00:00 – 00:16
This is that story show where we wish someone else would come up with these taglines. Hey, podcast people, I’m your host, James Kennison.

00:17 – 00:19
And I’m the other guy in the chair, John Steinklauber.

00:20 – 00:24
Welcome to That Story Show, where we share your hilarious real life stories.

00:25 – 00:30
Funny ones and not so funny ones. Those, I’m Just kidding. Yours are always

00:30 – 00:34
funny. Sean, you just said people’s stories aren’t funny.

00:35 – 00:36
I wasn’t thinking.

00:37 – 00:41
Yeah. See, you hear it from him. Not me. Not me.

00:42 – 00:43
So

00:44 – 00:44
I can’t.

00:44 – 00:46
I’m going to quit while I’m on my head.

00:46 – 01:06
Speaking of stories from last week, Scarlett was a middle schooler that sent us a story that made us laugh. Yes. And she did listen and she did write in and she says, hello, I’m the 1 that’s sending the story of the bathroom search party. May I please receive my free membership smiley?

01:06 – 01:13
Yes. So I said, yeah, I was worried you wouldn’t hear about it. So glad you did. Here’s the link.

01:13 – 01:23
Please use it once. Thanks for listening. I hope you enjoy the bonus world of that story show. I said, and let’s send out a silent thanks to Carrie for her support later.

01:24 – 01:31
And then Scarlett’s in there commenting on your picture. Of your hairless face.

01:32 – 01:34
Oh, and on the Facebook?

01:34 – 01:35
On the Patreon.

01:36 – 01:39
Oh, on the Patreon. See, I can’t see that conversation

01:39 – 01:40
stuff. Oh,

01:40 – 01:44
really? I don’t think so. You’re not in there. You’re not a…

01:44 – 01:48
Dude, Dude, I don’t have to hook you up. Okay.

01:49 – 01:50
I’ll see what I can do.

01:50 – 01:50
I

01:50 – 01:58
know that you sent me something once and I don’t recall it giving me any access to anything. But anyway, that’s for some other time.

01:58 – 02:11
Yeah, it’s another time. I have a story I want to share because the last 2 episodes in a row have had colonoscopy stories. Am I wrong?

02:12 – 02:13
You are absolutely correct.

02:13 – 02:19
The first 1 was yours. It was me. Last week was Jennifer’s. This week, it’s Emily’s.

02:20 – 02:28
Oh, hi, James and John. This is Emily, a.k.a. Your closet crashing queen. Yeah, I remember her.

02:28 – 02:43
You guys have been talking about colonoscopies quite a bit lately. And as James, John and Jennifer have all had 1 by now, I thought it’d be interesting for you to know that I, as a 14 year old have actually already had 1. What? I’m serious.

02:44 – 03:02
When I was 10, I had some serious stomach pain problems, so the doctor needed to see what was going on. I had to drink the most Miralax I’ve ever had in my entire life the whole week before. I’m sorry. And I wasn’t allowed to eat at all from the night before until the procedure was finished in the afternoon for me as a 10 year old.

03:02 – 03:15
This was a pivotal moment of my life. Like I literally thought this was equal to having surgery for something. So I mean, it’s kind of invasive. So I came to the hospital and I was given the laughing gas.

03:15 – 03:22
And the last thing I remembered was playing 1 of those weird haircut games on the iPad they gave me. They didn’t give me an iPad.

03:22 – 03:24
No, I’m kind of jealous.

03:26 – 03:30
I was laying in that air, waiting for people and nervous. And

03:31 – 03:32
what’s going to happen to me?

03:32 – 03:43
I woke up not being able to eat anything. Well, that’s not right. And then having the time of my life being wheeled out of the hospital wheelchair. Yeah, when you’re 10, that is pretty wonderful.

03:44 – 03:45
Somebody pushing you around.

03:45 – 03:49
It ain’t bad at 50 either. Be honest. I mean, you get pushed

03:49 – 03:50
out in a wheelchair.

03:50 – 03:54
Yeah. Really? So did my wife. Really?

03:55 – 04:10
What insurance do you have? Apparently the 1 that doesn’t cover wheelchairs. Was your colonoscopy guy somebody you found on Craigslist? I mean, no, he was a real doctor was he?

04:11 – 04:16
And he was a garden hose. I mean, I mean, they did ask for a review

04:16 – 04:19
after it was done and they got pictures.

04:20 – 04:22
I don’t know. Maybe they got them off Google.

04:24 – 04:25
Oh, I wonder

04:25 – 04:26
if I’m really OK.

04:26 – 04:32
I don’t know. I don’t know. Maybe you were part of a YouTube channel you didn’t know about. Geez.

04:32 – 04:46
Just going in deep on this 1 anyway. So I woke up not being I got the wheelchair until I was 12. I never knew the actual name of the procedure that I undertook as it was all referred to as a procedure

04:47 – 04:48
procedure.

04:48 – 04:53
So I had fun telling all my friends that I was so cool because I had a scary procedure.

04:55 – 04:56
Got to be brave.

04:56 – 04:59
What did you have done? You know, a procedure,

05:00 – 05:07
A procedure. I mean, I would have called it a procedure too at that age. I was like, I’m telling you what they’re doing with nothing. OK, I’ve got to drink this gross stuff.

05:07 – 05:08
And that’s that.

05:08 – 05:16
I hope this was interesting for you. And I guess you can put it on the show if it wasn’t too odd. Emily. No, thank you, Emily.

05:16 – 05:17
I appreciate it

05:17 – 05:20
man. I feel like we need to continue this streak

05:21 – 05:35
Anybody else got any? Recap story or you know whatever that colonoscopy story show that’s right We’ll just Keep it going for as long as possible. This has been 3 shows in a row. Can I do more?

05:36 – 05:42
Can we? You know, if it would not, I was going to try to turn it into a pun, but I can’t.

05:43 – 05:44
What were you going for though?

05:44 – 05:48
I was going to I was trying to work something about the end in there.

05:48 – 05:51
Oh, we’ll go to the very end and beyond.

05:51 – 06:04
We’ll take that shit. This to that story show will take it to the end. With that on on T-shirt. No.

06:05 – 06:06
Why?

06:06 – 06:13
Because I’d have to put it down there with the part that covers your butt. You know how people get printings in weird places now? Yeah. Yeah.

06:14 – 06:17
Oh, OK. As long as I don’t get in trouble for saying

06:19 – 06:33
We got a review those from not much just a nickname 5 stars a hundred percent recommended this podcast is hilarious and clean and has a middle and as a middle schooler I definitely recommend this for other kids.

06:33 – 06:34
Well, all right.

06:35 – 06:38
Yay. Glad to have more middle schoolers.

06:39 – 06:40
They man

06:40 – 06:42
always glad to have them.

06:42 – 06:43
They’re our future.

06:43 – 06:46
They are and I believe that current

06:46 – 06:47
and our president.

06:47 – 06:50
Yeah, I’m just glad they can’t vote or drive.

06:52 – 06:57
I mean, if they could vote, who do you think they would vote for? Mr. Beast to be president?

06:57 – 06:58
Yes, that’s that might be

06:58 – 07:06
kind of interesting, actually. Yeah. Mr. Beast and the dude perfect would be the cabinet. Are they popular still or not?

07:06 – 07:07
I don’t know.

07:07 – 07:19
I don’t know. But I just foresee him taking 1 representative for each state and making them compete In a giant contest to see who gets the tax dollars. That’s right.

07:20 – 07:24
Yeah. Whichever state wins first, you get to stay in the union.

07:25 – 07:32
And the Skibbitty Toilet YouTube channel becomes number 1 or number 2. Actually beast would be number 1.

07:32 – 07:37
The new American anthem. Yeah. Very interesting. I don’t know.

07:39 – 07:51
So I had some funny stuff happen. Let’s let’s do this. All right. So I was heading to my son’s event.

07:51 – 07:58
He had an event. He went off on an adventure. What do you call it? What do you call them?

07:58 – 08:05
When camping trip? Kind of. But it was more of a getaway. What do they call those for teenagers?

08:07 – 08:07
Oh, a retreat.

08:08 – 08:11
A retreat. Yes. Yes. Thank you.

08:11 – 08:27
He went on a retreat and he learned about himself. He learned a little about God. He learned about his family and his friends and got close to people. And I had to write a letter that he would read and it made him cry.

08:27 – 08:28
So I did my job right.

08:29 – 08:31
But Was this a chrysalis?

08:31 – 08:35
No, it’s called a… Now you made me forget the dumb name.

08:35 – 08:36
Okay, I’m sorry.

08:36 – 08:40
It’s a Catholic thing and it’s called a kairos. Okay, kairos.

08:41 – 08:42
That’s cool.

08:42 – 08:51
Yes. Anyway, There’s probably, you know, duplicates of it in other religions or denominations. Yeah, the

08:51 – 08:55
chrysalis is a different denominational kind of thing that’s kind of popular, but…

08:55 – 09:03
Sounds scary. I wouldn’t want to be in a chrysalis. It’s a chrysalis, man. You go in as a worm and I guess you come out as a butterfly, right?

09:03 – 09:05
Is that is that the whole thing?

09:05 – 09:07
I think that’s the concept Yeah,

09:07 – 09:43
Kairos is Greek and I read it and it means a place to have a discovery or an interesting introspective time So that’s their take on it. But anyway, I was supposed to surprise Jay and all his classmates by being at the school when they showed up on the bus. I think They didn’t know we were coming. And so I got there before 4 and I could have sworn they said, go up the ramp and come in through the doors.

09:44 – 09:58
And so as I’m walking up the ramp, I’m about to get on the ramp. This lady, it looked like she’s walking too. And I thought she was going to curve and go up the ramp, but I almost ran into her because she was walking straight ahead in front of me. And I’m like, heck, I’m lady.

09:58 – 10:05
Where’s she going? Didn’t she know? Didn’t she read the email? So I go up to the top of this ramp, which is a long ramp.

10:05 – 10:12
It’s hard to walk up and all the doors are locked. So I turn around and walk down. There’s another man coming behind me. I’m like, dude, all these doors are locked.

10:12 – 10:31
If you’re looking for what I’m looking for, I think I’m going, I know I’m going the wrong way. And and as I’m walking down, I just said that that lady was going the right way. And he laughs and I said, I should have known that the lady would know where she was going. And he laughed again.

10:32 – 10:37
Yeah. And he says, what do you say? Unless she’s driving.

10:37 – 10:38
Ha ha

10:38 – 10:46
ha ha ha. He was he was an elder. He was a boomer. He was a senior.

10:47 – 10:51
He had to get his little anti-woman driving statement in there somehow.

10:53 – 10:54
Oh man.

10:54 – 11:06
I thought it was hilarious, but I was looking around. I was waiting. I was like, there’s got to be a woman with an ear shot. Even if she’s not, she still picked that up and she’s going to come from across campus.

11:06 – 11:10
Right. She’s going to think I said it and claw my eyes out. So what she’s going to do

11:10 – 11:16
is you can pull up real fast in a car and like, sir, I heard you all the way across the campus.

11:16 – 11:26
Excuse me, sir. I have no, sir. I have no, sir. Because everybody is supposed to get offended these days.

11:27 – 11:27
That’s right.

11:28 – 11:28
But it’s I’m

11:28 – 11:30
offended if you’re not.

11:30 – 11:39
It’s easy to get offended if somebody says something like women can’t drive. I mean, that kind of makes me nervous

11:39 – 11:41
when somebody says something like that.

11:41 – 11:59
I said I was looking around because that lady could have been there. And, You know, I was trying to pay her a compliment because she did know where she was going. And I have a high enough opinion of women to know that they probably know how to read better than I do. And they follow directions better than I do.

11:59 – 12:16
And, You know, I would assume she drove well because she got there about 3 seconds before I did, because she walked in front of me going the right way. I don’t know. I don’t know. I just don’t have it in me to say anything bad About the ladies.

12:17 – 12:20
I can’t say anything bad about the ladies either.

12:20 – 12:29
So When do we get old? This is a question. I keep revisiting when do we start saying things? That aren’t right John

12:30 – 12:31
Yeah, that’s a good

12:31 – 12:32
question. They be

12:34 – 12:37
right I I know right.

12:37 – 12:40
I mean we can’t say retard Anymore,

12:40 – 12:42
we don’t we don’t say that.

12:42 – 12:46
No, never. Things just used to be…

12:47 – 12:51
I mean, there’s a bunch of words, you know, thinking that. Yeah, I was thinking

12:51 – 12:53
we can’t those words. Can’t do that anymore.

12:54 – 12:54
No.

12:57 – 13:06
I never was a big swearer, except in for a brief time. Yeah, I tried it out in middle school and early high school.

13:06 – 13:07
So, okay,

13:07 – 13:13
I got over it. But so I don’t miss a lot of things, but I don’t know what we’re going to be in trouble for.

13:14 – 13:37
I think if. I think if things go the way that they kind of were going with all the millions of genders and stuff, like we would just be out of the loop enough to say something, probably even trying to be nice and just like misgendering something. And then people will just get offended at us because of that. And like, oh, you’re old.

13:38 – 13:39
You say old people things.

13:39 – 13:41
Yeah, I could see that.

13:41 – 13:50
I’m just guessing. I don’t know because I don’t know. Yeah. Just something like that, that we might just be kind of out of the loop.

13:50 – 13:58
Like we might say skibbidy toilet. Right. And at some point, and people will be like, oh, I can’t believe you said that.

13:59 – 13:59
Right.

13:59 – 14:05
So offensive. Yeah. It is not skibbidy toilet. It’s skibbidy.

14:06 – 14:08
Oh, toilet.

14:09 – 14:19
I think people will get offended with how much our pants sag because I’m still busting a sag all the way from the late 80s, early 90s.

14:20 – 14:21
Like, Chris,

14:22 – 14:25
and I sometimes I wear my clothes backwards like crisscross still.

14:25 – 14:26
No, you don’t.

14:26 – 14:35
And I think we’ll probably get in trouble for Air Jordans. You know. OK, Well, I don’t know.

14:35 – 14:42
I don’t know about that because like those are still popular. But like if we wear them at our age, we probably would get in trouble.

14:43 – 15:00
Like trying to keep up with the fashion trends is going to be something I struggle with. I don’t I wear what I want to wear, but I also like to I like to be. I like to be well dressed, I guess, you know. Yeah,

15:00 – 15:04
I like to look nice, too. But I don’t know anything about fashion. What’s

15:05 – 15:08
trendy or anything. I don’t know what’s cool or anything. So I

15:08 – 15:09
guess I’ll get in trouble for that.

15:12 – 15:19
But yeah, I don’t know. I don’t know. What’s going to be so offensive about me is probably just me being me.

15:20 – 15:24
That’s that’s it. I think that’s same for me.

15:24 – 15:56
Yeah, I do know I am on the old side of things, though, yeah, because this guy I was at the restaurant in the waiting area, was about to be seated. And this little man kind of stands in front of me and he turns around and starts staring right in my face. And then this look of recognition comes over his face and then this look of, no, you’re not who I thought you were came over his face. And he goes, I was about to push you because I thought you were my brother.

15:58 – 16:01
Like, like, Like for real brother,

16:01 – 16:16
I saw his brother and his brother came in. He said, here he is. And it’s this white haired 70 year old dude. I’m like, how did you just look from the nose down where all my white hair’s on my beard?

16:16 – 16:19
You know, what’s the deal? I don’t know.

16:19 – 16:22
Maybe he has some vision trouble.

16:22 – 16:27
Yeah, those blue blockers glasses are not working right on him or whatever.

16:27 – 16:32
They blocked the everything except for the gray Blocker glasses.

16:32 – 16:45
I don’t know. Remember blue blockers from the TV? Yeah. They knew something the rest of us didn’t even before devices and stuff.

16:45 – 16:46
They were selling them to drivers.

16:47 – 16:55
Yeah. A block out like extra sunlight. Remember the rap that went with it? Like they gave a pair to a guy on the street and he’s like, he made a wrap up with it.

16:55 – 16:56
And they put

16:56 – 17:05
it in the commercial. You know, I don’t remember it. I just remember him saying, Get you some blue blocker. And he had like a whole thing to it, but I can’t remember the first I was.

17:05 – 17:07
But it was an old school rap. I mean, it was.

17:07 – 17:12
It was an old school. Melodic rhyming rap.

17:13 – 17:24
So that would be something else we could get in trouble for is trying to do raps. Yeah. Yeah. I get in trouble for trying to say cool words.

17:25 – 17:27
Like to my

17:27 – 17:31
kids. Like What words like

17:31 – 17:35
like no cap. Okay. Yeah. You

17:35 – 17:37
know, those are trendy words.

17:37 – 17:39
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They just they’re

17:39 – 17:39
slaying mess with

17:39 – 17:48
them. Yeah. And and and there’s so much of our slang that is now outlawed. That’s I guess that’s my point.

17:48 – 17:56
Gotcha. And it’s in the new slang is outlawed to us by by proxy of our age.

17:56 – 18:04
Yeah. Yeah. You know, though, I do say a lot of things outside my age range because I worked with youth for so long. Right.

18:04 – 18:15
So I know a lot more from like at least 2 decades worth of stuff. Because like I say, fly, you know, and

18:15 – 18:15
all right,

18:15 – 18:17
that’s not a Gen X thing.

18:18 – 18:19
No, that’s true.

18:19 – 18:27
That’s not. And I know what it means to throw shade. Yeah. What else?

18:27 – 18:27
Or spill the

18:27 – 18:38
tea. Well, spill the tea is more modern. But Bootsy, I know what that is. I Bootsy something’s Bootsy Bootsy.

18:38 – 18:48
Now, Boosy is new, but Bootsy is old. Oh, I’ve never heard Bootsy. The same as trifling Trifling is when you get up and go out and you ain’t ready.

18:49 – 18:54
Oh, man. I’m not even familiar with that. Right. Trifling.

18:54 – 19:08
Well, I did grow up in or I was at an inner city youth group. So maybe I had, yeah, maybe I had a better set of words.

19:09 – 19:23
I think you did. Me being out in the country kind of most of my time, I got some more of the redneck words that I can’t remember what they are right now.

19:25 – 19:27
That’s all right. That’s all right.

19:27 – 19:28
Yeah.

19:28 – 19:30
Oh, redneck words.

19:33 – 19:34
Like, widget did you?

19:34 – 19:35
Widget did you?

19:35 – 19:38
Widget did you? You didn’t bring that thing, would you did you?

19:39 – 19:40
You want to eat?

19:41 – 19:47
Jeet yet, yeah. J-E-E-T-Y-E-T. Jeet yet? And then nod you?

19:47 – 19:50
You want to? You want to?

19:50 – 19:58
We can do that later. Alright. And Mayonnaise. Have you ever heard mayonnaise used in a Redneck conversation?

19:59 – 20:00
I just say mayonnaise.

20:01 – 20:05
Yeah, mayonnaise. But in Redneck Conversation

20:05 – 20:10
around here, they say mayonnaise a lot of people in here. Oh my gosh. What is this? Jeff Foxworthy?

20:11 – 20:12
Yeah. Jeff

20:12 – 20:12
Foxworthy stuff.

20:12 – 20:14
He’s from the area. Mayonnaise,

20:16 – 20:21
a lot of people in here. I always liked that 1.

20:21 – 20:32
Yeah, we’ll give you that 1. Okay. All right. Anyway, this 1 comes from Marshall and It’s Mobile, Alabama.

20:32 – 20:38
Mobile? That gum, that’s the most Alabama you can get. He said, but I was born in Arizona. OK, all right.

20:38 – 20:40
Oh, it’s a transplant. I

20:41 – 20:52
did not know where you were going. Hey, James and John, please try to read this sophisticatedly, even though I’m a middle schooler. Oh, you’re a middle schooler? Dang it.

20:52 – 20:54
Move out of the way. That’s a homeschool.

20:55 – 20:56
Oh, that was middle school. I mean, I don’t

20:56 – 20:57
even know

20:57 – 20:58
our bumpers anymore.

20:59 – 21:02
I’m so dumb. This is homeschool. So where’s your son go to school?

21:04 – 21:07
Yeah, I embarrassed for myself.

21:07 – 21:08
That’s all right.

21:09 – 21:10
I’m new here.

21:10 – 21:15
So anyway, at my church youth, there was a Christmas party.

21:16 – 21:17
The Christmas party, you’ll say?

21:17 – 21:27
And it was white elephant. Most of it he says. I don’t know how you have mostly a white elephant like everybody’s gift sucks except for this 2 guys get something really good.

21:28 – 21:34
Yeah, they didn’t get the memo and they brought something like a really nice gift card instead of a gift card.

21:34 – 21:38
So everybody hates them and the person that ended up with it.

21:38 – 21:40
Yeah. Yeah.

21:42 – 21:48
There was a guy at my church. We always did a white elephant dirty Santa. It’s called all kinds of different things. Yeah.

21:48 – 21:49
Yankee Swap.

21:49 – 21:51
Oh, I never heard that 1.

21:51 – 21:56
It’s a little bit different. It’s, yeah, allowed, you’re allowed to exchange the gift.

21:57 – 22:14
Oh, well, yeah, we did that. Dirty Santa was you could take a new 1 off the table or you could go grab somebody else’s. And then then if you got stolen from, then you had to go back to the table and then you could do it again and keep going. And it was it was bad.

22:14 – 22:26
But 1 dude had it worked out. He was on the maintenance team and he was always buy something that was specifically for him that only he would want. He would go to the table. He would pick it out.

22:26 – 22:35
He would open it up. He would show it around and then he sat on it the rest of the show because and he went home with something he wanted every time. Huh? Yeah.

22:36 – 22:42
Yeah. But how do you keep people from stealing it? Nobody else wanted it. There was all this fun and good stuff

22:43 – 22:45
like pickled herrings or, you know,

22:45 – 22:55
so it wasn’t I guess it wasn’t a white elephant. It was dirty Santa where there was decent stuff. There was, there was, you know, gift cards and stuff like that.

22:56 – 22:56
Okay.

22:56 – 23:13
I gave 1 time at a white elephant gift exchange. It was at the youth group in Kansas City. And I put my my what’s it called? The little shell guy.

23:13 – 23:29
He’s in a shell hermit crab. My hermit crab had died. And he fell out of the shell. And so I got myself a jewelry, a ring box, a jewelry little ring box, and I mounted him in the ring box.

23:29 – 23:37
It was red velvet ring box. And I mounted him in there like tiny little shrimp. Just a shell. Yeah, just just hollowed out, dried out.

23:37 – 24:03
It wasn’t like a cicada shell. It was a dry out bug and I mounted him in there with a little tea pen like you do and I wrapped it up and this girl named Alicia Taylor got it and opened it up and threw it across the room, screamed bloody murder, did 3 laps around the chapel. Everybody and all the guys dove over to it to find out what it was.

24:03 – 24:09
And man, they were dying. They were throwing at each other and everybody was freaking out. They don’t. They didn’t like the bug, dude.

24:10 – 24:15
They’re like, what is that? Because it did. It looked like something from X-Files. I’m like, that’s a dead hermit crab, my friends.

24:16 – 24:19
Yeah. OK. Yeah. That’s a great gift.

24:19 – 24:33
Another time. I had, it was a white elephant gift and it was here with my inner city friends in Kansas area in St. Louis. And so I’m, I got a picture frame and I got a piece of paper to go in a nice piece of paper.

24:33 – 24:58
And I took I took and drew an elephant and underneath over it. I put a little word balloon that said, yo, and I colored him in and everything. And when he opened it up, he was like, this is nice. I said, it’s a black elephant gift because he was a black elephant saying, yo, yo, and he thought it was hilarious and he still hasn’t in his room to this day.

24:58 – 25:00
Oh man, how awesome.

25:00 – 25:08
Yeah. So anyway, about this white gift, she, she, she, no, Marshall. I don’t know. I don’t know that.

25:08 – 25:11
Good. Good. Tom, I’m misgendering someone. I don’t know what

25:11 – 25:14
this is. So, but that’s not new.

25:14 – 25:23
I’m always calling him day 1. Yeah. I thought my brother was my sister. This was my first time ever playing this game.

25:23 – 25:39
So I was kind of nervous. I brought a charades game called Poetry for Neanderthals, but that is not that important. So all of us middle schoolers seated together and I sat next to 1 of my friends. This is important.

25:40 – 25:48
After picking our numbers, 9 was around 13, 15. So I’m reading it as it says, I’m sure they meant mine.

25:49 – 25:51
Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah.

25:51 – 26:00
Number 9. She said she I missed the part where she says, read it sophisticatedly, even though I’m a middle schooler. My intellect is indeed high. Well, yes,

26:00 – 26:02
of course, You’ve got to read it with an English accent.

26:02 – 26:19
And your sentence structure is not indeed high. It is very much on par with every middle schooler that’s ever sent anything. When it was my turn, I dumbly decided to abandon my plan of taking the box with an obvious $5 sticking out and chose at random.

26:20 – 26:21
Hey, you got to do you.

26:22 – 26:29
The box I picked up was the dose variety. There were 2 boxes.

26:29 – 26:33
Okay. Okay. 2 boxes dose

26:33 – 26:41
Dose. I opened the first 1 and there when I peeked inside my heart skipped a beat. Oh, like a red beat.

26:42 – 26:43
That sounds dangerous.

26:43 – 26:45
It was a skimity toilet collectible.

26:46 – 26:47
That’s a thing

26:47 – 26:50
Apparently you can actually buy those.

26:50 – 26:54
I thought it was just a word. I mean, I’ve seen the videos, but that’s weird. Somebody

26:55 – 27:04
got her 1. I died of laughter as my face turned red. Everybody wanted to know what the heck it was. I could barely stutter the words out as everyone joined in my laughter.

27:05 – 27:17
Then next was another thing I hated. So she hated the first thing and another 1 I hated was some sort of boxed cake. And yeah, I don’t know why complaining about this. I just don’t like them.

27:18 – 27:39
The disappointment was visible on my face and my friend looked guilty and said, I got that gift. And I looked at him and demanded that he steal his gift back. He said he would, but when it was, when it was his turn, somebody from the Skibbitty squad took it to someone. And no surprise to me,

27:40 – 27:41
Skibbitty squad.

27:41 – 27:54
I chose another gift and I got $5 and a Tumblr speaker. I got a Tumblr for Christmas and it didn’t fit. What does that mean?

27:55 – 28:04
So like the Tumblrs, like the cup things, like a Stanley Cup, I guess there’s a speaker that goes in 1 of those or maybe it fits on top of it or somehow or whatever.

28:04 – 28:05
Anyway, it didn’t fit.

28:05 – 28:10
That’s my guess. I’m just trying to be the logical deductive reasoning guy.

28:10 – 28:22
She says, but who cares? $5, hope it makes it on the show. Also, you Guys always cheer me up when I’m sick. I’m sick at this time, but please don’t put on this show on extra content stuff, because I don’t have any Patreon.

28:23 – 28:47
Bye. Well, guess what? You’re going to have Patreon now, thanks to 1 of our amazing, amazing Patreon members who supported middle schoolers. So all you have to do, Marshall, girl or guy, is email me that story show at gmail.com and claim your free year of being a Patreon supporter.

28:49 – 28:52
So, yeah. Enjoy that.

28:53 – 28:56
Yeah, I have a feeling I have a feeling Marshall’s a guy.

28:56 – 29:00
Yeah. What makes you think so? I think it’s a logic to

29:00 – 29:05
put behind it. So usually middle school guys congregate with other middle school guys.

29:06 – 29:06
Right.

29:06 – 29:09
And since Marshall’s friend is a dude.

29:10 – 29:28
Yeah, but these days, these days girls and guys hang out in a way that we never did. When we were in middle school, Like the walls come down faster. OK, like there are friendships between guys and girls. It’s not all, you know, I got to like her.

29:28 – 29:37
She’s got to like me. We’ve we’ve ruined any possibility of friendship world anymore. It’s not 100 percent that that’s what I understand. But it is a skibbity toilet thing.

29:37 – 29:40
And I do think that is mostly a little boy thing.

29:40 – 29:43
That’s what I think, too. So many girls

29:43 – 29:54
for those at home and for the females out there. Tell us, please, what a skibbity toilet is. It’s a video meme. It’s like a human head sticking out of a toilet, right?

29:54 – 29:59
Right. It’s based on this. I don’t know. It came out of like Europe or Russia or something.

29:59 – 30:11
It’s like There’s some song to it. And then there’s these dudes in nice suits that have camera heads and they’re all that they’re like the bad guys. No, wait, the skibbity toilets are the bad guys. The camera head dudes are the good guys.

30:11 – 30:20
Okay. And the way that they get rid of the skibbity toilet guys is they flush the toilet and then their head spins around. They go down into the toilet.

30:20 – 30:23
So that’s good. And that’s the epitome of humor for the middle schoolers.

30:23 – 30:29
Yeah. I mean, it’s kind of I always kind of I’m not in middle school, but I thought they were kind of fun.

30:31 – 30:31
I was entertained.

30:32 – 30:40
That’s good, though. It’s good that you can admit that. This is almost like a retreat of our own. Yeah, yeah, we should have a little retreat.

30:40 – 30:45
Let’s get to know each other, John. All right. All right. What’s the worst dream you’ve ever had?

30:46 – 30:48
Oh, recurring

30:49 – 30:49
or like, I

30:49 – 30:54
don’t care. Whatever comes to mind. This is your space. It’s you can be free to share.

30:54 – 30:56
It’s just you and me and no 1 else.

30:56 – 31:10
All right. Well, if that’s the question, then It probably is most definitely the dreams that I had when I would show up like at school without my clothes. Oh, I mean, I would be in my underwear.

31:10 – 31:11
Oh, really?

31:12 – 31:16
Yeah. Like I’ve never had a dream where I showed up without anything at all. But so

31:16 – 31:34
you’re a never nude in your dreams. In my dream. Yeah, because I was actually wearing cut off shorts. Did you know the money I would have been able to I would have paid if I was able to run around in my underoos like I would have done it had I been allowed to.

31:35 – 31:40
Because Underoos were so cool and never got to show anybody. Yeah, I know, right?

31:40 – 31:48
It’s like, what’s the point? I had Incredible Hulk Underoos. Did we talk about this? I had Incredible Hulk and Superman.

31:48 – 31:59
And can I in this? I’m not talking. This is the Christopher Reeves Superman who had, you know, his suit was blue and he had like the red briefs looking things.

31:59 – 31:59
Yeah.

31:59 – 32:03
OK. With the gold belt. Well, that’s what my underwear was. It was the red briefs.

32:03 – 32:06
And I was like, I want people to see this.

32:06 – 32:13
There’s Reeves Superman always left me paralyzed. He was just the best. What?

32:15 – 32:17
I thought you were making a joke.

32:18 – 32:23
Not me. I would never say anything mean. All right. My worst dream.

32:23 – 32:25
You have to ask me now.

32:25 – 32:35
James, I’m really curious. Let me reciprocate this question to you. What In this safe space that we have just the 2 of us talking right here. There’s no podcast people listening right now.

32:35 – 32:36
Not a single 1.

32:36 – 32:41
It’s just us. Safe. What, James, tell me, tell me what your worst dream is.

32:41 – 33:07
OK, so my worst reoccurring dream is Because there’s 2 versions or 2 things I have to tell you. The reoccurring 1 is I’m in the back seat of a car just talking to somebody, and all of a sudden there’s nobody driving and I jump over the seat and grab the wheel. But somehow I can’t get the rest of my body underneath there to get on the brakes. Can’t do it.

33:07 – 33:41
So I have to steer like it’s like it’s speed and I’m scary and I’m driving and I have to stay alive. The second spin on that it’s been more recent in more recent times, is that I’m in a car that simply will, the brakes almost work. They almost work like they will slow the car down and if you pump them enough, they will stop the vehicle. But even then it still crawls just the smallest amount and it will put the fear of God in you.

33:41 – 33:56
I’m telling you right now because it feels so real And I’m just like, I’m going to die. I’m going to die in this. I got in another vehicle. But the scariest, scariest 1, you were talking about waking up in a cold sweat, breathing hard like in the movies.

33:58 – 33:59
Well, there’s 2.

34:01 – 34:07
Let me tell you, more detailed than I was. I got invested now.

34:07 – 34:12
I’m stupid. So let me get the stupid 1 out of the way and then I’ll get the really the other good 1 out

34:12 – 34:14
of the way. These are like nightmares.

34:15 – 34:27
Yeah, this was seriously woke me up, scared to death, couldn’t go back to bed. There was a giant pyramid made of sand in the desert. Okay.

34:28 – 34:28
Huh.

34:28 – 34:49
Then the wind came and blew it away. And that is the end of the dream. For some reason, that thing didn’t scare me, but it came with the feeling of absolute terror for some reason. And so when I think of it, I can still picture the whole dream in my head.

34:49 – 34:53
It doesn’t scare me. Not scary. It’s stupid. I’m like, what the heck?

34:53 – 35:05
But for some reason it came with the feelings of like, like I was scariest dream ever. So now a satisfying, scary stream ever. That was just like a trivia, a scary stream ever. The real 1.

35:05 – 35:10
I got to ask a question about that 1. OK, yeah. Did you have a fever when you had that?

35:10 – 35:12
No, no, I did not.

35:12 – 35:15
No, it was a completely healthy. James is

35:15 – 35:21
just weird. That’s 1 thing you have to learn about me. And don’t let this get out to the listeners because now

35:21 – 35:24
I want this. This isn’t going to get out. It won’t get published.

35:24 – 35:24
All right.

35:24 – 35:25
Thank you.

35:25 – 35:43
Since that’s the case, I will share my scariest dream ever that people could use to torture me for the rest of my life if they wanted to. Oh man. I was being chased by a serial killer that was using a golf club to kill everybody. Huh.

35:44 – 35:59
And I run past people going the other way, and I would try to tell him turn around and run with me. And then I would hear him yell, 4! And their heads would go flying in front of me. And then I would pass their heads, you know?

35:59 – 36:18
So I passed them, 4! The head would fly in front of me and then I would run past the head. This happened over and over and over and I got stuck in a corner and he got closer and closer and you say, how could I tell? Because he had a credit card in his front pocket and that credit card got closer and closer and closer to me.

36:18 – 36:42
And so my dream kind of changed and I was suddenly scared to death of that credit card killing me. Because you know how your brain will just focus on something and that, you know, that becomes the focus of the dream. So, yeah, I was scared to death of a credit card and woke up terrified. So to this day, to this day, John, if somebody flashes a credit card, especially if they’re buying me something with it, it scares me to death.

36:43 – 36:51
So whatever you do, do not tell anyone to buy something for me in front of my face with a credit card because

36:51 – 36:51
okay,

36:51 – 36:57
it will scare me to death. Do not spend ungodly amounts of money on me no matter what you do.

36:57 – 37:03
Oh, so You don’t want people to scare you that way. That would terrify me.

37:03 – 37:06
That would terrify. Yeah. Don’t don’t buy me things.

37:06 – 37:08
So if like somebody really hated you.

37:08 – 37:26
Yeah. The best thing they would do rather than email me or send hate mail or pictures of dogs taking a dump or whatever people do. Just just buy me something and ship it to me and maybe take a picture of the front and back of your credit card. Oh, yeah, rub it in, you know,

37:26 – 37:32
just like here. Like I’ve got something in my wallet. James. Can you see my wallet?

37:32 – 37:32
I can’t.

37:32 – 37:33
Is it scaring

37:33 – 37:39
you? Oh, no, no, don’t do it. I can see it.

37:40 – 37:42
That’s my Sky Miles card,

37:42 – 37:49
James. John, I hate you. I hate you. I just scanned your RFID, so you’re done.

37:50 – 37:58
The numbers are on the back of it, so you can’t, and you don’t know what my address is or I don’t know what the thing is.

37:58 – 37:59
I know your address.

38:00 – 38:05
I’m curious when you had that dream, were you having any financial troubles?

38:05 – 38:08
No, I was a teenager. Teenagers.

38:09 – 38:16
So you didn’t even care about money back then. No. Dang, that’s weird. Okay, in 2 ways.

38:16 – 38:22
1, that the guy would be killing people with a golf club.

38:22 – 38:24
Yeah, yeah. I thought it was pretty creative.

38:24 – 38:27
Now, do you know what kind of club it was?

38:27 – 38:32
It was not a putting. It was 1 of those fat ones that they use right at the beginning of

38:32 – 38:32
the game.

38:32 – 38:33
Like a driver, yeah.

38:33 – 38:34
Okay.

38:34 – 38:35
They had to get that head clean off, man.

38:35 – 38:41
It had to be a big… I was thinking they’d use a pitching wedge or maybe even a sand wedge.

38:41 – 38:46
My brain didn’t know what the proper golf club would be, golf boy.

38:46 – 38:50
Instead he gave you the big bad driver.

38:51 – 38:53
Yeah. Would that be good on heads?

38:54 – 38:56
I mean, yeah.

38:56 – 39:02
I mean, we don’t know the next serial killer, the next great serial killer might be a listener to our show.

39:02 – 39:05
And it’s a good thing that this part of the show is not getting published.

39:05 – 39:08
So what would make the best head chopper in the bag?

39:08 – 39:16
In the bag? Yeah. I would still go with 1 of the pitching wedges. Yeah.

39:16 – 39:18
And so what makes that special is in an iron.

39:19 – 39:20
It’s it is an iron. Yeah.

39:20 – 39:21
And it has.

39:21 – 39:41
And it’s got a it’s got a nice loft on the on on the angle, the angle of it. So like, I guess just dependent on how you came at the person. Like, if you’re standing over them, gonna swing it like a proper club on a ball, that would might leave the head off.

39:42 – 39:46
Okay, okay. It would make a really bad horror movie villain though.

39:46 – 39:46
Yeah.

39:47 – 39:54
It’s coming after you and you see this golf is wedge coming around the corner. It’s the catty

39:54 – 39:55
shack killer.

39:55 – 40:01
It’s got blood dripping off of it. Catty shack 3, the revenge. Yeah. Yeah.

40:01 – 40:02
Oh man.

40:05 – 40:09
That’s the 1 right there. Those are scary dreams, man.

40:10 – 40:12
No. Okay. So have you

40:12 – 40:16
ever had a night terror? I think I have. Yeah.

40:16 – 40:24
Not too long ago. Okay. I had those when I was on a certain medication and those took every other dream. And threw them away.

40:24 – 40:28
I don’t even know if you can count them as dreams because you feel like you’re awake.

40:28 – 40:31
Oh, yeah. And you know,

40:31 – 40:42
I feel like you’re paralyzed and you can’t move and you literally feel and hear things that aren’t real. And it feels like demons. Dude, there’s a

40:42 – 40:43
thing for that. You can

40:43 – 40:52
feel wind blowing on you and someone whispering in your ear and you feel them close to you. And you’re it’s horrible. It is horrible.

40:52 – 40:57
They call that some of some people in the paranormal world call that sleep paralysis.

40:57 – 41:01
Yeah, that’s what I experienced where I’m awake, but I can’t move.

41:02 – 41:03
Yeah, sleep paralysis.

41:03 – 41:18
Lately, I’ve been having it, but without the scary part. And I try to wake myself up and then I then I’m like, why am I trying to wait? I’ll just go back into dreamland and I’ll wake up when I want to. And so I don’t fight it.

41:18 – 41:30
But yeah, I can’t even turn my head. I can’t open my eyes. I’ll have dreams that I do wake up and I’m halfway down the stairs and then the stairs flip over upside down and I’m still in bed, you know. Oh, yeah, Dude.

41:31 – 41:47
That’s interesting. Yeah. Now that I have had, but it was only like to the point of, so I remember 1 time I was traveling from Alabama back to Florida and that’s a good trip. What’s that?

41:47 – 41:51
Anything going out of Alabama to somewhere else is a good trip. So

41:52 – 41:53
I like Alabama.

41:53 – 41:55
Yeah. So do Alabamians.

41:56 – 42:07
Yeah. But yeah, I was like, I was sleeping and I thought for sure that I was awake because like there are people talking in the car and stuff and I just thought for sure I was awake. Yeah. But I was not.

42:08 – 42:14
I was not. Because I was asleep. He was asleep. Yeah.

42:17 – 42:19
I enjoyed our little share.

42:20 – 42:23
Yeah, that was a good little that was good. I feel closer to you.

42:23 – 42:32
Insight. Yeah, yeah, I feel closer. I now know that what your worst dream is.

42:33 – 42:35
Well, at least the ones that I’ll admit.

42:36 – 42:44
I’ll tell you, the best dream I ever had as a kid was a dream. And it was the most disappointing. The best dream was the most disappointing dream. And we’ve all had it.

42:45 – 42:51
Where you would think you had money in your hand. Yes! And then you woke up and there’s nothing there.

42:51 – 42:59
And it was gone. And like, as you were waking up, you could see the money like disappearing. Like you’d find gold and the gold would just be dripping out

42:59 – 43:07
of your hands. When I was little, it would be a penny. And then I got older, it would be a quarter. And then when I was in high school, it’d be like 10 bucks or 20 bucks.

43:07 – 43:12
And now it’s like, you know, credit on steam.

43:13 – 43:17
I haven’t had anyone like that. But I remember going the dreams.

43:17 – 43:18
I was going to Disney.

43:18 – 43:25
And I’m like, oh, I’m so excited. I’m getting to Disney. And then I would wake up and like, I don’t get to go to Disney. Dude.

43:26 – 43:27
And the

43:27 – 43:37
worst dream, like the most. The jerk. I guess I’d call it a jerk dream because of my brain doing it to me. I mean, nobody else is making my dreams up.

43:37 – 43:50
It’s me. And the worst dream you can ever have is thinking that you’ve been kissing on some lady and remembering right in the middle of it that you’re married. Oh, no, that dream I have had.

43:50 – 43:53
I mean, I’ve never had that dream. This isn’t going to get edited, posted.

43:53 – 44:09
This is just me and you, dude. This is between you and I. And I’ve had that dream and I’ve had it more than once where I’m hanging out with a lady that I’m married to, and we’re having a date. And then I’m like, why did I ever let Jen go?

44:09 – 44:18
Whatever happened to us? And then my sleep brain kind of starts putting things together and I’m like, Holy crap, I’m married. I’m already married. What is this?

44:18 – 44:33
And then I’ll wake up. It’s like when you’re falling to the ground and you wake up before you hit. It’s like that. Like I wake up now, unlike my wife, when she has dreams like that, She has dreams where I have cheated.

44:33 – 44:36
Yeah. And then she will be mad at me.

44:36 – 44:44
Yeah, I’ve heard that’s a thing. Now, my wife’s never admitted to that, but I have a feeling that there have been some dreams.

44:44 – 44:50
She’s never been mean to me, like mean, but she’s been distant. Sure. Yeah. And short.

44:50 – 44:54
Yeah. Yeah. I know you didn’t do it, but. Yeah.

44:54 – 45:00
Just if I’m a little off today, just, just know that’s why. Because it felt real. It felt very real.

45:01 – 45:04
So Did you wake up feeling guilty when you had dreams the other way? Like,

45:04 – 45:05
oh, yeah.

45:05 – 45:06
Oh, yeah.

45:06 – 45:07
Yeah. I was like, oh, my goodness. What’s wrong

45:07 – 45:13
with my subconscious mind? Just so relieved. Yes. Lord, you don’t know.

45:13 – 45:24
I mean, like I had dreams that my brother David has died. I’ve had all kinds of dreams and I wake up and I’m like, thank God. I can immediately just thankful. Yeah.

45:24 – 45:27
Like, oh, this is the best. It’s the best morning.

45:27 – 45:34
I’m glad that was a dream. I so does it’s as much of a bad dream as they are, they’re good dreams. Yeah. And I

45:34 – 45:38
told you about the dream I had about the artist that drew this amazing dachshund.

45:39 – 45:39
Did I tell

45:39 – 45:42
you about that? I thought I did. Anyway, real quick.

45:42 – 45:44
It sounds vaguely familiar.

45:44 – 46:16
I had a dream about this artist, and I was so jealous of him because he had drawn this doxen but he had done it in 3 parts. There was the front end, the middle end, and the back end and each end had like the front end had front legs, back legs, The middle part had front legs, back legs. And then the end part had just the 2 back legs. So this dachshund was cut into 2, 3 pieces, 2 slices, and each piece had its own set of legs, except for the back piece had just 1 set of legs.

46:16 – 46:26
And I thought it was the most creative thing I’d ever seen in my life. And I was just so jealous. I’m like, why can’t I think up stuff like that? And then I woke up and I was still mad and still upset.

46:26 – 46:33
And then I was like, wait a minute. He thought it up, But I thought him up. Yes. And so I thought up his art.

46:34 – 46:45
And so I sat down and I freaking drew that daggum dachshund. I’m still not done with him, but I sketched him out. Huh. And it was harder to do than you would think.

46:46 – 46:47
I can imagine.

46:47 – 47:03
Because there’s not room for all those legs in the in a in a doxen He’s as long as he is there’s not room enough, but I made it work and 1 day I’m gonna ink it and color it and release it but that was a wonderful wonderful thing.

47:03 – 47:08
That’s a cool revelation. Yeah, I thought that up. That was my brain. Yeah.

47:08 – 47:10
And I even thought of a different personality.

47:10 – 47:18
But it still feels like cheating. Like I didn’t really think it up. Yeah, like I’m copying it from somebody, but it was me. It was me.

47:18 – 47:21
Yeah, it was the inception you

47:21 – 47:25
but how screwed up is my brain that the only way I can think of something creative is just to spite myself.

47:26 – 47:26
Stop.

47:27 – 47:36
You know what I’m saying? That’s my brain gave it to another guy. It was more creative than me that I would be mad

47:36 – 47:36
at.

47:38 – 47:38
Anyway, I

47:38 – 47:42
bet you like Sigmund Freud would probably be able to pull something together.

47:43 – 47:46
Yeah, it’d have to do with my mom and I don’t want to talk about it.

47:46 – 47:52
Let’s talk about it. Yeah, James, what you think? What you think? Who do you think such human of us?

47:53 – 47:57
I’m good. Stein, Steinklaubert. Oh, it was his name again. Freud.

47:58 – 48:04
Sigmund Freud. Yeah, I don’t like him. I liked him in Bill and Ted.

48:04 – 48:07
So he was in Bill and Ted, the second 1.

48:08 – 48:09
I thought he was in the first 1.

48:09 – 48:14
Yeah, I guess it wouldn’t have to be the first 1, right? Because the second 1 was when they met. Yeah.

48:14 – 48:18
Yeah. Yeah. Because they were just journey. Ted went to Hades and stuff.

48:18 – 48:21
Oh, he might

48:21 – 48:23
go as Preston, as choir,

48:23 – 48:27
Ted Theodore Logan. Together. We are.

48:31 – 48:32
Oh, gosh.

48:32 – 48:44
That’s what will get us in trouble later. Is our endless references to 80s and 90s sitcoms, movies, video games. That’s what’s going to get us in trouble. Shut

48:44 – 48:45
up. Say like,

48:45 – 48:52
We don’t know what you’re talking about, old man. Shut up! Your days have passed. Yeah.

48:53 – 49:06
Gen X is in the grave. I will get in trouble for not wanting a self-driving car. I’m telling you, I want 1, but I want a steering wheel still in it. I have to be able to regain.

49:07 – 49:14
I just told you about my dream, right? Yeah, I have to have brakes. I have to have a steering wheel. You take that away from me.

49:14 – 49:18
I ain’t getting in it. Nope. That’ll be when I get

49:18 – 49:22
on I robot and I know how important it is to have shut

49:22 – 49:25
off switch. Yeah. Right. AI.

49:26 – 49:39
I love it now, but eventually it’s going to take us over. That’s why I always say thank you to Google when it tells me what the weather is outside. Yeah, I just want to get my points in. I’m 1 of the nice ones.

49:39 – 49:44
I sometimes will tell chat GPT that I really appreciate their service.

49:44 – 49:50
Dude, speaking of chat GPT, I found out on the app that you can talk to it. Yeah. I didn’t know this

49:50 – 49:51
conversationally

49:52 – 50:05
dude. I had a therapy session, a 10 minute therapy session with chat GPT. I told it all the crap I was dealing with and it gave me sound advice. Really?

50:05 – 50:17
Yes. It was so positive and uplifting. I should read, I should do an edited read of the advice it gave me about life and stuff, stuff I was struggling with. Sounds like a G.O.K.

50:17 – 50:21
It was so, yeah, maybe, maybe. Yeah. Oh, it was so crazy.

50:21 – 50:22
I mean, I’m interested.

50:22 – 50:29
And then it shut off and said, your version’s over. I’m like, I hate you too. I open my heart to you and you want me to pay.

50:30 – 50:31
You’ll just pay for your hour.

50:31 – 50:40
And I thought about it. I was like, it’s cheaper than real therapy. I mean, I might do it.

50:40 – 50:48
It’s got access to all the therapists out there. Of course, does it give you some kind of disclaimer? Like, don’t follow this place.

50:48 – 51:06
No, no, no. It was a nice, nice experience. I’m going to say I was a little weirded out by it for a minute, but then I got, I mean, she Like my heart started feeling better and I started feeling better because I was talking. I mean it still counted as therapy.

51:06 – 51:12
So I don’t know. I you know, I robot therapy, you know,

51:12 – 51:13
I robot therapy

51:13 – 51:25
Yeah, I’ll never marry 1 or date 1 but you know that might get me in trouble 1 day right there. I’m just going to lay this out. If you marry a robot, you’re a weirdo. There we go.

51:25 – 51:27
That’s what’s going to get us hated on.

51:27 – 51:33
That’s probably right. Something that we just can’t understand or comprehend with our brains.

51:33 – 51:42
Now, if you marry a robot, you’re a weirdo. And if you want special select status for being married to a robot, weirdo.

51:45 – 51:54
James, somebody’s going to be listening in to this 20 years into 2155. Yeah. And they’ll be like, I can’t believe how narrow-minded those guys were. Yeah.

51:54 – 51:56
I don’t think they’re professionals at all.

51:57 – 52:02
Yeah. Well, and if you want to marry your dog, I got problems with that, too.

52:02 – 52:18
So, yeah. I mean, why would you want to marry a dog or or a robot? I mean, I can understand the robot kind of because it won’t talk back to you, you know, just kidding. It will talk back.

52:21 – 52:26
Yeah, John, you’re dangerously close to agreeing with the robot lovers.

52:30 – 52:32
I mean, I couldn’t do this.

52:32 – 52:42
Why would you want to marry something like that? I don’t know. I’m sure there are people out there for everyone. I think there’s enough for everybody.

52:43 – 52:49
You know, I okay. Here’s another take hot take. If you cheat on your wife with a robot, you’re a, you’re a loser.

52:50 – 52:52
Yeah, it counts. It counts.

52:53 – 53:10
All right. And if you have a child and you put it up for adoption And then you buy a child, a robot child, you’re scum. You should be on Sally, Jesse, Raphael. Ooh, Gen X.

53:10 – 53:11
Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho.

53:14 – 53:17
Maury Povich will have you on his show, but she might

53:17 – 53:20
that’s right. That’s right. Jerry Jerry

53:24 – 53:26
Jerry Springer, she’s still alive.

53:26 – 53:30
I don’t know. I don’t know. I think we would have heard, you know

53:30 – 53:31
Yeah, I feel like it

53:31 – 53:48
be some little people, you know trying to trying to carry his casket or something, you know, didn’t he? He always had weird shows with, with people, little people did. Yeah. He, and, and people that thought they were hot, but they weren’t, you know,

53:48 – 53:51
that his jumping the shark kind of stuff when he stood

53:51 – 54:05
there, he went crazy. He started off with a legit show, and then he went totally crazy with it. Like people, people having to figure out if a dude they were dating was really a girl or not.

54:05 – 54:08
And all the weird stuff.

54:09 – 54:13
That ain’t my baby. Yes, it is. You know, that kind of stuff.

54:13 – 54:16
Guess what? You are the father. Right.

54:16 – 54:21
I mean, Jerry started that whole thing. Yeah. Oprah Winfrey did some of that back in her day, too.

54:22 – 54:25
Man, she stood on the shoulders of those little people.

54:27 – 54:35
And literally, literally. Anyway, I got a story from. Oh, I forgot. Yeah.

54:35 – 54:43
Eden from Helena. Eden from Helena, Montana, Montana. Yeah. All right.

54:43 – 54:50
She calls it Risky Business. Hi, James and John. This is Eden And I have a story for you. Just to give you a little background, my dad is Brazilian.

54:52 – 54:55
Wow. Oh, man. How many is that? What’s a Brazilian?

54:57 – 54:57
From Brazil.

54:58 – 55:11
00I thought it was a number. And since English wasn’t his first language, he sometimes was trouble with finding the right word for the right situation and has a small accent. So just a little

55:12 – 55:18
accent. Just a little accent. I think In Brazil, do they speak Portuguese? I don’t know.

55:19 – 55:20
Can’t remember.

55:21 – 55:41
When he first moved there though, his English was much worse. Okay, so my dad got his job as a youth pastor at our church and he’s always trying to find new things to do with the kids. So 1 day when he was introducing a new game, he looked at all the kids and the leaders and he told them that they would be doing something new that night. Now I have not read this, so I have no idea what’s coming.

55:41 – 55:44
If it’s bad, I will censor it and edit it out. He told

55:44 – 55:46
them- It’s a surprise.

55:46 – 56:04
Okay everybody, tonight we are going to be doing something a little risky. A little risky. He meant to say they were going to do something a little risky. But the faces of shock reverberated around the room.

56:04 – 56:23
And my mom, who is the leader at the time, a leader at the time, quickly corrected my dad. The shock subsided and soon grew into laughter at my dad’s blunder. To give him credit, we still play the game at youth group that he introduced that night, though we stay far away from the introduction he gave for it. Now I want to know what the game was.

56:23 – 56:24
I want

56:24 – 56:25
to know the game too. Is it,

56:26 – 56:31
it might be a little risque. It might be a little risque. I mean, applause breaks out from the kids. Yeah.

56:33 – 56:49
We want a risque game. Risque, risque, risque. So John, for the middle schoolers out there, please define the word risqué. Something risky, right?

56:50 – 56:55
It is. I mean, it pretty much is right. It’s risky. It’s risky in a romantic way.

56:55 – 56:56
How about that?

56:56 – 56:58
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

56:58 – 57:03
Like Like having to do with maybe underwear. Yeah. Yeah. OK.

57:04 – 57:08
So it’s it’s risky to go to the pool in

57:08 – 57:09
in a risque outfit

57:09 – 57:16
in in regular shorts, but it’s risky to go to a pool in a thong.

57:19 – 57:25
Yeah. Did I say that? It was that It’s risky to go to school.

57:25 – 57:30
That was pretty risky, John. I think you did it perfectly. Like the definition was the thing. So

57:31 – 57:36
yeah, I don’t know what that means.

57:38 – 57:45
I do remember the first time I heard the word thong though, and I did not know what they were talking about. I thought they were saying flip-flops.

57:46 – 57:49
Yeah. Yeah. Because some people do call flip-flops thongs.

57:49 – 58:02
Yeah. And when I heard what it actually was, it was like the first time I heard Darth Vader say that I was Luke’s father. I did not believe it. I did not believe anyone would wear something like that.

58:03 – 58:13
And now that I’m a grown man, I still don’t get why I do it. But I’m kidding. Of course. Of course.

58:14 – 58:28
It’s the ultimate wedgie. I don’t know. I don’t know. But apparently everybody’s wearing those things now and they have to to where they’re Lulu lemon stuff, you know,

58:28 – 58:31
oh is that I don’t know anything about

58:31 – 58:44
otherwise you’d see lines, you know, and when you’re wearing lululemon, you’re doing it apparently to to show off your your your your best self about that.

58:44 – 58:47
You’re there. You’re your best self.

58:47 – 58:49
Yeah. The bottom part of your best self.

58:50 – 58:51
You’re belfy.

58:51 – 59:03
And my wife’s a huge Lululemon fan. She loves everything they make. And she’s even tried to get me to buy some of their guy stuff. And I’m like, next thing you’re going to want me to do is

59:03 – 59:04
start using toilet paper.

59:04 – 59:05
And I ain’t doing that either.

59:07 – 59:09
Cause then you’ll have to wear a thong too.

59:10 – 59:28
That’s the number 1 reason I could never wear 1. I started wearing black underpants for this reason. Okay. And I’m not going to share what that reason is, but I would have to throw a thong in the trash I don’t know Maybe I don’t do my my deed properly.

59:28 – 59:40
Maybe I should be wearing something else, but I Know oh, I don’t know how they do it. I mean, I don’t know.

59:40 – 59:43
I’ve never in my house.

59:44 – 59:51
I will say this. If I wore a thong, I would never pull my pants down to take a crap again. I just pull it to the side

59:53 – 1:00:01
Maybe that’s the allure No, this part’s not making on the show either

1:00:03 – 1:00:12
We’re still recording? Is this the after show? I’m not sure. All right.

1:00:12 – 1:00:20
It’s risque. It’s gotten risque. Risque is just another way of saying risky. That’s right.

1:00:20 – 1:00:24
All right. All right. All right. Well, it’s time for us to get out of here.

1:00:25 – 1:00:26
Cool.

1:00:26 – 1:00:27
We saved by the bell.

1:00:27 – 1:00:37
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1:00:37 – 1:00:47
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1:00:48 – 1:00:56
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1:00:56 – 1:01:06
And remember when something weird, gross, annoying, or embarrassing or painful happens to you, don’t get stressed, don’t get depressed. Just think, hey, this belongs on that story show. We’ll see you guys next week. Bye.

1:01:06 – 1:01:09
Bye. Oh. I don’t know.

1:01:15 – 1:01:15
I don’t know if I want

1:01:15 – 1:01:16
to do this or

1:01:16 – 1:01:20
not. I’m afraid of what might happen. But I’m also

1:01:20 – 1:01:33
prepared. So I don’t wear a thong, but I kind of wish I did. Because every time I’d sit right down, I wouldn’t have to deal with my underpants. I would just pull them to the side.

1:01:34 – 1:01:50
Everything had come out okay and I wouldn’t have to hide the little stain that ends up in my drawers. I’d have a toothpaste like Santa Claus. I don’t know. I was trying to say, nothing’s coming to mind.

1:01:50 – 1:02:02
I was trying to say a placker for my behind. Like a tooth floss, sir. That’s what I meant all along. That’s why I would be interested in a thing called a thong.

1:02:02 – 1:02:11
It’s like a bottle washer, except not for a bottle. It would clean you out inside. You’d be clean like a model. I don’t know.

1:02:12 – 1:02:28
Speaking of Brazilian, we’ll see you guys next week. Bye. That was risque. See you guys next stream.

1:02:28 – 1:02:28
Bye.

1:02:29 – 1:02:31
Thanks for joining us today.

1:02:32 – 1:02:43
Hey, welcome to the show that we do have to show called the stuff that didn’t fit on the show. My recap song was garbage because I couldn’t think of the words dental floss.

1:02:43 – 1:02:52
Dental floss. Yeah. You know, those that type of bathing garment, which apparently is gender neutral.

1:02:53 – 1:02:54
Unfortunately. Yeah, unfortunately.

1:02:57 – 1:02:59
I mean, inequality, I think is great, whatever.

1:02:59 – 1:03:01
But Whatever. I don’t.

1:03:01 – 1:03:03
I don’t like to see Harry Butch.

1:03:03 – 1:03:08
I don’t like to see women in them, and I don’t like to see men in them even more.

1:03:09 – 1:03:22
But they have multiple names. Okay. So like, when I was in college, there’s this pool that I would go to and it would list the type of bathing garments that you’re not allowed to wear.

1:03:22 – 1:03:24
Oh, because you were at a Christian college.

1:03:26 – 1:03:47
I was, yes, but the pool was not at our college. We were so Christian that we didn’t have a pool because mixed bathing. Oh, so if you wanted to swim in a pool with a girl or in the same body of water that girls also might happen to be swimming in, you had to go to the, I don’t know if it was a city pool, it was a public pool.

1:03:47 – 1:03:49
They had rules about bathing suits, huh?

1:03:49 – 1:03:53
Yeah, they did. And so I remember the sign that said,

1:03:53 – 1:03:56
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