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Today, we’re diving into a great mix of stories and a few unexpected tangents. From the quirks of generational names to the oddity of being a man waiting in line for the bathroom. We’ve got some more listener stories, including a wild Christmas experience and a humorous coffee order mishap. So get ready for a fun-filled episode as we dive into the weird, the funny, and the downright embarrassing moments that make life so entertaining.
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Full Transcript:
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00:00 – 00:17
This is That Story Show where we pick all the chunkies out of the ice cream and then put it back. Hey, podcast people. I’m your host. My name is James Kettison.
00:17 – 00:18
And I’m John Steinklobber.
00:19 – 00:39
Welcome to another episode of That Story Show, where we share your hilarious real life stories and invite you to send in more for the future. It’s another Grab Bag episode. And I say that apologetically, but from what I understand, people kind of liked it. John.
00:40 – 00:54
Yeah. 1 guy said, I wouldn’t want it every week, but if it’s between that or no show And it is, it is then do those. And I’m like, okay. So there you go.
00:54 – 00:56
Okay. Oh, whenever it was kind
00:56 – 00:58
of like a ramble show.
00:58 – 00:59
Yeah. Right. We were rambling
00:59 – 01:00
kind of rambled a little
01:00 – 01:01
bit rambling man.
01:02 – 01:07
Oh Lord. I was born a ramble man. Is that that
01:07 – 01:07
song?
01:08 – 01:16
Yeah. I remember that song from, you remember how they would play those, buy the cassette, you know, commercials on TV?
01:16 – 01:20
Yeah, yeah. A tracking cassette or 2 LPs or something like that.
01:20 – 01:24
2 LPs, blah, blah. Yeah. Whatever it happened to be. That song was like on some kind of greatest hits.
01:24 – 01:27
I don’t even know who sings it, but I remember hearing it.
01:27 – 01:37
I know. I knew about, cause my parents only let me listen to Christian music. So I knew about 5 seconds of 30 songs that were secular because of those commercials.
01:38 – 01:42
Yep. The greatest hits album from somebody and somebody else.
01:42 – 01:49
Right. And it was a glass. And that’s all you’d know. There’s a heart of glass.
01:49 – 01:53
And you’re like, oh, wow, that was cool. I’d love to hear the rest of that. I guess I would.
01:53 – 01:53
That sounds like
01:53 – 01:58
time life books commercials up next. And guess my dream is crushed.
01:59 – 02:00
How the West was won
02:01 – 02:12
time. Life books between that and plates. They’re trying to sell our parents. Right plates with the faces or the presidential faces.
02:12 – 02:18
I don’t remember exactly what it was, but it was something like that. It’s always some sort of plate you were supposed to buy and hang on your dumb wall.
02:19 – 02:22
Yeah. Anyway, you can’t eat off it, though.
02:22 – 02:30
No, no. It’s like those saucers that the evil witch lady, the pink lady has in Harry Potter.
02:30 – 02:32
Right. Yeah. Harry. What’s Miss Her name?
02:32 – 02:46
She’s like the most evil person in the series. She’s worse than Voldemort. What’s her name? We need to hire a third guy and his job or her job would be to look up our stuff and put it in chat.
02:46 – 02:48
All of our ideas. All the things like
02:48 – 02:49
James think of.
02:49 – 02:53
My son would know it. Because he’s like, oh, he’s reading them and stuff. So. Yeah.
02:54 – 02:56
The wow. The Katie.
02:56 – 02:59
I read on that. The lady with the cats. Yeah. The cat plates.
03:00 – 03:10
That’s that’s what makes me think of it. So anyway, let’s do let’s do some weekly updates here. Let me see where my button is. That’s how prepared I am.
03:10 – 03:20
Let’s rewind a week. All right. I’ll start us off with a little joke. John, why are chickens so funny?
03:22 – 03:22
Because.
03:24 – 03:27
So stupid, isn’t it? But it is.
03:27 – 03:29
The first time I ever heard that was a
03:29 – 03:39
little kid telling it he’s carrying a chicken. And I’m like, that’s cute and hilarious.
03:39 – 03:47
Cute and hilarious. OK, I want to test how. How German you are real quick.
03:47 – 03:48
Oh, well.
03:48 – 03:58
Because I OK, I have a friend at work names Tim. And Tim is from German heritage as you are.
03:58 – 03:59
OK,
03:59 – 04:13
OK. And his grandmother used to read him a story. And the name of the character in the story was Struwell Peter. Struwell Peter.
04:13 – 04:19
I don’t know. I don’t know how you pronounce that. STRUWWELPETER. Struvelpeter.
04:21 – 04:23
The W’s are V’s.
04:23 – 04:38
Oh, Struvelpeter. Anyway, his job. It was 1 of those life lessons stories from the olden days. His job, he would come around if you sucked your thumb, he would come and cut your thumb off while you were sleeping.
04:39 – 04:43
So have you ever heard of that story? Did you ever get told that story by an elder?
04:44 – 04:53
No, My grandfather told me many stories, but never anything about a guy that would cut your thumbs off if you sucked your thumb.
04:53 – 05:03
OK. But he did teach you other stories like about how white people are the best. Other German things.
05:04 – 05:07
Many German things. Yeah. So he
05:07 – 05:12
came over. Out of Takeover Half the World. I don’t know what it is. He used to wear this
05:12 – 05:16
crazy mustache. It was the weirdest. I’m just kidding. No, he didn’t.
05:16 – 05:18
Just tiny little. He was Charlie Chaplin.
05:19 – 05:38
Yeah. No, he… So when my grandpa Stein Klauber, Lord rest his soul, came over to this country, he was 12, 13. And he did it because his parents were actually killed by communists.
05:38 – 05:53
And so he had to come over and live with his family somehow. So, Yeah. So he told me many stories because he landed in because he ended up in Chicago. No,
05:54 – 05:59
that’s my takeaway is grandpa existed just to kill the buzz of the show.
06:00 – 06:09
Oh, sorry. Oh, yeah. Well, perhaps I shouldn’t tell you all the stories that you would tell me when I was a kid.
06:09 – 06:12
No, I do have a weekly update, though.
06:12 – 06:12
OK.
06:12 – 06:22
OK. So I had to drive my wife to a procedure today. Oh, see. Let me just say it this way.
06:22 – 06:36
It was the same procedure you had last week, John. Oh, they’re cheaper in a pack of 2. So, you know, this pack of 2. Yeah, we bought 2 tickets and you got 1 and we got the other 1.
06:36 – 06:37
0 yeah, right.
06:37 – 06:37
You buy
06:37 – 06:51
them in twos, it’s cheaper. Cheaper by the dozen. But anyway, I took her and we were both expecting to see a lot of old people, but they were all people our age. And we realized, oh, we we are the old people.
06:51 – 06:52
We are.
06:53 – 07:13
And I kid you not, I am not lying when I say that there was a room full of ladies waiting for their procedure. And I want to say there were 6 women with their husbands and 4 of them. I’d love to over exaggerate, but 4 is enough. We’re named Jennifer.
07:14 – 07:27
Well, It’s a generational thing. Exactly. Every woman who’s around 50 right now is named Jennifer. Yeah, that’s what I decided, because Jennifer was the most popular name in the 70s and the 80s.
07:28 – 07:32
OK, it’s kind of like James to James is always like super popular.
07:32 – 07:36
James is in John’s. Well, I don’t know any many Johns my name.
07:37 – 07:44
My John’s up there. He’s still up there. But James is like, so me and Jen are like, you know, really popular. But seriously, it was so weird.
07:44 – 07:51
So They called my name to tell me that she was ready to see me. And I said, is that Jennifer Kay? Cause I didn’t want to end up with the wrong Jennifer.
07:53 – 08:00
And there, what did just so happen to be a Jennifer Klaus Fossum? And you took the wrong lady home.
08:00 – 08:18
Oh gosh. I better go up and check. I hadn’t checked on her since I’ve been home No, she she woke up from her dreamy time and the doctor came over and talked to us and this whole thing And everything’s looking fine. Everything’s doing great.
08:18 – 08:26
No, nothing to worry about. And the nurse asked her, do you want something to drink? I said, yes, she does, because that’s all she was doing was complaining about. She was so thirsty on the way here.
08:26 – 08:34
And she’s like, you want juice or water? And Jen said, juice. And she’s very, very, you know, out of it kind of thing.
08:34 – 08:34
Yeah.
08:34 – 08:40
And she’s what we got. Apple, cranberry or orange. And I was waiting for her to say orange. She goes, Apple’s juice.
08:41 – 08:54
And the lady goes off to get it. And I’m like, my my eyes are kind of cocked weird because I’ve never known her. And she looks at me and she says. I don’t I don’t run into apple juice naturally.
08:54 – 09:05
It’s what her exact words were. And I was like, yeah, I was kind of thinking the same thing. She says, She says, I didn’t mean to pick apples juice. I’m like, well, why did you say it?
09:06 – 09:24
And by that time I couldn’t change it. The lady was there. And anyway, so she she’s kind of coming to finally and She’s like, the doctor was talking to me because she heard as I was like, you don’t remember that. She’s like, no, I don’t remember anything except for the apple juice.
09:24 – 09:31
And she says, and I said, you don’t remember ordering it. She’s like, no, I’m like, well, I have a story for you. So
09:31 – 09:32
wow.
09:32 – 09:40
Yeah. She’s like, because she said she woke up kind of and was like, why am I drinking apple? I hate apple juice. I’m like, yeah, you kind of told me that.
09:41 – 09:52
I think she just went for the first thing in the list because I know her. If there’s 3 things to drink, she will pick the weirdest thing that she never gets. So it normally would have been cranberry juice.
09:53 – 09:54
Even
09:54 – 10:00
though the normal person would pick orange juice every time, but she she’s an odd duck.
10:00 – 10:15
I would pick the cranberry juice over both of those. Because I like cranberry juice, but that’s funny that… So I was expecting to have stories after that procedure, as far as like being out of it and being doped
10:15 – 10:17
up. You probably don’t remember any of them though.
10:17 – 10:20
I remember the nurse saying my name to wake me up.
10:20 – 10:21
Oh really?
10:21 – 10:29
I remember my eyes popping open and I remember saying, is it over? Or something along those lines. And she goes, my wife wasn’t even there
10:29 – 10:29
yet.
10:29 – 10:30
It is now.
10:34 – 10:36
Not quite. And
10:39 – 10:50
then I remember looking around and it’s like, there’s a window in this room. Was that window always there? And I asked that and she didn’t know because she wasn’t the same nurse that checked me in. And then when Amy came in, I was like, was that window here the whole time?
10:50 – 10:52
And she’s like, no, you’re in a different room.
10:52 – 10:54
I said, okay, good. I’m not crazy.
10:55 – 10:55
Wow.
10:55 – 10:57
At least not by that standard.
10:57 – 10:58
So, yeah,
10:59 – 11:31
but yeah, That was, I didn’t, I guess I was, maybe I’m not, maybe I’m blessed in the fact that I didn’t, you know, have any, cause I was so nervous. I’m like, what if it just like all the things that I keep repressed come out and I say something just crazy or ridiculous or yeah vulgar. That’s what I was really, because I’ve seen some videos of some like guys under the influence of narcotics or whatever it is they’re being treated for and Just saying some really rude
11:31 – 11:35
things. Yeah. No. And I didn’t want to be that guy.
11:35 – 11:44
I was afraid, yeah, Jen was going to ask for her boyfriend or something. No, she was totally fine. When she saw me, she was like, hey, all right.
11:45 – 11:50
But, yeah. But she didn’t remember ordering the apple juice. No,
11:50 – 11:56
no. And 4 Jennifers. I’m like, there are 11 Jennifers out there, Jen. 11 of them.
11:56 – 12:04
She’s like, I know. So crazy. And sure enough, they wielded this lady And she’s like, hi Jennifer, wake up. And I’m like, see, there’s another 1.
12:04 – 12:14
They’re everywhere. So just know that if you are a woman between 47 and 51, I believe all of you are named Jennifer.
12:14 – 12:23
Yeah. Well, Donnie T in the chat room, he just mentioned that his sister’s 43 and her name is Jennifer. There you go. Yeah.
12:23 – 12:28
There you go. Nobody gave us the name of the lady who’s we were trying to remember.
12:28 – 12:29
Oh, who?
12:29 – 12:30
The Loris
12:30 – 12:32
Umbridge. Yes.
12:33 – 12:34
Thanks, Donnie.
12:35 – 12:51
That’s right. We need a we need a Donnie all the time to help us out. Because if you ever watched some of the other podcasts like, you know, the Joe Rogan experience, He has a guy that’ll just put video clips up for him or look up.
12:51 – 12:52
Finds all that
12:52 – 13:05
tips and or, you know, things that they’re just referencing. He’ll dig it up and put it up. I’m like, you know, yeah, we don’t have millions of listeners, But surely we could get a that guy, you know, maybe, maybe,
13:06 – 13:13
maybe. And well, we probably do have millions of listeners, but we don’t have millions of dollars.
13:14 – 13:17
We have thousands. We do have thousands of listeners.
13:17 – 13:22
We have thousands of listeners. That’s pretty amazing. Thank you all for listening, by the way. You’re
13:22 – 13:23
the best. We love you all.
13:24 – 13:26
I love you more than James.
13:26 – 13:27
That’s
13:27 – 13:29
right. I just have to
13:29 – 13:35
say that. So today we’re going to do some stories, just pulling them out of the inbox.
13:36 – 13:39
Well, I can give you a weekly update if you want. I mean,
13:39 – 13:54
OK, but let me let me finish. We’ve got we’ve got some audio clips as well. Oh, yeah. Yeah, because I watch a lot of YouTube shorts and a lot of them that I find funny are funny without the video.
13:54 – 14:01
So I captured the audio from several of them and I want to share them today. I don’t know. OK, we’ll see if it translates or not.
14:01 – 14:03
But all right.
14:03 – 14:07
Yeah. So anyway, what was your weekly rewind there? Update thing.
14:07 – 14:10
I watch a lot of videos and I don’t listen to the audience. How’s that?
14:11 – 14:17
Yeah, that’s right. You watched my video. Yeah. But I did for work and you didn’t even hear it.
14:17 – 14:30
I didn’t. And if you don’t know what we’re talking about, dear listener, James made this amazing work video and questioned his Facebook audience whether or not we thought it was cool, which I thought it
14:30 – 14:33
was because my boss didn’t think it was cool.
14:33 – 14:45
He didn’t but he’s you know, he sees it differently and that’s okay but James made a Can you screen print? Using a screen door.
14:45 – 14:47
Yeah And in my video,
14:47 – 14:51
I’m not going to tell you, I’m not going to tell the rest of the world the answer. You’re going to have to find it.
14:51 – 14:56
Yeah. Was it possible? We didn’t know when we started, but we found out
14:56 – 15:10
now we know. And I was amazed and that’s your clickbait. So my, my story is, I have a few of them that I’m really… I’m gonna save 2 of them.
15:10 – 15:11
This 1 happened today.
15:12 – 15:12
Man, I
15:12 – 15:16
don’t know if I should do this. I might get in trouble.
15:17 – 15:17
With who?
15:19 – 15:25
With my co-worker? Oh 0 man should I
15:26 – 15:28
Of course of course
15:28 – 15:29
all right, man.
15:29 – 15:30
I love trouble I
15:32 – 15:48
I work in an office with 3 guys. So we have all sorts of sounds that emanate from this office at any given time. And we also have to take calls every now and then. And he, I was over here working on my computer and he took a call and he’s talking.
15:48 – 16:05
I can hear him. You know, I hear everything and he’s talking somebody through a technical issue, which is what we do. And it’s the familiarity that he had with the person he was talking to. I assumed it was somebody in his family, which is just fine.
16:05 – 16:25
You know, I don’t know, whatever, because he had just been talking because there’s a play going on tonight and he is talking to his family about that. So I assume 1 of his family members called him up And so, but anyways, in the middle of his conversation while he’s talking, he rips it. Oh,
16:27 – 16:27
okay.
16:27 – 16:46
I mean, he doesn’t react to it at all. I’m just over here laughing because I’m an idiot. And he gets off the phone and I said, man, who are you talking to? He’s like, Oh, it’s 1 of the teachers.
16:49 – 16:52
I said, she definitely heard you. Oh, my gosh. No,
16:52 – 16:53
she didn’t.
16:54 – 16:55
Yeah. Because I was talking when I
16:56 – 17:00
did. That’s when you can hear. That’s what I was saying. The noise
17:00 – 17:01
gate is open.
17:01 – 17:01
Right.
17:01 – 17:02
And so
17:03 – 17:05
I was just imagining that she’s getting this
17:06 – 17:08
technology instruction. And then she
17:09 – 17:09
hears this
17:09 – 17:10
huge fart. And the
17:10 – 17:11
bomb goes off.
17:12 – 17:14
And she completely ignores it.
17:14 – 17:16
My computer just rebooted. I don’t know.
17:17 – 17:22
Yeah, it just rebooted too. Did you hear my windows sound?
17:23 – 17:27
The windows are open. And the breeze blew through.
17:28 – 17:35
So, and that story’s funny every time to me. It’s probably funnier than the fact that he ripped 1.
17:38 – 17:39
So you guys need to-
17:39 – 17:48
I don’t know. We might find out next week whether or not she did. I don’t know if she listens to the show or not. Chances are she will.
17:50 – 17:50
He repooted.
17:53 – 17:56
Thanks, Donnie. Yeah. Good.
17:57 – 18:01
Oh, sorry. Not that I got I got tickled at that.
18:01 – 18:10
So No, that’s good. It’s good. No, I I I’m I’m the kind like you fart freely. You’re a free forter.
18:11 – 18:12
Not necessarily.
18:12 – 18:14
I mean, I don’t to me, you are.
18:15 – 18:15
OK,
18:15 – 18:22
because I’m a guy that doesn’t even feel right about farting on the toilet. I mean,
18:22 – 18:23
that’s the only safe place.
18:23 – 18:35
I know. But yesterday, right before a date, I was like, I need to take a crap. So I went in our hall bathroom and we have an open floor plan. Yeah.
18:35 – 18:51
And I was just kind of minding my business, watching videos and all of a sudden just briiiiit. You know, like it’s rattled the chains of hell, you know? Like 1 of my shirt buttons came on button. I mean, it was vibrating.
18:54 – 19:04
My earbuds fell out, you know, And I was like, holy crap, she’s not going to want to go out with me after that.
19:05 – 19:08
After being married for 20 something years.
19:08 – 19:20
There’s no business going to be happening after dinner tonight. You know, there’s just no way. So but apparently she was upstairs. So she only she she only heard the bass, you know, between.
19:20 – 19:23
That was 1 of the cars driving. Yeah,
19:23 – 19:26
she just thought it was all about that base.
19:29 – 19:30
Oh, man.
19:30 – 19:40
Speaking of being on the toilet, have you ever thought of this? I was sitting on the toilet and I was like, in a weird way, I’m kind of connected to a series of pipes to other people’s butts.
19:42 – 19:44
I never thought about that.
19:44 – 19:46
Just butt to butt, like a whole bunch of people.
19:47 – 19:51
It’s like a big, it’s like those old telephone can lines. Yeah. They’re talking.
19:51 – 19:52
Yeah, the party line.
19:52 – 19:53
You can hear me over there.
19:53 – 20:01
I mean, you don’t have to deal with that because you’re out in the country. You’re piping right to a hole in the ground probably, right? That’s actually true. But I’m in the city.
20:01 – 20:13
I’m sharing a butt pipe with thousands of people at any given time. Any given time. So that’s crazy, man. I don’t know why I thought of it, but it’s messed me up ever since.
20:14 – 20:43
It’s like How many people are on this pipeline right now? Yeah, it’s all separated, right? You know, gravity helps water, you know, ultimately, if you If you were a bug or some sort of leech, you could work your way. If you were an alien being, you know, that was much like a crawfish or something, you could you could transfer from 1 human to another if you needed to.
20:43 – 20:47
Oh, man. That’s frightening, actually.
20:47 – 20:51
Yeah, it’s my SCP stuff. It’s it’s. Yeah,
20:52 – 20:59
I’ve heard stories of people being like in different countries where like rats would crawl up to the toilet while they were on.
20:59 – 21:06
Happened to us in Jacksonville, Florida. A rat crawled up out of the sewer. No joke. While you were on the toilet?
21:06 – 21:09
While somebody was in the bathroom, it just bubbled up.
21:10 – 21:10
That’s so
21:10 – 21:21
gross. Gosh, I just saw something move. It was just my glasses, like my bad vocals, adjusting on something. But I was just like, that was a rat.
21:21 – 21:23
That’s a rat. Scared myself to death.
21:23 – 21:24
Now you’re triggered.
21:24 – 21:31
I am triggered. You want to see what the story grab bag has for us today? Yeah, Let’s open that bag. All right.
21:31 – 21:37
This one’s from Scarlett. Scar. And she calls it the bathroom search party.
21:37 – 21:40
She’s in the right. She’s in the right place for this.
21:40 – 21:56
Hey, James and John, my name is Scarlett from Idaho. I’m a middle schooler. OK, So here’s the deal. She’s the second middle schooler to write in and we still have free bonus, you know, Patreon gifts to give out.
21:56 – 21:58
Yeah. How many of those we got
21:58 – 21:59
left? I think we have 4
22:00 – 22:00
or
22:00 – 22:16
so. Okay. Scarlett, you’re up for this contest. If your story makes us laugh, I will email you after the show and give you a code, a link to become a supporting member and get all the perks.
22:17 – 22:23
OK, it’s our outreach. Yeah. For all of the the middle schoolers that are too poor.
22:24 – 22:26
It’s a blessing from our patrons, actually.
22:26 – 22:27
Yeah, it’s all patrons.
22:28 – 22:31
Yeah. They’s like, let’s bless Those middle schoolers.
22:31 – 22:31
That’s right.
22:32 – 22:33
Share the love.
22:33 – 22:39
I’m a middle schooler. You guys may remember my dog Justice. No justice. I don’t
22:39 – 22:41
I recall a justice dog.
22:42 – 22:42
Really
22:43 – 22:44
a little bit, but I think he
22:44 – 22:48
told me about justice John. Tell me what happened.
22:49 – 22:50
He probably pooped or something.
22:50 – 22:52
Yeah, you don’t remember it.
22:52 – 22:53
All right.
22:53 – 22:53
Never
22:53 – 23:09
mind. Well, I have another story about my sister. I just like to test you once in a while because I feel like you really want our customers to like us, our customers, our listeners to like us. And, and so you want to remember things when they say, sometimes I do.
23:09 – 23:27
Yeah. And it, but even though, even though it, because she’s a middle schooler, she’s female, you’re like, I want to be, I’m going to make sure she has a great experience. So of course I will, I shall remember. But then it makes me feel like I’m the bad host because I’m like, no, I don’t remember justice.
23:28 – 23:28
I don’t know.
23:28 – 23:30
You’re just the honest.
23:31 – 23:37
Well, that’s what I wanted to confirm. So I wanted to call you served.
23:37 – 23:39
Yeah. If I remember correctly.
23:39 – 23:42
That’s true. That’s good. Watch us. We watch us.
23:42 – 24:01
There was a lady that said, I asked her, I said, did you, if you ever had anything read on the show? And she’s like, yeah. It was a story about my sister thought she had a tumor in her nose and it was a bean. And I’m like, okay, you should send that in.
24:01 – 24:12
And then she’s like, no, you read it on the show. I’m like, which show? She goes, the 1 that’s called Nose Tumor or something like that. I’m like, oh, we named the whole show after
24:12 – 24:12
it. So
24:13 – 24:25
I’m the worst remember ever. So yeah, I don’t know. Anyway, she says I have another story about my sister. Once upon a time, my family was in Costco.
24:26 – 24:28
Of course, that’s where all the white people are right now.
24:28 – 24:30
That’s a good place to be.
24:30 – 24:38
And they’re all named Jennifer. It was after church. So my family decided to get some lunch at the food court No, you didn’t get lunch. You got hot dogs.
24:39 – 24:44
Oh wait now They got hot dogs. They got pizza and they have those chicken thing.
24:44 – 24:45
What chicken things
24:45 – 24:48
like chicken in a pocket It’s like a chicken roll up
24:48 – 24:53
like a pocket of chicken Yeah, it’s like a hot pocket
24:53 – 24:54
with chicken.
24:55 – 25:01
Because? Because? How do you know? How do you know over chicken?
25:01 – 25:02
I don’t remember
25:02 – 25:02
the joke.
25:02 – 25:22
I look at people who are eating at Costco and I judge them. So I just do my father-in-law eats there every time we go. He has to get 1 of those hot dogs and I look at them and I’m like, are we, are we really making the right decisions here? Everything in that place is organic, right?
25:23 – 25:31
It has a little markup because it’s organic, right? At Costco, most of the foods are organic. Are they? Yes.
25:31 – 25:51
You, you go to Sam’s and hunt for stuff and then you go to Costco. You’re going to see the word organic turn up about 75 percent more than any other store. And then and then on our way out, once we’ve bought all this organic stuff, we’re stopping off for a giant hot dog and a big old sugary coke. What long?
25:52 – 26:02
Yeah. And some chicken crap we can’t even identify. SCP 103, the freaking chicken pot, pot, pot. It never should exist.
26:02 – 26:09
I don’t know. They’ve got this cart full of stuff. They parked it in the way. And now they’re eating at this tiny table.
26:09 – 26:34
There’s not even as much room as there is at Sam’s to eat. And but no, I mean, I respect that they sell stuff, but I don’t respect the people who buy it and eat it. I don’t know why, but anyway, so me and my sister, we stopped to eat and my sister realized she needed to go to the bathroom. So me and my sister ventured into the bathroom.
26:36 – 26:38
It’s all caps. I don’t know.
26:38 – 26:39
It’s all bathroom.
26:40 – 27:03
I have had many a bathroom experience, but this 1 was the craziest as the good sister, quote unquote. I am just, I just stood in the hallway waiting for my sister to hurry up. I wish I knew ages because you know, if, if this is a little, little girl, it would make a little more sense. But well, eventually my sister got out with a horrified look on her face and I just decided to ignore it until she told the tail to me.
27:04 – 27:20
A girl in the bathroom was looking for her mom. My sister said she started yelling mom mom, but no 1 answered obviously. So then she started looking underneath all the stalls looking for her mom. Then I guess it was my turn.
27:20 – 27:38
She said the girl looked underneath my stall and she said in the most casual voice, you’re not my mom. And she finished up and left. The girl found her mom that was waiting outside the whole time. I just looked at my sister and laughed, but my sister was still shocked.
27:39 – 27:48
And when we came back to the table, our family was ready to go, which my sister was very pleased with. I hope you enjoyed my story. And for the sake of it, I hope this makes it on the show.
27:49 – 27:50
Yeah. Dead.
27:51 – 27:52
Okay. So you laughed.
27:52 – 27:59
I laughed. I did because I pictured her. I pictured, who is it telling the story? I can’t.
28:00 – 28:01
Scarlett.
28:01 – 28:15
Scarlett. So I pictured Scarlett waiting outside next to, you know, this little girl’s mom, apparently. And then the little girl comes out and then says, I was looking all over for you. You know, this is what’s going on in my head.
28:16 – 28:30
And then Scarlet’s little sister comes out and is like, hey, I got to tell you this terrible thing that happened to me when I was on the can. So a little girl came in and looked at me and said, you’re not my mom. So that that was funny to me. Sorry.
28:30 – 28:40
No, that’s that’s that was essentially the story. Yeah, it’s good. I’m glad you were able to relay your comprehension level of this story. That’s thank you.
28:40 – 28:44
I would say you got an A on that quiz.
28:44 – 28:53
So Finally, I was waiting that you see that I did poorly on that on my SATs. And I think that’s why I didn’t go to an Ivy League school.
28:53 – 29:03
That’s the the that’s how you know, you’ve got a good storyteller. Scarlett’s a good storyteller. She got her point across. Now, there was some girl.
29:05 – 29:16
Looking underneath stalls for her mom’s. I think you could have not looked all the way under. I think there’s a whole different world in women’s bathrooms than in men’s.
29:17 – 29:23
I’m convinced. Like, I think women’s bathrooms are more like a spa.
29:23 – 29:24
I have that feeling.
29:24 – 29:32
Yeah. Yeah. Like a man’s bathroom is basically the outdoors. Yeah.
29:32 – 29:38
And there’s toilets. Yeah. And it looks like things blew up and it’s nasty.
29:38 – 29:41
Yeah, you have to hunt for a toilet that’s not nasty.
29:41 – 29:43
Yeah. Yeah.
29:43 – 29:44
Like, if you got to sit down in there.
29:44 – 29:45
Or 1 that you can clean now.
29:45 – 29:53
Good luck. And then 1 time I walked in the wrong bathroom and there was a couch. A couch? Yeah, with a table with a plant.
29:53 – 29:53
I’m like,
29:53 – 29:54
okay,
29:54 – 29:57
do you know you’re in the wrong bathroom immediately when you see
29:57 – 30:02
that? Yep. You don’t see the toilets that hang on the walls and there’s a table with a plant.
30:02 – 30:06
Do women sit in the bathroom and just chill?
30:06 – 30:18
Like, I guess so. Because you know, when I was facility manager at my last job, they had a couch kind of thing in the ladies room. And I know this because I had to
30:18 – 30:20
get in there as many times as
30:20 – 30:24
possible. Yeah. No. Yeah.
30:24 – 30:28
Yeah. I would go in there after hours just because I would know that it would be clean. I’m just kidding. No.
30:29 – 30:37
But there was a couch there And I’m guessing that they just like they just like to sit down in there. Not actually use the bathroom. They just sit down and like talk to.
30:37 – 30:48
Yeah, if I sit down in the bathroom, it’s to take a crap. I mean, that’s the only reason I would sit down. I mean, even if they had a couch, I wouldn’t use it.
30:48 – 30:52
Yeah, no, I wouldn’t. I would never sit in a couch in a men’s restroom
30:52 – 30:55
ever. They could put a barka lounger in there and I wouldn’t. Yeah, I don’t
30:55 – 30:57
know what that is, but I probably
30:57 – 31:00
recliner from the 70s. We’ve been to That’s right.
31:01 – 31:12
I think you did instruct me on that. I’m convinced that they probably even eat in there like they’ll order like door dash and they’ll just deliver it to the bathroom. And
31:12 – 31:17
so there’s a guy setting it down by the women’s door, taking a picture of it and leaving. Yeah. Yep.
31:18 – 31:19
I’m pretty sure that happens.
31:19 – 31:28
Stall number 3, please. Yeah. I’d I’d knock, but the instructions told me to just leave it at the door. So that’s what I’m doing.
31:28 – 31:41
So speaking of bathrooms, there’s a bathroom I hate here in St. Louis, and you can call me a hater if you want to. But I am too old for this kind of bathroom. But it’s in this newer yuppie.
31:41 – 31:50
I that’s that’s an outdated phrase. Hipster is even outdated now. But oh, man, it’s just this generation Z. Maybe I don’t know.
31:50 – 31:57
Gen Z. I don’t know. I don’t even know how old Z’s are, but I know they can be up in their 20s now. So it have jobs.
31:57 – 32:05
So I don’t know, but somebody designed this bathroom. OK, it’s a 3 part bathroom. There are no doors. It is just 3 hallways.
32:06 – 32:07
Okay. So imagine 3 hallways.
32:08 – 32:08
Yeah.
32:09 – 32:24
The sign over 1 says toilets or sitting. Sorry. It says sitting And the other hall on the right side says standing and there’s a row of urinals and then in the middle is where you wash your hands.
32:25 – 32:27
Yeah, I kind of like at the airport.
32:28 – 32:40
Yeah, except the airport has women’s rooms and men’s rooms. This 1 just had sitting and standing. So here it is for me. First of all, I’m old.
32:40 – 32:46
I need separate bathrooms. Okay. My wife agrees with this wholeheartedly. I think All of us Gen Xers do.
32:47 – 32:58
It’s fine to have separate bathrooms. It’s good to have separate bathrooms. Yeah. Yeah, but let’s take this design in under the microscope a little bit because I thought it through.
32:58 – 33:11
I’m like, that’s nice that they have Lots and lots of urinals for men, but for the women, they’re the only ones that suffer in this configuration because they have to share toilets door to door with a dude.
33:11 – 33:13
With dudes. Yeah.
33:13 – 33:17
And you know, the way men’s toilet housings are constructed.
33:18 – 33:19
Yeah, They got cracks and
33:19 – 33:30
stuff all the way around. You could put your eye right up there and hear stuff. Right. I don’t want to see or hear anything from anybody, much less a woman.
33:30 – 33:40
And I would think a woman would not want. I just don’t think it would be comfortable on a safety level or whatever. So I’ve never gone back to that theater again.
33:41 – 33:41
Oh, it’s a theater.
33:41 – 33:49
It’s a movie theater. What? And you can order at your seat and they cook food and bring it out. Super nice.
33:49 – 33:54
And then I got to that bathroom and I was like. And you know how to the know
33:54 – 34:00
have to go with the bathrooms, like everybody, like when that movie’s over, they’ve been holding it for.
34:00 – 34:09
The only time you’ll ever stand in line as a man for the bathroom is right. She’s at a football game at halftime or after a movie.
34:12 – 34:18
It’s that’s 100 percent. And I would have to assume the ladies rooms are the same.
34:18 – 34:31
I think the ladies room always has a line because like a famous, famous comedian once says, of course, there was a line. You took the line with you because they’re all like, I got to go to, I got to go to. Yeah, that’s right. They go together.
34:31 – 34:32
That’s all good
34:32 – 34:32
because they have
34:32 – 34:38
a couch in there and they can sit down and eat their door dash. That’s why.
34:38 – 34:40
I just don’t think you should eat on a toilet, John.
34:41 – 34:44
No. That’s true. But
34:45 – 34:55
I don’t even think you should chew gum on the toilet. And there’s a letter of the law in the spirit of the law. I’m a spirit of the law kind of guy.
34:57 – 34:57
The spirit
34:57 – 35:06
says I don’t even want to fart in The toilet. The bathrooms made for that. Right. I don’t know.
35:06 – 35:09
So like, where is it safe? It’s never safe.
35:09 – 35:10
Never say
35:10 – 35:22
never safe. I’m pretty good at silent, but deadly, so. Oh, man. Yeah, I’m I’m like the ace of cakes when it comes to slipping them out.
35:25 – 35:31
Oh, man. Because you know how you can burp with your mouth closed and then go. Yeah. And let it out, you know.
35:31 – 35:44
Yeah. I somehow can do that below. I can pop it out like a bubble, like blowing a bubble and then just let it sneak, sneak its way through. And if I don’t let it out, it’ll go back in.
35:44 – 35:51
So That’s probably too much. It’s probably going to bleep that out later. He’s going to
35:51 – 35:56
edit it. Yeah. Yeah. Only the live listeners get this part.
35:56 – 36:00
We had thousands of listeners until today to that 1 episode.
36:00 – 36:04
They’re all like, man, that guy’s bald like Joe Rogan, but he sure isn’t as cool as
36:04 – 36:17
he is. Definitely not. Definitely not. So Scarlett, I think both of us agree that you won a free membership, a 1 year membership to being a supporting member on Patreon.
36:18 – 36:18
So
36:19 – 36:21
congratulations. Yeah.
36:21 – 36:36
Hit us up at thatstoryshowatgmail.com and we’ll send you your link. So Let me remove that from. Here we go. We got a review.
36:36 – 36:37
Do you want to hear it?
36:37 – 36:38
I’d love to.
36:38 – 36:46
This is brought to you by Podgagement.com. Ha ha ha ha. OMG. This is the funniest thing ever.
36:46 – 36:58
It’s like unlimited breadsticks at Olive Garden. It makes me so happy. Keep it up guy exclamation point score. Chef curry chef curry 45 from the United States.
36:58 – 36:59
Chef curry.
36:59 – 37:03
Yeah. Not like a Steph Curry. It’s Chef Curry.
37:03 – 37:05
Chef underscore curry 45.
37:06 – 37:06
Wow.
37:06 – 37:12
January 28th at 3 44 a.m. That was like this week. Yeah.
37:13 – 37:17
Wow, that’s fresh. Fresh. I love it. Thanks for the review.
37:18 – 37:20
I’m going to play 1 of my sounds for you.
37:21 – 37:21
OK,
37:21 – 37:43
for you. OK, so this is a little girl that I watch her and her family sometimes because she’s very young, but she speaks very clearly. And it might be hard for you to understand what she’s discussing here. I realized that once I listened back to it, but I tried to enhance her voice, but she’s talking about the moon and how it is confusing.
37:43 – 37:50
Okay. So try to Listen for the word confusing. And once you hear that, you will, you’ll know you’re in step with what she’s saying. Here we go.
37:50 – 37:56
Do it again. What is that? So confusing. There’s a moon in the sky, but does it.
37:56 – 38:05
And when you show your butt at someone that that’s moving, That is confusing.
38:08 – 38:10
So did we get that? Yeah, I did.
38:11 – 38:12
She’s a little confused about
38:12 – 38:16
why we have a moon. There’s a moon in the sky, but when you show your butt at someone.
38:17 – 38:22
It’s also called mooning. Yeah. Please explain. Where does that come from?
38:22 – 38:37
Let me know, mom. Yeah, it’s important to have family at home that you can bring these topics up with. Because I told you last week how my middle school self didn’t know what a butt crack was until I was like 12. So.
38:37 – 38:38
Butt crack.
38:38 – 38:41
Yeah. Yeah. I thought it was like a Harry Potter scar.
38:43 – 38:46
Potter. I’m kind of curious. I want
38:46 – 38:48
more of that. I want more.
38:48 – 38:58
You want more Potter? Harry, you swine. You’re not even fit to be called my student.
38:58 – 39:03
OK, now make him make him from Die Hard. Do a Die Hard.
39:05 – 39:07
I don’t know. I don’t know any lines from that movie.
39:07 – 39:12
I’ve never seen it. Just say you’re trying to do a Die Hard. Just say that
39:12 – 39:15
you’re trying to do a Die Hard.
39:15 – 39:19
Thank you. That was from Rick and Morty. Thank you so much. Appreciate you referencing in that show.
39:19 – 39:20
Thank you.
39:20 – 39:24
You know, you’ve never seen it. All right. This is funny for only 1 reason. It’s like a grown woman.
39:24 – 39:37
She’s driving a Tesla. She’s talking about something really crazy and then she gets hit. Okay. So that’s the, that’s the that’s the context for this audio Okay, you ready?
39:38 – 39:38
Yeah, I’m ready.
39:38 – 40:00
Okay She said spooky dookie and then she gets hit like right away. Oh, man. It takes her a minute and then she screams. I want to hear it again.
40:00 – 40:06
I just got back from Spirit and I went to the bathroom and I was taking like a spooky dookie, right? And then.
40:11 – 40:16
And the end of it said, RIP my Tesla or something like that. But
40:17 – 40:21
that’s why she was screaming because she wasn’t hurt. No. She’s like, they hit my car.
40:21 – 40:25
What’s a spooky dookie, John? Is that a saying that young people say?
40:26 – 40:30
Yeah. It’s when you take a dump in a haunted house.
40:30 – 40:30
Oh,
40:31 – 40:32
it’s a spooky. And when you go pee,
40:32 – 40:35
So she went to a spirit store is what she’s probably saying.
40:36 – 40:38
Yeah. Okay. Yeah, spirit store.
40:38 – 40:39
You know the place,
40:39 – 40:39
the Halloween’s and they pop
40:39 – 40:43
up everywhere. Yeah. I didn’t know that was a real thing. I figured you might know though.
40:43 – 40:47
Apparently. Well, I’ve just heard a kid talk about it. Yeah. And when you go
40:47 – 40:48
pee it’s a, it’s a creepy pee pee.
40:50 – 40:56
A spooky dookie and a creepy pee pee. Oh, we’re so mature and grown and wise.
40:57 – 41:04
See, I learned something today and That makes it all better. Dun dun dun dun.
41:04 – 41:09
Yeah, I think it’s it’s it’s recent like it. It came from a meme.
41:09 – 41:13
Yeah. Or something. I don’t know. Pooping in a haunted house.
41:13 – 41:17
I’ve pooped in every haunted house I’ve been in, whether I was on a toilet or not.
41:17 – 41:19
Didn’t make it to the bathroom.
41:21 – 41:22
Does that count?
41:22 – 41:23
I don’t go to haunted houses.
41:26 – 41:33
I get too scared. All right. This 1 is. Squirt.
41:34 – 41:41
I think that’s what I named it. Hold on. Let me look it up before I play it, because I know it’s been cleared. But what is it?
41:41 – 41:48
What did I? Soup. OK, It’s called Soup. I had it labeled, but it wasn’t very well read.
41:48 – 42:04
This is just funny to me. Here it goes. You’re going to tell me that we put plants, spices, dead animals, all in a cauldron, and follow instructions written by people in a book from 100 years ago, and soup isn’t witchcraft? Then he said a cuss word.
42:07 – 42:10
Soup is witchcraft. Soup isn’t witchcraft.
42:11 – 42:16
Sounds like 1 of my neighbors. It might be. I need to look at that.
42:16 – 42:31
Well, it’s like I saw a post the other week about a boy talking about his mom. Wouldn’t let him hear Harry Potter because of the potions. The potions are of the devil. And now he’s grown up and she’s like, you know, what do you he’s like, what do you call these essential oils?
42:31 – 42:35
You’re always harping about potions, mom.
42:35 – 42:37
Potions that was that’s different.
42:38 – 42:55
This is how you breathe better. This one’s called Coffee Order. OK, so the context, it was a compilation of videos about people messing with their grandpas. So there’s these 2 grandchildren, these boys, and dad pulls up to the Starbucks and wants their order.
42:55 – 42:57
So here it goes. What do
42:57 – 43:07
you guys want? Let me get a fraté moté, and then let me get a Trento Pinkity drinkity. A drinkity Pinkity Dinky and a frappe matey.
43:10 – 43:19
Cut it off. What? No, she said, what the? Oh, Grandpa’s like, give me a pinkie spank and a what a matata.
43:20 – 43:28
A drinkity Pinkity. Drinkity Pinkity. A frappe matey. I love it because I do that to Jen a lot.
43:28 – 43:34
Like I’ll say, Dak gum it, I forgot my schlodel. And she’s like, what? I forgot my schlodle. And she’s like, what are you saying?
43:34 – 43:43
And I’m like, I forgot my, do I have to be more clear? Do I have to spell it out for you? S-C-H-L-O-T-O-L-O. Schlodle.
43:43 – 43:46
And she’s like, you’re not saying words. I hate you.
43:46 – 43:49
That’s hard words. People don’t recognize that. It’s communication.
43:49 – 44:03
But for a minute, she thinks she’s heard a real word and she just hasn’t understood it. Yeah. And so now she hates it so I can never do it to her. But I try to do it to a family member or a friend and she was like, he’s doing a stupid word thing again.
44:03 – 44:06
He didn’t say it right. And so she ruins my joke.
44:08 – 44:11
You can start asking people in stores for stuff.
44:12 – 44:12
I should
44:12 – 44:20
with that. And then like hide your camera somewhere and don’t get any permission from them to, you know, post the videos like they do.
44:20 – 44:33
You know what? Here in Missouri, we’re a 1 party state. It only takes only 1 person has to know that they’re being recorded. Oh, so I could get away with anything.
44:34 – 44:40
Cause you would be the 1 who knows. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Maybe we need to make some secret hidden video.
44:41 – 44:44
Funny, the funny kind, not the mean stuff.
44:44 – 44:56
I’m, I’m a mean guy though. That’s why I don’t do it. Oh Like every time I’ve ever started recording somebody being weird near me. I get convicted and turn it off Oh, cuz I’m like, I’m just
44:57 – 44:57
I’m gonna post I’m
44:57 – 45:13
gonna post this up Yeah, and I’m gonna make them I’m gonna make them out to be really stupid and I don’t want to do I don’t want to be that guy Yeah, but I kind of do but I don’t you know, I have conviction about it So I don’t but I want I still want to kind of thing. You know what I’m saying?
45:14 – 45:15
I do I hear you
45:15 – 45:17
you know
45:17 – 45:21
I want to do nice things and I don’t so I don’t know what that makes me.
45:21 – 45:25
Right. And I want to do bad things and I don’t. So that makes me worse
45:25 – 45:28
than you. Maybe we should like join forces. Yeah.
45:29 – 45:29
Join forces.
45:30 – 45:31
Or join them. Join them join
45:31 – 46:00
the forces turn the board for the order to do it already What the chicken the best What’s the I forgot what it’s wired chicken jokes always funny why? Yeah, so if you hit somebody with your tesla is that will you be charged with battery
46:03 – 46:04
Assault and battery
46:04 – 46:08
If you sprinkle a little salt in there.
46:08 – 46:09
Sodium chloride.
46:10 – 46:14
All right. This one’s called Ethan because it’s from our friend Ethan Nicole. What? Yeah.
46:15 – 46:19
Hey, Ethan. We miss him. He’s doing great things with his life. Yeah.
46:20 – 46:21
All right, here we go. Hey,
46:21 – 46:22
James, John.
46:22 – 46:43
This is Ethan Nicole. Just wanted to give you a quick story from Halloween back in the day when I was, gosh, I was probably around 12 and my little youngest brother was probably around 3 or 4. We were doing this 1 of those haunted houses, kind of a homemade haunted house and a small town, a lot of blood and guts and freaky stuff. But we just kind of having fun.
46:44 – 47:17
So we’re along the ride. Freddy Krueger comes comes out and freaks everybody out some guy dresses him my little brother who’s like 4 or 5 I Guess he had dropped something from his costume because suddenly Freddy Krueger comes running up and brings back Some part of his costume that he had dropped and gives it back to him So from that moment on my little brother he associated Freddy Krueger with being a good, like a really nice guy. So we’d go to Blockbuster Video, we’d see all his, as in Nightmare on Elm Street, Nightmare on Elm Street movies, in the horror movie section.
47:17 – 47:23
He really wanted to get 1 because he wanted to, you know, he loved that guy. He was a nice guy that brought him
47:23 – 47:24
back his mask.
47:24 – 47:38
Anyway, that’s my Halloween story. My little brother all his life thought Freddy Krueger was a really nice, good guy, not a guy that murders you in your dreams. Hope you guys are doing well and thanks for taking my story if you do.
47:38 – 47:40
Yeah, we did. We did.
47:42 – 47:48
Thanks, Ethan. Nicole. I’m honored that he would take time out of his his busy life to call us.
47:49 – 48:00
He remembers the little guy, you know, does he’s out there making comics and and a whole shows. He’s making shows for the Daily Wire and stuff. Yeah.
48:01 – 48:03
Now, doing all sorts of cool things.
48:03 – 48:04
Yeah, so awesome.
48:06 – 48:12
Can you imagine? I wonder if Malachi, his little brother ever was like, I’m going to finally watch this movie.
48:14 – 48:16
Yeah, because the kid’s over 18 now.
48:16 – 48:16
Yeah,
48:16 – 48:18
he graduated a couple years ago.
48:18 – 48:28
Yeah. Oh man, that’s just him getting older. That’s not us. I wonder how that movie went though, because he had to have watched it.
48:29 – 48:44
Like this is going to be a great movie. It’s going to be fine and cool. He’s so nice and friendly. Now it reminds me, I took a picture of there’s a girl that goes to our little church and she is she’s in kindergarten this year.
48:44 – 49:07
But when this picture was taken, she was in pre-k and she still loves dolls and all this. Well, we were out in the city at the Melvin and David, my friend, David Godbout, he’s been on the show. He’s, he’s rock star Paul’s dad and Salsa Boys dad. He found a Mike Myers stuffed animal.
49:09 – 49:20
It had the mask on. It had the knife, the plastic knife, and he was just had a stance to him, you know. And somebody lost that because somebody spent money on it. It was not dirty.
49:20 – 49:34
It had not been on the streets long. Somebody was probably waiting on a bus and left it or something, but, he gave it to her and she loved it, loved him. And, and I’m like, do you know who that is? That’s Mike Myers.
49:34 – 49:39
He’s a scary guy. She’s like, no, he’s not No, he’s not. I mean he has a knife. He’s a he’s a surgeon
49:42 – 49:45
So why does he wearing a mask that’s his face,
49:45 – 50:01
yeah kids can rationalize anything I saw an interview with George Lucas back in the day. People were worried that kids would not be able to handle the fact that Vader was Luke’s father. Spoilers, spoilers, by the way.
50:01 – 50:02
You should have
50:02 – 50:03
said that first.
50:03 – 50:03
I didn’t
50:03 – 50:05
have spoilers. In that
50:05 – 50:06
Movie from the 70s yet.
50:07 – 50:20
But he said that when they did test audiences, the kids simply chose to believe that Vader was lying. Oh, so they protected themselves with their own little brain.
50:21 – 50:23
And those kids would have been us, James.
50:23 – 50:24
I know.
50:25 – 50:26
So we protected ourselves.
50:26 – 50:31
Even back then they were trying to shelter us, but Lucas didn’t care.
50:31 – 50:32
So yeah,
50:32 – 50:34
Lucas didn’t back down. And I’m glad.
50:36 – 50:39
Yeah, because I that was such a big revelation.
50:39 – 50:42
Yeah, that’s why you have to watch them in the order of release.
50:42 – 50:47
You do. Of course, if you don’t know that by now, then you whatever.
50:47 – 51:10
But yeah, just as you’re going forward, people who are going to have children just do it the right way. Release order and I know it doesn’t make sense at the end that Anakin is a young man Makes no sense and they’re not going to know who that is, but that’s a small price to pay. Yeah. Because the ghosts come back and they replaced old Anakin with young Anakin.
51:11 – 51:26
That’s right. Because that makes no sense because he came back to the light side as an old man. So he would, his force ghost would have been an old man like like Kenobi and all the rest of them. But anyway, yeah, Yoda didn’t come back as a young Yoda.
51:26 – 51:27
Well
51:27 – 51:29
that’s because he was always old.
51:29 – 51:39
Yeah, he was born old. All right. This is from Sage from Texas. It’s called Near Death Experience.
51:40 – 51:57
For 1 Christmas, my family that included my mom’s side had the bright idea to spend Christmas together in an Airbnb. Not the best idea in the first place. I’m not gonna say any names, but I’ll set some of the scene. Some of the story, I can’t say it’s just too crazy.
51:58 – 52:04
Anyway, it’s dark. Okay, I’m gonna call this. This is a middle schooler. If he makes us laugh, he’ll get a prize.
52:04 – 52:11
Anyway, it’s dark and it’s cold. And there’s a fire going in the little fire pit. It’s just the adults. There’s no punctuation outside.
52:11 – 52:30
They’re drinking, having fun. And all of a sudden My uncle passes out. My aunt is screaming, his sister, by the way. So go see what’s going on when my dad says to me, just get the other kids upstairs and comfort them.
52:30 – 52:49
So the woman of the family and my grandma, who’s not a woman of the family, start to pray over my uncle. Someone calls 911 and let’s just say he saw the light and yeah, God told him something about not Your time and all that stuff. Hope it makes it on the show
52:52 – 52:54
So that’s usually like a paranormal kind of story
52:58 – 53:10
This is what we would normally call a testimony Yeah, I saw God I saw we were outside drinking around the fire pit. My uncle drank so much he died.
53:12 – 53:14
Now that was not stated.
53:14 – 53:23
No, but Apparently he did. If he saw God and said, it’s not your time. That would be so obnoxious to finally make it to heaven. And you start peeking around the corner.
53:23 – 53:31
You see some really cool stuff. You see some people, you know, you know, you’re like, oh dude, I see Samson in the back there. I can’t wait. And God’s like, no, no, no, no.
53:31 – 53:37
Wait, wait, wait, wait. He’s checking his watch. He’s like, you’re not. It’s not your time yet.
53:37 – 53:44
You need to go back to the waiting room. You have to go back downstairs here. Yeah. I don’t even know how you got up here in the first place.
53:44 – 53:59
You died drinking. So pretty sure that’s suicide. So you’re not supposed to be here. No, it’s you know, out of all the things God could tell me when I get to heaven, it’s not your time.
54:00 – 54:17
It’s not really good. It reminds me kind of of my father when he left the family and kind of said, you know, I don’t have time for you right now. I have to make it about me and my new girlfriend. So if God does that to me, too, I think I’ll just say, all right, Well, I’m not coming back.
54:17 – 54:18
I made a mistake.
54:18 – 54:22
I’m gonna make another choice about my eternity. I would rather burn. Thanks
54:23 – 54:26
Whoa Everybody James kidding
54:27 – 54:39
James is kind of not kidding It’s like what I said it years ago on the show that if it turns out that God has a dad, I’m done. Like if there’s 1 more guy that we should have been pleasing the whole time, I’m done.
54:40 – 54:43
No, God doesn’t have a
54:43 – 55:05
dad. No, he doesn’t. But if he did, And it was a secret and he’s surely not happy because I don’t imagine God’s happy a lot of times because we get this image of Jesus supplicating for us, you know, making, making he’s the lawyer that is constantly telling God, no, no, no, I’ve been there.
55:05 – 55:19
I understand. He’s making supplication for us. You know, he’s pleading our case constantly before God. And so I have to imagine his temperament is a little more old T than we let it be known.
55:19 – 55:31
You know, I am a friend of God. No, you’re not. No, you’re not. It’s through Jesus Christ that we can even call out on his name and that’s right.
55:31 – 55:45
He can even tolerate us, you know. So, yeah, if they if if God has a dad, we’re we’re all screwed, guys. I saw him saying that’s that’s my thing. And, says you made me laugh in spite of your story.
55:45 – 55:53
So you get 1, you get a free if you if you email me, yeah, just We’re handing them out like email you’re you
55:53 – 55:54
have to mail them.
55:54 – 56:02
They have to email me Okay, if I have them left over by next week, I give them to somebody else All
56:02 – 56:06
right Better make sure I hope they’re avid listeners of the show.
56:06 – 56:15
Yeah. Well, it’s on them, right? In that fair. Do we want not listeners to win prizes that only have a benefit if you listen?
56:17 – 56:20
You know that that sounds like a deeper question.
56:20 – 56:30
Yeah. If you don’t listen to show, then you’re not going to benefit from the perk. So I think it’s a good gateway to have to jump through. All right, Jacob has a story.
56:30 – 56:38
This will be our last 1. It’s called Head of Shame. He’s from Taylorsville, Utah. If you’re trying to look him up online.
56:41 – 56:44
Yeah. Let’s see how many Taylors are there?
56:44 – 56:48
Yeah. Jacob. His name is Jacob. At least get that right.
56:48 – 57:19
Sorry for the stalkers out there. While waiting for a church meeting to start, 1 of my friends leaned over and while pointing to my head said, it looks like you’re starting to show some salt in that pepper. Oh, it is true that my dark hair had started sprouting white hairs about 5 years earlier and the amount of salt in the pepper had only increased since I joked back to him saying, I would rather have the white hair coming in than become bald. The words came out so quickly.
57:19 – 57:34
I couldn’t stop myself. I hadn’t meant for this to be an insult to any men who lose their hair. However, my friend’s face put on a sad countenance as he bowed his hairless head. I had remembered too late that he himself was bald.
57:34 – 57:38
Luckily, we both laughed and he didn’t hold it against me.
57:38 – 57:44
Oh, you can’t. He started the insult. Yeah. Say, oh, hey, you’re getting gray.
57:44 – 57:46
Well, at least I’m not going bald.
57:46 – 58:10
I have a bald friend at work and I just talked I was talking to him a lot. I talked to him too much and I said anyway, I’ll get out of your hair. I mean out of your beanie and I and I was like, why did I keep talking? It was OK to say out of your hair without it was the beanie part that was making it obvious that I knew that I had said something about a bald man.
58:11 – 58:21
So I just got back to my desk And I was just cussing at myself. You know, like, dang it, James, you stupid idiot. You daggum dumb butt head. You freaking retard.
58:22 – 58:25
Ooh, ooh. I said the R word. Oh,
58:25 – 58:30
better mark that. As a bald man, I don’t even really notice it anymore.
58:30 – 58:30
Good.
58:31 – 58:38
Like, bald jokes, unless somebody’s just being a jerk, just trying to be mean to me. Yeah, but even if they are I don’t care. I’m bald whatever
58:39 – 58:40
Well, Jacob
58:40 – 58:41
the by shampoo
58:41 – 58:53
Jacob Was the guy that I just read that thing from and it says here he became a member. So he he will not need to win the prize. So. Oh, and I don’t know that he was I’m looking at his picture.
58:53 – 58:56
I think he’s a teenager. So. But he’s
58:56 – 58:59
starting to get gray, so he’s going to be 1 of those.
58:59 – 59:00
Yeah, those early guys.
59:01 – 59:02
Yeah. Wow.
59:02 – 59:05
So when your hair is, you still have hair technically.
59:06 – 59:07
Yeah. You can see it.
59:07 – 59:11
Yeah. I see it. I see some 05:00 shadow up there and it’s dark.
59:12 – 59:13
Well, it is, it is
59:13 – 59:17
on the that part, but if you look over here Yeah.
59:17 – 59:19
And you can actually see the flex of white.
59:19 – 59:26
OK, I have a few down near the ears, but primarily, would you say I’m hanging in there pretty good?
59:27 – 59:27
Yeah.
59:27 – 59:39
I mean, my beard and mustache are like pandas. I’m like, I got a panda spot right here on the chin, and I have a panel of black on each side.
59:39 – 59:41
Yeah, and it’s 2 sprigs
59:41 – 59:45
of white right there. And it’s very balanced. It’s
59:45 – 59:46
going to say structural.
59:46 – 59:48
Yeah, there you go. Structure.
59:48 – 59:49
Well balanced.
59:49 – 59:52
Yeah, it’s parted out properly. It’s a proper beard.
59:52 – 59:57
There’s a there’s a different word for that. And I can’t remember what it is right
59:57 – 59:58
now. Pot.
59:58 – 59:59
Yeah, I’ll take it.
59:59 – 1:00:00
I’ll take it.
1:00:00 – 1:00:01
Silver Fox.
1:00:01 – 1:00:11
Yeah. Oh, speaking of beards, okay. So I posted, everybody was like, we gotta see what John looked like when you were freaking out on the show.
1:00:11 – 1:00:11
Yeah, okay.
1:00:11 – 1:00:30
And so I posted a picture of you full beard, like we’re used to, And then I posted the picture that I first saw on the recording and people overwhelmingly preferred you beardless. Is that right? Said you look 10 years younger and more attractive.
1:00:32 – 1:00:34
Now I don’t, I don’t recall hearing any of that.
1:00:34 – 1:00:42
That was my input. OK. But I wasn’t going to admit to it. I was just going to let it roll.
1:00:44 – 1:00:49
Because you You look like a high school kid without your daggone beard.
1:00:49 – 1:00:49
Well,
1:00:49 – 1:00:52
and that’s a that’s a that’s a that’s a compliment.
1:00:53 – 1:01:01
Well, thanks. I I will take it. My 05:00 shadow is a little denser, more silver. Yeah.
1:01:01 – 1:01:09
Yeah. I so I actually shaved again, like with a razor on Saturday. Wow. Yeah.
1:01:09 – 1:01:26
So, and this is like a week’s growth, whatever. But there’s like still teachers at the school here that haven’t seen me without it. And like there’s like new teachers here that have only been here this school year. And I’ve had like a full beard since the beginning of school.
1:01:26 – 1:01:39
And I was walking by 1 of them today and I said, Hello, how you doing? And she straight up was like, but I was a stranger. Oh, I don’t I still I don’t think she still knows who I am. Oh, wow.
1:01:39 – 1:01:47
Yeah. She’s like, hello, you know, you know that that look that you give people when you think You know them, but you don’t. Yeah. Yeah.
1:01:47 – 1:01:50
That I got that look. I was like, this is kind of fun.
1:01:50 – 1:02:12
I was very, I was very tempted today to do something bad. I was in my car. It’s waiting to pick up Jen because they were rolling her out in a wheelchair. And there was this lady on the phone walking up and I’m like, if she makes eye contact with me as she crosses in front of the truck, I’m going to wave at her as if I know her and haven’t seen her for years.
1:02:14 – 1:02:30
I just, I don’t know why. Cause last week I’m like majorly depressed, right? This week I want to, I want to make an idiot of myself and her, but she never looked up and I don’t know if I would have actually done it. Cause as soon as I thought of the idea, I’m like, that’s amazing.
1:02:30 – 1:02:45
And then what if it works? What if I have to carry it on and get out of the truck and go hug her or something? And my wife is wheeled out in a wheelchair and she’s like, why are you hugging on that lady? You know, Oh, this is Clara, you know her play along.
1:02:45 – 1:02:48
And Jen doesn’t play along. She never plays along. You just tell
1:02:48 – 1:02:53
that she’s still under the influence of the sleeping stuff they gave her.
1:02:53 – 1:02:59
Yeah. I don’t know who this woman in the wheelchair is. I don’t know who she is. We used to date.
1:02:59 – 1:03:03
We used to date. Me and this lady on the phone. So.
1:03:04 – 1:03:11
I just accidentally did that once. Really? Yeah, waved at somebody like I knew them. Yeah.
1:03:12 – 1:03:12
Because
1:03:13 – 1:03:13
I thought
1:03:13 – 1:03:20
I did. I was waving, I was like, hey! And then when I real…they kind of waved back and when I realized I didn’t know who it was, I just
1:03:20 – 1:03:34
kind of turned the other way. Dude. Okay. You know, you’ve seen this in a movie where the hot girl waves and the nerdy kid thinks it’s at him and he waves back and turns around and it’s the hot guy behind him.
1:03:34 – 1:03:50
She was waving at and he feels like an idiot and she saw it. That happened to me in junior high in real life. This girl was in the lunch line. I was sitting and she waved at me and I smiled and I waved back and I was just I knew she didn’t like me or anything.
1:03:50 – 1:04:08
I wasn’t that stupid, but it was just nice to be recognized. We had a couple of classes together, you know? Yeah. And and then she she goes, oh, no, Like turned up her nose and shook her head like, So she waved again higher over my head, you know, then
1:04:08 – 1:04:09
apparently because that works right
1:04:09 – 1:04:21
and some kid with you know a curly mullet Answer in a surf shirt a surf t-shirt Panama Jack t-shirt an op t-shirt Yeah, anyway
1:04:22 – 1:04:24
His name was probably Kyle.
1:04:24 – 1:04:34
Some board shorts. Yeah. That had just come in that season, because before that We were wearing shorts that were an inch down from our crotch area.
1:04:34 – 1:04:40
That’s right. As Joe, what they call do we call them jams or with those? They were called
1:04:40 – 1:04:45
jams or yeah, something like that for a while. They were called jams before they just became Shorts.
1:04:46 – 1:04:50
They were just yeah, they were long shorts. Yeah. And we heard had
1:04:50 – 1:04:58
we latched onto him dude running shorts. Yeah. With pulled up socks like like we were freaking 13. No, 11.
1:04:59 – 1:05:12
11 from Stranger things. We were wearing those socks right there. Sometimes a navy blue and a red stripe, sometimes green and yellow. Yeah, but never green and blue.
1:05:13 – 1:05:18
It’s always color coordination. Sometimes red and red. I had red and red stripes.
1:05:19 – 1:05:21
Yeah, 2 stripes or 3
1:05:21 – 1:05:27
to sometimes the thick middle stripe and the 2 smaller ones on the top and bottom. Yeah. 3 strikes. All of
1:05:27 – 1:05:30
the kids right now are like, what are these dudes talking about socks
1:05:30 – 1:05:44
for? Dude, I’d sit and watch TV watching Pac-Man cartoons eating my cereal and zipping and unzipping my my my parachute pants. No, sorry. 2 different decades.
1:05:45 – 1:05:55
My my zip. What is it called? Velcro, my Velcro shoes. Just be unzipping and zipping those Velcro shoes.
1:05:57 – 1:06:04
Just because it was the coolest things. And if you had to first, they had to. And the cool thing to do was cross them over each other.
1:06:04 – 1:06:12
Cross them over. Yeah, that’s right. Dude, and then they went out of style and then old people started wearing Velcro shoes.
1:06:12 – 1:06:18
No, but it was the coolest thing for a while because you could get high tops that laced and did Velcro At the top. Reeboks.
1:06:19 – 1:06:20
Yes. The classic Reeboks.
1:06:20 – 1:06:23
And you could air them up, dude. They had pumps.
1:06:23 – 1:06:24
They had the pumps.
1:06:24 – 1:06:26
Yep. Man. Reebok made
1:06:26 – 1:06:33
the pumps and I think Nike tried at something too that had like a separate like pump that went with the shoe.
1:06:33 – 1:06:37
Yeah. Yeah. Pump up your Reebok. Tie them tight and then pump them up.
1:06:38 – 1:06:41
All these Gen X dudes reliving the good old days.
1:06:41 – 1:06:48
All right. It’s time for us to get out of here though. Sorry. Do you have a story that you’d like featured in a future episode?
1:06:48 – 1:07:06
Submit your story at thatstorieshow.com While you’re there, join the mailing list for the latest updates and please take a moment to leave a review on iTunes or Spotify. We read them and we love them. And remember, when something weird, annoying, embarrassing, or painful happens, You don’t get stressed, don’t get depressed, just think, hey, this belongs on that story show. We’ll see you guys next week.
1:07:06 – 1:07:10
Thanks, John, you’re awesome. No, you are. You are!
1:07:11 – 1:07:12
Harry Potter is awesome.
1:07:13 – 1:07:27
Harry Potter. Do some, do, okay. Hi, my name’s James and I’m a middle schooler. I’m sitting on the toilet.
1:07:27 – 1:07:40
I couldn’t be cooler cause I’m in a haunted house and I’m pooping spooky. I’m pooping spooky cuz I’m taking a dookie. I don’t know why that is. I just learned it today.
1:07:41 – 1:07:58
But I put it in the song and I like it the way it sounds that way. And I was in another toilet 1 time and this little girl peeked in and I said, I’m not your mom and what you’re doing is a sin. Eating hot dogs at Costco, you’re a big sellout. We don’t like it.
1:07:58 – 1:08:14
I don’t like it at all. I’m your presidential candidate and we don’t think it’s right for you to eat at Costco, even though America’s great. It’s not what you poop, it’s what you ate that makes you what you are. You understand that right?
1:08:14 – 1:08:30
I’m passing an executive order today to stop this podcast because it’s the worst. It’s absolutely the worst than China. Worse than James’s impression of me. Can you do a good?
1:08:31 – 1:08:31
I can’t
1:08:31 – 1:08:42
really everybody can do it. I can’t do it. I can, I can do his tone and intonation, you know, and his book, but I can, I can do an accent? I can’t do it.
1:08:42 – 1:08:49
Can’t do his voice. I feel like, III stopped it at Bush.
1:08:49 – 1:08:50
Oh really?
1:08:50 – 1:08:54
George W. Bush. I’m American. Yeah.
1:08:54 – 1:08:59
In America, we like to tell jokes.
1:08:59 – 1:09:00
Could you do Clinton?
1:09:01 – 1:09:04
I used to be able to do a Bill Clinton.
1:09:04 – 1:09:10
What about an Obama? A little while. I bet you could do it. Obama.
1:09:10 – 1:09:11
Obama.
1:09:12 – 1:09:17
I had friends that, You know, it’s all about the way that you say your words.
1:09:17 – 1:09:20
Yes, yes, that’s it. You did it.
1:09:21 – 1:09:25
And I don’t know. That’s my first attempt, actually. I don’t think I’ve actually tried to.
1:09:25 – 1:09:32
That was pretty good. Well, half of it is doing it and half of it is saying something that he’s known for saying, you know. Yeah. So you did good.
1:09:32 – 1:09:33
I think
1:09:33 – 1:09:39
you did great. Thousand points a lot. Yeah. And I think I got my impressions of presidents from.
1:09:40 – 1:09:43
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