an entire lifetime, everything’s relative, right? Time is relative.

46:52 – 46:52
Right. Gotcha.

46:52 – 46:58
Yeah. So how long did it take him to fall from the top of that to the bottom of those stairs?

46:59 – 47:06
All right. All right. That is a math thing. And I know we got some math people that could probably figure that out.

47:06 – 47:13
So help us out. How, how many seconds, like, was it 60 seconds that it took him to fall in slow motion?

47:14 – 47:16
8, 8 feet. It was enough.

47:16 – 47:24
It was enough for his previous few months to go through his mind. I’ll tell you that. Yeah, that’s right. I’ve had a good life.

47:24 – 47:27
There were Cheerios. There were no Cheerios.

47:27 – 47:31
And then I was all of a sudden flying for It seemed like ever.

47:31 – 47:42
It was Julia and she was 13. My name is Fred. Yeah. That’s that’s very hard surface down there.

47:42 – 47:42
Yeah.

47:42 – 47:53
I see it coming. Maybe that’s how he survived because you know, in his little brain in life, it, it actually came towards him quite slowly. He’s like, Oh, I’m just going to land right there.

47:53 – 48:04
That’s what they say about flies is their life are so short. They see it. In fact, they, they, they see it slowly. And so when you even start moving your hand toward them, they’re like, I’m out of here.

48:04 – 48:09
Yeah. That’s why you can never catch 1. Yeah. So they see it super there.

48:09 – 48:15
They’re like speed force or something all the time. Like the flash. Anyway, finish the story. I’m sorry.

48:15 – 48:27
All right. That’s no, that’s an interesting rabbit hole. We should discuss that sometime. But anyway, Julia said, I felt pretty terrible and I haven’t tried to string Cheerios on any more of my gerbils tails since.

48:27 – 48:32
Oh, I hope this makes it on the show. God bless Julia.

48:32 – 48:51
Okay. So according to the internet, gerbils can only jump 6 inches vertically. Yes, but they can jump 18 inches horizontally. So there’s got to be some freaking trigonometry somebody can do to figure out how much they can jump at an angle.

48:51 – 49:03
Yeah. And then you also have to take, take into account their size. So like 18 inches for something that’s only 3 inches is actually like 20 feet probably, right. Or maybe,

49:03 – 49:32
But I’m just saying, I bet you can, when you take in vertical and horizontal, I bet it’s not a full 18 inches, but it’s still quite a bit to jump over a stinking cage. You know? But here’s the feedback I want from people this week. I want as many of our listeners possible, email me thatstorieshowatgmail.com and tell me what you would like to do to a gerbil that’s in a feeding, a food trance.

49:33 – 49:44
And I’ll give you an example. I would like to try to attempt to build them in like trap them by building a Lego jail around them.

49:44 – 49:49
Oh, It’s sort of like when somebody leaves their AFK on Minecraft. Yeah.

49:49 – 49:56
And you build them in. Yeah. With plenty of obsidian. Yeah.

49:56 – 50:03
I haven’t played in a while. So. Dude. I’ve been playing lately and there is so much new stuff.

50:03 – 50:03
Holy crap.

50:04 – 50:05
It is insane.

50:06 – 50:08
And I tried to get on your server and I couldn’t. So I’m

50:08 – 50:10
going to help you. We’re going to get there.

50:10 – 50:15
I I’m thinking about starting up a server for the, the, the, you know, cast people again.

50:16 – 50:16
Really?

50:16 – 50:19
Yeah. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t

50:19 – 50:20
know. Alrighty then.

50:20 – 50:25
I don’t know. I’m thinking about it though. We’ll see. We’ll see if there’s any people that would like to do that.

50:25 – 50:38
But yeah. Yeah. What would you do to a gerbil if you could, that it was, that you could get away with it. I think I could get away with trapping them inside of AAA jail of Lego.

50:39 – 50:42
Yeah. What would you do? What would you stack? I know.

50:42 – 50:43
What about you?

50:43 – 50:56
John? I do. I would make a, I would make a tin foil, like outfit for them and then put it on them so that they look like a little tiny furry night. That would be fun.

50:56 – 50:58
Little furry. I would just,

51:00 – 51:05
That’s good. That’s good. What would his knight name be sir? What?

51:07 – 51:09
Sir pumpkin face sir pumpkin face

51:09 – 51:15
pumpkin face I was I was trying to think of something quick like a lance a lot spin-off,

51:15 – 51:16
right?

51:16 – 51:20
But I I can’t like gerbil. You can’t

51:20 – 51:21
know that no,

51:21 – 51:23
you can’t Gerbilius. His name would be Gerbilius.

51:24 – 51:25
Oh, Sir Gerbilius.

51:25 – 51:28
Sir Gerbilius of Aquitaine.

51:28 – 51:30
Yes. Aquitaine. Of the

51:30 – 51:32
long lost Coeur d’Alene, Idaho.

51:33 – 51:42
Oh, that’s great. Thank you, Julia, for sending that in. We appreciate it. We got 1 from Olivia from Amarillo, Texas.

51:42 – 51:57
I was just reminded of the story and I hope it makes you laugh as much as it made my church laugh. Oh boy. We recently got a new pastor and he told this story of his home church. So when I was a kid, we had a preacher and a song leader who did not like each other.

51:58 – 52:04
Wow. In the same church. Yeah. They would constantly spend church services trying to outdo the other.

52:04 – 52:27
The best example of this was once the preacher was delivering the condemning message that alcohol is wicked and horrible. And he exclaimed in a loud and intense voice filled with righteous anger, In fact, it’s so horrible that I think we should all go down and throw every last bit of alcohol in the river. Then we can purge this evil world of this drink of the devil. And then it was the song leader’s turn.

52:27 – 52:36
For the closing song after the sermon, he led, May we gather at the river. No way.

52:37 – 52:38
That can’t be a real story.

52:38 – 52:47
That’s a pastor joke, people. Those are jokes that are only funny behind a pulpit. Thank you so much for putting on the great shurs every week. Hope this makes it on the show.

52:47 – 52:51
It did. Yeah. But, that’s not a real life story. That’s a joke.

52:51 – 52:53
That’s a pastor’s joke.

52:53 – 52:56
Shall we gather at the river?

52:57 – 53:12
Oh goodness. All right. So now Before we close this thing down, we’ve got to pick somebody to win the Skibbity toilet collectible. So let’s, let’s go through the stories again.

53:12 – 53:19
We had Courtney who, somebody pooped in her, in her, or her son pooped in the face.

53:20 – 53:21
Some poop.

53:21 – 53:24
I think a middle schooler though would really appreciate this the most. So

53:24 – 53:25
I think so.

53:25 – 53:36
There’s Ella that talked about her, her sister or friends saying the trees are sleeping. Rachel who had a tremendous, Oh, she’s 40 though.

53:36 – 53:39
Now she’s 40 now. Right. Yeah. She knows the middle school.

53:39 – 53:40
That was a good story.

53:40 – 53:46
And Julie is older because she’s talking about when She was 13.

53:47 – 53:48
She was 13.

53:48 – 53:56
So by default, Ella from Pittsburgh, Vermont with the Sleeping Trees is our winner.

53:58 – 54:00
Congratulations to Skubaditaila.

54:01 – 54:06
I keep trying to play that, but I’m just going to have to just do this. Yay. Congratulations. Yay.

54:06 – 54:11
I want to be able to hit bell sounds like a lot ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. You know, like that

54:11 – 54:11
can’t do that.

54:11 – 54:17
I can’t look at it. It just does that. I got to, I got to find the setting. Anyway.

54:17 – 54:26
So our first skibbity toilet thing is going out to Ella. Ella, just email me, at, that story show at gmail.com and we’ll get it out to you.

54:27 – 54:28
Story show at gmail.com.

54:29 – 54:41
That’s right. That story show at gmail.com guys and gals. Remember we have a skibbity toilet collectible. All you have to do is send in a story and make it on the show and we will pick 1 winner.

54:41 – 54:56
This is possible because of our supporting listeners on Patreon. Supporting listeners get ad free listening, swag and weekly bonus content. Try it out free for 7 days at support.thatstorieshow.com. Special thanks to our producers, James Spangler, Kerry Wright, and Christopher Tynan.

54:56 – 55:08
Do you have a funny story you’d like featured on the show? I’m sure you do. Here’s some ideas. Do you have skateboarding stories, embarrassing crush stories, or homework cheats we’d love to hear about them.

55:08 – 55:30
Guys and girls submit your stories at thatstoriesshow.com and while you’re there join our mailing list for the latest updates. Please take a moment to leave a review on iTunes or Spotify and remember when something weird, annoying, embarrassing, or painful happens you don’t get stressed, don’t get depressed, just think Hey! This belongs on that story show We’ll see you guys next week Bye bye! Bye.

55:31 – 55:40
Yeah. Well. Gotta get revved up. Yeah.

55:42 – 55:44
Now here he goes.

55:44 – 55:58
I’ve got a story for you about my stupidity. My age was very young it was 1 and 3. I had a pair of gerbils named Fred and George. Their favorite food was Cheerios.

55:58 – 56:23
They liked it more than I did And I tried to string them on their tail, but 1 guy, he jumped out like I stuck him with a nail. And he fell so far, it was like slow motion. When he hit the ground, You’d think he had a death potion, so I picked him up. And I put him back together, and I hugged him real close.

56:23 – 56:35
Because he’s made out of leather, that is skin and fur. And they weren’t quite right, so I squeezed him till his brains came out. I squeezed him too tight. And that’s all I’ve got.

56:35 – 56:55
He snapped out of his food trance he jumped vertically he did a gerbil dance and now he’s wearing armor cuz somebody made it for him he’s all tricked out like a old poem. I don’t know. It rhymed. That was the most important part.

56:55 – 56:55
Yeah.

56:57 – 57:07
That was off the cuff. Yeah, that was. Dead gum. You must be eating the right food to be able to fire that kind of stuff off.

57:07 – 57:11
It’s, it’s just, it’s just death. Death lyrics is what it is.

57:11 – 57:12
Yes. Lyrics.

57:13 – 57:22
Deaf lyrics. All right, let’s get right into it. Here we go. Oh, how you doing guys and gals?

57:22 – 57:30
This is stuff that didn’t fit on the show or we put stuff that didn’t fit on the show for episode 2 97. Holy crap. 97.

57:30 – 57:31
I know. 297.

57:32 – 57:33
How many more episodes?

57:33 – 57:36
Did you say 297? When you say 497?

57:36 – 57:41
Oh, I did say 297. I meant 497. 497. That’s 4 episodes

57:41 – 57:42
away. Where’s my brain?

57:42 – 57:52
Remember, I’m officially old now. I’m a senior Citizen. Oh, by the way, I did look up AMC theaters. Senior policy is for those 60 and up.

57:52 – 57:54
Ah, well. Kind of

57:54 – 57:56
jacked up messes that.

57:57 – 57:59
The 60 year olds probably don’t go to the theater.

57:59 – 58:00
That’s why they did it.

58:00 – 58:01
Yeah. That’s why

58:01 – 58:08
people are living longer, say up the age. People never, never lived to 60. So they’re like, yeah, you can come free actually.

58:08 – 58:13
Yeah. Shall 60 years. You know, we’re not going to have any movies for you.

58:14 – 58:20
So I, you know what? I have yet to watch a Skibbity toilet video. Get more from that story show today. Support.thatstorieshow.com.